IF someone asked me for an open marriage, this is how I would respond: I would say that I would be willing to talk more about the possibility in therapy. I would say that it is not just a “yes” or “no” question because there are lots of aspects to think about - who would the partner be, how often, where, do we still have sex together, would we have to disclose about the other partners, etc.

I would use therapy to draw my partner out - what’s going on that he feels a need for this and how does he imagine it would work. Because men are men, I assume most of the conversation would be focused on him and his needs, but after getting that out, I would make sure he understood that opening the marriage meant that I would no longer have a vow of monogamy either and I would describe what kind of sexual permission I would have. Certainly, open for thee means open for me.

In planning for how much time and money per week could be spent on affair partners, certainly we would have to re-negotiate the division of parenting, household and relationship labor and time & $$ spent on self-care. I mean, if we’re each allowed 8-10 hours a week to spend on affair partners, those 16-20 hours have to be cut from other obligations and outsourced or taken up by the other partner.

After discussing how it could work, I would discuss the addressing the dangers - how often we would STD test and share results, what happens if there is an unintended pregnancy for either of us, how much of the marital funds would be set aside to spend on the sex partners, what to tell the kids or do if they found out, etc.

All this would mean that we would have to write and sign a post-nup agreement formalizing the terms of the open marriage because, while society has clear terms for a monogamous marriage, there aren’t clear terms for an open marriage - that needs a clear enforceable contract. OFC, that would have to include agreed upon terms of divorce should either of us decide that open marriage is no longer working. And, you can be damn sure that in parallel to doing “therapy” to discuss terms of open marriage, I would be consulting a lawyer about post-nuptials and divorce and gathering documents.

Personally, I’m not into open marriage - and the end of this process of considering open marriage would, for me, be divorce, but at a time and place of my choosing and with known fair settlement terms.

YMMV.

Anonymous wrote:My ex did the same. I did take some time to think but decided to separate and divorce pretty soon after. Open marriage is not for me. His asking felt cruel, disrespectful…. all kinds of horrible to me. Like don’t you know me at all after all this time, to think that l would be ok with an open marriage.

We had been having problems for years though, that was just the last straw.

Did you speak this out loud to your ex? Were you having sex with them? Are you a narcissist?

Anonymous wrote:[youtube]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, how is your sex life with DH? Is he happy in bed or acting out of resentment?

Decent 2-3x a week. He wants everyday though since he started medication

. It’s possible that an anti -depressant and testosterone together have tipped him into a mania - hypersexuality is an aspect of mania. Some people who have medication-induced mania later crash into depression. This is sometimes diagnosed as bipolar.

Excuses
Excuses
Excuses

[youtube]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, how is your sex life with DH? Is he happy in bed or acting out of resentment?

Decent 2-3x a week. He wants everyday though since he started medication

. It’s possible that an anti -depressant and testosterone together have tipped him into a mania - hypersexuality is an aspect of mania. Some people who have medication-induced mania later crash into depression. This is sometimes diagnosed as bipolar.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, how is your sex life with DH? Is he happy in bed or acting out of resentment?

Decent 2-3x a week. He wants everyday though since he started medication

Still?? After he basically confessed to f***ing other women?? What is wrong with you?

I said this is how it was before. Past couple weeks has been 0 since he told me.

Oh whew...

My ex did the same. I did take some time to think but decided to separate and divorce pretty soon after. Open marriage is not for me. His asking felt cruel, disrespectful…. all kinds of horrible to me. Like don’t you know me at all after all this time, to think that l would be ok with an open marriage.

We had been having problems for years though, that was just the last straw.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, how is your sex life with DH? Is he happy in bed or acting out of resentment?

Decent 2-3x a week. He wants everyday though since he started medication

Still?? After he basically confessed to f***ing other women?? What is wrong with you?

I said this is how it was before. Past couple weeks has been 0 since he told me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, how is your sex life with DH? Is he happy in bed or acting out of resentment?

Decent 2-3x a week. He wants everyday though since he started medication

Still?? After he basically confessed to f***ing other women?? What is wrong with you?

Right. How on earth are you in the mood 2-3x a week after he told you that ..

Ewww.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, how is your sex life with DH? Is he happy in bed or acting out of resentment?

Decent 2-3x a week. He wants everyday though since he started medication

Still?? After he basically confessed to f***ing other women?? What is wrong with you?

Yeah ..Set him free so he can sleep around.

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t like how normalized polyamory has become, because really, it’s not normal and it’s unsuccessful 99% of the time.

OP, I’m willing to bet your husband already has his eye on someone and wants to cheat so is using this as a back door tactic to be able to do so.

I’m really sorry, he sounds like a scumbag.

+100

Since when was polyamory seen as normal and okay? I’m pretty sure polygamy still isn’t…? Weird

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, how is your sex life with DH? Is he happy in bed or acting out of resentment?

Decent 2-3x a week. He wants everyday though since he started medication

You should get tested Ma’am
Your husband is def creeping and well before he told you this..

Anonymous wrote:Op, how is your sex life with DH? Is he happy in bed or acting out of resentment?

Decent 2-3x a week. He wants everyday though since he started medication

Op, how is your sex life with DH? Is he happy in bed or acting out of resentment?

Ugh, I'm so sorry. Your marriage to this man is already over.

My husband dropped a similar bombshell request on me, also in January, about 3 years ago.

I had low self-esteem and was worn down from years of his substance abuse, neglect, and mediocre parenting, so I agreed to it. What followed was a year of heartache and deep regret on his part for what he started. Our divorce will be final next week.

If I could go back and do it all over again I would have skipped all of the extra steps and said to him "Absolutely not" and I would have started the divorce process immediately.

It's a hard road. Be kind to yourself and focus on what's best for your children. They're the ones that suffer the most through it.