Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH keeps asking what I want to do for mother's day, and I've told him - nothing. A day with no plans. The kids actually have no sports and we have nothing on our calendar, which is so rare. I want to do nothing. Maybe go for a walk or binge-watch something. That is it. He seemed put out that we had "nothing" on our calendar, like somehow I am letting him down.

Meanwhile, his mother is coming to visit on Friday-Saturday. She's very nice. It's no problem. She lives an hour away, so she will stay over Friday and come to some of our kids' games on Saturday, followed by an early dinner. Then, I presumed, she would go home.

Now my husband is put out that she isn't going to stay over Saturday as well, because it would be "easier" for her to stay over Saturday into Sunday as well. I am livid. He asked me what I wanted. I told him - NOTHING. No guests, no plans, no nothing. He told me he can't understand why having his mother there is any sort of extra imposition and I could "just do what I wanted" anyway...Which is not how it works with a MIL as a houseguest even if she is nice.

We're also seeing her the very next weekend for a graduation party.

My mom is deceased.

Am I a horrible person for wanting one day without plans? I feel like he asked what I wanted, I expressed it clearly, and he somehow undermined or disregarded it. I am mad.

It’s his mother, should he tell her to leave on Mother’s Day because you want to be alone? Come on. If you want the day to yourself why don’t you just leave. Everyone is blowing Mother’s Day out of proportion. It’s not a day when you should be treated like a goddess. You still need to show up for your family and do what you always do. That’s why you have this day of acknowledgment.

Except that is exactly the day you should be treated like a goddess, if any.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH keeps asking what I want to do for mother's day, and I've told him - nothing. A day with no plans. The kids actually have no sports and we have nothing on our calendar, which is so rare. I want to do nothing. Maybe go for a walk or binge-watch something. That is it. He seemed put out that we had "nothing" on our calendar, like somehow I am letting him down.

Meanwhile, his mother is coming to visit on Friday-Saturday. She's very nice. It's no problem. She lives an hour away, so she will stay over Friday and come to some of our kids' games on Saturday, followed by an early dinner. Then, I presumed, she would go home.

Now my husband is put out that she isn't going to stay over Saturday as well, because it would be "easier" for her to stay over Saturday into Sunday as well. I am livid. He asked me what I wanted. I told him - NOTHING. No guests, no plans, no nothing. He told me he can't understand why having his mother there is any sort of extra imposition and I could "just do what I wanted" anyway...Which is not how it works with a MIL as a houseguest even if she is nice.

We're also seeing her the very next weekend for a graduation party.

My mom is deceased.

Am I a horrible person for wanting one day without plans? I feel like he asked what I wanted, I expressed it clearly, and he somehow undermined or disregarded it. I am mad.

It’s his mother, should he tell her to leave on Mother’s Day because you want to be alone? Come on. If you want the day to yourself why don’t you just leave. Everyone is blowing Mother’s Day out of proportion. It’s not a day when you should be treated like a goddess. You still need to show up for your family and do what you always do. That’s why you have this day of acknowledgment.

Anonymous wrote:OP, yes you are the a@@hole. You aren't your husband's mom, so he doesn't owe you anything on Mother's Day. But he does owe his mom something for that day. He has every right to spend Sunday with his mom on Mother's Day. That's what Mother's Day is really for. Let's not mix up Mother's Day with Wife's Day.

Anonymous wrote:OP, yes you are the a@@hole. You aren't your husband's mom, so he doesn't owe you anything on Mother's Day. But he does owe his mom something for that day. He has every right to spend Sunday with his mom on Mother's Day. That's what Mother's Day is really for. Let's not mix up Mother's Day with Wife's Day.

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Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel. Bring books, order room service.

Do people really want to do this? I spent a lot of nights alone in a hotel room ordering room service when I was a consultant. It's a pretty miserable life. I wouldn't choose to do that now to get away from my family.

I was a consultant. When you are a consultant, you dream of home. When you are home everyday surrounded by chaos, you dream of silence and a place you don’t have to clean.

At some point, though, no former consultant wants to go back to that *life.*. But one night? Sounds fine.

Maybe if you’re on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. But otherwise, this is some idea that gets parroted here but nobody actually does.

Huh? I've done it. My friends have done it. And we all travel for work as well. I got spa treatments, laid out by the pool (this was for my birthday, not Mother's Day), ordered room service, slept a ton, binge watched TV, read an entire book. It was delightful. Sure I can relax at home, but there's always something I should be doing (work, laundry, organizing something, etc.). When you're at a hotel you can't do any of these things so it provides an added layer of relaxation.

BTW, no one is staying at a Holiday Inn. I doubt you stayed at the Inn at Perry Cabin or the Salamander for your work trips.

Never has OP said "Good idea!" This isn't something most people want to do no matter how many times it gets repeated in here.

Who cares if OP thinks it's a good idea? The question was if anyone ever does this and the answer is yes. You don't have to do it or even to understand. Do you get that?

Not everyone has to agree with you either. I'd love to see how the kids react when mom says "I'd love nothing better on Mother's Day than to be away from all of you!"

Anonymous wrote:DH keeps asking what I want to do for mother's day, and I've told him - nothing. A day with no plans. The kids actually have no sports and we have nothing on our calendar, which is so rare. I want to do nothing. Maybe go for a walk or binge-watch something. That is it. He seemed put out that we had "nothing" on our calendar, like somehow I am letting him down.

Meanwhile, his mother is coming to visit on Friday-Saturday. She's very nice. It's no problem. She lives an hour away, so she will stay over Friday and come to some of our kids' games on Saturday, followed by an early dinner. Then, I presumed, she would go home.

Now my husband is put out that she isn't going to stay over Saturday as well, because it would be "easier" for her to stay over Saturday into Sunday as well. I am livid. He asked me what I wanted. I told him - NOTHING. No guests, no plans, no nothing. He told me he can't understand why having his mother there is any sort of extra imposition and I could "just do what I wanted" anyway...Which is not how it works with a MIL as a houseguest even if she is nice.

We're also seeing her the very next weekend for a graduation party.

My mom is deceased.

Am I a horrible person for wanting one day without plans? I feel like he asked what I wanted, I expressed it clearly, and he somehow undermined or disregarded it. I am mad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel. Bring books, order room service.

Do people really want to do this? I spent a lot of nights alone in a hotel room ordering room service when I was a consultant. It's a pretty miserable life. I wouldn't choose to do that now to get away from my family.

I was a consultant. When you are a consultant, you dream of home. When you are home everyday surrounded by chaos, you dream of silence and a place you don’t have to clean.

At some point, though, no former consultant wants to go back to that *life.*. But one night? Sounds fine.

Maybe if you’re on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. But otherwise, this is some idea that gets parroted here but nobody actually does.

Huh? I've done it. My friends have done it. And we all travel for work as well. I got spa treatments, laid out by the pool (this was for my birthday, not Mother's Day), ordered room service, slept a ton, binge watched TV, read an entire book. It was delightful. Sure I can relax at home, but there's always something I should be doing (work, laundry, organizing something, etc.). When you're at a hotel you can't do any of these things so it provides an added layer of relaxation.

BTW, no one is staying at a Holiday Inn. I doubt you stayed at the Inn at Perry Cabin or the Salamander for your work trips.

Never has OP said "Good idea!" This isn't something most people want to do no matter how many times it gets repeated in here.

Who cares if OP thinks it's a good idea? The question was if anyone ever does this and the answer is yes. You don't have to do it or even to understand. Do you get that?

Not everyone has to agree with you either. I'd love to see how the kids react when mom says "I'd love nothing better on Mother's Day than to be away from all of you!"

That’s not the intention at all. She’s asking for an unstructured unplanned day with responsibilities handled by the other, incredibly capable grown-up in the house. A day of not having to drive anyone anywhere or make decisions. You would think this is not a large ask.

It also inexplicably means her husband can't see his mom.

The mom that is there for two days beforehand and they’re seeing the following weekend? That mom?

Yeah that mom. OP wants to do nothing, which everyone is fine with, she gets her way. But needing to control her husband's day too is weird.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel. Bring books, order room service.

Do people really want to do this? I spent a lot of nights alone in a hotel room ordering room service when I was a consultant. It's a pretty miserable life. I wouldn't choose to do that now to get away from my family.

I was a consultant. When you are a consultant, you dream of home. When you are home everyday surrounded by chaos, you dream of silence and a place you don’t have to clean.

At some point, though, no former consultant wants to go back to that *life.*. But one night? Sounds fine.

Maybe if you’re on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. But otherwise, this is some idea that gets parroted here but nobody actually does.

Huh? I've done it. My friends have done it. And we all travel for work as well. I got spa treatments, laid out by the pool (this was for my birthday, not Mother's Day), ordered room service, slept a ton, binge watched TV, read an entire book. It was delightful. Sure I can relax at home, but there's always something I should be doing (work, laundry, organizing something, etc.). When you're at a hotel you can't do any of these things so it provides an added layer of relaxation.

BTW, no one is staying at a Holiday Inn. I doubt you stayed at the Inn at Perry Cabin or the Salamander for your work trips.

Never has OP said "Good idea!" This isn't something most people want to do no matter how many times it gets repeated in here.

Who cares if OP thinks it's a good idea? The question was if anyone ever does this and the answer is yes. You don't have to do it or even to understand. Do you get that?

Not everyone has to agree with you either. I'd love to see how the kids react when mom says "I'd love nothing better on Mother's Day than to be away from all of you!"

That’s not the intention at all. She’s asking for an unstructured unplanned day with responsibilities handled by the other, incredibly capable grown-up in the house. A day of not having to drive anyone anywhere or make decisions. You would think this is not a large ask.

It also inexplicably means her husband can't see his mom.

The mom that is there for two days beforehand and they’re seeing the following weekend? That mom?

Yeah that mom. OP wants to do nothing, which everyone is fine with, she gets her way. But needing to control her husband's day too is weird.

This seems like a very extreme interpretation. & not very close to reality.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel. Bring books, order room service.

Do people really want to do this? I spent a lot of nights alone in a hotel room ordering room service when I was a consultant. It's a pretty miserable life. I wouldn't choose to do that now to get away from my family.

I was a consultant. When you are a consultant, you dream of home. When you are home everyday surrounded by chaos, you dream of silence and a place you don’t have to clean.

At some point, though, no former consultant wants to go back to that *life.*. But one night? Sounds fine.

Maybe if you’re on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. But otherwise, this is some idea that gets parroted here but nobody actually does.

Huh? I've done it. My friends have done it. And we all travel for work as well. I got spa treatments, laid out by the pool (this was for my birthday, not Mother's Day), ordered room service, slept a ton, binge watched TV, read an entire book. It was delightful. Sure I can relax at home, but there's always something I should be doing (work, laundry, organizing something, etc.). When you're at a hotel you can't do any of these things so it provides an added layer of relaxation.

BTW, no one is staying at a Holiday Inn. I doubt you stayed at the Inn at Perry Cabin or the Salamander for your work trips.

Never has OP said "Good idea!" This isn't something most people want to do no matter how many times it gets repeated in here.

Who cares if OP thinks it's a good idea? The question was if anyone ever does this and the answer is yes. You don't have to do it or even to understand. Do you get that?

Not everyone has to agree with you either. I'd love to see how the kids react when mom says "I'd love nothing better on Mother's Day than to be away from all of you!"

That’s not the intention at all. She’s asking for an unstructured unplanned day with responsibilities handled by the other, incredibly capable grown-up in the house. A day of not having to drive anyone anywhere or make decisions. You would think this is not a large ask.

It also inexplicably means her husband can't see his mom.

The mom that is there for two days beforehand and they’re seeing the following weekend? That mom?

Yeah that mom. OP wants to do nothing, which everyone is fine with, she gets her way. But needing to control her husband's day too is weird.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel. Bring books, order room service.

Do people really want to do this? I spent a lot of nights alone in a hotel room ordering room service when I was a consultant. It's a pretty miserable life. I wouldn't choose to do that now to get away from my family.

I was a consultant. When you are a consultant, you dream of home. When you are home everyday surrounded by chaos, you dream of silence and a place you don’t have to clean.

At some point, though, no former consultant wants to go back to that *life.*. But one night? Sounds fine.

Maybe if you’re on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. But otherwise, this is some idea that gets parroted here but nobody actually does.

Huh? I've done it. My friends have done it. And we all travel for work as well. I got spa treatments, laid out by the pool (this was for my birthday, not Mother's Day), ordered room service, slept a ton, binge watched TV, read an entire book. It was delightful. Sure I can relax at home, but there's always something I should be doing (work, laundry, organizing something, etc.). When you're at a hotel you can't do any of these things so it provides an added layer of relaxation.

BTW, no one is staying at a Holiday Inn. I doubt you stayed at the Inn at Perry Cabin or the Salamander for your work trips.

Never has OP said "Good idea!" This isn't something most people want to do no matter how many times it gets repeated in here.

Who cares if OP thinks it's a good idea? The question was if anyone ever does this and the answer is yes. You don't have to do it or even to understand. Do you get that?

Not everyone has to agree with you either. I'd love to see how the kids react when mom says "I'd love nothing better on Mother's Day than to be away from all of you!"

That’s not the intention at all. She’s asking for an unstructured unplanned day with responsibilities handled by the other, incredibly capable grown-up in the house. A day of not having to drive anyone anywhere or make decisions. You would think this is not a large ask.

It also inexplicably means her husband can't see his mom.

The mom that is there for two days beforehand and they’re seeing the following weekend? That mom?