Are people seriously defending being told by your friend's husband "you don't look like you just had a baby"? That's so gross. Right in line with the men who tried to pat my belly when I was pregnant.

I don't actually think anyone is saying that "you look great" is an offensive comment. It's the comments that are specifically about how your body looks or losing weight. That crosses a line and is inappropriate. I *hated* people commenting specifically on (1) how much weight I'd lost or not lost postpartum, as well as how much weight I'd gained or not when I was pregnant, and (2) people commenting on how my boobs were different. These are really demeaning things to say to someone unless you know them VERY well and are confident they are comfortable with you talking about their body in this intimate way. Like if my DH wanted to comment on my boobs when I was pregnant, that's fine. My BIL or coworker? NO. Same with postpartum weight, basically anything body-related around pregnancy and childbirth. It's none of their business.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP didn’t say she’s telling people she feels bad. Many women appreciate the compliment, so please confine your requests to YOU.
I do hope you seek help if pu need it. This anonymous rant against people who are tisn’t the best way.

I can just as easily say many of us don't like it, and it needs to stop, for many reasons discussed in this thread.

Listen, some of ya’ll just need to be patient. People talk to you now and try to compliment you now because they just don’t know you well enough yet to know better. But keep on fighting the good fight and soon enough you’ll find that no one will speak to you ever again without a *very* specific reason.

The irony is that op made a simple and obvious suggestion - don’t comment on a postpartum body, it’s fraught. And a bunch of people snapped bc they are so fragile they can’t process simple feedback/critique of their behavior, learn and move forward. The latter is the type of person who will drive people away.

I made the post you just responded two and there are at least two other posters in this thread I’d happily go out for drinks with. The rest of you over-sensitive, miserable, navel gazing ninnies can kick rocks. Happy to drive your type away!

That’s great but the point was that you lack self awareness

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP didn’t say she’s telling people she feels bad. Many women appreciate the compliment, so please confine your requests to YOU.
I do hope you seek help if pu need it. This anonymous rant against people who are tisn’t the best way.

I can just as easily say many of us don't like it, and it needs to stop, for many reasons discussed in this thread.

Listen, some of ya’ll just need to be patient. People talk to you now and try to compliment you now because they just don’t know you well enough yet to know better. But keep on fighting the good fight and soon enough you’ll find that no one will speak to you ever again without a *very* specific reason.

The irony is that op made a simple and obvious suggestion - don’t comment on a postpartum body, it’s fraught. And a bunch of people snapped bc they are so fragile they can’t process simple feedback/critique of their behavior, learn and move forward. The latter is the type of person who will drive people away.

I made the post you just responded two and there are at least two other posters in this thread I’d happily go out for drinks with. The rest of you over-sensitive, miserable, navel gazing ninnies can kick rocks. Happy to drive your type away!

Ha! Responded “to”, obviously…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP didn’t say she’s telling people she feels bad. Many women appreciate the compliment, so please confine your requests to YOU.
I do hope you seek help if pu need it. This anonymous rant against people who are tisn’t the best way.

I can just as easily say many of us don't like it, and it needs to stop, for many reasons discussed in this thread.

Listen, some of ya’ll just need to be patient. People talk to you now and try to compliment you now because they just don’t know you well enough yet to know better. But keep on fighting the good fight and soon enough you’ll find that no one will speak to you ever again without a *very* specific reason.

The irony is that op made a simple and obvious suggestion - don’t comment on a postpartum body, it’s fraught. And a bunch of people snapped bc they are so fragile they can’t process simple feedback/critique of their behavior, learn and move forward. The latter is the type of person who will drive people away.

I made the post you just responded two and there are at least two other posters in this thread I’d happily go out for drinks with. The rest of you over-sensitive, miserable, navel gazing ninnies can kick rocks. Happy to drive your type away!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP didn’t say she’s telling people she feels bad. Many women appreciate the compliment, so please confine your requests to YOU.
I do hope you seek help if pu need it. This anonymous rant against people who are tisn’t the best way.

I can just as easily say many of us don't like it, and it needs to stop, for many reasons discussed in this thread.

Listen, some of ya’ll just need to be patient. People talk to you now and try to compliment you now because they just don’t know you well enough yet to know better. But keep on fighting the good fight and soon enough you’ll find that no one will speak to you ever again without a *very* specific reason.

BS. I don't need cookie cutter complements to feel valued. I have a personality and get the conversation moving just fine, thank you. I am 19:15.

Learn the difference between compliment and complement FFS

Ah yes, the "You made a spelling error so your argument is invalidated" tactic.

It’s not a spelling error. They are both words. You are just unaware of the definitions and spellings of each.

But hey, at least you got a conversation going!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP didn’t say she’s telling people she feels bad. Many women appreciate the compliment, so please confine your requests to YOU.
I do hope you seek help if pu need it. This anonymous rant against people who are tisn’t the best way.

I can just as easily say many of us don't like it, and it needs to stop, for many reasons discussed in this thread.

The people insisting women like this so much are the old women who want to lurk on and police the “expectant moms” section.

I have two young children and a full time serious job where I work on helping to solve real world problems. No, people telling me I look amazing after birth (which they did because I lost the weight easily) is absolutely not a problem. Pick up a book or something if you don’t have anything serious to intellectually engage with at work.

Then you’re neither expectant nor postpartum. Rather you have taken time out from your busy day solving real world problems and raising two children while you look amaaaaaaazing in order to police how actual expectant and postpartum moms feel about unwelcome comments about their bodies.

Everyone is so impressed by you, you very, very cool girl.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP didn’t say she’s telling people she feels bad. Many women appreciate the compliment, so please confine your requests to YOU.
I do hope you seek help if pu need it. This anonymous rant against people who are tisn’t the best way.

I can just as easily say many of us don't like it, and it needs to stop, for many reasons discussed in this thread.

Listen, some of ya’ll just need to be patient. People talk to you now and try to compliment you now because they just don’t know you well enough yet to know better. But keep on fighting the good fight and soon enough you’ll find that no one will speak to you ever again without a *very* specific reason.

The irony is that op made a simple and obvious suggestion - don’t comment on a postpartum body, it’s fraught. And a bunch of people snapped bc they are so fragile they can’t process simple feedback/critique of their behavior, learn and move forward. The latter is the type of person who will drive people away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP didn’t say she’s telling people she feels bad. Many women appreciate the compliment, so please confine your requests to YOU.
I do hope you seek help if pu need it. This anonymous rant against people who are tisn’t the best way.

I can just as easily say many of us don't like it, and it needs to stop, for many reasons discussed in this thread.

The people insisting women like this so much are the old women who want to lurk on and police the “expectant moms” section.

I have two young children and a full time serious job where I work on helping to solve real world problems. No, people telling me I look amazing after birth (which they did because I lost the weight easily) is absolutely not a problem. Pick up a book or something if you don’t have anything serious to intellectually engage with at work.

You sound soooooo amazing. I wish I could be you!

Exactly the level of maturity you would expect from someone who thinks a compliment from well meaning family/friends is offensive. Like I said, read a book or the news to understand what real problems are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP didn’t say she’s telling people she feels bad. Many women appreciate the compliment, so please confine your requests to YOU.
I do hope you seek help if pu need it. This anonymous rant against people who are tisn’t the best way.

I can just as easily say many of us don't like it, and it needs to stop, for many reasons discussed in this thread.

The people insisting women like this so much are the old women who want to lurk on and police the “expectant moms” section.

I have two young children and a full time serious job where I work on helping to solve real world problems. No, people telling me I look amazing after birth (which they did because I lost the weight easily) is absolutely not a problem. Pick up a book or something if you don’t have anything serious to intellectually engage with at work.

You sound soooooo amazing. I wish I could be you!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP didn’t say she’s telling people she feels bad. Many women appreciate the compliment, so please confine your requests to YOU.
I do hope you seek help if pu need it. This anonymous rant against people who are tisn’t the best way.

I can just as easily say many of us don't like it, and it needs to stop, for many reasons discussed in this thread.

Listen, some of ya’ll just need to be patient. People talk to you now and try to compliment you now because they just don’t know you well enough yet to know better. But keep on fighting the good fight and soon enough you’ll find that no one will speak to you ever again without a *very* specific reason.

BS. I don't need cookie cutter complements to feel valued. I have a personality and get the conversation moving just fine, thank you. I am 19:15.

Learn the difference between compliment and complement FFS

Ah yes, the "You made a spelling error so your argument is invalidated" tactic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP didn’t say she’s telling people she feels bad. Many women appreciate the compliment, so please confine your requests to YOU.
I do hope you seek help if pu need it. This anonymous rant against people who are tisn’t the best way.

I can just as easily say many of us don't like it, and it needs to stop, for many reasons discussed in this thread.

Listen, some of ya’ll just need to be patient. People talk to you now and try to compliment you now because they just don’t know you well enough yet to know better. But keep on fighting the good fight and soon enough you’ll find that no one will speak to you ever again without a *very* specific reason.

BS. I don't need cookie cutter complements to feel valued. I have a personality and get the conversation moving just fine, thank you. I am 19:15.

Learn the difference between compliment and complement FFS

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP didn’t say she’s telling people she feels bad. Many women appreciate the compliment, so please confine your requests to YOU.
I do hope you seek help if pu need it. This anonymous rant against people who are tisn’t the best way.

I can just as easily say many of us don't like it, and it needs to stop, for many reasons discussed in this thread.

The people insisting women like this so much are the old women who want to lurk on and police the “expectant moms” section.

I have two young children and a full time serious job where I work on helping to solve real world problems. No, people telling me I look amazing after birth (which they did because I lost the weight easily) is absolutely not a problem. Pick up a book or something if you don’t have anything serious to intellectually engage with at work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP didn’t say she’s telling people she feels bad. Many women appreciate the compliment, so please confine your requests to YOU.
I do hope you seek help if pu need it. This anonymous rant against people who are tisn’t the best way.

I can just as easily say many of us don't like it, and it needs to stop, for many reasons discussed in this thread.

The people insisting women like this so much are the old women who want to lurk on and police the “expectant moms” section.

Are you saying like my mom told me some day I would grow fond of my street harassment memories?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP didn’t say she’s telling people she feels bad. Many women appreciate the compliment, so please confine your requests to YOU.
I do hope you seek help if pu need it. This anonymous rant against people who are tisn’t the best way.

I can just as easily say many of us don't like it, and it needs to stop, for many reasons discussed in this thread.

Listen, some of ya’ll just need to be patient. People talk to you now and try to compliment you now because they just don’t know you well enough yet to know better. But keep on fighting the good fight and soon enough you’ll find that no one will speak to you ever again without a *very* specific reason.

BS. I don't need cookie cutter complements to feel valued. I have a personality and get the conversation moving just fine, thank you. I am 19:15.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP didn’t say she’s telling people she feels bad. Many women appreciate the compliment, so please confine your requests to YOU.
I do hope you seek help if pu need it. This anonymous rant against people who are tisn’t the best way.

I can just as easily say many of us don't like it, and it needs to stop, for many reasons discussed in this thread.

The people insisting women like this so much are the old women who want to lurk on and police the “expectant moms” section.