Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

What a world we live in where a new dad apparently can't even ask if it's possible to move a standing meeting without being judged. I feel very lucky to be in a job that puts families first - whether it's flexibility for kids, elder care, or other family. And, we still manage to get a lot of work done.

He’s ALREADY leaving almost EVERY DAY at 330 pm. I think this is just the final straw of what he can pull off.

Which is fine but that means he needs to flip his schedule on days he cannot do pickup so he can drop off.

Not all jobs can be that flexible where you switch around meeting times, arrive and leave at different times, etc.
Maybe yours is, maybe OP’s is…but apparently OP’s husband feels that his is not.

lol sure he “feels” it is not. Do you think moms enjoy having to scrape out the flexibility we need? no we do not. unless he is in surgery or teaching or something, he can flex his schedule once a week.

Parenting is a job. Someone should take a long leave, or both alternating.

Where are the grandparents? Aunts and uncles?

Hire a nanny to transport the child.

Figure out a carpool.

Does DH want OP to pick up his slack on the day he has to stay until 4:30? Or does he just want to utilize childcare for an extra hour one day a week, and OP has burdened herself with covering for him, since they wanted to minimize time in care?

If it’s case 1, then yes, either he moves the meeting or you swap morning and afternoon duties for that day.

If it’s case 2, I think it’s a reasonable concession. Part of being a working parent is having to balance your roles. You have childcare as a safety net. I wouldn’t upend your schedule over it, especially over what might be an extra hour a week your baby will spend in daycare. You leaving early to cover for this means you’re missing at least 1-2 hours of work each week that you’ll have to make up for elsewhere.

I'm curious what time OP will be dropping the baby off in the morning.
Would the Dh doing daycare drop off and then arriving to work at 8:30 am (to offset staying until 4:30, instead of 3:30) mean the baby is arriving at the same time as when OP drops off?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long is your commute? How do you commute? That matters.

I had a lot of resentment in the early years because my husband didn’t seem to understand that I had a hard stop every day to leave work at get to daycare. He didn’t work super late, but he could take the extra 15-30 min to finish up an email or type up notes from a meeting before leaving. When you have a job where you aren’t clocking in and out for a set shift, you don’t realize how flexible the last 20 min of your day are until you are like Cinderella at midnight only it’s 5pm sharp and daycare.

If you drive and the commute is long, one or both of you can rearrange meetings to have one on one checkpoints while you drive. If you can work remotely, your husband can leave early and take the 4:30pm call from the daycare parking lot. You both need to get creative.

If you are taking time away from work to pump, I would argue that he can rearrange his 4:30 meeting until you are done pumping and then you can both figure out an alternative schedule one day a week.

He can?

Maybe. But OP's Dh isn't having a meeting all by himself. The meetings involve his co-workers, who have planned THEIR schedule and other meetings and work obligations around this meeting. So they may have to change around multpile aspects of their schedule. And then the other people involved in THOSE meetings may also have to change things around. It can be a huge domino effect and ultimately you could have people five degrees removed from OP's husband having to completely blow up their schedule, all so one baby (that they never heard of and will never meet) won't have to spend an extra hour in daycare.

But it's really nice of you to determine that all these people you don't know should do that....because OP's baby is the center of the universe.

You’ve never had a meeting change? They are all rigid and set in stone? WTF

You know the schedule of all of these people, and also the schedule of all of these people's other contacts? And also the schedule of all of those contacts, contacts? WTF

Again, you’ve never had a meeting change? Maybe you are a peon, subject to the whims of your superiors’ schedules? I have the flexibility to move most my meetings if I need to, to accommodate weekly or ad-hoc personal commitments. I don’t do it often but I can for something important. When the meeting conflict is with someone several levels senior than me, I wouldn’t request to move it, I would change my personal conflict or ask a teammate or manager to fill in. But those don’t happen frequently enough to really impede my flexibility. Again, so sorry you have so little control or agency over your own meeting calendar.

Maybe the DH is in fact a peon. Their sperm works as well as anyone else. I guess if they weren't peons they would have hired a nanny.

Anonymous wrote:^ I mean, administrative assistants are paid literally to figure stuff out like this. It is not life and death to move most meetings.

Administrative assistants are paid to accommodate people's babies not being in daycare, even though the daycare is open? Not in any workplace I've ever heard of.
What kind of work do you do, that that is the primary function of the administrative assistants?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long is your commute? How do you commute? That matters.

I had a lot of resentment in the early years because my husband didn’t seem to understand that I had a hard stop every day to leave work at get to daycare. He didn’t work super late, but he could take the extra 15-30 min to finish up an email or type up notes from a meeting before leaving. When you have a job where you aren’t clocking in and out for a set shift, you don’t realize how flexible the last 20 min of your day are until you are like Cinderella at midnight only it’s 5pm sharp and daycare.

If you drive and the commute is long, one or both of you can rearrange meetings to have one on one checkpoints while you drive. If you can work remotely, your husband can leave early and take the 4:30pm call from the daycare parking lot. You both need to get creative.

If you are taking time away from work to pump, I would argue that he can rearrange his 4:30 meeting until you are done pumping and then you can both figure out an alternative schedule one day a week.

He can?

Maybe. But OP's Dh isn't having a meeting all by himself. The meetings involve his co-workers, who have planned THEIR schedule and other meetings and work obligations around this meeting. So they may have to change around multpile aspects of their schedule. And then the other people involved in THOSE meetings may also have to change things around. It can be a huge domino effect and ultimately you could have people five degrees removed from OP's husband having to completely blow up their schedule, all so one baby (that they never heard of and will never meet) won't have to spend an extra hour in daycare.

But it's really nice of you to determine that all these people you don't know should do that....because OP's baby is the center of the universe.

You’ve never had a meeting change? They are all rigid and set in stone? WTF

You know the schedule of all of these people, and also the schedule of all of these people's other contacts? And also the schedule of all of those contacts, contacts? WTF

Again, you’ve never had a meeting change? Maybe you are a peon, subject to the whims of your superiors’ schedules? I have the flexibility to move most my meetings if I need to, to accommodate weekly or ad-hoc personal commitments. I don’t do it often but I can for something important. When the meeting conflict is with someone several levels senior than me, I wouldn’t request to move it, I would change my personal conflict or ask a teammate or manager to fill in. But those don’t happen frequently enough to really impede my flexibility. Again, so sorry you have so little control or agency over your own meeting calendar.

For valid reasons, sure. For someone who just doesn't want their baby to be in daycare a minute longer than some arbitrary time, even though the daycare is still open for hours? Nope. I have never ever had that happen. I'd think a lot less of anyone who suggested it.

^ I mean, administrative assistants are paid literally to figure stuff out like this. It is not life and death to move most meetings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long is your commute? How do you commute? That matters.

I had a lot of resentment in the early years because my husband didn’t seem to understand that I had a hard stop every day to leave work at get to daycare. He didn’t work super late, but he could take the extra 15-30 min to finish up an email or type up notes from a meeting before leaving. When you have a job where you aren’t clocking in and out for a set shift, you don’t realize how flexible the last 20 min of your day are until you are like Cinderella at midnight only it’s 5pm sharp and daycare.

If you drive and the commute is long, one or both of you can rearrange meetings to have one on one checkpoints while you drive. If you can work remotely, your husband can leave early and take the 4:30pm call from the daycare parking lot. You both need to get creative.

If you are taking time away from work to pump, I would argue that he can rearrange his 4:30 meeting until you are done pumping and then you can both figure out an alternative schedule one day a week.

He can?

Maybe. But OP's Dh isn't having a meeting all by himself. The meetings involve his co-workers, who have planned THEIR schedule and other meetings and work obligations around this meeting. So they may have to change around multpile aspects of their schedule. And then the other people involved in THOSE meetings may also have to change things around. It can be a huge domino effect and ultimately you could have people five degrees removed from OP's husband having to completely blow up their schedule, all so one baby (that they never heard of and will never meet) won't have to spend an extra hour in daycare.

But it's really nice of you to determine that all these people you don't know should do that....because OP's baby is the center of the universe.

You’ve never had a meeting change? They are all rigid and set in stone? WTF

You know the schedule of all of these people, and also the schedule of all of these people's other contacts? And also the schedule of all of those contacts, contacts? WTF

Again, you’ve never had a meeting change? Maybe you are a peon, subject to the whims of your superiors’ schedules? I have the flexibility to move most my meetings if I need to, to accommodate weekly or ad-hoc personal commitments. I don’t do it often but I can for something important. When the meeting conflict is with someone several levels senior than me, I wouldn’t request to move it, I would change my personal conflict or ask a teammate or manager to fill in. But those don’t happen frequently enough to really impede my flexibility. Again, so sorry you have so little control or agency over your own meeting calendar.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long is your commute? How do you commute? That matters.

I had a lot of resentment in the early years because my husband didn’t seem to understand that I had a hard stop every day to leave work at get to daycare. He didn’t work super late, but he could take the extra 15-30 min to finish up an email or type up notes from a meeting before leaving. When you have a job where you aren’t clocking in and out for a set shift, you don’t realize how flexible the last 20 min of your day are until you are like Cinderella at midnight only it’s 5pm sharp and daycare.

If you drive and the commute is long, one or both of you can rearrange meetings to have one on one checkpoints while you drive. If you can work remotely, your husband can leave early and take the 4:30pm call from the daycare parking lot. You both need to get creative.

If you are taking time away from work to pump, I would argue that he can rearrange his 4:30 meeting until you are done pumping and then you can both figure out an alternative schedule one day a week.

He can?

Maybe. But OP's Dh isn't having a meeting all by himself. The meetings involve his co-workers, who have planned THEIR schedule and other meetings and work obligations around this meeting. So they may have to change around multpile aspects of their schedule. And then the other people involved in THOSE meetings may also have to change things around. It can be a huge domino effect and ultimately you could have people five degrees removed from OP's husband having to completely blow up their schedule, all so one baby (that they never heard of and will never meet) won't have to spend an extra hour in daycare.

But it's really nice of you to determine that all these people you don't know should do that....because OP's baby is the center of the universe.

You’ve never had a meeting change? They are all rigid and set in stone? WTF

Some are and some aren't. The department all hands meeting is set in stone (but it wouldn't be held that late in the day). There's another meeting I sit in on hosted by another department. I wouldn't dream of asking them to change that for me. Then there's the weekly meeting hosted by my supervisor for our team. I guess I could ask for that to be changed to accommodate my schedule, and my supervisor is nice and would probably do it, but I would be very hesitant to make everyone on my team change their schedule for me. If it were a meeting between me and two other same-level colleagues, sure, I would ask to change it.

OP's DH flexes and leaves early 4 days out of 5, so that's pretty clearly his preference. But he has never changed that particular meeting to go with the rest of his schedule - so yes, I'd assume that he considers that meeting fairly set in stone and had already considered (pre-baby) the idea of just asking to move it to a different time. Other people have their own issues - therapy appointments, yoga classes, childcare pickup, doctor's visits. If he wants to move the "Thursday from 3:30 to 4:30 PM" meeting, then the team might move it to the same time on a different day which doesn't solve OP's problem, or they might have to make it later in the day because other people also have to pick up their kids at that time. This is more an issue of whether DH wants to risk his flexibility by saying "I must be able to leave by 3:30 every day." OP says he already does that *most* days but it sounds like he doesn't want to rock that boat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long is your commute? How do you commute? That matters.

I had a lot of resentment in the early years because my husband didn’t seem to understand that I had a hard stop every day to leave work at get to daycare. He didn’t work super late, but he could take the extra 15-30 min to finish up an email or type up notes from a meeting before leaving. When you have a job where you aren’t clocking in and out for a set shift, you don’t realize how flexible the last 20 min of your day are until you are like Cinderella at midnight only it’s 5pm sharp and daycare.

If you drive and the commute is long, one or both of you can rearrange meetings to have one on one checkpoints while you drive. If you can work remotely, your husband can leave early and take the 4:30pm call from the daycare parking lot. You both need to get creative.

If you are taking time away from work to pump, I would argue that he can rearrange his 4:30 meeting until you are done pumping and then you can both figure out an alternative schedule one day a week.

He can?

Maybe. But OP's Dh isn't having a meeting all by himself. The meetings involve his co-workers, who have planned THEIR schedule and other meetings and work obligations around this meeting. So they may have to change around multpile aspects of their schedule. And then the other people involved in THOSE meetings may also have to change things around. It can be a huge domino effect and ultimately you could have people five degrees removed from OP's husband having to completely blow up their schedule, all so one baby (that they never heard of and will never meet) won't have to spend an extra hour in daycare.

But it's really nice of you to determine that all these people you don't know should do that....because OP's baby is the center of the universe.

You’ve never had a meeting change? They are all rigid and set in stone? WTF

You know the schedule of all of these people, and also the schedule of all of these people's other contacts? And also the schedule of all of those contacts, contacts? WTF

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long is your commute? How do you commute? That matters.

I had a lot of resentment in the early years because my husband didn’t seem to understand that I had a hard stop every day to leave work at get to daycare. He didn’t work super late, but he could take the extra 15-30 min to finish up an email or type up notes from a meeting before leaving. When you have a job where you aren’t clocking in and out for a set shift, you don’t realize how flexible the last 20 min of your day are until you are like Cinderella at midnight only it’s 5pm sharp and daycare.

If you drive and the commute is long, one or both of you can rearrange meetings to have one on one checkpoints while you drive. If you can work remotely, your husband can leave early and take the 4:30pm call from the daycare parking lot. You both need to get creative.

If you are taking time away from work to pump, I would argue that he can rearrange his 4:30 meeting until you are done pumping and then you can both figure out an alternative schedule one day a week.

He can?

Maybe. But OP's Dh isn't having a meeting all by himself. The meetings involve his co-workers, who have planned THEIR schedule and other meetings and work obligations around this meeting. So they may have to change around multpile aspects of their schedule. And then the other people involved in THOSE meetings may also have to change things around. It can be a huge domino effect and ultimately you could have people five degrees removed from OP's husband having to completely blow up their schedule, all so one baby (that they never heard of and will never meet) won't have to spend an extra hour in daycare.

But it's really nice of you to determine that all these people you don't know should do that....because OP's baby is the center of the universe.

You’ve never had a meeting change? They are all rigid and set in stone? WTF

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you’re already micro managing this stuff over one hour, you need to just get a nanny. Clearly your dh isn’t going to give an inch when the baby is home sick or you are called to pick it uo early bc of sickness. Get a nanny and then the baby won’t have sick days. Also, this is ridiculous over one extra hour in day care a week.

Its not an hour though. OPs DH leaves 330 most day, the meeting is at 430. He would not leave until 530, most likely, which means unless daycare is 30 min or less he cant make a 6pm pickup. And a 6pm pickup is very different than a 4pm pickup both on total time in care and evening routine.

I also think that all of these people missed OPs update that stated both she and DH want to minimize the number of hours in care. He just doesnt want to change his work hours to accommodate that preference which means it falls to OP. And he shouldnt be asking to move the meeting he should just do drop off that day so OP can go in early and he can stay as late as needed.

Wrong.
OP states in her first post "He has a standing weekly meeting with a couple of coworkers that ends closer to 4:30"

and in a later post, OP even admitted that it isn't the daycare's operating hours that is the concern. They just don't want their child in daycare more than a certain number of hours.

All of the above reasons (I don’t agree with) we put nearly everyone in company on the clock.

90 percent of company physically have to be at work 8 hours plus a minimum 30 minute lunch daily. In person.

We don’t require or pay OT unless emergency so literally work your 40 not one minute more and that’s that.

Want to leave early fine you are pay. One women was like not worth working here I am getting paid so much less my last job, quick look at unltipro she was getting paid 55-65 hours biweekly instead of 80. All her drop offs and pick ups sneaking out was hurting her.

Anonymous wrote:OP if you’re already micro managing this stuff over one hour, you need to just get a nanny. Clearly your dh isn’t going to give an inch when the baby is home sick or you are called to pick it uo early bc of sickness. Get a nanny and then the baby won’t have sick days. Also, this is ridiculous over one extra hour in day care a week.

Its not an hour though. OPs DH leaves 330 most day, the meeting is at 430. He would not leave until 530, most likely, which means unless daycare is 30 min or less he cant make a 6pm pickup. And a 6pm pickup is very different than a 4pm pickup both on total time in care and evening routine.

I also think that all of these people missed OPs update that stated both she and DH want to minimize the number of hours in care. He just doesnt want to change his work hours to accommodate that preference which means it falls to OP. And he shouldnt be asking to move the meeting he should just do drop off that day so OP can go in early and he can stay as late as needed.