Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

Thank you! I love that inviting my kids friends moms into my home automatically translates to being a “orbiter” and “FYI they’re all group chatting about how pathetic you are.” People actually think this way?

Being pushy and trying to befriend random parents when you're middle aged typically comes across as a bit off and desperate. Sorry to be the bearer of that reality. Normal, successful, socially-skilled middle aged parents have enough friends.

Wow, so if someone moves to this area in mid-life they should just give up any hope of making friends because everyone automatically thinks they're desperate?

I mean…yeah? The premise teases out something is off about your hypothetical person. Why wouldn’t a middle aged person have a busy and thriving home life, with a super solid friend group, plus work demands? Such a person is never going to be overly consumed with finding new friends and orbiting people. Also, how could a married, college educated professional (likely 4 degree programs between spouses), with decades of combined professional work experiences, move to one of the largest most educated regions of the country and not have any friends or an “in” with any network to give them immediately credibility and trust? It’s…off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

Thank you! I love that inviting my kids friends moms into my home automatically translates to being a “orbiter” and “FYI they’re all group chatting about how pathetic you are.” People actually think this way?

Being pushy and trying to befriend random parents when you're middle aged typically comes across as a bit off and desperate. Sorry to be the bearer of that reality. Normal, successful, socially-skilled middle aged parents have enough friends.

May we never cross paths. I bet you’re a horrible friend. Who even thinks that way?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

Thank you! I love that inviting my kids friends moms into my home automatically translates to being a “orbiter” and “FYI they’re all group chatting about how pathetic you are.” People actually think this way?

Being pushy and trying to befriend random parents when you're middle aged typically comes across as a bit off and desperate. Sorry to be the bearer of that reality. Normal, successful, socially-skilled middle aged parents have enough friends.

Wow, so if someone moves to this area in mid-life they should just give up any hope of making friends because everyone automatically thinks they're desperate?

I mean…yeah? The premise teases out something is off about your hypothetical person. Why wouldn’t a middle aged person have a busy and thriving home life, with a super solid friend group, plus work demands? Such a person is never going to be overly consumed with finding new friends and orbiting people. Also, how could a married, college educated professional (likely 4 degree programs between spouses), with decades of combined professional work experiences, move to one of the largest most educated regions of the country and not have any friends or an “in” with any network to give them immediately credibility and trust? It’s…off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

Thank you! I love that inviting my kids friends moms into my home automatically translates to being a “orbiter” and “FYI they’re all group chatting about how pathetic you are.” People actually think this way?

Being pushy and trying to befriend random parents when you're middle aged typically comes across as a bit off and desperate. Sorry to be the bearer of that reality. Normal, successful, socially-skilled middle aged parents have enough friends.

Wow, so if someone moves to this area in mid-life they should just give up any hope of making friends because everyone automatically thinks they're desperate?

+1. Not to mention, so many things can shift over time. I had a really great friends group when I moved to the DMV in my late 20s, but this area is so tranisent and expensive to live and slowly friends started leaving altogether or moving further out so that it's hard to see them on a regular basis. This idea that you shouldn't make new friends once you reach a certain age is rubbish. But it is hard.

+1 I am always making friends and then losing them as they move away. I seem to have a knack for picking out the awesome lady who is putting her house on the market in six months.
But according to DCUM anyone who tries to make friends after the age of 22 is a loser. You make friends in college and then your friend group is frozen and you never add or subtract anyone. Even if they are completely obnoxious like in so many threads on here, “she’s part of the friend group” and thus infallible.
I was at a mom gathering where it came out that everyone grew up here except me. “Wow it must be hard to move somewhere and have to make new friends.” Ya think?

Yes, with modern tech and social media, people solidify their high trust friend groups for life. People who have thriving friend groups and a full home life with their spouse and kids don’t run around hard up to make random “new besties”. You all get ghosted over and over and over because you don’t want to believe the reality of the modern landscape. Stop being pushy and stop trying to orbit disinterested peers.

Stop with the "orbit" crap. You're really just not that big of a deal. You don't have any new friends so not sure how any of this is relevant to you at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

Thank you! I love that inviting my kids friends moms into my home automatically translates to being a “orbiter” and “FYI they’re all group chatting about how pathetic you are.” People actually think this way?

Being pushy and trying to befriend random parents when you're middle aged typically comes across as a bit off and desperate. Sorry to be the bearer of that reality. Normal, successful, socially-skilled middle aged parents have enough friends.

Wow, so if someone moves to this area in mid-life they should just give up any hope of making friends because everyone automatically thinks they're desperate?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

Thank you! I love that inviting my kids friends moms into my home automatically translates to being a “orbiter” and “FYI they’re all group chatting about how pathetic you are.” People actually think this way?

Being pushy and trying to befriend random parents when you're middle aged typically comes across as a bit off and desperate. Sorry to be the bearer of that reality. Normal, successful, socially-skilled middle aged parents have enough friends.

Wow, so if someone moves to this area in mid-life they should just give up any hope of making friends because everyone automatically thinks they're desperate?

+1. Not to mention, so many things can shift over time. I had a really great friends group when I moved to the DMV in my late 20s, but this area is so tranisent and expensive to live and slowly friends started leaving altogether or moving further out so that it's hard to see them on a regular basis. This idea that you shouldn't make new friends once you reach a certain age is rubbish. But it is hard.

+1 I am always making friends and then losing them as they move away. I seem to have a knack for picking out the awesome lady who is putting her house on the market in six months.
But according to DCUM anyone who tries to make friends after the age of 22 is a loser. You make friends in college and then your friend group is frozen and you never add or subtract anyone. Even if they are completely obnoxious like in so many threads on here, “she’s part of the friend group” and thus infallible.
I was at a mom gathering where it came out that everyone grew up here except me. “Wow it must be hard to move somewhere and have to make new friends.” Ya think?

Yes, with modern tech and social media, people solidify their high trust friend groups for life. People who have thriving friend groups and a full home life with their spouse and kids don’t run around hard up to make random “new besties”. You all get ghosted over and over and over because you don’t want to believe the reality of the modern landscape. Stop being pushy and stop trying to orbit disinterested peers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

Thank you! I love that inviting my kids friends moms into my home automatically translates to being a “orbiter” and “FYI they’re all group chatting about how pathetic you are.” People actually think this way?

Being pushy and trying to befriend random parents when you're middle aged typically comes across as a bit off and desperate. Sorry to be the bearer of that reality. Normal, successful, socially-skilled middle aged parents have enough friends.

Wow, so if someone moves to this area in mid-life they should just give up any hope of making friends because everyone automatically thinks they're desperate?

+1. Not to mention, so many things can shift over time. I had a really great friends group when I moved to the DMV in my late 20s, but this area is so tranisent and expensive to live and slowly friends started leaving altogether or moving further out so that it's hard to see them on a regular basis. This idea that you shouldn't make new friends once you reach a certain age is rubbish. But it is hard.

+1 I am always making friends and then losing them as they move away. I seem to have a knack for picking out the awesome lady who is putting her house on the market in six months.
But according to DCUM anyone who tries to make friends after the age of 22 is a loser. You make friends in college and then your friend group is frozen and you never add or subtract anyone. Even if they are completely obnoxious like in so many threads on here, “she’s part of the friend group” and thus infallible.
I was at a mom gathering where it came out that everyone grew up here except me. “Wow it must be hard to move somewhere and have to make new friends.” Ya think?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

Thank you! I love that inviting my kids friends moms into my home automatically translates to being a “orbiter” and “FYI they’re all group chatting about how pathetic you are.” People actually think this way?

Being pushy and trying to befriend random parents when you're middle aged typically comes across as a bit off and desperate. Sorry to be the bearer of that reality. Normal, successful, socially-skilled middle aged parents have enough friends.

Wow, so if someone moves to this area in mid-life they should just give up any hope of making friends because everyone automatically thinks they're desperate?

+1. Not to mention, so many things can shift over time. I had a really great friends group when I moved to the DMV in my late 20s, but this area is so tranisent and expensive to live and slowly friends started leaving altogether or moving further out so that it's hard to see them on a regular basis. This idea that you shouldn't make new friends once you reach a certain age is rubbish. But it is hard.

+1 I am always making friends and then losing them as they move away. I seem to have a knack for picking out the awesome lady who is putting her house on the market in six months.
But according to DCUM anyone who tries to make friends after the age of 22 is a loser. You make friends in college and then your friend group is frozen and you never add or subtract anyone. Even if they are completely obnoxious like in so many threads on here, “she’s part of the friend group” and thus infallible.
I was at a mom gathering where it came out that everyone grew up here except me. “Wow it must be hard to move somewhere and have to make new friends.” Ya think?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

Thank you! I love that inviting my kids friends moms into my home automatically translates to being a “orbiter” and “FYI they’re all group chatting about how pathetic you are.” People actually think this way?

Being pushy and trying to befriend random parents when you're middle aged typically comes across as a bit off and desperate. Sorry to be the bearer of that reality. Normal, successful, socially-skilled middle aged parents have enough friends.

Wow, so if someone moves to this area in mid-life they should just give up any hope of making friends because everyone automatically thinks they're desperate?

+1. Not to mention, so many things can shift over time. I had a really great friends group when I moved to the DMV in my late 20s, but this area is so tranisent and expensive to live and slowly friends started leaving altogether or moving further out so that it's hard to see them on a regular basis. This idea that you shouldn't make new friends once you reach a certain age is rubbish. But it is hard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Here is my take... I really try to be a good friend and not flake at all, so I would not do this, but I have come close through brain fog and I find myself turning down many more offers than i used to because i am too afraid of cancelling at the last minute.

My theory....we all were already running on almost empty before Covid shutdown hit. Then we all were running on more than empty. Then between job insanity, inflation, world events and life events we are all just trying not to have a nervous breakdown. For me all that is mentioned sent me over the edge and combine that with elderly emergencies over the course of years and family drama from that and I was afraid if I walked on a bridge, I'd be tempted to jump off to escape it all. It's not a matter of...do I want to make it to this party or just chill at home. It's like sometimes you are so overloaded you forget things you would never have forgotten in the past and sometimes you or I should say I am at the point where I realize true mental insanity is closer than it has ever been, I am exhausted and if I don't bail on some things I may need a strait jacket.

I am so sorry you dealt with that OP and it's why I stopped entertaining besides the fact I have no time and no patience left these days. I say no all the time to avoid having to cancel last minute and I hate turning down friends, but the rest and time to take care of myself has kept from that bridge scenario. I can fill the glass just enough to appreciate life and my family. It would break my heart to know you put in so much effort and I had to bail.

Your Covid card expired a long time ago. Stop RSPVing yes to things you won't go to.

You're such an ass. That PP literally said she says no all the time so that she doesn't bail on people. Have some freaking empathy or at least keep your rudeness to yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

Thank you! I love that inviting my kids friends moms into my home automatically translates to being a “orbiter” and “FYI they’re all group chatting about how pathetic you are.” People actually think this way?

Being pushy and trying to befriend random parents when you're middle aged typically comes across as a bit off and desperate. Sorry to be the bearer of that reality. Normal, successful, socially-skilled middle aged parents have enough friends.

May we never cross paths. I bet you’re a horrible friend. Who even thinks that way?

Truth hurts. This thread and the other about neighbors being disinterested in socializing are one and the same. Lonely pushy strivers who can’t take a hint and think you’re entitled to becoming friends with parents who live near you, or have kids to your kids’ school, or work with you. You’re not entitled to anyone’s time or friendship. That’s not mean. That’s life. Random small talk or brief pleasantries doesn’t mean we’re new besties or that people want you in their home or vice versa. Not needing or wanting new friends doesn’t make the person cold or rude, it means they’re normal middle aged parents who are content with their family and decades-long friend group.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Here is my take... I really try to be a good friend and not flake at all, so I would not do this, but I have come close through brain fog and I find myself turning down many more offers than i used to because i am too afraid of cancelling at the last minute.

My theory....we all were already running on almost empty before Covid shutdown hit. Then we all were running on more than empty. Then between job insanity, inflation, world events and life events we are all just trying not to have a nervous breakdown. For me all that is mentioned sent me over the edge and combine that with elderly emergencies over the course of years and family drama from that and I was afraid if I walked on a bridge, I'd be tempted to jump off to escape it all. It's not a matter of...do I want to make it to this party or just chill at home. It's like sometimes you are so overloaded you forget things you would never have forgotten in the past and sometimes you or I should say I am at the point where I realize true mental insanity is closer than it has ever been, I am exhausted and if I don't bail on some things I may need a strait jacket.

I am so sorry you dealt with that OP and it's why I stopped entertaining besides the fact I have no time and no patience left these days. I say no all the time to avoid having to cancel last minute and I hate turning down friends, but the rest and time to take care of myself has kept from that bridge scenario. I can fill the glass just enough to appreciate life and my family. It would break my heart to know you put in so much effort and I had to bail.

Your Covid card expired a long time ago. Stop RSPVing yes to things you won't go to.