Anonymous wrote:I think you have to consider what YOU want.

If the goal is to try and rebuild your marriage, then causing the AP's family to potentially fall apart / disintegrate may lead to the AP pressuring your husband to marry her instead.

If this is not a concern, then of course you tell him.

That doesn’t usually work but would at least provide a laugh to watch it play out.

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to consider what YOU want.

If the goal is to try and rebuild your marriage, then causing the AP's family to potentially fall apart / disintegrate may lead to the AP pressuring your husband to marry her instead.

If this is not a concern, then of course you tell him.

Not necessarily. There are so many variables.

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to consider what YOU want.

If the goal is to try and rebuild your marriage, then causing the AP's family to potentially fall apart / disintegrate may lead to the AP pressuring your husband to marry her instead.

If this is not a concern, then of course you tell him.

There is no such thing as rebuilding a marriage after an affair.

I think you have to consider what YOU want.

If the goal is to try and rebuild your marriage, then causing the AP's family to potentially fall apart / disintegrate may lead to the AP pressuring your husband to marry her instead.

If this is not a concern, then of course you tell him.

I would!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a wife that was cheated on . I contacted the AP’s husband and it went very badly . Like others have posted , he was VERY angry and owned a gun . He figured out our address and showed up at our house and threatened my husband when he was with the kids . The AP (his wife) showed up and it was so dramatic . All the neighbors came out and my kids were so scared and I had to call the cops . Luckily nothing violent happened but you just don’t know who is going to lose it over some information . We are divorced now , my kids are suffering and still ask me about this traumatic event that happened . I wish I never said anything and just divorced him and moved on .

This would be my fear. People are seriously on edge these days and quick to get violent.

IT should be every cheater's fear. They invite so much potential and danger into their family's lives with that behavior. It can be a deranged, jilted AP or a irate OM/OW. OR some psycho they meet on the internet.

IF you have children and you cheat, you are an awful guardian and don't have your children's best interests.

Um I'm not cheating. .

Anonymous wrote:

If your spouse cheated on you, you should deal with him/her as appropos and reflect upon what led to the transgression.

Telling the AP's partner is a spiteful act and almost certainly motivated by malice and anger. That person's marriage is none of your business.

You clearly lack integrity and empathy -the right thing to do is tell the other spouse so that they can protect their own health and finances. Nothing to do with vengeance, just being a kind human. And the AP made that marriage the other betrayed partner's business - are you serious with that garbage?

This is true. My friend and I talked about it many times. She feels sympathetic toward the APs husband. He is equally a victim and is operating without knowledge.She doesn’t care about the AP since she believes her loser DH would have had an affair with anyone who conveniently presented the opportunity and would say whatever to get what he wanted. He proved himself a liar so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a wife that was cheated on . I contacted the AP’s husband and it went very badly . Like others have posted , he was VERY angry and owned a gun . He figured out our address and showed up at our house and threatened my husband when he was with the kids . The AP (his wife) showed up and it was so dramatic . All the neighbors came out and my kids were so scared and I had to call the cops . Luckily nothing violent happened but you just don’t know who is going to lose it over some information . We are divorced now , my kids are suffering and still ask me about this traumatic event that happened . I wish I never said anything and just divorced him and moved on .

This story sounds fake.

Listen: it’s information. The information is okay to share in a dispassionate way. Id call him at work, personally.

DP and this is re: the story about the AP's husband who turned up to threaten that poster's husband (the cheater). I am very firmly in the "tell the spouse" camp and want to note that. But I disagree that the story sounds fake. Why? Similar incident happened to someone I used to know. Only it was the cheated-on wife who ended up nearly killing someone.

Her DH cheated; the betrayed wife did NOT tell the AP's DH but somehow the AP's DH found out and showed up at this couple's home, banging on the door and calling out the cheater DH to come outside and fight him, and the idiot cheater DH actually went outside swinging. The betrayed husband wasn't armed, but my "friend" was--she had a gun, brought it outside to defend her idiot cheater DH, and she ended up shooting the other guy in the leg. She was freaking lucky she didn't hit a vein and make him bleed out in their yard. It was such a clusterf**k. I'm not 100 percent sure how she evaded going to jail but word was that the guy she shot was so embarrassed he wouldn't press charges. plus her daddy was a huge deal in her small hometown, so....She did end up having to pay the guy a substantial sum of money later; I don't know if that was a civil suit or under the table, for his medical expenses.

I am relating that only to say, the PP's story does not sound fake to me at all. But I still believe in telling the other spouse because this kind of thing is surely rare. I'd note that the idiocy here was with the betrayed wife thinking she should defend her cheater DH and her stupidly bringing a gun to a fistfight rather than calling the cops immediately. Fortunately, no kids to traumatize with all this adult nonsense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a wife that was cheated on . I contacted the AP’s husband and it went very badly . Like others have posted , he was VERY angry and owned a gun . He figured out our address and showed up at our house and threatened my husband when he was with the kids . The AP (his wife) showed up and it was so dramatic . All the neighbors came out and my kids were so scared and I had to call the cops . Luckily nothing violent happened but you just don’t know who is going to lose it over some information . We are divorced now , my kids are suffering and still ask me about this traumatic event that happened . I wish I never said anything and just divorced him and moved on .

That's your husbands problem. Maybe don't F*** the wife of a crazy man with a gun. It's was his fault, entirely. Your kids should know that.

Agreed! The cheater brought this trouble home, not the honest person.

He would not be there if the wife had not cheated. Bam.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a wife that was cheated on . I contacted the AP’s husband and it went very badly . Like others have posted , he was VERY angry and owned a gun . He figured out our address and showed up at our house and threatened my husband when he was with the kids . The AP (his wife) showed up and it was so dramatic . All the neighbors came out and my kids were so scared and I had to call the cops . Luckily nothing violent happened but you just don’t know who is going to lose it over some information . We are divorced now , my kids are suffering and still ask me about this traumatic event that happened . I wish I never said anything and just divorced him and moved on .

That's your husbands problem. Maybe don't F*** the wife of a crazy man with a gun. It's was his fault, entirely. Your kids should know that.

Agreed! The cheater brought this trouble home, not the honest person.

Anonymous wrote:I am a wife that was cheated on . I contacted the AP’s husband and it went very badly . Like others have posted , he was VERY angry and owned a gun . He figured out our address and showed up at our house and threatened my husband when he was with the kids . The AP (his wife) showed up and it was so dramatic . All the neighbors came out and my kids were so scared and I had to call the cops . Luckily nothing violent happened but you just don’t know who is going to lose it over some information . We are divorced now , my kids are suffering and still ask me about this traumatic event that happened . I wish I never said anything and just divorced him and moved on .

That's your husbands problem. Maybe don't F*** the wife of a crazy man with a gun. It's was his fault, entirely. Your kids should know that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a wife that was cheated on . I contacted the AP’s husband and it went very badly . Like others have posted , he was VERY angry and owned a gun . He figured out our address and showed up at our house and threatened my husband when he was with the kids . The AP (his wife) showed up and it was so dramatic . All the neighbors came out and my kids were so scared and I had to call the cops . Luckily nothing violent happened but you just don’t know who is going to lose it over some information . We are divorced now , my kids are suffering and still ask me about this traumatic event that happened . I wish I never said anything and just divorced him and moved on .

This would be my fear. People are seriously on edge these days and quick to get violent.

IT should be every cheater's fear. They invite so much potential and danger into their family's lives with that behavior. It can be a deranged, jilted AP or a irate OM/OW. OR some psycho they meet on the internet.

IF you have children and you cheat, you are an awful guardian and don't have your children's best interests.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are horrible. OP has nothing to gain. This is vengeful. Stay out of other’s marriages.

F you. The spouse stepped out of the marriage and I would want to know.

I would not. This is worse than the original offense.

You are such a delusional cheater, do you actually believe this? Telling someone what you did is not worse than DOING the actual cheating. GTFO here with this f-d up logic.

Ha. Yeah- emailing a spouse to let them know about a multi-year affair is worse than sneaking around, lying and efffing someone else's spouse for years. OMG.

Cheaters are just delusional. They really are selfish scumbags.

Anonymous wrote:I am a wife that was cheated on . I contacted the AP’s husband and it went very badly . Like others have posted , he was VERY angry and owned a gun . He figured out our address and showed up at our house and threatened my husband when he was with the kids . The AP (his wife) showed up and it was so dramatic . All the neighbors came out and my kids were so scared and I had to call the cops . Luckily nothing violent happened but you just don’t know who is going to lose it over some information . We are divorced now , my kids are suffering and still ask me about this traumatic event that happened . I wish I never said anything and just divorced him and moved on .

This would be my fear. People are seriously on edge these days and quick to get violent.

Anonymous wrote:100% I would want to know but this is where my friend and I differ. She’s in this situation and keeps saying she is going to eventually tell the DH of AP. I think it’s opening more potential problems and what if he has a temper, or they have open marriage, or some unanticipated situation. She believes she has a moral obligation to quietly inform. I would want to know but she doesnt know if he would.

I never get this excuse. If they have an open marriage, he won't mind? They would have already agreed to it? So really no harm, except maybe he tells her not to F married men?