Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This post made me feel sad for the kids involved. It would be nice for all the cousins to get together once in a while at least. I can imagine how hurtful it would be when the SIL tells them that the aunt and uncle don’t want to watch them. It doesn’t seem like a huge ask, and it would be the kind thing to do for the kids’ sake.
OP here -
You’re right. It would be nice for the kids. But one sleepover is not the be all, end all of any opportunities to get them together.
NP. But it kind of is, right? Based on the history you gave, they don’t respond to your requests for get-togethers and you see them only at birthdays and holidays. I don’t like my in-laws either but the kids are fine, and if the only way I could build any relationship between cousins would be to babysit here and there, I would do it (especially bc then I wouldn’t have to deal with the adult in-laws).
I think you’re afraid of watching three kids (I too am stretched thin with my two kids and am generally short on patience) but it’s really not terrible. You just need practice.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why does the subject line of the OP indicate that SIL asked something when she didn't?
Why is any of this about SIL, when it should be about the relationship DH wants to have with his brother, and the relationship each set of parents want the cousins to have?
Women hating on women is no exhasting.
LOL you clearly did not read most of the posts.
I actually did. What I see is that a brother asked another brother to watch his kids for the night.
OP made this about the SIL in her own mind and brought a ton of baggage. That she chooses to view this as about the dynamic with her SIL, and how she doesn’t like her, says a lot about how some women tend to view the world, and parenting, and family dynamics.
But, that's on my DH to develop that relationship with his sister and get the kids together.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This post made me feel sad for the kids involved. It would be nice for all the cousins to get together once in a while at least. I can imagine how hurtful it would be when the SIL tells them that the aunt and uncle don’t want to watch them. It doesn’t seem like a huge ask, and it would be the kind thing to do for the kids’ sake.
OP here -
You’re right. It would be nice for the kids. But one sleepover is not the be all, end all of any opportunities to get them together.
Anonymous wrote:Why does the subject line of the OP indicate that SIL asked something when she didn't?
Why is any of this about SIL, when it should be about the relationship DH wants to have with his brother, and the relationship each set of parents want the cousins to have?
Women hating on women is no exhasting.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why does the subject line of the OP indicate that SIL asked something when she didn't?
Why is any of this about SIL, when it should be about the relationship DH wants to have with his brother, and the relationship each set of parents want the cousins to have?
Women hating on women is no exhasting.
LOL you clearly did not read most of the posts.
Anonymous wrote:Why does the subject line of the OP indicate that SIL asked something when she didn't?
Why is any of this about SIL, when it should be about the relationship DH wants to have with his brother, and the relationship each set of parents want the cousins to have?
Women hating on women is no exhasting.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you have an only child you should be very eager for him to start to make some sort of family / cousin connections. I bet he would be SO excited to have some other kids in the house! I can’t understand your POV
DP. Someone just had to grab onto the fact OP and her DH have one child, and turn this into "Oh no, poor only child with nooooo playmates."
No, PP, only children do not necessarily have to have close relationships with cousins, nor does an only child always feel "SO excited" to have other kids around. But you likely believe the myth that all children who don't have siblings are either desperately lonely all the time, or are terribly unsocialized blah blah....Let's get back to OP's actual issue since you cannot "understand [her] POV." OP has repeatedly asked the SIL about getting the kids together and SIL has never said yes. Don't try to turn this around as if OP is the one denying her kid "family/cousin connections." It's the SIL who is doing that, not OP. And OP does not need to force any connections just because she has an only child.
Eh, I dunno. There’s another *current* thread on this website about how only children are bored all the time. If it were me, I would lose the petty attitude and be the bigger person for the sake of my child (who, yes, would unquestionably be thrilled at having a sleepover with his cousins.)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you have an only child you should be very eager for him to start to make some sort of family / cousin connections. I bet he would be SO excited to have some other kids in the house! I can’t understand your POV
DP. Someone just had to grab onto the fact OP and her DH have one child, and turn this into "Oh no, poor only child with nooooo playmates."
No, PP, only children do not necessarily have to have close relationships with cousins, nor does an only child always feel "SO excited" to have other kids around. But you likely believe the myth that all children who don't have siblings are either desperately lonely all the time, or are terribly unsocialized blah blah....Let's get back to OP's actual issue since you cannot "understand [her] POV." OP has repeatedly asked the SIL about getting the kids together and SIL has never said yes. Don't try to turn this around as if OP is the one denying her kid "family/cousin connections." It's the SIL who is doing that, not OP. And OP does not need to force any connections just because she has an only child.
Anonymous wrote:If you have an only child you should be very eager for him to start to make some sort of family / cousin connections. I bet he would be SO excited to have some other kids in the house! I can’t understand your POV
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP is sooo busy with her own kid and her own life and couldn’t possibly find the time to help her family out - yet she has plenty of time to write a novel on an anonymous chat board and bash them.
You’re just a mean person, OP. That’s the bottom line.
OP here. They are not my family. They are my son's and husband's family. I can count on one hand the amount of time he's seen them in the last 2 years. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and 3 birthdays. That's it. And you're right, I don't like them for a number of reasons. BIL is an alcoholic and has had multiple DUI's over the last 10 years. He doesn't put his kids in carseats half the time. I have zero interest in supporting them getting hammered for the evening and waiting for them to come pick the kids up when they're hungover. And I know, I will get flack for not taking these kids in with alcoholic parents.
They are coming to us because MIL dropped their regular support of childcare. We're not "helping them out", they have plenty other options like BIL's mom or one of SIL's friends.
I guess what I don't understand is DCUM's groupthink that you have to bend over backwards for family, even family that you don't like or spend time with often.
They are your family through marriage. Ok, we get you don't like them and don't want to help. But, you do clearly have plenty of time.
You just ignored every valid reason op gave for wanting nothing to do with this. You keep repeating that op hates them like someone with dementia. I know what you are like. I am older and am the mom who got taken advantage of by the other moms and relatives. I took the high road for far too long. The people who got angry when I said no, like you pp, were the takers. They can't live without knowing there is someone to take up their slack and they are never honest about how much they do not do for others. You get insecure when you hear a former martyr say no more because people like you can't live without the doormats.
Anonymous wrote:You are petty and exhausting, OP. Your in-laws are no prize either. But you, babe, utter child.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP is sooo busy with her own kid and her own life and couldn’t possibly find the time to help her family out - yet she has plenty of time to write a novel on an anonymous chat board and bash them.
You’re just a mean person, OP. That’s the bottom line.
OP here. They are not my family. They are my son's and husband's family. I can count on one hand the amount of time he's seen them in the last 2 years. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and 3 birthdays. That's it. And you're right, I don't like them for a number of reasons. BIL is an alcoholic and has had multiple DUI's over the last 10 years. He doesn't put his kids in carseats half the time. I have zero interest in supporting them getting hammered for the evening and waiting for them to come pick the kids up when they're hungover. And I know, I will get flack for not taking these kids in with alcoholic parents.
They are coming to us because MIL dropped their regular support of childcare. We're not "helping them out", they have plenty other options like BIL's mom or one of SIL's friends.
I guess what I don't understand is DCUM's groupthink that you have to bend over backwards for family, even family that you don't like or spend time with often.
They are your family through marriage. Ok, we get you don't like them and don't want to help. But, you do clearly have plenty of time.