Nesting instinct. Mothers-to-be and new mother's go hormonally crazy about the nursery.

Anonymous wrote:Now I'm side-eyeing my broke-ass IKEA sofa. WIll I spend 6K to replace it? no. Will i ask DH for his opinion on it? Yes, of course. The dude has to look at it daily and sit on it.

If you are a grown adult with money in retirement and emergency savings, all your bills paid, and extra money the bank that you have no plans for, then buy a decent couch!

Now I'm side-eyeing my broke-ass IKEA sofa. WIll I spend 6K to replace it? no. Will i ask DH for his opinion on it? Yes, of course. The dude has to look at it daily and sit on it.

Anonymous wrote:NTA. If you have agreed to the $500 limit and used it in your marriage successfully both ways, this was sneaky and inappropriate of her. I’m sorry, OP.

FWIW our rule is similar (though $100) and it’s never been an issue at any point to run child expenses by each other before spending. Kid is a tween now and it just requires a 5 minute conversation.

Your spouse was selfish. (And also kind of dumb to spend $6600 on furniture that will only be used a few years, even if you can afford it). Alas, what’s done is done. Better to sit down and discuss how to adjust things for future decisions so you are both satisfied.

This works only if your spouse generally says yes unless they have a reason to say no.
OP said that he would have told her not to buy it even though he doesn’t know or care about baby furniture, they could afford the expense, and he has no other plans for the money.

Anonymous wrote:As a guy, I would rather drive an ice pick through my eye than be in a relationship where my spouse needed to come to me for “authorization” for spending on stuff we can afford.

I’m a woman, but I agree. My husband and I both have access to our bank account, have the ability to do basic math, and don’t want to go into debt.
I also wouldn’t want him buying new furniture for the house because he is super utilitarian about furniture. But if he wants an $800 scope for his rifle, and we can afford it, then go for it.

The only reason I can think of to have a rule like this is if one person really has a spending problem and you are actually going into debt. Otherwise, there is no need to criticize what your spouse sees as important and wants to spend money on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is your wife:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211753.page

Wait until you see the $1400 stroller!

Strollers cost, man. And the expensive ones are dramatically better. If you’re not spending as much on a stroller as you would on a bike you’re going to ride every day, you’re doing it wrong imo.

My kids are teens- so glad we got away with the $250 Graco stroller. It was not
A thing then to have a stroller as a status symbol.

I think it depends on how you’re using it. Living in the suburbs where you use your car to go most places, a cheaper stroller is fine. If you’re in the city and walking everywhere, a higher end one can be useful. Like everything else, it depends.

LOL. The lower end one is just fine for city walking, too.

NTA. If you have agreed to the $500 limit and used it in your marriage successfully both ways, this was sneaky and inappropriate of her. I’m sorry, OP.

FWIW our rule is similar (though $100) and it’s never been an issue at any point to run child expenses by each other before spending. Kid is a tween now and it just requires a 5 minute conversation.

Your spouse was selfish. (And also kind of dumb to spend $6600 on furniture that will only be used a few years, even if you can afford it). Alas, what’s done is done. Better to sit down and discuss how to adjust things for future decisions so you are both satisfied.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$6,600 seems totally reasonable for all new nursery furniture, especially since OP has said they can afford it. OP is butthurt that he didn't get to "provide authorization". OP sounds controlling - who uses words like "authorization" and such with their spouse?

OP’s wife came up with this “authorization” rule. She wanted authorization from the other spouse for large purchases and set the amount at $500. She wants to control but doesn’t want to be controlled.

Yeah. Don’t we all have areas of our marriages like that?

DH could buy a new computer or television without asking me about it because I don’t know or care about computers or televisions. But I wouldn’t even buy a small laptop without asking him because I don’t know or care about computers.

OP doesn’t know or care about furniture. His wife thinks and cares about it a lot. Buying furniture without asking her opinion was disrespectful.

Also, the $500 rule is stupid. It’s not like she would be okay with OP buying a $400 chair or coffee table or baby crib, and he knows it. She just doesn’t want him picking out furniture without her input.

This might be a forgiveness is easier than permission sitch. A $500 rule might sound reasonable, and I personally would love that rule in my marriage. But I have learned that my spouse finds asking me about her shopping decisions to be totally unfun and unhelpful because of how cheap I am and how I often suggest that she spend less or nothing at all. So what actually happens is that she often just pulls the trigger and buys whatever she wants, and if I complain, she explains herself after the fact. I just give thanks that we're well off enough that we can afford it, and I generally end up agreeing with her decisions but it does stress me out sometimes.

Anonymous wrote:$6,600 seems totally reasonable for all new nursery furniture, especially since OP has said they can afford it. OP is butthurt that he didn't get to "provide authorization". OP sounds controlling - who uses words like "authorization" and such with their spouse?

OP’s wife came up with this “authorization” rule. She wanted authorization from the other spouse for large purchases and set the amount at $500. She wants to control but doesn’t want to be controlled.

$6,600 seems totally reasonable for all new nursery furniture, especially since OP has said they can afford it. OP is butthurt that he didn't get to "provide authorization". OP sounds controlling - who uses words like "authorization" and such with their spouse?

Never use the word authorization when referring to spending with a spouse. She doesn’t report to you though you may think that way. If you had said that you had agreed to discuss any expense over $500 most people would have agree with you. I agree that $6600 is overkill but first time pregnant women aren’t always rational when setting up their nest.

Anonymous wrote:Pay peanuts get monkeys.

Dcum is free, tons of troll monkeys and omg this has 25+ sock puppet follow ups. All from some troll pretending not to know how much furniture actually costs. Not even lol.

No kidding. Troll op reposting garbage is 2/3s of the posts here.

The $500 rule is stupid and annoying, and now your wife knows it, so just sit down and agree to throw out the rule. For something like, “new baby expenses” it makes more sense to pick a reasonable budget and then decide who’s buying what and go from there. Maybe if you are going to break the budget, then you chat and reassess the budget.

Camps/sports/clothes - all of that is going to break the $500 rule, so you need to work out a better financial system for joint kid purchases. Asking for permission from one another will always feel like crap.

Also, I take great issue with people acting like pregnant women are mentally compromised. I do not subscribe to that line of thinking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine buying nursery furniture without my spouse. We shopped together, every time we bought furniture for our home. I was upset when he bought some paintings without me input.
She should have consulted you, and only partly because of the cost.

I can. My husband loves his kids, but he won’t go anywhere near a furniture store. When he needs furniture, he tells me what he wants and I order it like his personal secretary. It’s one of those odd things about someone that you only learn after you marry them. I decided this is not a dealbreaker.

I pick out and buy all the furniture. I can’t remember if I ran it by him or not? DH has one room, his office, that I didn’t furnish. Instead of a window shade, there is a towel blocking the sun. It has been there for two years.

This is a bad marriage. Your accounts should be joined and all purchases should be a couple decision.