Anonymous wrote:How much do you weigh OP?
I hope she quickly informs you of her plan to drop 180 lbs or whatever you weigh.

That lame joke was already made.

How much do you weigh OP?
I hope she quickly informs you of her plan to drop 180 lbs or whatever you weigh.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you will be able to convince her to lose weight.
She has to want it for herself.

So the question really should be, how to get her to want to lose weight? We all know that weight affects career, promotions, children's sense of pride in parents, etc... one of those things have to trigger her.
A friend of mine and his wife lost a significant amount of weight because it was required for adoption from a particular country. They were both very motivated.
There has to be motivation.

I agree she needs to want it herself. Thin people convince themselves that fat people are miserable and can’t get work or succeed. She’s at a normal weight for the community she lives in and doesn’t appear to be suffering professionally. Unless she has some sort of inner challenge - run a marathon, wear my high school prom dress - I don’t why she would change.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAH here. Dog, what percentage of HHI does she contribute? If she has contributed anywhere near 40 percent throughout the years of your relationship, you are not entitled to say anything to her. You chose to burden her with the financial stress and the lion's share of cleaning, raising kids, and the admin/mental labor involved in creating a modern family. If you make all the money, then you can ask her kindly. She won't like it but at least the very question won't be insane.

Not OP, but why would weight be tied to earnings?

Not PP but to me, if we’re going to play the “wife needs to stay (my definition of) hot throughout life changes even as she approaches middle age/menopause to satisfy me sexually” game (and OP noted we’re not talking about health issues from morbid obesity, wife is slightly overweight) then we should also play the “husband should provide all financial resources so wife can focus her effort/energy that would have gone to working outside the home and financially supporting the family instead on looking hot” game.

Yes (as a female who makes a really good salary but handles the bulk of the mental/admin load).

Anonymous wrote:I've gained about 15 pounds over the last few years. I'm disgusted with myself. I'm still a relatively slim woman, at 5'7 and 143 pounds, but I just feel...flabby and gross. My clothes are tight. And I can't seem to get ahold of myself and commit to eating better and exercising more. DH is super in shape. Trim, eats healthy just about always, and exercises regularly. He hasn't said anything and hasn't acted any different with me but when I mention really needing to get to the gym more he's responded like, "I will do whatever you need to get there just tell me" so I know he notices my weight gain and prefers my slimmer self. If he actually approached me explicitly about losing weight, maybe it would light a fire under me to actually do something about it. Yes, it would sting, but I'd know he was right. Not saying I want him to. But it might help spur me to action. So I feel you, OP, and maybe it would help, assuming you're generally a loving, kind, caring husband.

You gained very little - try massage 10 sessions for problematic areas in parallel with gym. It will activate these zones making more receptive to loose fat and improve skin quality. He can help you financing it

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've gained about 15 pounds over the last few years. I'm disgusted with myself. I'm still a relatively slim woman, at 5'7 and 143 pounds, but I just feel...flabby and gross. My clothes are tight. And I can't seem to get ahold of myself and commit to eating better and exercising more. DH is super in shape. Trim, eats healthy just about always, and exercises regularly. He hasn't said anything and hasn't acted any different with me but when I mention really needing to get to the gym more he's responded like, "I will do whatever you need to get there just tell me" so I know he notices my weight gain and prefers my slimmer self. If he actually approached me explicitly about losing weight, maybe it would light a fire under me to actually do something about it. Yes, it would sting, but I'd know he was right. Not saying I want him to. But it might help spur me to action. So I feel you, OP, and maybe it would help, assuming you're generally a loving, kind, caring husband.

Trust me, if he did say something you’d be pissed. I am still married (for some reason) but my Dh told me a few years ago that I’d stopped taking care of myself - not really weight related but clothes and cleanliness (we live on a farm) and I still haven’t forgotten or forgiven.

PP. Yeah, you are right. I would be. Lol. And I wouldn't forget. >

Anonymous wrote:I've gained about 15 pounds over the last few years. I'm disgusted with myself. I'm still a relatively slim woman, at 5'7 and 143 pounds, but I just feel...flabby and gross. My clothes are tight. And I can't seem to get ahold of myself and commit to eating better and exercising more. DH is super in shape. Trim, eats healthy just about always, and exercises regularly. He hasn't said anything and hasn't acted any different with me but when I mention really needing to get to the gym more he's responded like, "I will do whatever you need to get there just tell me" so I know he notices my weight gain and prefers my slimmer self. If he actually approached me explicitly about losing weight, maybe it would light a fire under me to actually do something about it. Yes, it would sting, but I'd know he was right. Not saying I want him to. But it might help spur me to action. So I feel you, OP, and maybe it would help, assuming you're generally a loving, kind, caring husband.

Trust me, if he did say something you’d be pissed. I am still married (for some reason) but my Dh told me a few years ago that I’d stopped taking care of myself - not really weight related but clothes and cleanliness (we live on a farm) and I still haven’t forgotten or forgiven.

I've gained about 15 pounds over the last few years. I'm disgusted with myself. I'm still a relatively slim woman, at 5'7 and 143 pounds, but I just feel...flabby and gross. My clothes are tight. And I can't seem to get ahold of myself and commit to eating better and exercising more. DH is super in shape. Trim, eats healthy just about always, and exercises regularly. He hasn't said anything and hasn't acted any different with me but when I mention really needing to get to the gym more he's responded like, "I will do whatever you need to get there just tell me" so I know he notices my weight gain and prefers my slimmer self. If he actually approached me explicitly about losing weight, maybe it would light a fire under me to actually do something about it. Yes, it would sting, but I'd know he was right. Not saying I want him to. But it might help spur me to action. So I feel you, OP, and maybe it would help, assuming you're generally a loving, kind, caring husband.

I don't think you will be able to convince her to lose weight.
She has to want it for herself.

So the question really should be, how to get her to want to lose weight? We all know that weight affects career, promotions, children's sense of pride in parents, etc... one of those things have to trigger her.
A friend of mine and his wife lost a significant amount of weight because it was required for adoption from a particular country. They were both very motivated.
There has to be motivation.

Anonymous wrote:^No way, this is absurd. The vast majority of models and actresses fit into the underweight category. Let's not lie when everyone can see for themselves...

Almost Everyone is just overweight in this country. 18.5 is very thin and it’s a normal BMI for women. I’m 139 pounds 5’8.5” BMI 20.8. I look very thin in my 40s next to overweight person whose BMI is 26. I’m not underweight and have curves.
Models are young thus of course they’ll be even thinner than me.

^No way, this is absurd. The vast majority of models and actresses fit into the underweight category. Let's not lie when everyone can see for themselves...

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As a European fit woman I don’t see how it would devastate me if my partner told he wanted me to become my former self. American women are full of s..t and self-justifying their poor eating habits. [/quote]

Cut the racist bullshite[/quote]

DP

I have an Italian gf and she straight up tells me if I’m getting a bit puffy in my midsection

She’ll poke / pinch and say:

“La Pancia” and shake her head

[/quote]

I’m foreign born and always tell my American BF that he’s got lazy when I see his belly getting pregnant. I’m thin with 27 inches mid section in my 40s. No tolerance to extra fat there. It made him work out and eat less. He knows I won’t stay with him if he gets fat
[/quote]

So you do not love him, you only are his "girlfriend" because you want to have sex with him and only if he has a specific body you've deemed acceptable.

OK then. As long as he understands you don't see him as a complete person but only as a body, and that if he were to, say, change physically due to illness, injury, etc., you will vanish. But surely you've made that clear, right? [/quote]

If he gets sick - no, I’ll support him and accept less sex. But getting fat (not working out, hermit lifestyle with beer by TV ) is simply disrespectful to yourself and y[/quote]

Wow, did you miss the point. You'll "support him and [i]accept[/i] less sex"? OK, for how long? How long would you condescendingly "accept" less sex? What about no sex, if he were injured in a way he couldn't have sex at all? You'd be out of there sooner rather than later. And you'd probably say on the way out the door that you know it's what he'd want for you....

And you totally missed the idea that some illnesses can make people gain weight, weight they may never lose. Some medications do this too. Some conditions and injuries cause weight gain and other issues of appearance that can't necessarily be changed. I wonder how long you'd nobly support him before you eased on out the door because he could no longer, say, work out enough to keep as trim as you want. [/quote]

Let’s be honest here - most men will dump the wife if she gets sick. This thread is not about extreme situations- it’s about people who consider themselves healthy and justify their chosen lifestyle: be overweight .
Which, of course, if a health risk long term
[/quote]

Being overweight isn’t a health risk long term. I mean, maybe a minor one, but it isn’t the health risk that say, being a skier is. (It certainly doesn’t affect your life insurance premiums in the same way!!)[/quote]

It’s a risk your partner won’t want you sexually anymore. Partner might be ok taking care of you, being moral etc - but you can’t force people be sexual around you if they want want you, based on your understanding of morality. It’s just there or not.
So if someone choses to be overweight they shouldn’t shift the blame for their choices on partner for him/her being “immoral” for not wanting them anymore.

Just live with consequences yourself - others don’t owe you feelings no matter married or not. [/quote]

Sure. The same could be said for cutting your hair short when your partner likes long hair or not wearing makeup or lingerie when you know your spouse likes it. You make that choice and you have to live with the consequences.
[/quote]

I’m a woman and couldn’t care less if a man has hair or not. Being overweight is a major turn off - just don’t get wet for him. We are programmed to sleep with healthier partners by nature. Similarly, I can imagine men would have erection issues with overweight partners [/quote]

Overweight women are actually much healthier than the extremely underweight women many women hold up as the ideal. See which one has an easier time getting pregnant- that says it all about who's healthier. [/quote]

What about comparing overweight women pregnancy chances vs those within normal BMI ? Being overweight can be life threatening during pregnancy [/quote]

But that's exactly proving my point. Underweight women are glorified despite being objectively unhealthy, especially in comparison to normal weight women who are rarely even shown in media. Let's not pretend this is a health issue lol otherwise the overweight women are going to win over the skinnies.[/quote]

Modern popular models are curvy within normal BMI. Twiggy age is long gone
Overweight women tend to think that skinny is underweight. The normal BMI is a wide interval

Anonymous wrote:As a European fit woman I don’t see how it would devastate me if my partner told he wanted me to become my former self. American women are full of s..t and self-justifying their poor eating habits.

All these self/satisfied Europeans/people idealizing Europeans are full of shit. Have you ever seen most older Italian or Eastern European women? They look like wrinkled little meatballs. It’s adorable, really.

Anonymous wrote:
Wow. Do fat people really think thin people don’t think about food all day? That we are somehow immune to hunger? Crazy.

The internal monologue about food can vary wildly between people. I'm skinny. I forget to eat. I just don't think about it. When I am hungry, my inner voice is a feeble little thing asking if maybe we could sometime think about maybe eating in the near future. Other people have an inner voice telling them to START MAKING PLANS RIGHT NOW after their current meal because WINTER IS COMING.

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Anonymous wrote:As a European fit woman I don’t see how it would devastate me if my partner told he wanted me to become my former self. American women are full of s..t and self-justifying their poor eating habits.

Cut the racist bullshite

DP

I have an Italian gf and she straight up tells me if I’m getting a bit puffy in my midsection

She’ll poke / pinch and say:

“La Pancia” and shake her head

I’m foreign born and always tell my American BF that he’s got lazy when I see his belly getting pregnant. I’m thin with 27 inches mid section in my 40s. No tolerance to extra fat there. It made him work out and eat less. He knows I won’t stay with him if he gets fat

So you do not love him, you only are his "girlfriend" because you want to have sex with him and only if he has a specific body you've deemed acceptable.

OK then. As long as he understands you don't see him as a complete person but only as a body, and that if he were to, say, change physically due to illness, injury, etc., you will vanish. But surely you've made that clear, right?

If he gets sick - no, I’ll support him and accept less sex. But getting fat (not working out, hermit lifestyle with beer by TV ) is simply disrespectful to yourself and y

Wow, did you miss the point. You'll "support him and accept less sex"? OK, for how long? How long would you condescendingly "accept" less sex? What about no sex, if he were injured in a way he couldn't have sex at all? You'd be out of there sooner rather than later. And you'd probably say on the way out the door that you know it's what he'd want for you....

And you totally missed the idea that some illnesses can make people gain weight, weight they may never lose. Some medications do this too. Some conditions and injuries cause weight gain and other issues of appearance that can't necessarily be changed. I wonder how long you'd nobly support him before you eased on out the door because he could no longer, say, work out enough to keep as trim as you want.

Let’s be honest here - most men will dump the wife if she gets sick. This thread is not about extreme situations- it’s about people who consider themselves healthy and justify their chosen lifestyle: be overweight .
Which, of course, if a health risk long term

Being overweight isn’t a health risk long term. I mean, maybe a minor one, but it isn’t the health risk that say, being a skier is. (It certainly doesn’t affect your life insurance premiums in the same way!!)

It’s a risk your partner won’t want you sexually anymore. Partner might be ok taking care of you, being moral etc - but you can’t force people be sexual around you if they want want you, based on your understanding of morality. It’s just there or not.
So if someone choses to be overweight they shouldn’t shift the blame for their choices on partner for him/her being “immoral” for not wanting them anymore.

Just live with consequences yourself - others don’t owe you feelings no matter married or not.

Sure. The same could be said for cutting your hair short when your partner likes long hair or not wearing makeup or lingerie when you know your spouse likes it. You make that choice and you have to live with the consequences.

I’m a woman and couldn’t care less if a man has hair or not. Being overweight is a major turn off - just don’t get wet for him. We are programmed to sleep with healthier partners by nature. Similarly, I can imagine men would have erection issues with overweight partners

Overweight women are actually much healthier than the extremely underweight women many women hold up as the ideal. See which one has an easier time getting pregnant- that says it all about who's healthier.

What about comparing overweight women pregnancy chances vs those within normal BMI ? Being overweight can be life threatening during pregnancy

But that's exactly proving my point. Underweight women are glorified despite being objectively unhealthy, especially in comparison to normal weight women who are rarely even shown in media. Let's not pretend this is a health issue lol otherwise the overweight women are going to win over the skinnies.