Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the point of this thread?

virtue signaling

I'm not the OP but I think the point of this thread is we are tired of the DMV's competitive reindeer games. Back when our kids were in elementary, you people even managed to make the charter school lottery seem competitive.

Now here we are facing college applications, and asking for advice on these forums is a nightmare--sorting through posts by vicious trolls and desperately insecure overachievers who will all gleefully explain that your kid is a loser who should study HVAC repair while theirs is retaking the SAT for the third time to see if they can crack 1550, and you're still worried about their shot at Yale. Honestly, you should be. A lot of those fancy colleges are looking for something interesting and the cookie-cutter conformist kids you have wrought are probably not it.

Anonymous wrote:for my own sanity, I have had to step back from being crazy involved in managing my daughter with ADHD's school stuff. We have given her the tools we reasonably could - she chose not to use some of them. There have been consequences, which is real life.

I have enough stress where she is concerned - adding in fighting with her over missing assignments and such is just too much. We did that for YEARS and I just had to stop.

No one is going to be doing this for her in college - she's got to figure some things out on her own.

If the consequences of us not mircomanaging/helicoptering in HS is that she has to do community college, so be it.

This is the way I feel about it too. Either way it will be a learning experience.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the point of this thread?

virtue signaling

+1

Anonymous wrote:What’s the point of this thread?

virtue signaling

Anonymous wrote:I welcome anyone who has let their kids fill out their own applications, have NOT hired a counsellor or coach, and are letting this be their kids journey, not theirs.

Please come on in and share your stories!

Here’s mine - DD refused to let us look at her essays and supplementals - not even just to proofread. Wasn’t about to fight with her on that. She’s got a good head on her shoulders and I’m sure she will end up exactly where she belongs!

We have not hired a counselor or coach, and my DD chose her own schools and is filling out her own applications, but has asked me and others for feedback on essays. However, I am not chill because while she is including safeties, where she really wants to go is a reach school, her older sister is there and I know she will be devastated (at first at least) if she does not get in. I tell her that I know she will end up where she is meant to be and that she will be a rock star wherever she ends up. But internally, I want her to get in to her top choice so badly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone said, you parent to the child you have. If the child has a learning disability or other challenge you provide more support and structure. However, many parents do not face that problem and want to over engineer the lives of their kids. Instead of the kid figuring things out, the parent does it for them or provides a resource.

Until recently, my wife used to be head of hiring in the tech space. Many of the spots were for recent graduates. Several times a year, she would receive an email or call from a parent wanting to understand why their child was not hired.

that sounds a lot different than, say, reading your kids essay for typos.

+1 there is a spectrum of support. Yes, you can go overboard. But, I don't understand parents who say they had no involvement at all. You didn't even talk with them about the process, what they were looking for, what they value? You don't want to know what they are writing about? Writing that uniquely pushes them to think about important experiences and aspirations? What a missed opportunity for your relationship with them.

Don’t worry. We’ll live.

DP: Why are you posting on a parents' college forum then? Really?

Because I’m a parent to a college bound senior? If that’s not the answer you’re looking for I’m afraid I don’t understand your question.

Well if you are 100% hands-off on their applications, it seems like unnecessary energy to be reading and writing all of this.

+100

Exactly!

for my own sanity, I have had to step back from being crazy involved in managing my daughter with ADHD's school stuff. We have given her the tools we reasonably could - she chose not to use some of them. There have been consequences, which is real life.

I have enough stress where she is concerned - adding in fighting with her over missing assignments and such is just too much. We did that for YEARS and I just had to stop.

No one is going to be doing this for her in college - she's got to figure some things out on her own.

If the consequences of us not mircomanaging/helicoptering in HS is that she has to do community college, so be it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM where good ideas go to get mocked mercilessly and die...

Only at the hands of those wound ridiculously tight. This thread was clearly not for them. Let the rest of us have our fun!

What fun would that be?

There is no point to this thread other than to post self-congratulatory anecdotes about how relaxed, cool you and your kids are and how well you are doing.

This thread is also a way to reassure parents that applying to college doesn't have to be a source of nonstop conflict and anxiety. There are a ton of posts elsewhere about parents battling their kids over applications, and some of them probably enjoy complaining about it. Years ago, one parent posted about filling out her daughter's applications.

For a lot of us, there's another way, and it minimizes friction while maximizing natural consequences.

This is how I read this thread, too. I find it very reassuring.

Now the threads about top SAT scores, 4.8 GPAs, and 12 APs? Or the threads about how it’s Ivy or bust? Those threads fill me with dread and anxiety. They make me feel that a “mere” state school means that I have failed as a parent.

The relaxed PPs on this thread are my type of people. It’s refreshing to see that not everything has to be hyper-competitive and anxiety-inducing. Thank you, OP.

You are welcome! I knew there were many of us out there, so I figured starting a thread like this could bring us all together. People like us DO exist!! 😂

Right, many of you out there who think you are the best parents in the world, when in reality, you were lucky enough not to have children with ADHD or a learning disability, for starters. The ableism on DCUM will never cease to amaze me. I hope at least you are spending some time effectively parenting and teaching your children the importance of sympathy.

I’m a chill parent who first posted on page 1 and my kid does have ADHD, with a Vyvanse prescription, a 504 plan and extra time on the SATs to prove it.

And you’re still chill? What a terrible parent you are!
J/k. I salute you!
-OP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM where good ideas go to get mocked mercilessly and die...

Only at the hands of those wound ridiculously tight. This thread was clearly not for them. Let the rest of us have our fun!

What fun would that be?

There is no point to this thread other than to post self-congratulatory anecdotes about how relaxed, cool you and your kids are and how well you are doing.

This thread is also a way to reassure parents that applying to college doesn't have to be a source of nonstop conflict and anxiety. There are a ton of posts elsewhere about parents battling their kids over applications, and some of them probably enjoy complaining about it. Years ago, one parent posted about filling out her daughter's applications.

For a lot of us, there's another way, and it minimizes friction while maximizing natural consequences.

This is how I read this thread, too. I find it very reassuring.

Now the threads about top SAT scores, 4.8 GPAs, and 12 APs? Or the threads about how it’s Ivy or bust? Those threads fill me with dread and anxiety. They make me feel that a “mere” state school means that I have failed as a parent.

The relaxed PPs on this thread are my type of people. It’s refreshing to see that not everything has to be hyper-competitive and anxiety-inducing. Thank you, OP.

You are welcome! I knew there were many of us out there, so I figured starting a thread like this could bring us all together. People like us DO exist!! 😂

Right, many of you out there who think you are the best parents in the world, when in reality, you were lucky enough not to have children with ADHD or a learning disability, for starters. The ableism on DCUM will never cease to amaze me. I hope at least you are spending some time effectively parenting and teaching your children the importance of sympathy.

I’m a chill parent who first posted on page 1 and my kid does have ADHD, with a Vyvanse prescription, a 504 plan and extra time on the SATs to prove it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hahahaha, "Chill applications thread."

OP here. It’s still a chill applications thread - nothing has changed that for most of us. The thing that makes me not chill is the helicopters that come in and insist we’re wrong. I am decidedly NOT chill about that. Always takes some DCUM asshat to come in and stir up sh¡t.

If you’re not chill, you don’t need to convince us we’re doing it wrong. Not gonna happen. Take it to the zillion “I’m so stressed” or “I have 4,456,633 reasons why my kid needs help” threads. This content is not for you.

Thank you, OP. I still consider this a “chill” thread. We just have to ignore the many silly assumptions some posters are making: that we are disengaged, or that we are ignorant of the process, or that our kids are rich, or that we have private school help, or that our kids don’t have learning differences.

I believe anxiety feeds itself. If a poster is anxious about this process, then somehow the anxiety is justifiable if you believe it’s the only way. That’s the only explanation I have for why posters ***who shouldn’t even bother with this thread*** continue to post on it.

I think you nailed it with your last paragraph. Thanks PP!
-OP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hahahaha, "Chill applications thread."

OP here. It’s still a chill applications thread - nothing has changed that for most of us. The thing that makes me not chill is the helicopters that come in and insist we’re wrong. I am decidedly NOT chill about that. Always takes some DCUM asshat to come in and stir up sh¡t.

If you’re not chill, you don’t need to convince us we’re doing it wrong. Not gonna happen. Take it to the zillion “I’m so stressed” or “I have 4,456,633 reasons why my kid needs help” threads. This content is not for you.

Thank you, OP. I still consider this a “chill” thread. We just have to ignore the many silly assumptions some posters are making: that we are disengaged, or that we are ignorant of the process, or that our kids are rich, or that we have private school help, or that our kids don’t have learning differences.

I believe anxiety feeds itself. If a poster is anxious about this process, then somehow the anxiety is justifiable if you believe it’s the only way. That’s the only explanation I have for why posters ***who shouldn’t even bother with this thread*** continue to post on it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone said, you parent to the child you have. If the child has a learning disability or other challenge you provide more support and structure. However, many parents do not face that problem and want to over engineer the lives of their kids. Instead of the kid figuring things out, the parent does it for them or provides a resource.

Until recently, my wife used to be head of hiring in the tech space. Many of the spots were for recent graduates. Several times a year, she would receive an email or call from a parent wanting to understand why their child was not hired.

that sounds a lot different than, say, reading your kids essay for typos.

+1 there is a spectrum of support. Yes, you can go overboard. But, I don't understand parents who say they had no involvement at all. You didn't even talk with them about the process, what they were looking for, what they value? You don't want to know what they are writing about? Writing that uniquely pushes them to think about important experiences and aspirations? What a missed opportunity for your relationship with them.

Don’t worry. We’ll live.

DP: Why are you posting on a parents' college forum then? Really?

Because I’m a parent to a college bound senior? If that’s not the answer you’re looking for I’m afraid I don’t understand your question.

Well if you are 100% hands-off on their applications, it seems like unnecessary energy to be reading and writing all of this.

I had no idea that if you are hands off on college applications you must not post on DCUM about it. Learn something new every day. Thank you so much!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hahahaha, "Chill applications thread."

OP here. It’s still a chill applications thread - nothing has changed that for most of us. The thing that makes me not chill is the helicopters that come in and insist we’re wrong. I am decidedly NOT chill about that. Always takes some DCUM asshat to come in and stir up sh¡t.

If you’re not chill, you don’t need to convince us we’re doing it wrong. Not gonna happen. Take it to the zillion “I’m so stressed” or “I have 4,456,633 reasons why my kid needs help” threads. This content is not for you.

OP, you don't sound chill. Chill out and be cool.

I’m def chill about applications. Just not a$$holes.

Anonymous wrote:Still confused, is this a thread for parents who have kids applying schools that are not at all selective so there is no way help is needed, or parents of kids applying to selective schools who aren’t providing help?

Because yes, if kids are applying to schools with 70 percent plus acceptance rates, I think majority of us would agree they need no help and stakes are low. That isn’t some miracle of chill parenting.

I am OP. Right now my daughters top choice has a 78% acceptance rate. She is also applying to a few reaches (U of M, NYU) but loves her top choice for a variety of reasons. So they’re not all “easy” schools. Would she change her top choice if she got into a reach? That remains to be seen at this point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hahahaha, "Chill applications thread."

OP here. It’s still a chill applications thread - nothing has changed that for most of us. The thing that makes me not chill is the helicopters that come in and insist we’re wrong. I am decidedly NOT chill about that. Always takes some DCUM asshat to come in and stir up sh¡t.

If you’re not chill, you don’t need to convince us we’re doing it wrong. Not gonna happen. Take it to the zillion “I’m so stressed” or “I have 4,456,633 reasons why my kid needs help” threads. This content is not for you.

OP, you don't sound chill. Chill out and be cool.