Anonymous wrote:I had a women only bathroom in my dorm at Duke but there were always men in there because they were visiting girlfriends and our keys only worked for the girls room. I met a bball player in the shower!

haha - I have a joke from a story told by a very drunk girl at another ACC school that this post made me remember. Sadly, it comes off as insensitive at this point, but damn, it was funny at the time!

I never understood why schools charge huge sums for elite educations, and then undermine it by shoving the students in crowded loud dorms where they can't get quiet sleep at night, and can't have privacy in the bathroom.

Anonymous wrote:Have you seen the co-ed bathrooms? I have 3 in college and all 3 have had some form of a living situation that involved co-ed bathrooms. None have been like you are picturing in your head from what I've seen you post.

I feel like you are picturing this in your head:

And this simply isn't what colleges have.

Most have this:


Or this:

And in that photo where it says Outer Curtain, 2 of my kid's dorm bathrooms had solid, locking doors there not curtains.

DD reports that she was more exposed and saw more exposed people while changing for PE in HS than she ever did in college. No one walks around in these bathrooms naked or even half-naked. She says that females wear robes and guys typically wear boxers and a tee or a tee and shorts. Guys don't even go shirtless in them.

That middle one is unacceptable.

Bring clothes in the shower with you or leave them out in the common area while you shower?

My dorm at Yale in the 90s had coed bathrooms. I survived. It was fine.

Anonymous wrote:How exactly do these work for a 'normal' girl- she is straight, not confused about her gender identity at all and conventionally modest. She isn't interested in sharing a dressing room, shower stall, or row of toilets a la Marine barracks style with random guys or lesbians.

It’s tricky!! If she is on college, I assume she will probably figure it out pretty quickly.

If you still have concerns about her ability to figure it out or of feel she needs some scaffolding to learn this skill, you have a few options to begin to prepare her for this. You can remind her she already has some experience to draw from and treasure her she knows the “rules” for using an all-gender bathroom at your house). *


Talking it through could help too. You can guide her with a comparison of how bathrooms work at your house! If the door is closed, she should knock and wait to hear a reply. If a person is in there she should NOT go in. Of no one answers and she tries the handle and it is open, she can go ahead and use the bathroom.

The two of you could practice role playing what this might look like in the safety of your home bathroom.

Do prepare her for the possibility that there could be instances when she is using the bathroom, and someone knocks! Encourage her NOT TO PANIC! She can simply reply aloud “occupied” or “I’m in here” or whatever conveys the fact that the bathroom is occupied.

Good luck!!

* You may have to take a different approach entirely if your home has identity-based restrictions at your house.

Have you seen the co-ed bathrooms? I have 3 in college and all 3 have had some form of a living situation that involved co-ed bathrooms. None have been like you are picturing in your head from what I've seen you post.

I feel like you are picturing this in your head:

And this simply isn't what colleges have.

Most have this:


Or this:

And in that photo where it says Outer Curtain, 2 of my kid's dorm bathrooms had solid, locking doors there not curtains.

DD reports that she was more exposed and saw more exposed people while changing for PE in HS than she ever did in college. No one walks around in these bathrooms naked or even half-naked. She says that females wear robes and guys typically wear boxers and a tee or a tee and shorts. Guys don't even go shirtless in them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How exactly do these work for a 'normal' girl- she is straight, not confused about her gender identity at all and conventionally modest. She isn't interested in sharing a dressing room, shower stall, or row of toilets a la Marine barracks style with random guys or lesbians.

OP, the unfortunate reality is that many dorms at most schools are set up like this in one way or another.

I really wish the "normal" girls and their parents would push back and push back hard. It is so unfair that it is always the girls who have to compromise in this situation.

You really lose all credibility when you complain she will need to use a toilet in a stall next to a lesbian. That literally happens any time she uses the bathroom in any public place. I cannot possibly imagine what the issue is there. You sound crazy and bigoted.

I have more sympathy for the issue of showing if there are males and the showers only have curtains. While that’s what I had in the 90s, I think the current dorms are better built and have actual shower stalls. I think all schools also have single sex option forms that she could opt into. Most girls aren’t actually bothered by this, but I believe there is usually an alternative for girls that are bothered.
While sexual assault is sadly super common on college campuses, I do not think the mixed gender bathrooms are a particular problem area. Ironically, it may be the place she’s least likely to be assaulted. A party or her own dorm room is probably the most likely.

Sorry, I didn't read the part about the lesbian avoidance; that is silly and I hope OP knows it.

But I do think it is unfair that regular girls (OP calls them "normal") are the ones who have to accommodate the all gender situation in dorm bathrooms. My DC's school had a blow-up about that on the parent Facebook page last fall, and a lot of parents raised hell about it. I suggest that OP do the same. There really are a lot of parents out there that don't like the idea of their daughters in college sharing bathrooms with biological men. At DC's school, the administration did listen and eventually made a number of the bathrooms strictly single-biological sex.

That parents "raised hell" about bathrooms in A COLLEGE DORM WHERE THE PEOPLE USING THE TOILETS ARE ADULTS is the epitome of the decline of our society. Jesus Effing Christ. Parents need to know when to stay in their lane.

Sorry, but as a parent who is paying $85K a year for my DC to study at said school, I think I have a lot to say about situations like this.

The only choice you have is to pay the $85k or not.

There are schools for your types. Send your kids there.

I had a women only bathroom in my dorm at Duke but there were always men in there because they were visiting girlfriends and our keys only worked for the girls room. I met a bball player in the shower!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How exactly do these work for a 'normal' girl- she is straight, not confused about her gender identity at all and conventionally modest. She isn't interested in sharing a dressing room, shower stall, or row of toilets a la Marine barracks style with random guys or lesbians.

OP, the unfortunate reality is that many dorms at most schools are set up like this in one way or another.

I really wish the "normal" girls and their parents would push back and push back hard. It is so unfair that it is always the girls who have to compromise in this situation.

You really lose all credibility when you complain she will need to use a toilet in a stall next to a lesbian. That literally happens any time she uses the bathroom in any public place. I cannot possibly imagine what the issue is there. You sound crazy and bigoted.

I have more sympathy for the issue of showing if there are males and the showers only have curtains. While that’s what I had in the 90s, I think the current dorms are better built and have actual shower stalls. I think all schools also have single sex option forms that she could opt into. Most girls aren’t actually bothered by this, but I believe there is usually an alternative for girls that are bothered.
While sexual assault is sadly super common on college campuses, I do not think the mixed gender bathrooms are a particular problem area. Ironically, it may be the place she’s least likely to be assaulted. A party or her own dorm room is probably the most likely.

Sorry, I didn't read the part about the lesbian avoidance; that is silly and I hope OP knows it.

But I do think it is unfair that regular girls (OP calls them "normal") are the ones who have to accommodate the all gender situation in dorm bathrooms. My DC's school had a blow-up about that on the parent Facebook page last fall, and a lot of parents raised hell about it. I suggest that OP do the same. There really are a lot of parents out there that don't like the idea of their daughters in college sharing bathrooms with biological men. At DC's school, the administration did listen and eventually made a number of the bathrooms strictly single-biological sex.

That parents "raised hell" about bathrooms in A COLLEGE DORM WHERE THE PEOPLE USING THE TOILETS ARE ADULTS is the epitome of the decline of our society. Jesus Effing Christ. Parents need to know when to stay in their lane.

Sorry, but as a parent who is paying $85K a year for my DC to study at said school, I think I have a lot to say about situations like this.

If you think that, then you don’t understand what parenting a college student entails.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How exactly do these work for a 'normal' girl- she is straight, not confused about her gender identity at all and conventionally modest. She isn't interested in sharing a dressing room, shower stall, or row of toilets a la Marine barracks style with random guys or lesbians.

OP, the unfortunate reality is that many dorms at most schools are set up like this in one way or another.

I really wish the "normal" girls and their parents would push back and push back hard. It is so unfair that it is always the girls who have to compromise in this situation.

You really lose all credibility when you complain she will need to use a toilet in a stall next to a lesbian. That literally happens any time she uses the bathroom in any public place. I cannot possibly imagine what the issue is there. You sound crazy and bigoted.

I have more sympathy for the issue of showing if there are males and the showers only have curtains. While that’s what I had in the 90s, I think the current dorms are better built and have actual shower stalls. I think all schools also have single sex option forms that she could opt into. Most girls aren’t actually bothered by this, but I believe there is usually an alternative for girls that are bothered.
While sexual assault is sadly super common on college campuses, I do not think the mixed gender bathrooms are a particular problem area. Ironically, it may be the place she’s least likely to be assaulted. A party or her own dorm room is probably the most likely.

Sorry, I didn't read the part about the lesbian avoidance; that is silly and I hope OP knows it.

But I do think it is unfair that regular girls (OP calls them "normal") are the ones who have to accommodate the all gender situation in dorm bathrooms. My DC's school had a blow-up about that on the parent Facebook page last fall, and a lot of parents raised hell about it. I suggest that OP do the same. There really are a lot of parents out there that don't like the idea of their daughters in college sharing bathrooms with biological men. At DC's school, the administration did listen and eventually made a number of the bathrooms strictly single-biological sex.

Every college has girl dorm and coed. Pick a girl only dorm.

What about the boys? Are you suggesting it's OK for them to be forced to live in a coed situation?

How dense

Every college has girl only and boy only dorms. Pick a single sex dorm.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How exactly do these work for a 'normal' girl- she is straight, not confused about her gender identity at all and conventionally modest. She isn't interested in sharing a dressing room, shower stall, or row of toilets a la Marine barracks style with random guys or lesbians.

OP, the unfortunate reality is that many dorms at most schools are set up like this in one way or another.

I really wish the "normal" girls and their parents would push back and push back hard. It is so unfair that it is always the girls who have to compromise in this situation.

You really lose all credibility when you complain she will need to use a toilet in a stall next to a lesbian. That literally happens any time she uses the bathroom in any public place. I cannot possibly imagine what the issue is there. You sound crazy and bigoted.

I have more sympathy for the issue of showing if there are males and the showers only have curtains. While that’s what I had in the 90s, I think the current dorms are better built and have actual shower stalls. I think all schools also have single sex option forms that she could opt into. Most girls aren’t actually bothered by this, but I believe there is usually an alternative for girls that are bothered.
While sexual assault is sadly super common on college campuses, I do not think the mixed gender bathrooms are a particular problem area. Ironically, it may be the place she’s least likely to be assaulted. A party or her own dorm room is probably the most likely.

Sorry, I didn't read the part about the lesbian avoidance; that is silly and I hope OP knows it.

But I do think it is unfair that regular girls (OP calls them "normal") are the ones who have to accommodate the all gender situation in dorm bathrooms. My DC's school had a blow-up about that on the parent Facebook page last fall, and a lot of parents raised hell about it. I suggest that OP do the same. There really are a lot of parents out there that don't like the idea of their daughters in college sharing bathrooms with biological men. At DC's school, the administration did listen and eventually made a number of the bathrooms strictly single-biological sex.

Every college has girl dorm and coed. Pick a girl only dorm.

What about the boys? Are you suggesting it's OK for them to be forced to live in a coed situation?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How exactly do these work for a 'normal' girl- she is straight, not confused about her gender identity at all and conventionally modest. She isn't interested in sharing a dressing room, shower stall, or row of toilets a la Marine barracks style with random guys or lesbians.

OP, the unfortunate reality is that many dorms at most schools are set up like this in one way or another.

I really wish the "normal" girls and their parents would push back and push back hard. It is so unfair that it is always the girls who have to compromise in this situation.

You really lose all credibility when you complain she will need to use a toilet in a stall next to a lesbian. That literally happens any time she uses the bathroom in any public place. I cannot possibly imagine what the issue is there. You sound crazy and bigoted.

I have more sympathy for the issue of showing if there are males and the showers only have curtains. While that’s what I had in the 90s, I think the current dorms are better built and have actual shower stalls. I think all schools also have single sex option forms that she could opt into. Most girls aren’t actually bothered by this, but I believe there is usually an alternative for girls that are bothered.
While sexual assault is sadly super common on college campuses, I do not think the mixed gender bathrooms are a particular problem area. Ironically, it may be the place she’s least likely to be assaulted. A party or her own dorm room is probably the most likely.

Sorry, I didn't read the part about the lesbian avoidance; that is silly and I hope OP knows it.

But I do think it is unfair that regular girls (OP calls them "normal") are the ones who have to accommodate the all gender situation in dorm bathrooms. My DC's school had a blow-up about that on the parent Facebook page last fall, and a lot of parents raised hell about it. I suggest that OP do the same. There really are a lot of parents out there that don't like the idea of their daughters in college sharing bathrooms with biological men. At DC's school, the administration did listen and eventually made a number of the bathrooms strictly single-biological sex.

Every college has girl dorm and coed. Pick a girl only dorm.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How exactly do these work for a 'normal' girl- she is straight, not confused about her gender identity at all and conventionally modest. She isn't interested in sharing a dressing room, shower stall, or row of toilets a la Marine barracks style with random guys or lesbians.

OP, the unfortunate reality is that many dorms at most schools are set up like this in one way or another.

I really wish the "normal" girls and their parents would push back and push back hard. It is so unfair that it is always the girls who have to compromise in this situation.

You really lose all credibility when you complain she will need to use a toilet in a stall next to a lesbian. That literally happens any time she uses the bathroom in any public place. I cannot possibly imagine what the issue is there. You sound crazy and bigoted.

I have more sympathy for the issue of showing if there are males and the showers only have curtains. While that’s what I had in the 90s, I think the current dorms are better built and have actual shower stalls. I think all schools also have single sex option forms that she could opt into. Most girls aren’t actually bothered by this, but I believe there is usually an alternative for girls that are bothered.
While sexual assault is sadly super common on college campuses, I do not think the mixed gender bathrooms are a particular problem area. Ironically, it may be the place she’s least likely to be assaulted. A party or her own dorm room is probably the most likely.

Sorry, I didn't read the part about the lesbian avoidance; that is silly and I hope OP knows it.

But I do think it is unfair that regular girls (OP calls them "normal") are the ones who have to accommodate the all gender situation in dorm bathrooms. My DC's school had a blow-up about that on the parent Facebook page last fall, and a lot of parents raised hell about it. I suggest that OP do the same. There really are a lot of parents out there that don't like the idea of their daughters in college sharing bathrooms with biological men. At DC's school, the administration did listen and eventually made a number of the bathrooms strictly single-biological sex.

That parents "raised hell" about bathrooms in A COLLEGE DORM WHERE THE PEOPLE USING THE TOILETS ARE ADULTS is the epitome of the decline of our society. Jesus Effing Christ. Parents need to know when to stay in their lane.

Sorry, but as a parent who is paying $85K a year for my DC to study at said school, I think I have a lot to say about situations like this.

OK I haven't read all 11 pages so maybe others have brought this up but surely this is a troll.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How exactly do these work for a 'normal' girl- she is straight, not confused about her gender identity at all and conventionally modest. She isn't interested in sharing a dressing room, shower stall, or row of toilets a la Marine barracks style with random guys or lesbians.

I don't understand what you don't understand.

You have all gender bathrooms in your home, don't you?

Why is this puzzling for you?

Are you slow?

How is this comparable? In your home, one person uses it at a time. Same with the all gender bathrooms at businesses, they are for one person to use. Multiple showers lined up with small plastic curtains separating does seem inappropriate to be all gender.

Multiple people have explained that the schools that do all gender bathrooms don’t have that model.

Actually most people have explained it's the same, you might share sinks but the bathrooms are single stall with doors.