Anonymous
Post 04/13/2023 22:01     Subject: Re:My friend moved without telling me
I did this once. We loved on a perfectly nice street with nice neighbors but we were the family with kids in private school. It was a whole thing - snide comments etc. we did a private sale and just moved one day without saying anything on our little group chat. I honestly was concerned with people making comments about us moving to a bigger house and I simply did not feel like dealing with that. Not the nicest act on our part, for sure
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2023 21:58     Subject: My friend moved without telling me
I would absolutely pick up my phone and call her. Tell her that this was a surprising move to keep quiet and you just want to be sure that she and her family are safe.

Keep the conversation -- or the message -- brief and just wish them well in their new home. Then hang up and go back to making more friends for you and DD.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2023 21:15     Subject: My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Obviously there's a reason she didn't tell you before hand, and a reason she doesn't want to share now. Something about the situation is embarassing. Likely financial or marital problem(s).

So on the one hand, yes I would just let it go. On the other hand, if you really care(d) about this person, I might text back something supportive that leaves the door open. Maybe just tell the truth? What harm could that do?

"We will miss you! I am worried about you because this seems so odd and sudden. But I'm sure you have your reasons. If you ever want to talk, I am here. I hope you drop me a line, or if you're ever back in town, let me know. I won't ask any nosy questions if you prefer. Just miss you.

Take care and good luck!"

I’ve been reading “scripts” on DCUM for years and this is the first one that I’ve liked.


I don't like it at all. It is classic, passive aggressive.


I do not think those words mean what you think they mean.



Being direct and telling the truth is the opposite of PA


The whole "If you ever want to talk I'm here" is BS and Passive Aggressive. Its like U OWE ME SOMETHING


NP. No, it’s not. It’s what you say when you know damn well someone doesn’t want to talk, but you want to make sure you’ve made the offer anyway.

It might not be the right thing to say in every situation, but it is not passive aggressive.


I would find it passive aggressive, invasive and rude.


I don’t think you understand the meaning of passive aggressive. I also doubt you have many friends if this is how you’d feel about them reaching out with concern…
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2023 20:36     Subject: My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Obviously there's a reason she didn't tell you before hand, and a reason she doesn't want to share now. Something about the situation is embarassing. Likely financial or marital problem(s).

So on the one hand, yes I would just let it go. On the other hand, if you really care(d) about this person, I might text back something supportive that leaves the door open. Maybe just tell the truth? What harm could that do?

"We will miss you! I am worried about you because this seems so odd and sudden. But I'm sure you have your reasons. If you ever want to talk, I am here. I hope you drop me a line, or if you're ever back in town, let me know. I won't ask any nosy questions if you prefer. Just miss you.

Take care and good luck!"

I’ve been reading “scripts” on DCUM for years and this is the first one that I’ve liked.


I don't like it at all. It is classic, passive aggressive.


I do not think those words mean what you think they mean.



Being direct and telling the truth is the opposite of PA


The whole "If you ever want to talk I'm here" is BS and Passive Aggressive. Its like U OWE ME SOMETHING


NP. No, it’s not. It’s what you say when you know damn well someone doesn’t want to talk, but you want to make sure you’ve made the offer anyway.

It might not be the right thing to say in every situation, but it is not passive aggressive.


I would find it passive aggressive, invasive and rude.


I definitely would not. I'd appreciate the gesture, particularly after doing something out of character like moving to another state without notice from a friend I got together with in person at least monthly.


I suspect you are quite bovine and intensive.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2023 20:35     Subject: My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Obviously there's a reason she didn't tell you before hand, and a reason she doesn't want to share now. Something about the situation is embarassing. Likely financial or marital problem(s).

So on the one hand, yes I would just let it go. On the other hand, if you really care(d) about this person, I might text back something supportive that leaves the door open. Maybe just tell the truth? What harm could that do?

"We will miss you! I am worried about you because this seems so odd and sudden. But I'm sure you have your reasons. If you ever want to talk, I am here. I hope you drop me a line, or if you're ever back in town, let me know. I won't ask any nosy questions if you prefer. Just miss you.

Take care and good luck!"

I’ve been reading “scripts” on DCUM for years and this is the first one that I’ve liked.


I don't like it at all. It is classic, passive aggressive.


I do not think those words mean what you think they mean.



Being direct and telling the truth is the opposite of PA


The whole "If you ever want to talk I'm here" is BS and Passive Aggressive. Its like U OWE ME SOMETHING


NP. No, it’s not. It’s what you say when you know damn well someone doesn’t want to talk, but you want to make sure you’ve made the offer anyway.

It might not be the right thing to say in every situation, but it is not passive aggressive.


I would find it passive aggressive, invasive and rude.


I definitely would not. I'd appreciate the gesture, particularly after doing something out of character like moving to another state without notice from a friend I got together with in person at least monthly.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2023 18:48     Subject: My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Obviously there's a reason she didn't tell you before hand, and a reason she doesn't want to share now. Something about the situation is embarassing. Likely financial or marital problem(s).

So on the one hand, yes I would just let it go. On the other hand, if you really care(d) about this person, I might text back something supportive that leaves the door open. Maybe just tell the truth? What harm could that do?

"We will miss you! I am worried about you because this seems so odd and sudden. But I'm sure you have your reasons. If you ever want to talk, I am here. I hope you drop me a line, or if you're ever back in town, let me know. I won't ask any nosy questions if you prefer. Just miss you.

Take care and good luck!"

I’ve been reading “scripts” on DCUM for years and this is the first one that I’ve liked.


I don't like it at all. It is classic, passive aggressive.


I do not think those words mean what you think they mean.



Being direct and telling the truth is the opposite of PA


The whole "If you ever want to talk I'm here" is BS and Passive Aggressive. Its like U OWE ME SOMETHING


NP. No, it’s not. It’s what you say when you know damn well someone doesn’t want to talk, but you want to make sure you’ve made the offer anyway.

It might not be the right thing to say in every situation, but it is not passive aggressive.


I would find it passive aggressive, invasive and rude.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2023 18:42     Subject: My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Obviously there's a reason she didn't tell you before hand, and a reason she doesn't want to share now. Something about the situation is embarassing. Likely financial or marital problem(s).

So on the one hand, yes I would just let it go. On the other hand, if you really care(d) about this person, I might text back something supportive that leaves the door open. Maybe just tell the truth? What harm could that do?

"We will miss you! I am worried about you because this seems so odd and sudden. But I'm sure you have your reasons. If you ever want to talk, I am here. I hope you drop me a line, or if you're ever back in town, let me know. I won't ask any nosy questions if you prefer. Just miss you.

Take care and good luck!"

I’ve been reading “scripts” on DCUM for years and this is the first one that I’ve liked.


I don't like it at all. It is classic, passive aggressive.


I do not think those words mean what you think they mean.



Being direct and telling the truth is the opposite of PA


The whole "If you ever want to talk I'm here" is BS and Passive Aggressive. Its like U OWE ME SOMETHING


No it's not. PA would be, "My OTHER friends call me so often. It's SO great to be the kind of person who calls often, don't you agree?"
Being direct and saying, "I'm here for you if you ever want to call" respects the friend's privacy and let's her know the door is open. In fact, if OP wanted to , she could even actually say, "I want to respect your privacy but please know, if you ever want to chat I would love to".
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2023 18:39     Subject: My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Obviously there's a reason she didn't tell you before hand, and a reason she doesn't want to share now. Something about the situation is embarassing. Likely financial or marital problem(s).

So on the one hand, yes I would just let it go. On the other hand, if you really care(d) about this person, I might text back something supportive that leaves the door open. Maybe just tell the truth? What harm could that do?

"We will miss you! I am worried about you because this seems so odd and sudden. But I'm sure you have your reasons. If you ever want to talk, I am here. I hope you drop me a line, or if you're ever back in town, let me know. I won't ask any nosy questions if you prefer. Just miss you.

Take care and good luck!"

I’ve been reading “scripts” on DCUM for years and this is the first one that I’ve liked.


I don't like it at all. It is classic, passive aggressive.


I do not think those words mean what you think they mean.



Being direct and telling the truth is the opposite of PA


The whole "If you ever want to talk I'm here" is BS and Passive Aggressive. Its like U OWE ME SOMETHING


NP. No, it’s not. It’s what you say when you know damn well someone doesn’t want to talk, but you want to make sure you’ve made the offer anyway.

It might not be the right thing to say in every situation, but it is not passive aggressive.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2023 18:37     Subject: My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Obviously there's a reason she didn't tell you before hand, and a reason she doesn't want to share now. Something about the situation is embarassing. Likely financial or marital problem(s).

So on the one hand, yes I would just let it go. On the other hand, if you really care(d) about this person, I might text back something supportive that leaves the door open. Maybe just tell the truth? What harm could that do?

"We will miss you! I am worried about you because this seems so odd and sudden. But I'm sure you have your reasons. If you ever want to talk, I am here. I hope you drop me a line, or if you're ever back in town, let me know. I won't ask any nosy questions if you prefer. Just miss you.

Take care and good luck!"

I’ve been reading “scripts” on DCUM for years and this is the first one that I’ve liked.


I don't like it at all. It is classic, passive aggressive.


I do not think those words mean what you think they mean.



Being direct and telling the truth is the opposite of PA


The whole "If you ever want to talk I'm here" is BS and Passive Aggressive. Its like U OWE ME SOMETHING
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2023 15:03     Subject: My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Obviously there's a reason she didn't tell you before hand, and a reason she doesn't want to share now. Something about the situation is embarassing. Likely financial or marital problem(s).

So on the one hand, yes I would just let it go. On the other hand, if you really care(d) about this person, I might text back something supportive that leaves the door open. Maybe just tell the truth? What harm could that do?

"We will miss you! I am worried about you because this seems so odd and sudden. But I'm sure you have your reasons. If you ever want to talk, I am here. I hope you drop me a line, or if you're ever back in town, let me know. I won't ask any nosy questions if you prefer. Just miss you.

Take care and good luck!"

I’ve been reading “scripts” on DCUM for years and this is the first one that I’ve liked.


I don't like it at all. It is classic, passive aggressive.


I do not think those words mean what you think they mean.

Being direct and telling the truth is the opposite of PA
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2023 14:25     Subject: My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I've been really overwhelmed when moving and haven't contacted people I should have. If she's me, she feels guilty and would love you to reach out


Yes, this. If I had to move quickly due to a traumatic event, and someone who I considered a friend barely tried to find out what happened and how I was, I'd wonder if we were ever friends. OP is being a good friend by demonstrating her care for this woman. Clearly something not great happened to her or her family, and in the stress and confusion she was unable to follow conventional niceties. I'm shocked by a lot of the responses telling OP to drop it, or that she's pushy. People in the DMV are so cold and unfriendly.


+1

OP please follow the advice above and reach out again.


+2

Agree - this is something bad that your friend is going through - divorce or financial. Reach out once more.


+3

She is probably too scared or embarrassed to ask for help or a lifeline.


DP - I get this (and I’m not cold and unfriendly, despite suggesting upthread to keep the response short), but then the OP should keep it brief. There are a lot of assumptions being made about the reason why this woman didn’t disclose the move.

So, OP, in response to “yeah lol” - maybe something like, “wow, that’s huge! Everything okay?”

You can express concern and still respect whatever boundary this woman has going on right now.


Yeah, I think this is warranted given what you've written about your relationship.
Many people withdraw when going through tough times. That's my tendency, too. It can be a lifeline just hearing that people care, even in (or especially in) those times I haven't been good at communication.

It would be weird IMO to just let it drop.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2023 14:16     Subject: My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:11 pages in and OP STILL hasn't asked her friend "WHY didn't you tell me you were moving?"

Thinking this is a troll.


+100


Yeah, OP is a bad friend for not asking. Obviously something is up.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2023 14:06     Subject: My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:11 pages in and OP STILL hasn't asked her friend "WHY didn't you tell me you were moving?"

Thinking this is a troll.


She would be lambasted for being a nosy stalker harpie if she did that. She’s trying to stay in her lane and mind her own business!
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2023 14:02     Subject: My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:11 pages in and OP STILL hasn't asked her friend "WHY didn't you tell me you were moving?"

Thinking this is a troll.


+100
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2023 13:45     Subject: My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:11 pages in and OP STILL hasn't asked her friend "WHY didn't you tell me you were moving?"

Thinking this is a troll.


Eh, if she does know, might not be something that's appropriate to share on the internet.

But if you haven't followed up OP, I agree with the suggestion a few posts up: “wow, that’s huge! Everything okay?" Short, simple, puts it in her court.