I think it’s so funny that people who literally got a free house from their parents are jumping on OP for being entitled, when OP literally only said it’s helpful to know what s/he describes, and does not claim that s/he deserves any kind of shot at those houses.

OP found the third rail of generational wealth. The sheer faux outrage here is ridiculous.

I am assuming OP is white. This is such a cry me a river post.

I think people are overreacting to OP. I just think their point was that if you assume that everyone living in a million dollar (or more) home just has a very high income and is better at saving or financial management than you-- you are missing part of the picture. This is true of some people but many people are getting into those homes other ways often by inheriting money for a down payment or inheriting the house itself. I don't view this as a value judgment but just information. I think people in their 20s and 30s have a tendency to think that everyone in their same industry or with similar education background is working from the same resources and this misunderstanding actually LEADS to the jealousy and resentment people feel at times. But if you understand that people are working with very different resources and from different starting points then I find it harder to be resentful of it because it makes me realize that we are doing fine.

We have friends who were gifted large sums to buy homes. We also know people who inherited money or homes. We also know people with high incomes who could simply afford more house. We also know people who are just extremely scrupulous savers. And we know people who are some combingation of the above. The point is that everyone is on their own path and figuring out what works based on their situation. Understanding this liberated me to make choices that made sense for me and not worry about whether I was on the same page as peers becasue it turns out we just have very different lives and comparing doesn't make sense.

But that also cuts the other way. Occasionally I come across people who are impressed with themselves for what they have even though they have major advantages most people don't have. I roll my eyes at these peopel who I think are often naive and lack context. There are people who believe "everyone" gets money from their parents for a house or that "everyone's" parents paid for their education or will pay for their kids education. These people are as insufferable (perhaps more so) than people who complain all the time about things being unfair imo.

OP, you seem to live in your head and at least at the moment you wrote your "at least a dozen" and "that is, in fact, pretty widespread" (given your exhaustive and meticulous research... in your head), it seems like you want to let the world know that that... people help their kids! With the invitation to "shock" us ... you ought to smoke something different!

Those families are posers and losers.

Two things -
First, DH and I are frugal. DH is entirely self made and we haven't taken a dime from my parents for anything. DH's parents were poor, and mine, well, they worked hard, got lucky and were awesome parents. They gave me college and a beautiful childhood. For that I am wealthy beyond measure. BUT....
Second, I wouldn't trade my neighbors and parents of kids who rely on grandparents for down payments and school tuition. Those people are the invaluable teachers, artists, designers, public servants and non-profit workers. They are interesting, add color to our world and I am absolutely grateful that their parents raised them and support them to live in and enrich our community. It would be so bland and workaday without them. So, here's to the wealthy grandparents who raised awesome kids and whose kids are giving back ... thank you!

OP, I wish you well but unless you had a miserable childhood (and you may have, and if that is the case, I am really sorry) I think you have it backwards here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always amazes me how people like OP feel entitled to other people's things.

OP here: we actually saved a six figure down-payment and closing costs without any family help. Paid for our own wedding too. Also paid off our student loans. But we got "lucky" by pivoting multiple times in our careers for better jobs, striving for big promotions, etc.

Vast majority of our friends who had a similar profile as us - i.e., had to pay for their own house, their own wedding, their own student loans - had to leave the area completely or moved very far out to make it work.

So, no, I do not feel entitled to other people's things. But it wasn't until our kid was in school that we really had no idea how "things really work" in nicer DMV neighborhoods.

You are fortunate then. I hope you can feel satisfied and happy with all that you have and have accomplished.

Not OP, but I want to say you responded beautifully here. Thanks for adding goodness to the internet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you are offended why are living there? By fact of living in an “upscale DMV neighborhood” you are part of the same human drive of striving and wealth accumulation.

This is the point of striving - getting an education, getting a high paying job, accumulating property - so that you can make life easier for your kids and pass on wealth/property.

This. We're doing all this for our kids. An "upscale DMV neighborhood" isn't the place for OP if she wants to avoid this.

My spouse and I judge toys we want to buy by thinking about putting that money away for our kids instead. I had moms in my not upscale neighborhood make fun of my not expensive purse. I could buy a birkin but never will. That money is going to my kids. How outraged are you op that spouse and I live below our means so we can leave money for our kids? I'm dying to know.

Different poster...but I never understand why folks post this as some weird flex.

Nobody who really has any money goes through these weird mental gymnastics. You and your spouse sit around thinking about buying something that you apparently want, but you don't buy it because you are going to leave an extra couple of grand to the kids?

You sound as poor as the OP.

You don't get it at all and are as much a part of the problem as anything op is describing. You think everyone should have everything they want and not think about it or the consequences. This leads to the exact entitlement op is suffering from.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone missed the point that it’s a sign of how unaffordable housing is and that much of what you might think is people affording homes is actually an illusion.

Yep. Welcome to America in 2024.

It’s called welcome to the victim mindset and learned helplessness. People that actually want to improve their life don’t worry about stupid stuff like this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always amazes me how people like OP feel entitled to other people's things.

OP here: we actually saved a six figure down-payment and closing costs without any family help. Paid for our own wedding too. Also paid off our student loans. But we got "lucky" by pivoting multiple times in our careers for better jobs, striving for big promotions, etc.

Vast majority of our friends who had a similar profile as us - i.e., had to pay for their own house, their own wedding, their own student loans - had to leave the area completely or moved very far out to make it work.

So, no, I do not feel entitled to other people's things. But it wasn't until our kid was in school that we really had no idea how "things really work" in nicer DMV neighborhoods.

You are listing the ways you’ve boot-strapped like you want to be rewarded for your hard work. You have been- you got to buy a home in the neighborhood you want. Good on you. Hopefully your efforts will produce benefits for your children.

The people you are judging have benefited from the efforts of their loved ones and they too get to live in the neighborhood they want. Good on them.

It’s surprising that you’re surprised by how generational wealth is earned, preserved, and transferred. Did you think everyone around you was new money just because you are?

It’s common that parents want to help their progeny have good lives. Those who can, do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of feigned outrage in here. Looks like OP got under people’s skin. You seemed to have hit a nerve.

Hit that nerve that twangs when we have to deal with another spoiled entitled adult toddler. Maybe some of us who worked two or three jobs in our early years to save money to afford to live here are sick of her preciousness and entitlement. She is the awful people she is describing.

Doesn't sound like you're the person described in this thread - "families in nice DMV neighborhoods living in relatives' homes"

Put down your phone, sit on your lawn, and get some Vitamin D.

This will be my kids so why don't you go outside and throw a tantrum. I am the parents in this situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you are offended why are living there? By fact of living in an “upscale DMV neighborhood” you are part of the same human drive of striving and wealth accumulation.

This is the point of striving - getting an education, getting a high paying job, accumulating property - so that you can make life easier for your kids and pass on wealth/property.

This. We're doing all this for our kids. An "upscale DMV neighborhood" isn't the place for OP if she wants to avoid this.

My spouse and I judge toys we want to buy by thinking about putting that money away for our kids instead. I had moms in my not upscale neighborhood make fun of my not expensive purse. I could buy a birkin but never will. That money is going to my kids. How outraged are you op that spouse and I live below our means so we can leave money for our kids? I'm dying to know.

Exactly! Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I get what you are trying to say.

It is frustrating when you don't have that generational wealth. Money doesn't go as far and also more frustrations in childcare.

I don't envy others this position, but I do agree that they sometimes forget how much the rest of us must hustle/struggle.

I have lived all over the country and this is more predominant here than anywhere else I have lived.

I do agree that sometimes people like you assume or forget how much the rest of us struggled and went without and created our own wealth to afford that house in that neighborhood.

Well the OP is not talking about you.

She doesn't know who she is talking about. She is assuming "this is how it works" when it isn't. She's exaggerating a situation to justify being bitter that someone else has more than her.

Anonymous wrote:That’s what happens with restricting housing supply via zoning and giving tax breaks for homeowners. It creates this perverse feudal system of land ownership

Taxing the land properly fixes this

The crazy Yimby is back. Always jealous of what other people have and acting entitled to other peoples property.