Anonymous
06/27/2023 09:44
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:See, I would not cultivate this friendship. I much prefer playdates where both my children will benefit, and I much prefer parents who will give me a break from both my kids at once. I happily host siblings and, if the group gets along well, explicitly invite them.
OP, ask yourself if you are making other people's life easier, or harder, with your opinions on this.
So much this. It's more this and the dynamic of the relationships vs how many kids the other family has.
You sound so lazy? Get DH to help you more and there is your break. I'm not here to provide breaks for you, while your DH watches TV.
What are you here for? Entertaining your kids with a play date is a huge service to you. Alternatively you could entertain your own kid or teach them to play independently.
Anonymous
06/27/2023 09:43
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You don't get to decide the culture/atmosphere of my home. If the kids are fighting or annoying each other, I'd intervene, but a kid insisting to just play with her friend and not interact with the family doesn't belong in my home.
+1 We had a guest who only wanted to hang with one twin. They are the same gender. Our children have different personalities and friends, but if they want to play with a friend of the other during a playdate they can. DH is big on siblings before friends so that guest was never invited back.
We won't allow someone my kids won't even know in a few years to interfere with their relationship.
One playdate isn't going to change their relationship permanently.
There will likely only be one before it's known how rude and unaccepting the friend was. You don't go into somebody's home and treat any of the family members as less than. That guarantees there won't be a 2nd play date.
Anonymous
06/27/2023 09:42
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:See, I would not cultivate this friendship. I much prefer playdates where both my children will benefit, and I much prefer parents who will give me a break from both my kids at once. I happily host siblings and, if the group gets along well, explicitly invite them.
OP, ask yourself if you are making other people's life easier, or harder, with your opinions on this.
So much this. It's more this and the dynamic of the relationships vs how many kids the other family has.
You sound so lazy? Get DH to help you more and there is your break. I'm not here to provide breaks for you, while your DH watches TV.
Anonymous
06/27/2023 09:40
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It sounds like these children with sibling playmates don’t know how to entertain themselves. Sibling goes and they’re nagging their parents? How old are these kids? That’s an underrated skill that parents of one child probably overlook since their kids can do it.
How many posters said that theirs will nag? One?
Most of the time, the other parent is busy, even if at home. My youngest is a preschooler and can play by herself for long stretches of time, but it's still not safe to leave her with my spouse if he is busy and completely checked out.
The assumption is that your husband would check back in to parent his child.
That's not always possible, which is why people have nannies or use daycare even if they work from home. 🤷♀️
That's great for you that this never comes up.
1) People NEED day care if they work from home. I have very independent, not high energy kids -- and have worked from home for 15 years. If I didn't have a nanny, it would be irresponsible. I happen to be a woman but it doesn't matter what my gender is. My husband works in a physical office. Unless you are doing something truly mindless, you would be checked out of work in most cases if you expected to take care of kids while WAH regularly.
2) Dad who check when kids are around out do occur, of course. So do mothers. Sometimes, depending on the age/kid, that is fine when the kids are around. It's also healthy to have down time if any gender or parent. OP seems to expect downtime for parents to not occur if it interferes with her child's wants/needs. There's a good argument to say that's no one else's problem besides the OP's.
People need care while they work from home; I agree with that. If my husband is working from home on a Saturday, he cannot watch our other child while one us on a playdate.
I don't disagree with you on downtime, but this is our usual situation. And with DCUM's large population of attorneys, I do think this is likely a common situation.
Anonymous
06/27/2023 09:39
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You don't get to decide the culture/atmosphere of my home. If the kids are fighting or annoying each other, I'd intervene, but a kid insisting to just play with her friend and not interact with the family doesn't belong in my home.
+1 We had a guest who only wanted to hang with one twin. They are the same gender. Our children have different personalities and friends, but if they want to play with a friend of the other during a playdate they can. DH is big on siblings before friends so that guest was never invited back.
We won't allow someone my kids won't even know in a few years to interfere with their relationship.
One playdate isn't going to change their relationship permanently.
Anonymous
06/27/2023 09:38
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the whole thread but I'm surprised more posters aren't agreeing with how weird it is to drop off a 5 YEARS OLDER sibling uninvited to a zoo outing. As OP said, of course he's bored, what were you thinking?
It was never stated that th zoo playdate was a dropoff. I think everyone agrees you don't bring an uninvited sibling to a dropoff playdate because the other mom is not some sort of group babysitter.
Also, OP’s kid is 7 and uninvited sibling 12. Not sure where you got the 5 from
Stand corrected, he wasn't dropped off the mom was there too, but I still don't think most 12 year-old boys want to hang out with 7 year-old girls so I don't know why you'd bring him. The 5 was referring to the age difference. If he were 9 it'd make sense.
He probably didn’t want to be there, but the mom may have very valid reasons for not leaving him at home (behavior, getting him to an activity afterwards, a dozen different reasons). So, sorry if it wasn’t the OP envisioned, but when you feel entitled to an outing that requires a lot of another parent’s time, you don’t get to set all the terms. OP drips of disdain for all these siblings in her post. I wouldn’t be surprised if she let on that she wasn’t thrilled the older child was included.
Anonymous
06/27/2023 09:19
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the whole thread but I'm surprised more posters aren't agreeing with how weird it is to drop off a 5 YEARS OLDER sibling uninvited to a zoo outing. As OP said, of course he's bored, what were you thinking?
It was never stated that th zoo playdate was a dropoff. I think everyone agrees you don't bring an uninvited sibling to a dropoff playdate because the other mom is not some sort of group babysitter.
Also, OP’s kid is 7 and uninvited sibling 12. Not sure where you got the 5 from
Stand corrected, he wasn't dropped off the mom was there too, but I still don't think most 12 year-old boys want to hang out with 7 year-old girls so I don't know why you'd bring him. The 5 was referring to the age difference. If he were 9 it'd make sense.
Anonymous
06/27/2023 09:15
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the whole thread but I'm surprised more posters aren't agreeing with how weird it is to drop off a 5 YEARS OLDER sibling uninvited to a zoo outing. As OP said, of course he's bored, what were you thinking?
It was never stated that th zoo playdate was a dropoff. I think everyone agrees you don't bring an uninvited sibling to a dropoff playdate because the other mom is not some sort of group babysitter.
Also, OP’s kid is 7 and uninvited sibling 12. Not sure where you got the 5 from
Anonymous
06/27/2023 09:13
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the whole thread but I'm surprised more posters aren't agreeing with how weird it is to drop off a 5 YEARS OLDER sibling uninvited to a zoo outing. As OP said, of course he's bored, what were you thinking?
It was never stated that th zoo playdate was a dropoff. I think everyone agrees you don't bring an uninvited sibling to a dropoff playdate because the other mom is not some sort of group babysitter.
Anonymous
06/27/2023 09:09
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
I haven't read the whole thread but I'm surprised more posters aren't agreeing with how weird it is to drop off a 5 YEARS OLDER sibling uninvited to a zoo outing. As OP said, of course he's bored, what were you thinking?
Anonymous
06/27/2023 09:06
Subject: Re:No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for these responses, they are interesting and helpful and helping me to see other perspectives.
The main issue is that my child is not invited anywhere by her friends, either to their house or to meetup at a park, etc. DC is always asking, "why doesn't my best friend ever invite me over, they always come here." That's my question too. We host a ton but I'm wondering why it's not reciprocated, and I'm guessing it's mainly because families want to invite over other families with same-aged kids but that just seems a little limiting. When I was growing up my sister had a best friend who was an only child, and when that child came over, I didn't have anyone to play with and that was fine, I just did my own thing because my sister wanted time with her friend solo. It was never an issue the way it seems to be today.
I am sorry, that sounds tough. And the way you are outlining the main issue here, it doesn't seem fair. Likely they just have busier lives than you all or prioritize differently.
However, when I read your first post -- it sounds like you expect people to cater to your kid in ways that are unrealistic for those families. If I sensed that from you, and frankly given your first post seemed really entitled and a bit overly focused on your kid (-- but more importantly, with the expectation that OTHER people, e.g. me, be overly focused on your kid)., MAybe you are high maintenance with your kid and play dates, and I don't feel like coplicating my life in the way you want/can complicate yours... and if you expected me to entertain you while keeping my other kids away from our two kids, I would 100% drop it. here are enough other families I can have my child be friends with at this age. So it could also be that.
This is another quote I agree with "But it's not like playing with your child is some must-have experience"
If you expect a parent (sounds like the mother) to accompany her child to your house for a playdate, but not bring her other children, do you expect that the parents of the other children hire a babysitter or always leave the siblings with the father so as not to cause sibling presence? Playdates then seem really complicated and potentially expensive to other families for no good reason, given that what you are describing would be unusual.
+1 sorry to say it, but you need the playdates more than these families with siblings do. They have built in playmates and are often busier to begin with.
Anonymous
06/27/2023 08:55
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not gonna read all this thread, but in my experience parents of onliest are more anal in general. Maybe OP should seek out more only child families. Sounds too high maintenance for a typical busy family with more than one kid.
OMG you hit the OP’s problem right on the nose. So true in my experience!!!
I am an only child and don't agree with all the stereotypes! But I've posted above that OP seems very exacting and not easygoing. I have two kids and one of my kids has a BFF who's an only. The mom seems very chill and has not minded when my younger one participates on and off when we host or at a playground etc. So we love hanging out with her family because they are easygoing!
Also as I and others have said, I would noy bring uninvited sibling to someone else's home, but you have to take a relaxed approach to meetups at a park etc.
Anonymous
06/27/2023 08:43
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:It sounds like these children with sibling playmates don’t know how to entertain themselves. Sibling goes and they’re nagging their parents? How old are these kids? That’s an underrated skill that parents of one child probably overlook since their kids can do it.
I said my kid will nag. He plays well on his own all the time. But if his sister has a friend over who pointedly excludes him he gets upset. So we don't have those types of kids over. If he wants to join in he can and if he doesn't, then he doesn't. What I won't tolerate is another kid coming to my house, excluding my kid, and making him upset. No thank you.
Anonymous
06/27/2023 06:30
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
okay well, someone WAH without daycare is either checked out of their job or checked out of their kids in a bad way, unless that kid is teen or whatever and it's appropriate to not be with them
Anonymous
06/27/2023 06:23
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It sounds like these children with sibling playmates don’t know how to entertain themselves. Sibling goes and they’re nagging their parents? How old are these kids? That’s an underrated skill that parents of one child probably overlook since their kids can do it.
How many posters said that theirs will nag? One?
Most of the time, the other parent is busy, even if at home. My youngest is a preschooler and can play by herself for long stretches of time, but it's still not safe to leave her with my spouse if he is busy and completely checked out.
The assumption is that your husband would check back in to parent his child.
That's not always possible, which is why people have nannies or use daycare even if they work from home. 🤷♀️
That's great for you that this never comes up.
PP here again -- for what it's worth, I have a very involved husband (more than me) AND I work from home and I have daycare. Please don't equate people who WAH without daycare to be parents who are checked out of parenting.
1) People NEED day care if they work from home. I have very independent, not high energy kids -- and have worked from home for 15 years. If I didn't have a nanny, it would be irresponsible. I happen to be a woman but it doesn't matter what my gender is. My husband works in a physical office. Unless you are doing something truly mindless, you would be checked out of work in most cases if you expected to take care of kids while WAH regularly.
2) Dad who check when kids are around out do occur, of course. So do mothers. Sometimes, depending on the age/kid, that is fine when the kids are around. It's also healthy to have down time if any gender or parent. OP seems to expect downtime for parents to not occur if it interferes with her child's wants/needs. There's a good argument to say that's no one else's problem besides the OP's.
Sorry, that quoted weirdly.
"PP here again -- for what it's worth, I have a very involved husband (more than me) AND I work from home and I have daycare. Please don't equate people who WAH with or without daycare to be parents who are checked out of parenting unless you want to make a very serious anti-work statement.