Anonymous wrote:My Boomer dad was fine, but I had a terrible relationship with my Boomer mom growing up. She had a lot of anger issues and blamed me for things that were not my fault. She also criticized my weight frequently.

However, she became very different after I grew up. I strongly suspect it coincides with starting SSRIs. She is incredibly sweet now, and incredibly helpful and hands-on with my children. We are very close (geographically and emotionally) and see each other several times a week. Ironically I am closer to her now than my dad, which I would have thought impossible 20 years ago.

There are some comments on this thread about boomer parents - both male and female - who, according to the person writing the comments, had anger issues, had explosive personalities, were authoritarian, etc.

Why??? Why were these people so angry? Were they always angry and difficult people, or did they change at some point in their lives?

Anonymous wrote:We raised 3 humans who are now millennials. They are the parents of our beautiful grandkids. They are fabulous parents.

But the treat us like crap! We are VERY respectful of their busy lives. We cherish the time they let us interact with the kids. We get to FaceTime but they NEVER invite us. The few times we have said that we want to see the kids we stay in a hotel, rent a car and leave after the kids are in bed. That’s when they have their personal time where they eat dinner.

We are made to feel like a burden. They criticize everything from our lifestyle to how we dress. They are rude, nasty and hurtful. They never ask how we are doing. We definitely bring value with our relationship with their children.

As far as saying, anything to them, we fear that they could cut us off from the grandkids. So…. We put up with this garbage.

It seems like if we disappeared tomorrow they would not be phased
They were not this way growing up.

What the heck happened!

Were you nice to them when you were raising them?

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like some of these boomer parents were angry, bad tempered and explosive, according to some posts on here.
Why were these people so angry?

My theory is that they were the last generation where everyone got married due to social expectations. Some of these incredibly difficult people with anger issues and poor communication skills (often men) probably shouldn't have ever gotten married. Some of the selfish women might have been better off living their own lives for themselves. My selfish mother has told us that she wishes she had had the option of staying single.

Now, the arrogant entitled men of the gens x and y and zoomer are ending up alone . they are the prize no one wants. People would rather end up alone than marry someone so demanding and selfish and difficult. Women today don't need to get married to have a roof over their heads and so they don't.

I have wondered honestly if my dad is maybe not heterosexual and only married my mom due to social expectations. Thinking that might explain some of his anger. Not being able to be yourself or free to live your authentic life would be a huge burden.

My Boomer dad was fine, but I had a terrible relationship with my Boomer mom growing up. She had a lot of anger issues and blamed me for things that were not my fault. She also criticized my weight frequently.

However, she became very different after I grew up. I strongly suspect it coincides with starting SSRIs. She is incredibly sweet now, and incredibly helpful and hands-on with my children. We are very close (geographically and emotionally) and see each other several times a week. Ironically I am closer to her now than my dad, which I would have thought impossible 20 years ago.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully, and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage daycare effortlessly, fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment, and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were not tied to our spouse and women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later, and we were the first generation to normalize divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older. No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

It does seem like PP is wrong, but I think these ideas did Boomer women a disservice. I can't get Betty Friedan's statement about SAHMs being parasites out of my head. I don't think being a SAHM is some kind of feminist act but I think most of us recognize now that it is a good choice for some women and it's awful to shame women for making that choice. And the idea that you were expected to bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan is sad too. My heart really goes out to Boomer women (and Gen X women) who aspired to do it all, which usually required having low expectations for men when it came to childcare and housekeeping. Yes, Gloria Steinem said that women need men like a fish needs a bicycle, but many women chose men anyway because companionship is important too and they just dealt with the household inequities.

So, yes, Boomer women, thank you for the very real progress you made for women, and sorry you had to do it all.

I think what really is going on with the whole "Boomers want a thank you, Millennials want an apology" is that Boomers were treated badly by their parents too, but the idea of just dealing with it because we need to respect our parents just by virtual of them being our parents was still around. Now we have this idea that we aren't obligated to deal with mistreatment just because of family ties. We also tend to want more emotional connection in our relationships, and let's face it: it's hard to have emotional connection when you haven't repaired harm done. I know the analogy is a little strained, but I think about marriages where one partner has had an affair. What I see happen (if the affair came to light but there was no divorce) is one of two things: the couple detaches (or remains detached) emotionally and just tolerate each other as roommates, or they go to therapy, the wayward spouse expresses remorse, the betrayed spouse forgives, and eventually the relationship comes out stronger because of it. The majority of millennials who ask for an apology from their parents want to repair that relationship and have a deeper connection because that is what our society values more right now. And the Boomer parents think "I tolerated this in my parents, why can't you do the same?"

There are a lot of instances where people say "I will never be like my parents!" and then change their minds when they have kids, but I don't think that this will be the case with a refusal to apologize to kids. In fact I don't think I've seen a millennial who has adult children refuse to apologize for parenting mistakes unless they are pretty emotionally stunted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully, and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage daycare effortlessly, fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment, and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were not tied to our spouse and women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later, and we were the first generation to normalize divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older. No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

I would say you were the exception, not the norm. My boomer mom got married 20, had me at 23, never went to college. She did work, but only sporadically when she had to. She always had jobs, not careers.

OP- if you are still reading, I am sorry you are experiencing this. I agree with PP that you should try to address with DC and just continue to convey that you want a good relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully, and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage daycare effortlessly, fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment, and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were not tied to our spouse and women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later, and we were the first generation to normalize divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older. No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

Some Boomer women were trailblazers. Most were not. I’m guessing the OP was not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully, and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage daycare effortlessly, fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment, and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were not tied to our spouse and women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later, and we were the first generation to normalize divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older. No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

This all sounds terrible. No wonder you’re miserable!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are the "submit generation." We submitted to our elders, and now we are really submitting to our kids. One false move, something misunderstood or perceived, or really nothing, and we are tossed like old lettuce.

Wow, what a dumb choice to make. I was taught to "submit" to my elders, but then when I became an adult and struck out on my own, I took control of my life. I go along when I want, I compromise when it makes sense to do so, I please others when it suits me, and I set boundaries when I need to. The end. Too bad for you that you choose to be such a weak doormat.

Most aren't doormats but they want access to their grandchildren. They will be cut off if they complain about being called a moron. Or powerwashing their kid's house the wrong way. You get that, right?

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

You could not be more wrong here. You have your generations mixed up. Boomer women were the first to be in the work force fully, and they were expected to be in the work force- not a choice thing. We broke glass ceilings in the work force, established work policies for women in while in the work force, expected to take on male dominated STEM field roles with less pay, expected to manage daycare effortlessly, fought off misogynistic practices, sexual abuse and workplace harassment, and as they said over and over in ads and songs: " She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan."

Our identities were not tied to our spouse and women were frowned upon if they did. Many of us married later, had kids later, and we were the first generation to normalize divorce. We were the first to keep our names. We had our own accts.

I am 66. I have friends in the age group going towards 75. Some a little older. No one was a stay at home wife and mother. All socioeconomic levels, all income levels.

OP clearly has a blind spot toward her own behaviors. All 3 kids? She thinks they are spoiled but takes no blame? Describes herself in positive ways and everyone else in negative ways. She’s the problem.

Boomer women didn’t work and did far, far less kid centric things than millennials do today. Their identities were tied to their husband, his work, friends and having kids. As those things have slipped away with time , they seem very empty and are forcing themselves are their adult children.

I’m GenX and see it with our boomer parents and their siblings. Not a one did anything more than a card or call on Mother’s Day for their mothers but boy do they still demand a full on celebration of them on Mother’s Day. As GenX we just ignore it or appease them but I see my millennial younger cousins being much less tolerant of the behavior.

Anonymous wrote:Boomers are awful and they raised the worst generation of all time. You only have yourselves to blame.

Signed,

GenX mom with great Gen Z kids

I posted pretty much the same somewhere earlier in the thread.

Sounds like some of these boomer parents were angry, bad tempered and explosive, according to some posts on here.
Why were these people so angry?

Anonymous wrote:Just about grandparents being entitled to a relationship with their grandchildren:

I don't really have an opinion on that, but it seems like OP's kids would sort of agree. It seems like they don't particularly like their parents but are tolerating them and maybe part of the reason is that they do feel some obligation to maintain family ties.

I’m a millennial parent and agree with this. My in-laws are difficult (self-centered, oblivious to others’ needs, kind of embarrassing in social situations), but they are not malicious or abusive. They claim to really want a relationship with us and with our kids, but they do none of the things that would make a meaningful relationship possible. They don’t really listen when we tell them about our lives, they don’t interact with our kids in age-appropriate ways, they take offense at totally benign things and then blow up at us. But we try so hard to be respectful and to accommodate their desire to visit. It’s still not enough for them, because they want this deep relationship. But they can’t or won’t change the behaviors that make it impossible to have one (and yes, we have had multiple come to Jesus conversations about this. Nothing ever changes.)