Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep justifying your selfish life choices, ladies!

You are weirdly invested into something that has nothing to do with you.

And what does it have to do with anyone but OP? What does any post on this entire website have to do with anyone besides the OPs?

Weirdo.

Well, if you go back to the OP’s original post, she asked for input from women who had babies at 40+. So all of the PPs who didn’t have kids in their 40s aren’t actually answering the question she asked.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just can't help but look around the dinner table thinking ... we're not all here yet.

If that makes ANY sense at all.

I get this OP. Though in full transparency I'm 31 and debating number 3. Part of me is like ok my current two will both be in college by the time DH and I are 46. I have older parents and it bummed me out a lot.

I had my first at 31. Personally I think kids make you feel younger and a few young moms seemed older when their kids were older.

I agree with this. I'm sort of surprised to see so many posts about how everyone is 'too old' to have babies. Had my first at 31, my second at 39, and now I'm 42. I work a demanding job, typically go to bed bed around midnight, get up at 6 am...I have enough to energy to work out in the mornings, volunteer on the PTA, etc. I'm sorry that some of you young moms seems so exhausted by the time you hit 40, but I assure you, OP, age isn't anything but a number. I totally understand the concerns about spacing and being a lot older when your child is in college. But these ridiculous side stories everyone is pushing about how hard parenting is in the 40's are absurd.

You need to work on your reading comprehension. Most people are not talking about your 40's. Most people are talking about parenting teens and paying college tuition in your 60's. Becoming new grandparents in your late 70's and beyond.

Our last child will graduate college when we are 53, and we will also be mortgage free by then. Many of these posters will still be attending elementary school back-to-school night at that point. Maybe that's what they want - but its a totally different life.

I don’t understand why people think it’s so bad to be going to back to school night in your 50s or sending kids off to college in early sixties? It just doesn’t seem that bad to me. Nothing to worry about. Dying early I worry about (but likely would have worried about this even if I had my kid at an earlier age.)
Elementary school back to school nights and college visits NBD.

PP you quoted. I guess I am the "selfish" one because I want to spend my 50's and 60's traveling and enjoying life with my husband. We want to retire early. And if we are lucky we will have some grandkids while we are still relatively young that we want to be involved with. Other people lived this kid free existence in their 20's and 30's and we did not. So its just a tradeoff. But I adore my kids and parenting, and if having them in my late 30's and early 40's was my only option, of course I would have still done it. I think the confusing part to people is that OP already has 2 healthy kids. But I was young and I still stopped at 2 healthy kids.

This is a critical difference. If you went straight through school and into a law firm or other competitive field, then of course you want to have your freedom in your 50s and 60s. Those that lived large in their 20s probably don't feel the same urgency to retire early and get the kids out of the house. Like all things, it's a trade off and not always completely in your control.

I the pre-pp and I didn't live large during my 20s and 30s and am feeling a bit burnt out - so one negative is that I will not have the flexibility to retire early. I can see myself wanting to retire early so I would have more time with my child though, not necessarily because I want to live it up. But my parents worked into their eighties so retiring early has never really been on my radar since I have no models for that in my life. I certainly didn't go in thinking I wanted to have kids this late in life (and would actually encourage my daughter to have hers earlier) but for me the choice was no kids at all or a kid in my 40s and deciding that I wanted a child means choosing to accept all the comes with that. The fact that I will be doing it 10-20 years later than some folks is just the way my life worked out. No question in my mind that I'm a better parent now than I would have been in my 20s and 30s which is a good thing. If I don't get to retire early and travel the world in my fifties/sixties (or whatever people do when they retire early) that's ok - raising a child is more important to me. In OPs case it's just a few years more of parenting so the trade-off is less extreme than it is for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep justifying your selfish life choices, ladies!

You might want to reflect on the sense of gratification and purpose that you seem to feel out of calling new moms in their 40s selfish. If it's coming from a place of personal sadness, I'm sorry you feel that way. There are plusses and minuses to becoming parents at any age. My kids will likely lose their parents at a much younger age than I will, but my kids are growing up in a household with far less financial stress. I wish I had my kids earlier, but I selfishly lost my job in my early thirties and then had a series of very selfish miscarriages. The silver lining is I'm extra grateful for my kids and name calling by sad internet strangers doesn't faze me personally.

You protest too much. So, yeah, you’re fazed alright.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep justifying your selfish life choices, ladies!

You are weirdly invested into something that has nothing to do with you.

And what does it have to do with anyone but OP? What does any post on this entire website have to do with anyone besides the OPs?

Weirdo.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just can't help but look around the dinner table thinking ... we're not all here yet.

If that makes ANY sense at all.

I get this OP. Though in full transparency I'm 31 and debating number 3. Part of me is like ok my current two will both be in college by the time DH and I are 46. I have older parents and it bummed me out a lot.

I had my first at 31. Personally I think kids make you feel younger and a few young moms seemed older when their kids were older.

I agree with this. I'm sort of surprised to see so many posts about how everyone is 'too old' to have babies. Had my first at 31, my second at 39, and now I'm 42. I work a demanding job, typically go to bed bed around midnight, get up at 6 am...I have enough to energy to work out in the mornings, volunteer on the PTA, etc. I'm sorry that some of you young moms seems so exhausted by the time you hit 40, but I assure you, OP, age isn't anything but a number. I totally understand the concerns about spacing and being a lot older when your child is in college. But these ridiculous side stories everyone is pushing about how hard parenting is in the 40's are absurd.

You need to work on your reading comprehension. Most people are not talking about your 40's. Most people are talking about parenting teens and paying college tuition in your 60's. Becoming new grandparents in your late 70's and beyond.

Our last child will graduate college when we are 53, and we will also be mortgage free by then. Many of these posters will still be attending elementary school back-to-school night at that point. Maybe that's what they want - but its a totally different life.

I don’t understand why people think it’s so bad to be going to back to school night in your 50s or sending kids off to college in early sixties? It just doesn’t seem that bad to me. Nothing to worry about. Dying early I worry about (but likely would have worried about this even if I had my kid at an earlier age.)
Elementary school back to school nights and college visits NBD.

PP you quoted. I guess I am the "selfish" one because I want to spend my 50's and 60's traveling and enjoying life with my husband. We want to retire early. And if we are lucky we will have some grandkids while we are still relatively young that we want to be involved with. Other people lived this kid free existence in their 20's and 30's and we did not. So its just a tradeoff. But I adore my kids and parenting, and if having them in my late 30's and early 40's was my only option, of course I would have still done it. I think the confusing part to people is that OP already has 2 healthy kids. But I was young and I still stopped at 2 healthy kids.

This is a critical difference. If you went straight through school and into a law firm or other competitive field, then of course you want to have your freedom in your 50s and 60s. Those that lived large in their 20s probably don't feel the same urgency to retire early and get the kids out of the house. Like all things, it's a trade off and not always completely in your control.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just can't help but look around the dinner table thinking ... we're not all here yet.

If that makes ANY sense at all.

I get this OP. Though in full transparency I'm 31 and debating number 3. Part of me is like ok my current two will both be in college by the time DH and I are 46. I have older parents and it bummed me out a lot.

I had my first at 31. Personally I think kids make you feel younger and a few young moms seemed older when their kids were older.

I agree with this. I'm sort of surprised to see so many posts about how everyone is 'too old' to have babies. Had my first at 31, my second at 39, and now I'm 42. I work a demanding job, typically go to bed bed around midnight, get up at 6 am...I have enough to energy to work out in the mornings, volunteer on the PTA, etc. I'm sorry that some of you young moms seems so exhausted by the time you hit 40, but I assure you, OP, age isn't anything but a number. I totally understand the concerns about spacing and being a lot older when your child is in college. But these ridiculous side stories everyone is pushing about how hard parenting is in the 40's are absurd.

You need to work on your reading comprehension. Most people are not talking about your 40's. Most people are talking about parenting teens and paying college tuition in your 60's. Becoming new grandparents in your late 70's and beyond.

Our last child will graduate college when we are 53, and we will also be mortgage free by then. Many of these posters will still be attending elementary school back-to-school night at that point. Maybe that's what they want - but its a totally different life.

I don’t understand why people think it’s so bad to be going to back to school night in your 50s or sending kids off to college in early sixties? It just doesn’t seem that bad to me. Nothing to worry about. Dying early I worry about (but likely would have worried about this even if I had my kid at an earlier age.)
Elementary school back to school nights and college visits NBD.

PP you quoted. I guess I am the "selfish" one because I want to spend my 50's and 60's traveling and enjoying life with my husband. We want to retire early. And if we are lucky we will have some grandkids while we are still relatively young that we want to be involved with. Other people lived this kid free existence in their 20's and 30's and we did not. So its just a tradeoff. But I adore my kids and parenting, and if having them in my late 30's and early 40's was my only option, of course I would have still done it. I think the confusing part to people is that OP already has 2 healthy kids. But I was young and I still stopped at 2 healthy kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just can't help but look around the dinner table thinking ... we're not all here yet.

If that makes ANY sense at all.

I get this OP. Though in full transparency I'm 31 and debating number 3. Part of me is like ok my current two will both be in college by the time DH and I are 46. I have older parents and it bummed me out a lot.

I had my first at 31. Personally I think kids make you feel younger and a few young moms seemed older when their kids were older.

I agree with this. I'm sort of surprised to see so many posts about how everyone is 'too old' to have babies. Had my first at 31, my second at 39, and now I'm 42. I work a demanding job, typically go to bed bed around midnight, get up at 6 am...I have enough to energy to work out in the mornings, volunteer on the PTA, etc. I'm sorry that some of you young moms seems so exhausted by the time you hit 40, but I assure you, OP, age isn't anything but a number. I totally understand the concerns about spacing and being a lot older when your child is in college. But these ridiculous side stories everyone is pushing about how hard parenting is in the 40's are absurd.

You need to work on your reading comprehension. Most people are not talking about your 40's. Most people are talking about parenting teens and paying college tuition in your 60's. Becoming new grandparents in your late 70's and beyond.

Our last child will graduate college when we are 53, and we will also be mortgage free by then. Many of these posters will still be attending elementary school back-to-school night at that point. Maybe that's what they want - but its a totally different life.

I don’t understand why people think it’s so bad to be going to back to school night in your 50s or sending kids off to college in early sixties? It just doesn’t seem that bad to me. Nothing to worry about. Dying early I worry about (but likely would have worried about this even if I had my kid at an earlier age.)
Elementary school back to school nights and college visits NBD.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just can't help but look around the dinner table thinking ... we're not all here yet.

If that makes ANY sense at all.

I get this OP. Though in full transparency I'm 31 and debating number 3. Part of me is like ok my current two will both be in college by the time DH and I are 46. I have older parents and it bummed me out a lot.

I had my first at 31. Personally I think kids make you feel younger and a few young moms seemed older when their kids were older.

I agree with this. I'm sort of surprised to see so many posts about how everyone is 'too old' to have babies. Had my first at 31, my second at 39, and now I'm 42. I work a demanding job, typically go to bed bed around midnight, get up at 6 am...I have enough to energy to work out in the mornings, volunteer on the PTA, etc. I'm sorry that some of you young moms seems so exhausted by the time you hit 40, but I assure you, OP, age isn't anything but a number. I totally understand the concerns about spacing and being a lot older when your child is in college. But these ridiculous side stories everyone is pushing about how hard parenting is in the 40's are absurd.

You need to work on your reading comprehension. Most people are not talking about your 40's. Most people are talking about parenting teens and paying college tuition in your 60's. Becoming new grandparents in your late 70's and beyond.

Our last child will graduate college when we are 53, and we will also be mortgage free by then. Many of these posters will still be attending elementary school back-to-school night at that point. Maybe that's what they want - but its a totally different life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just can't help but look around the dinner table thinking ... we're not all here yet.

If that makes ANY sense at all.

I get this OP. Though in full transparency I'm 31 and debating number 3. Part of me is like ok my current two will both be in college by the time DH and I are 46. I have older parents and it bummed me out a lot.

I had my first at 31. Personally I think kids make you feel younger and a few young moms seemed older when their kids were older.

I agree with this. I'm sort of surprised to see so many posts about how everyone is 'too old' to have babies. Had my first at 31, my second at 39, and now I'm 42. I work a demanding job, typically go to bed bed around midnight, get up at 6 am...I have enough to energy to work out in the mornings, volunteer on the PTA, etc. I'm sorry that some of you young moms seems so exhausted by the time you hit 40, but I assure you, OP, age isn't anything but a number. I totally understand the concerns about spacing and being a lot older when your child is in college. But these ridiculous side stories everyone is pushing about how hard parenting is in the 40's are absurd.

Anonymous wrote:Keep justifying your selfish life choices, ladies!

You might want to reflect on the sense of gratification and purpose that you seem to feel out of calling new moms in their 40s selfish. If it's coming from a place of personal sadness, I'm sorry you feel that way. There are plusses and minuses to becoming parents at any age. My kids will likely lose their parents at a much younger age than I will, but my kids are growing up in a household with far less financial stress. I wish I had my kids earlier, but I selfishly lost my job in my early thirties and then had a series of very selfish miscarriages. The silver lining is I'm extra grateful for my kids and name calling by sad internet strangers doesn't faze me personally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many Debbie Downers on this thread. And you all seem to be tremendously out of shape. I had my kids at 41 and 45, I am now 61 and my kids and I train for our century bike rides every weekend.

Get off the couch! Who could possibly be tired in their 40s and 50s??

Talk to us when you're 71, or 75, and a new grandmother and can't do squat with your grandkids and are simply a burden on everybody.

-- 61 year old with three grandkids who can actually lend a hand

Man, if I'm 61 (!) years old and coming on an anonymous website to crap on strangers, someone, please, put me out of my misery.

Ok. What’s your address?

I’m cracking up (DP)

Maternal mortality increases significantly over 40. I know a healthy woman who died in childbirth at 40. If you already have children this is something to consider. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hestat/maternal-mortality/2020/maternal-mortality-rates-2020.htm

Anonymous wrote:Keep justifying your selfish life choices, ladies!

You are weirdly invested into something that has nothing to do with you.

I'd also consider if you have other caregiving responsibilities; i'm grateful that my kids are entering their teens as I am starting to have to spend more time caring for my mother and probably soon in-laws as well. I can't imagine eldercare plus toddler--I think I'd go over the edge, as delightful as toddlers are.

Keep justifying your selfish life choices, ladies!