Anonymous
Post 10/16/2024 13:32     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Older women who get married change their last name often for good reason.

My friend is engaged. She got divorced when kids in Middle School and got custody, she kept her married name. Kinds are grown and gone and she is getting married.

Be weird to keep ex-husbands name when married.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2024 13:12     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Anonymous wrote:I didn't change mine. I don't care if people use my husbands last name when addressing cards or whatever, I just didn't want to do all the paperwork.

Same girl, same.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2024 13:01     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Anonymous wrote:Larla Maiden New-Name

Changed maiden name to middle name (dropped original middle name - hated it, but a sibling kept hers and now has 4 names) and took new last name


I did this too. My maiden name is fine and actually can be used as a first name as well. So, our last son has it as a middle name as well.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2024 11:08     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
I changed my name and yet I still think of myself individually as Jane Maiden Name - but collectively with my spouse and children we are “The MarriedNames”.

I moved my maiden name to my middle name and write my name in full - so it functions like a hyphenated name since people pronounce the whole thing as written. I think of it as the best of both worlds - I maintain my maiden name for my work email and when it suits me but otherwise my legal name aligns with my kids for simplicity.

I know people will come at me and give all the reasons that having a name separate from my kids is no big deal and not an issue - but I have ADHD and I prefer to avoid even the most minor administrative speed bumps in my life.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2024 10:57     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
I hated it in elementary school when the female teachers were constantly changing their last names when they married. It really established for the kids - boys and girls - that that is what happens. If it was just some, fine. But it was all of them and they really emphasized the name changes with the kids. And no discussion of the history of it or how other cultures handle names.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2024 10:50     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: It’s definitely a personal choice, but changing to a shared last name can simplify things a lot in daily life—whether it’s paperwork, travel, or even how others see you as a family.

To give some perspective, about 70% of college-educated women and 80% of non-college-educated women in the U.S. take their spouse's last name. Even high-profile professional women like Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama made the change, and they’re known for being pretty liberal.

Having a shared last name also shows commitment and can help avoid misunderstandings, like assumptions about being recently divorced, a new mom, or even just difficult. And if you’re considering hyphenation, just a heads-up: it can get really confusing! It’s tough enough for daily things, but think about when your kids marry—how many hyphens are they going to have to carry? It can quickly get out of hand and becomes more complex with each generation.

In the end, it’s all about what works best for you both, but there’s a lot to be said for the simplicity and unity that come with sharing a family name


Dude, Hillary is old. So is Michelle really. These are not contemporary examples.

I kept my name. Kids have their dads. I do regret that tbh but that’s another issue. No one bats an eye. It’s not less simple. In a way, far more because there’s no gap in my career achievements- eg publications before marriage. Its 2024. Teachers etc understand different last names. I’ll let you in on a secret - many of them aren’t changing their names either.


Keeping separate last names might be more accepted now, but it still creates avoidable complications. The majority of women—over 70% of college-educated and 80% of non-college-educated—still choose to take their spouse’s name, and it’s not just about tradition. A shared name simplifies everything from legal documents to social interactions, clearly showing family unity.

Yes, teachers may recognize different last names, but a single family name prevents misunderstandings and assumptions about family dynamics. And hyphenating? That’s a short-term fix. Future generations face the hassle of multiple hyphens, which just isn’t sustainable.

Career identity can be preserved through other means, so let’s not pretend that keeping separate names is the only progressive choice—it often adds more complexity than it’s worth


I didn't change my name and my kids have my husband's name. It has literally been an issue in our lives 0 times. I did have an immigration officer in another country ask me if my kids were mine, and I said, yes, I didn't change my name when I married and that was it. The interaction was 10 seconds and bothered no one.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2024 10:29     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
I did and promptly changed it back after the divorce. I am always a bit surprosed when women who are older (40+) change their names when they get married. It seems like something you do when you are young and starry eyed.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2024 10:02     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 42, married at 29, took his name. I'm glad I did. I like the tradition and the idea of joining his family in that way, and I'm glad we all have the same last name. I'm progressive, feminist, etc.


Why couldn’t he raid your last name then?


Well, I said—I like the tradition. I am all for choice and I support a woman choosing not to change her name, asking her husband to change his, choosing a new name, hyphenating, whatever. I chose to take his name. It’s obnoxious that you can’t support my choice.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2024 17:41     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name (20.years ago) but I am ok being called "Mrs. Married Name."

I hate the phrase "the Smiths" or whatever because it sounds like it's from a 1950s stepford wife Christmas card.


Op, this is what I mean. It strikes me as so stepford. Like I recently asked for my friends address to send (just her) something and she replied, ‘send it to THE ROTHSCHILDS, 236 Park Avenue, NY NY (made up obviously)’ and it struck me as so icky.

Where is my friend in that?


I'm in my 50s and assume they are just spouting things like their parents used to say, by calling people "The Rothschilds." It's really dated.


So you'd never ask your husband if the Smiths were coming to your BBQ? Instead you'd say are John, Ellen, Same and Elliot coming to the BBQ? Really?


Such a strange post. ‘Ask your ‘husband? Snort.

I’d ask the wife- ‘hey, are you and Bob coming? Kids too?’ Simple.


It's impossible to take anyone who actually types "snort" in a post seriously, but yes, why wouldn't I ask my husband if the Smiths are coming to the BBQ when he was just talking to John? I could also ask Ellen directly but my husband may already have that information. What a weird thing to harp on.
suzu
Post 10/15/2024 14:26     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
absolutely not

some of the woke/pc did the hyphenate thing
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2024 14:04     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name (20.years ago) but I am ok being called "Mrs. Married Name."

I hate the phrase "the Smiths" or whatever because it sounds like it's from a 1950s stepford wife Christmas card.


Op, this is what I mean. It strikes me as so stepford. Like I recently asked for my friends address to send (just her) something and she replied, ‘send it to THE ROTHSCHILDS, 236 Park Avenue, NY NY (made up obviously)’ and it struck me as so icky.

Where is my friend in that?


I'm in my 50s and assume they are just spouting things like their parents used to say, by calling people "The Rothschilds." It's really dated.


So you'd never ask your husband if the Smiths were coming to your BBQ? Instead you'd say are John, Ellen, Same and Elliot coming to the BBQ? Really?


Such a strange post. ‘Ask your ‘husband? Snort.

I’d ask the wife- ‘hey, are you and Bob coming? Kids too?’ Simple.


Most families I know with different last names just create a mashup -- If you're wondering if Joe Forrest and Elizabeth Bumstead are coming and bringing the kids, you ask if the Forsteads are coming.


I have never heard anyone ever use "the Forsteads" before I moved to the DC metro.

Most people would say ask if "Joe, Beth and the kids are attending", if they aren't stuck in the 1950s.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2024 14:04     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name, nor did my husband.

The kids have his name, and I can't imagine what complications people are imagining, but I would have been thrilled if daycare and schools had called him when a kid needed to be picked up.

Nope. They called me, the one with the different last name.

PS I find the term "maiden name" patriarchal


If you dislike the patriarchy, why didn't your kids get your last name instead?


I think it makes more sense to ask why I got married at all. But both questions lead to the same general questions: In a patriarchal society, how do you decide which capitulations you're going to make?

I didn't love my last name growing up. Having got through that, I was in no hurry either to give it up nor to foist it on the next generation.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2024 13:52     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
*patriarchy
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2024 13:52     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name, nor did my husband.

The kids have his name, and I can't imagine what complications people are imagining, but I would have been thrilled if daycare and schools had called him when a kid needed to be picked up.

Nope. They called me, the one with the different last name.

PS I find the term "maiden name" patriarchal


If you dislike the partriarchy, why didn't your kids get your last name instead?
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2024 13:52     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name (20.years ago) but I am ok being called "Mrs. Married Name."

I hate the phrase "the Smiths" or whatever because it sounds like it's from a 1950s stepford wife Christmas card.


Op, this is what I mean. It strikes me as so stepford. Like I recently asked for my friends address to send (just her) something and she replied, ‘send it to THE ROTHSCHILDS, 236 Park Avenue, NY NY (made up obviously)’ and it struck me as so icky.

Where is my friend in that?


I'm in my 50s and assume they are just spouting things like their parents used to say, by calling people "The Rothschilds." It's really dated.


So you'd never ask your husband if the Smiths were coming to your BBQ? Instead you'd say are John, Ellen, Same and Elliot coming to the BBQ? Really?


Such a strange post. ‘Ask your ‘husband? Snort.

I’d ask the wife- ‘hey, are you and Bob coming? Kids too?’ Simple.


Most families I know with different last names just create a mashup -- If you're wondering if Joe Forrest and Elizabeth Bumstead are coming and bringing the kids, you ask if the Forsteads are coming.