Anonymous wrote:Mid 40s and feeling this too. It’s not that my libido is absent, it’s that he wants sex daily and I just can’t. I’m ok with weekly, but compromise and it generally happens twice per week. It’s not that I don’t like it- but I’m tired. By the time kids are put to bed, the house cleaned up, lunches and breakfast prepped for the next day, and I’m finely climbing into bed. The last thing I want to do is sex. Especially when he has already been in deep sleep for hours- it’s like he has a sixth sense when I climb into bed, no matter how quiet I am. I’m looking forward to when his drive takes a hit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:90% of a woman’s issue with low desire at this age is that she’s with the wrong man.

Totally wrong

Anonymous wrote:I can't help but wonder if men really want sex that much or is it just societal pressure/sexualization making them think they want it or need it. Like if we were out in the woods with no TV, porn, etc living a native life, wouldn't sex just be a much farther and fewer thing? Bc the men can't get it up and get it stay hard the same way either so something happens to their bodies as well, not just us ladies.

Anyway I know that's not helpful but def a thought I have, like this is just the way of nature to make us not want it anymore but I can't help but think it's a problem contrived by society rather than nature.

Obviously I'm in your same boat OP, lol. Good luck, I have no real solution. Some people have suggested erotic books or audio (I tried the British filth audio guy and it's okay).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand this thread. I’m in my late 40s and weigh the same as in my 20s and have near zero drive for years. I regularly have sex with my husband because I want him to be attached and committed to me. It’s really a very easy way to keep the peace.

Obviously this approach may be hard for victims of sex abuse, but for everyone else I highly recommend it. Maybe as I age my mind will change, who knows.

Come talk to us in 10 years.

The thing is, I wouldn’t even say 10 years. There is an ocean between 48 and 52 for some women. It’s sort of like saying “I got pregnant so easily at 35 and then at 39 we are having trouble what is going on?” Things just changed really rapidly for women at different stages in your life. The difference between 48 and 52 can be night and day.

Not necessarily for everyone, but for some women, this is true.

The issue is sex drive is not the only thing that changes. As estrogen recedes there are structural changes in the brain and women often become less willing to keep the peace, less willing to be the repairer of relationships, in all aspects of their lives. It’s more complicated than just sex drive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends what you want. If you care about companionship, support in all ways, care, love etc, then open your legs or just split and do yourself a favor.

not going to open my legs but perfectly happy to wear a strap-on. you open YOUR legs, jack.

LOL! if your DH swings that way then sure, otherwise just divorce him or let him get pleasure outside. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

what exactly is my cake? we both have loving spouses who like us, a good financial partner, and a good parenting partner.

you seem to think it's incumbent on only the woman in a partnership to "open their legs" (ignoring all of the hormonal and body change reasons why that might have become painful or unpleasant or both) in the name of "sex", but the guy in the relationship doesn't have to open their legs for something that they think might be painful or unpleasant to them in reciprocity? they have to "swing that way"?

i hear that you seem to value sex on your terms above everything else. cool, you'll pay for that at the divorce settlement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:90% of a woman’s issue with low desire at this age is that she’s with the wrong man.

Totally wrong

Anonymous wrote:90% of a woman’s issue with low desire at this age is that she’s with the wrong man.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends what you want. If you care about companionship, support in all ways, care, love etc, then open your legs or just split and do yourself a favor.

not going to open my legs but perfectly happy to wear a strap-on. you open YOUR legs, jack.

LOL! if your DH swings that way then sure, otherwise just divorce him or let him get pleasure outside. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure i understand this complete loss of libido. Isn’t it at least partly driven by the sex not being good and not being worth the effort? Are all the posters who are totally fine with no sex turning down amazing sex or just tired of going through the motions because it’s just not that great?

I’m really curious about this as i approach my 50s and divorce. I don’t actually know how I feel about sex, I’m definitely right in the middle of menopause, but I always thought my low interest was related to the quality of the sex and low level dislike of the person i was sharing a bed with. If he’d been amazing in bed or a likable person, would I have maintained interest all these years later?

Guess I will have the opportunity to do some research soon, but i still can’t recreate what it might be like to be 5, 10 or 15 years into someone who’s amazing in bed.

Meeting a new person and being infatuated with them does powerful things biologically. Really no matter what the age though I’m sure it’s more powerful when we’re young of course but I imagine in the 50s and 60s the adrenaline and those love hormones are still strong.

But that’s not really what we’re talking about. It is tougher when you’ve been with someone 25, 35, 40 years. They might be your best friend and your family…you might live them…but it’s not rare for the sex to ebb.

Sex in decades long relationships coupled with people aging is what we are mostly taking about.