Anonymous wrote:Dating and marriage past 30 is rather nightmarish nowadays. People have too many expectations and too heavy baggage of hookups, dating and relationships.

+1

It sounds like kids should go to the hardest or most elite highly ranked school posisblw even if it’s not their 100% desire as far as weather or size or Greek/sports

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the more important thing for me as a parent is for my kid to be at a college where there is SOME dating culture.

Many of us with kids in college (and hearing how things are from our kids and from the kids of our friends) are finding that this doesn't really exist at many schools.

I'd rather my kid not meet with their ultimate life partner in college but it would be nice for them to have some experience with the opposite sex before age 21.

I'm hearing this more and more now, too, and I'm super surprised by this. What is happening? Why is this happening? Please give me some insight.
Mine are not in college yet. I do want them to date in college.

Dating apps, and Gen Z is probably the most socially anxious generation in history.

Dating and marriage past 30 is rather nightmarish nowadays. People have too many expectations and too heavy baggage of hookups, dating and relationships.

Our kids have freedom to marry whoever they choose. We didn't impose any restrictions of marrying into same race, religion, ethnicity, culture, caste, economic status, political affiliation, profession, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe the thread is this long! Marriage?? Many college students are still teenagers and others barely out of their teens!

Give them 10 years. Anyone who marries someone from college will regret it —they are not the same people they’ll be later.

Most couples we know as adults met in college or professional school. Most are still together.

So they started dating when 20 years old? Of all my friends, I only have one who did this and they absolutely regret it. I am 46 and virtually all of my friends got married in their early to late 30s to partners they met in adulthood.

NP. I met my spouse at 18. We moved in together at 20. I'm very happy with that choice. There's a whole lot of different types of people out there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if they marry someone who has student loans. That is a huge burden in life. It wasn't such a big problem in the last generation, but nowadays no one can bear a 400K student loan in a marriage.

It’s a legit concern. My kids are full pay. Now suddenly they are in debt of 400k by marriage. Are you kidding me?

lol… worries never end….

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if they marry someone who has student loans. That is a huge burden in life. It wasn't such a big problem in the last generation, but nowadays no one can bear a 400K student loan in a marriage.

It’s a legit concern. My kids are full pay. Now suddenly they are in debt of 400k by marriage. Are you kidding me?

That is awful, agreed. The cost has gotten out of control. Is there any hope? I think we are at point in time where huge changes are happening, and it is impossible to count on past outcomes.

Anonymous wrote:I think the more important thing for me as a parent is for my kid to be at a college where there is SOME dating culture.

Many of us with kids in college (and hearing how things are from our kids and from the kids of our friends) are finding that this doesn't really exist at many schools.

I'd rather my kid not meet with their ultimate life partner in college but it would be nice for them to have some experience with the opposite sex before age 21.

I'm hearing this more and more now, too, and I'm super surprised by this. What is happening? Why is this happening? Please give me some insight.
Mine are not in college yet. I do want them to date in college.

Anonymous wrote:Do parents worry about kids date/marry different races? For example, do white parents here worry that their ivy kids marrying tech immigrants’ kids since now there are over 40% of them at Harvard.

A lot of whites show their true color on this anonymous forum. I would be worried that they marry some white supremacist.

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if they marry someone who has student loans. That is a huge burden in life. It wasn't such a big problem in the last generation, but nowadays no one can bear a 400K student loan in a marriage.

It’s a legit concern. My kids are full pay. Now suddenly they are in debt of 400k by marriage. Are you kidding me?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do parents worry about kids date/marry different races? For example, do white parents here worry that their ivy kids marrying tech immigrants’ kids since now there are over 40% of them at Harvard.

Good question. As a non-White, non-Christian, rich tech legal immigrant - I am interested in finding the answer to this question. I am not interested in my hard earned fortune going to certain groups of people after my demise.

We are like you. We came to the US with nothing in our pockets and have a decent amount now. I think about what stipulations to include in trusts. I want my kids to find people they love but I will be disappointed if they convert to another religion or totally abandon our culture. For instance, I would hate for my money to go to someone like JD Vance but to a large extent this is not in my control. My husband does not seem to care much about any of this.

Anonymous wrote:lol this thread is tilting towards selective/private colleges as choice bc peer groups matter for future spouse options who are intellectually on level aren’t debt ridden and who are upper or upper middle class.
So much for all the ‘it doesn’t matter where you go to college’ drumbeats.

I don’t sense that the “it doesn’t matter where you go to college” posters are the same posters as those talking here about wanting for their DC intellectual peer spouses without debt.

I’d guess a Venn diagram of the two groups would show very little overlap.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do parents worry about kids date/marry different races? For example, do white parents here worry that their ivy kids marrying tech immigrants’ kids since now there are over 40% of them at Harvard.

ivy grad who met spouse in med school from a different T10, same race but completely different SES (pell grant v rich), about 25 yrs ago. many of our various undergrad friends married outside their race and/or outside SES, to other docs or lawyers, throw in a few phD who became professors. we would not care if our kids did the same. A smart spouse who supports the other one's intellectual endeavors is what matters, not race or SES background.

No, no. Don't listen to their honeyed tongue. Before long they will take away your everything in exchange for some glass beads.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe the thread is this long! Marriage?? Many college students are still teenagers and others barely out of their teens!

Give them 10 years. Anyone who marries someone from college will regret it —they are not the same people they’ll be later.

Most couples we know as adults met in college or professional school. Most are still together.

So they started dating when 20 years old? Of all my friends, I only have one who did this and they absolutely regret it. I am 46 and virtually all of my friends got married in their early to late 30s to partners they met in adulthood.

I am 10 years older than you and all of my friends married someone they met in college or graduate school (I can count 10 off the top of my head). I even know two who were high school boyfriend/girlfriend. No divorces. I don't think there is any right or wrong way here.