I absolutely understand OP's concern. Grandchildren would be great, but you can't control that.

Agree that late 30s and early 40s are not an atypical time to have kids these days.

Also agree that finding surrogate grands, through nieces/nephews is also nice but OP does not live near enough.

I will offer one more thought for OP. Our next door neighbors were in their mid-50s when we moved in with our 18 month old and later had a second. Their son never had kids. They loved having our kids around - played with them outside for countless hours, taught them to garden, played board games, bought them birthday and holiday gifts, sat on the porch and talked to them when they were tweens and teens, and even went to a baseball game or school concert.

What a blessing for all of us. They were a tremendous help to us and a source of comfort and joy to our kids. They told me so many times how happy they were to have us in their lives and how much joy they got from being involved.

I say this because you can look outside your family for young children to include in your life. If not neighbors, you could volunteer at the local schools or libraries or coach a team, etc.

Anonymous wrote:You are allowed to grieve not having grandkids, however my sympathy ends if you push your kids to have grandchildren and make comments. My sympathy also ends for those who have grandchildren and aren’t satisfied with the number of grandkids, or because they are upset over the gender of their grandkids. My mom acted like she just got diagnosed with terminal cancer when she found out her second grandchild was going to be another boy, and also made rude comments to my sister at her baby shower when her friend brought her infant daughter along(“and she’s a girl” while holding her). And that boy(who’s an adult now)she hated because he was a boy makes more of an effort to have a relationship with her and my dad, unlike the golden granddaughter that came along afterwards and wants nothing to do with them. They have six grandkids now and have made comments hinting that I should have another to try for a girl, despite me being 40. Next comment they make I’m not going to be nice any longer, and will remind them to be thankful they have any grandchildren at all.

I had a weird pro-girl push from my mother, after infertility where I was happy to have either. I was also supposed to read her mind and name the girl her middle name.

Anonymous wrote:I am a 42 years old single male and I see my mom and dad every other day but lately my mother has been quite aggressive about me getting married because she would like to have grandkids.  To make matters worse, I am an only child.  I am in good health, have a very good job, and have about 30M in assets.  I've been thinking about having a couple of children of my own but I still want to be single because that's the life I choose.  I am going to have someone to surrogate the babies for me.  That way, it is a win-win for both me and my parents.

If you do this, find a young nanny willing to work for you for 10+ years. Spoil her so she doesn't leave for a better job.

I really hope I do have grandchildren. It'd be a huge source of joy seeing them grow up, seeing my kids as parents...But obviously I have no power over this so no point pondering it much.

I get it. It's kind of like watching someone die too soon. Life is unpredictable. You only have control over your own actions. Try to enjoy what you have.

I mean, if your kids want children, they have 'em. But the real reason is why YOU want grandchildren? Do you just want another child running around? Or do you want your bloodline to continue? If you have those questions answered in full confidence, then maybe ask your children why they havent had any children of their own. Y'know, without all the parental guilt tripping.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

Oh gosh, your kids still have lots of time to have kids. Grieve now if you want to, but early to mid thirties is not the time to decide it’s never going to happen.

“Lots” of time is an exaggeration

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

OMG, you had 4 kids in 4 years?! No wonder they don’t want children. They were probably traumatized by the chaos and lack of attention growing up.

Lol.

OP, can you help the daughter who wants to freeze eggs with the cost? Seems like a win win for both of you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

Oh gosh, your kids still have lots of time to have kids. Grieve now if you want to, but early to mid thirties is not the time to decide it’s never going to happen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of telling OP to accept her children as they are, I find it insulting that many keep saying they’ll change their minds. The national birth rate has been declining for a long time people. If you can lead a fulfilling childfree life, why bother to have children? You should be glad that being childfree by choice is a choice for women in 2022. It wasn’t in 1952 so please celebrate progress.

OTOH, the young adults now are completely self-absorbed and extremely immature.

That is why they are not having children.

They learned to be that way from their parents. Mental illness gets passed down.

Nope, this is generational, absolutely. Do you really think the birth rate is dropping because of these parents? This generation was raised, by society, by the culture, and by advice, to think they are the center of everyone's universe. They think the problems of this time period are unique to them, that even worse times in history weren't as bad as their own. And they cannot imagine giving up any iota of their lifestyle to dote on anyone else. Their old age is going to look very,very bleak. Even without their own children, there will be no one to care for them in the care industry. But a lot of pet rescues will inherit $$.

By that point there will be AI caregivers. There will truly be no need for children.

This is your opinion of children? I guess it might be better if your family doesn't have them.