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Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

Move along…

NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.

I'm amused at calling private schools philosophically revolting while refusing to send your kids to the locally zoned schools and fishing around for a lottery and lucking out.

Err.... at least I'm not a hypocrite.

Except you missed the part about me being the grandparent. I didn’t do any fishing, and I didn’t write any checks either. No hypocrite here.

As for my kid, it doesn’t make one a hypocrite to look for alternatives to bleak public schools that don’t include rich kid schools. There’s a middle ground after all.

You are the hypocrite for talking about "philosophically revolting" when it comes to some people's decisions while justifying your own family's decision, which to others, could be "philosophically revolting" because your family is still choosing to say those kids aren't good enough for my kids, no matter how much they spin it. It's like people with BLM signs and "Be the Change" signs in front of their houses while living in all white neighborhoods and freaking out about having children in majority black schools.

Has nothing to do with skin color. Our grandkids are white and attended a Title I public school where the overwhelmingly majority of the students are black. My grandson watched a classic Disney movie with me the other day and asked “why are there so many white faces?” The charter school they are moving less than 15 percent white.

The schools their parents are avoiding are extremely low performing. That, and that alone, is why they’re avoiding them.

You're still a hypocrite because no matter what story you're telling us (cool story, grandma! your grandkid spotted all the nasty white faces! how enlightened!) your family is still going out of their way to avoid another school which they are zoned for. That is it in a nutshell. As long as they do it, you have no business decrying people's decisions to go to private schools without coming across as a massive hypocrite of the worst kind. Which you are.

You sound awfully defensive.

If you can't reasonably reply, you know you've lost the argument. The grandmother was hypocritical and I'm not sure why she waded into this thread in the first place.

I’m the grandmother. Our grandkids live in DC, which offers public neighborhood and public charter school options. They sent their kids to the neighborhood school for many years, then chose a public charter school for middle school that’s 80+ percent minority and where more than half the school is economically disadvantaged. It is a school that I guarantee you would would thumb your nose up at. They didn’t chose a rich kid private school.

Nothing hypocritical about this at all.

And yea, I agree with the poster who said you were defensive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Making close to $300k in DMV is not rich. It's middle class for sure.

LOL no. Even in this area, $300k is at least in the top 10 percent, and most likely top 5 percent. You're in a privileged bubble.

Thank you.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have 3 kids and a gross HHI income of $400K and have them all in $50K "Big3" high schools (used public from K-8).
We get some aid, grandparents pay some and we pay some. It's almost a 165K tuition bill. :shock:

If we had to do this again we would have kept 2 of the 3 in public (it's our least intrinsically motivated kid who actually benefits the most
from the push of a difficult private school) but we are almost done and we're not moving the kids in their last year(s) of school.
[/quote]

When I see this, it seems crazy that I donate so a family that earns more than we do gets financial aid. I thought it was for low income families. [/quote]

Poster you're replying too. Have you applied? We only did because friends making more than we do with only 1 kid get "aid." We still donate (despite getting aid) and it probably goes to them. It's all ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:Making close to $300k in DMV is not rich. It's middle class for sure.

LOL no. Even in this area, $300k is at least in the top 10 percent, and most likely top 5 percent. You're in a privileged bubble.

[quote=Anonymous]We have 3 kids and a gross HHI income of $400K and have them all in $50K "Big3" high schools (used public from K-8).
We get some aid, grandparents pay some and we pay some. It's almost a 165K tuition bill. :shock:

If we had to do this again we would have kept 2 of the 3 in public (it's our least intrinsically motivated kid who actually benefits the most
from the push of a difficult private school) but we are almost done and we're not moving the kids in their last year(s) of school.
[/quote]

When I see this, it seems crazy that I donate so a family that earns more than we do gets financial aid. I thought it was for low income families.

We have 3 kids and a gross HHI income of $400K and have them all in $50K "Big3" high schools (used public from K-8).
We get some aid, grandparents pay some and we pay some. It's almost a 165K tuition bill.

If we had to do this again we would have kept 2 of the 3 in public (it's our least intrinsically motivated kid who actually benefits the most
from the push of a difficult private school) but we are almost done and we're not moving the kids in their last year(s) of school.

I’m the grandparent who could pay but won’t. I didn’t grow up rich or going to fancy schools either. Trust me. I just think 9/10 of this is parenting. You don’t have to spend all that money to get a good education, and there’s nothing wrong with meeting a disadvantaged classmate every once in a while - and, God forbid, maybe even making friends with some!

I have kids who have gone public and another who went to private all the way through. There is no question that our kid who went to private had a substantially more rigorous education (and most of my kid’s friends were not wealthy, although some certainly were). I know from experience my kid would have had a good education at our W school, but DC had a superlative education at private with superior extracurricular opportunities and relationships with faculty.

Still, all of our kids ended up at good colleges where they did well, so whether the private education was worth it is a personal decision (we think it was). My problem is the blanket statements you make based on generic stereotypes and no personal experience that reflect a very black/white thinking. In short, your perception of private schools as places for only the wealthy is just wrong based on actual experience.

You do what works for your family. Can we truly afford it? No. Is it better and safer option than our in-bound public? Yes, 1000x yes. Did we get into any DC charters? No. So we make it work. It hurts financially, but really I would do anything for my kid and he's safe, healthy, happy, is getting a great education, and has daily access to his passions (art and music) that are not options at public.

OP - we have 2 kids, HHI appx $285k and equity in our home. We pay only $2k for mortgage monthly on a $1.6M house because we got a low rate and our house is currently worth a lot in a great neighborhood. Originally, our first year of private, we had to do full pay because of the house. However, our 2nd year, we received FA because the first year was calculated with our house as an asset. Once we clearly defined our budget and it was understood that our house is not cash, they realized that we could not afford the tuition. One of our kids has learning disabilities so we pay out of pocket monthly for a private tutor to work with him so that's a chunk of cash for us right there.

I don't know that your FA would come through but certainly I would say - 1. Your house is not cash - we made that case stick. Try that. Making close to $300k in DMV is not rich. It's middle class for sure. I know all these people who suggest otherwise but DMV is SO damn $$. I did the numbers and the only way we could do full pay is at $400k HHI. Our kids are in MS which means tuition is more than ES. At $90k for 2 kids, there is NO Fing way we could do full pay. 2. Remember that just because you didn't receive FA first year does not mean you may not get it 2nd yr. We killed ourselves and dipped into savings last year for tuition but it just had to be done. We hoped for FA but weren't sure of it for 2nd year but we had to roll the dice. I was prepared to go in and give them all my bank account statements to prove there was just no way to do full pay and 3. It's worth it!!! It really is. We have a lot of friends with kids in public and it's fine. It's fine for them because they have like perfect kids LOL Ours are not. I got a kid with dyslexia and ADHD and no way he gets through public MS in our neighborhood without a LOT of help. But my other kid is fine but you know, it is SOOOOOO good for her. I

I would say that it's an analogy like a vacation - you can go to a vacation destination and enjoy it. It's a matter of how much you want to enjoy your vacation. Of course having just the time to go away and look at pretty scenery is all fine and can be defined by most as a vacation but really, truly, if you are going to need and want a vacation, make it a nice one. It's worth it because life is worth it. It's your kids. DH and I both went to public and it was fine. But our kids can do better than fine. It's not about going to a "better" college, it's about enjoying the 7-8 years in school - wanting and loving to learn. It's about giving them a school they will take something away from beyond just taking tests every week. In our school, they have so many opportunities to do creative projects that aren't just based in writing a paper. They do presentations, learn social skills, the extracurriculars help them become more well rounded. It's about nurturing them. Sorry but you do NOT get this from public. Ultimately, a human being is the sum of their experiences. Just because it's a kid and not an adult, it doesn't mean they should be shortchanged. The level of academics is also high where we are but again, we are not there because the kids must go to an Ivy. We are there not for grades but for education.

I don't know how people afford it. But you know, everyone here is typically an attorney at Big Law, a lobbyist, work for govt contracting and maybe a second income from military so like 2 incomes at once. Everything here is expensive. I don't know how people who don't make $300k+ with 2 kids actually get by! LOL Between activities and taking actual holidays for our sanity, and just living and enjoying your life so you don't want to kill yourself meaning ordering out and not cooking all the time and maybe having someone to clean your house too, yeah, life is expensive. I don't know how we afforded it last year but you do find a way.

I encourage you to not give up if you are interested in private school based on $$ alone. Now I would say, I wouldn't start my kid off at age 5 preK if I had financial constraints but certainly by 5th/6th grade, it's a good time to consider. I personally would suggest MS v HS.

Can’t you just use your trust fund OP?

People also need to consider that tuitions will rise 1-5% per year, so what is $53,000 currently is going to be more like $70,000+ by the time they graduate.

Will your incomes be rising as fast as the tuitions?

Anonymous wrote:I’m a fed, DH works at a non-profit. We make 310 combined. 750k mortgage. No other debt. We want to send our two kids private, but at $40-50k a year per kid it doesn’t seem possible. Is there anyone in our situation that actually found a way to make this work?

,

$225k, one kid, $35k school, full pay. We make it work by having one car, bought a townhouse with a $300k mortgage (not in DC!). We buy clothes mostly at thrift stores but honestly, we would’ve done that anyway.

It feels fine. We are not quite maxing our 401(k)s, and I wish we were, but we’re pretty close.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

Move along…

NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.

I'm amused at calling private schools philosophically revolting while refusing to send your kids to the locally zoned schools and fishing around for a lottery and lucking out.

Err.... at least I'm not a hypocrite.

Except you missed the part about me being the grandparent. I didn’t do any fishing, and I didn’t write any checks either. No hypocrite here.

As for my kid, it doesn’t make one a hypocrite to look for alternatives to bleak public schools that don’t include rich kid schools. There’s a middle ground after all.

You are the hypocrite for talking about "philosophically revolting" when it comes to some people's decisions while justifying your own family's decision, which to others, could be "philosophically revolting" because your family is still choosing to say those kids aren't good enough for my kids, no matter how much they spin it. It's like people with BLM signs and "Be the Change" signs in front of their houses while living in all white neighborhoods and freaking out about having children in majority black schools.

Has nothing to do with skin color. Our grandkids are white and attended a Title I public school where the overwhelmingly majority of the students are black. My grandson watched a classic Disney movie with me the other day and asked “why are there so many white faces?” The charter school they are moving less than 15 percent white.

The schools their parents are avoiding are extremely low performing. That, and that alone, is why they’re avoiding them.

You're still a hypocrite because no matter what story you're telling us (cool story, grandma! your grandkid spotted all the nasty white faces! how enlightened!) your family is still going out of their way to avoid another school which they are zoned for. That is it in a nutshell. As long as they do it, you have no business decrying people's decisions to go to private schools without coming across as a massive hypocrite of the worst kind. Which you are.

You sound awfully defensive.

If you can't reasonably reply, you know you've lost the argument. The grandmother was hypocritical and I'm not sure why she waded into this thread in the first place.

That is your opinion. Actually, I thought her explanation made perfect sense.

Anonymous wrote:Like many people, the cost of private school is insignificant for us. That is who should be attending these schools.

This is either a troll or a highly insecure person.

Don't be discouraged, OP. It's harder, but there are lots of folks with similar stats who have kids in private. They get there in different ways - just try to talk to real people who have kids in private and get off this trash board.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

Move along…

NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.

I'm amused at calling private schools philosophically revolting while refusing to send your kids to the locally zoned schools and fishing around for a lottery and lucking out.

Err.... at least I'm not a hypocrite.

Except you missed the part about me being the grandparent. I didn’t do any fishing, and I didn’t write any checks either. No hypocrite here.

As for my kid, it doesn’t make one a hypocrite to look for alternatives to bleak public schools that don’t include rich kid schools. There’s a middle ground after all.

You are the hypocrite for talking about "philosophically revolting" when it comes to some people's decisions while justifying your own family's decision, which to others, could be "philosophically revolting" because your family is still choosing to say those kids aren't good enough for my kids, no matter how much they spin it. It's like people with BLM signs and "Be the Change" signs in front of their houses while living in all white neighborhoods and freaking out about having children in majority black schools.

Has nothing to do with skin color. Our grandkids are white and attended a Title I public school where the overwhelmingly majority of the students are black. My grandson watched a classic Disney movie with me the other day and asked “why are there so many white faces?” The charter school they are moving less than 15 percent white.

The schools their parents are avoiding are extremely low performing. That, and that alone, is why they’re avoiding them.

You're still a hypocrite because no matter what story you're telling us (cool story, grandma! your grandkid spotted all the nasty white faces! how enlightened!) your family is still going out of their way to avoid another school which they are zoned for. That is it in a nutshell. As long as they do it, you have no business decrying people's decisions to go to private schools without coming across as a massive hypocrite of the worst kind. Which you are.

You sound awfully defensive.

If you can't reasonably reply, you know you've lost the argument. The grandmother was hypocritical and I'm not sure why she waded into this thread in the first place.