OP, I haven’t read the whole thread, but I do empathize a bit. I’ve worked from home >10years, and DH started around the start of COVID. Aside from that, he used to travel extensively and stopped. I’m an introvert and really enjoy time to myself,a sun our relationship had really been built on “absence makes the heart grow fonder” as we did have so much time apart in the first 10 years.

He’s bored working from home and lumps around the house half the time, or loves to come to just hang and chat with me. I often work in the kitchen so I can quickly do tasks while I’m working, which reduces the workload after hours. He doesn’t help with the chores, but instead just hangs around surfing the web or whatever. As time goes on, it’s getting harder to get him to leave the house for *anything*.

I used to like walking at lunch or similar but now I get “where are you going/ what are you doing / do you really have to do that now?”. He wants to have adult time in the middle of the day, which is nice when it fits into my schedule, but it’s becoming almost a requirement I for that in, in place of my walk or time out of the house and it’s no longer exciting.

I don’t think he’s actually happier working at home. I think he fed on the excitement of being in the work environment, getting dressed, etc. Now he just seems aimless, frustrated and on edge all the time, and laziness is begetting laziness. He obsesses over certain things, while not doing others.

So, I get it, OP. I’m just not sure of what the answer is.

Is he depressed?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM but everything else about your post resonates with me 100%. A few months ago DH started going to back to the office 2-3 days/wk and it's turned everything around. How is your sex life? That's the one piece of evidence I was able to use to persuade DH to get out of the house on a regular basis. We used to have sex regularly 2-3 x/wk and when he was home it was more like 2x/month. On my part it was b/c of everything you listed, he was just around too much and I never got to miss him. There are so many psychological benefits for him getting out of the house even if they aren't tangible. And there is solid data that staying at home (whether WAH or SAHD) reduces testosterone levels.

Exactly - too much time together is killing my desire and feeling I once had for him. Even a couple of times/week would make a difference, but he refuses. I am not attracted to him at all. Glad your DH listened and at least got out of the house a bit!

Find yourself a space to work outside of your home! Be it Starbucks, a shared space or anything. This seems like something you could fix if you wanted to!

Um, her husband could set an alarm and get himself out of bed, too. When he acts like a child instead, wanting mommy to wake him up, that doesn’t seem super attractive to me either.

OP can stop feeding into this dynamic by not waking him up. She is choosing to parent a grown man. But then that would reduce the things she has to complain about.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - a couple of quick points. Our kids are not of driving age. One is in upper elementary, the other in middle school. To the poster who said I seem angry and resentful, this is probably on point. Because I am still 100% responsible for kid duties while he's WFH. Most mornings I need to wake him to even get ready for the day. I guess I feel like I have another child with him WFH, which is very unattractive.

To all the posters telling me to get a job out of the house. It's not going to happen. I've been in my current job for a long time and it has all the flexibility my family needs. We can't afford a wework or shared workspace for me.

It's just frustrating.

I can totally relate. The mother/teenage son dynamic is just the worst.

Don't wake him up.

Let him fail.

Don't include him in plans.

If he wants to be an adult with you, he is capable.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I could ever be attracted to man who worked from home in his pajamas all day.

Same. I married someone who dressed business casual everyday, went into an office, and came home at night. Our kids admired him and thought he was a hard worker. Now they make fun of him because he's not even awake when they leave for school. It's an ongoing joke in the house, and he couldn't care less.

I don't think I could ever be attracted to man who worked from home in his pajamas all day.

If my husband wanted to work from home, that's great, but then he's going to help cook, clean and do more of the children activities with his newfound flexibility. The entire family is going to benefit, not just him. No, that doesn't mean he can't sleep in a day or he can't slack off an afternoon and binge watching Netflix show. You better be there than to pick the kids up and get ready for soccer and swimming. I will happily always work outside the home if I didn't have to do all of the extra mental and physical labor having children brings to the table. Reason he can't throw their laundry in in the morning. Dry it at lunch and put it away in the afternoon. I can't start crockpot meals in the morning. No reason he can't do a number of things now and that would be amazing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM but everything else about your post resonates with me 100%. A few months ago DH started going to back to the office 2-3 days/wk and it's turned everything around. How is your sex life? That's the one piece of evidence I was able to use to persuade DH to get out of the house on a regular basis. We used to have sex regularly 2-3 x/wk and when he was home it was more like 2x/month. On my part it was b/c of everything you listed, he was just around too much and I never got to miss him. There are so many psychological benefits for him getting out of the house even if they aren't tangible. And there is solid data that staying at home (whether WAH or SAHD) reduces testosterone levels.

Exactly - too much time together is killing my desire and feeling I once had for him. Even a couple of times/week would make a difference, but he refuses. I am not attracted to him at all. Glad your DH listened and at least got out of the house a bit!

Find yourself a space to work outside of your home! Be it Starbucks, a shared space or anything. This seems like something you could fix if you wanted to!

Um, her husband could set an alarm and get himself out of bed, too. When he acts like a child instead, wanting mommy to wake him up, that doesn’t seem super attractive to me either.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - a couple of quick points. Our kids are not of driving age. One is in upper elementary, the other in middle school. To the poster who said I seem angry and resentful, this is probably on point. Because I am still 100% responsible for kid duties while he's WFH. Most mornings I need to wake him to even get ready for the day. I guess I feel like I have another child with him WFH, which is very unattractive.

To all the posters telling me to get a job out of the house. It's not going to happen. I've been in my current job for a long time and it has all the flexibility my family needs. We can't afford a wework or shared workspace for me.

It's just frustrating.

You have to wake him up? He can’t set an alarm? Yeah, that’s very much like a kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM but everything else about your post resonates with me 100%. A few months ago DH started going to back to the office 2-3 days/wk and it's turned everything around. How is your sex life? That's the one piece of evidence I was able to use to persuade DH to get out of the house on a regular basis. We used to have sex regularly 2-3 x/wk and when he was home it was more like 2x/month. On my part it was b/c of everything you listed, he was just around too much and I never got to miss him. There are so many psychological benefits for him getting out of the house even if they aren't tangible. And there is solid data that staying at home (whether WAH or SAHD) reduces testosterone levels.

I feel so bad for the dhs in this scenario. Why should they have a harder life than their wives? You guys go work in an office! The entitlement is beyond

Says a clueless, childless, probably single, idiot.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM but everything else about your post resonates with me 100%. A few months ago DH started going to back to the office 2-3 days/wk and it's turned everything around. How is your sex life? That's the one piece of evidence I was able to use to persuade DH to get out of the house on a regular basis. We used to have sex regularly 2-3 x/wk and when he was home it was more like 2x/month. On my part it was b/c of everything you listed, he was just around too much and I never got to miss him. There are so many psychological benefits for him getting out of the house even if they aren't tangible. And there is solid data that staying at home (whether WAH or SAHD) reduces testosterone levels.

I feel so bad for the dhs in this scenario. Why should they have a harder life than their wives? You guys go work in an office! The entitlement is beyond

OP here - a couple of quick points. Our kids are not of driving age. One is in upper elementary, the other in middle school. To the poster who said I seem angry and resentful, this is probably on point. Because I am still 100% responsible for kid duties while he's WFH. Most mornings I need to wake him to even get ready for the day. I guess I feel like I have another child with him WFH, which is very unattractive.

To all the posters telling me to get a job out of the house. It's not going to happen. I've been in my current job for a long time and it has all the flexibility my family needs. We can't afford a wework or shared workspace for me.

It's just frustrating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM but everything else about your post resonates with me 100%. A few months ago DH started going to back to the office 2-3 days/wk and it's turned everything around. How is your sex life? That's the one piece of evidence I was able to use to persuade DH to get out of the house on a regular basis. We used to have sex regularly 2-3 x/wk and when he was home it was more like 2x/month. On my part it was b/c of everything you listed, he was just around too much and I never got to miss him. There are so many psychological benefits for him getting out of the house even if they aren't tangible. And there is solid data that staying at home (whether WAH or SAHD) reduces testosterone levels.

Exactly - too much time together is killing my desire and feeling I once had for him. Even a couple of times/week would make a difference, but he refuses. I am not attracted to him at all. Glad your DH listened and at least got out of the house a bit!

Find yourself a space to work outside of your home! Be it Starbucks, a shared space or anything. This seems like something you could fix if you wanted to!

I don't get the posters telling the OP to work outside the house. She is clearly the one responsible for taking care of the kids, not the DH drinking wine and watching tv until midnight. He should be the one doing what is best for his family, including his wife's emotional well-being, he needs to get back into an office and back into a sensible routine.

No. Working in an office when he doesn’t have to isn’t what’s best for HIS “emotional well-being.”

His wife is just a ridiculous, spoiled princess.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but 'I want to be the one who works from home not you' is a bad take.

'I don't find you attractive when you do this ' is an even worse take when you barely sleep with him now and make it obvious you don't really want to.

Why should he care what you want when you don't care what he wants?

+1

OP needs to grow up.

Leave him alone. He's showering at 9am instead of 7am and you're mad about that? Why should he have to go into the office? If you're so bothered by being around him all day why don't you get a job with an office??