Anonymous wrote:I was very anti OP earlier in the thread. I will say that the scenario laid out on the last pages, of the husband being home all day and leaving after texting op makes it much more egregious and unacceptable.

However I also feel like the way OP is changing and reframing the story based on poster feedback makes me much more convinced she/he is a troll

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

Nice way to deflect that he almost drowned the kid. Johnny Depp, is that you?

DP. And I agree with PP (and hate JD for whatever that is worth). Two absentminded incidents for someone with children under 5 is not a reason to divorce, unless the husband is constantly doing stuff like this and not seeing it as a problem. Flying into a rage and threatening divorce is, IMO, something that should never be done. Ever, unless perhaps you have literally walked in on them cheating on you or something.

Almost drowning your infant and leaving two toddlers alone in the house aren't minor incidents. I would seriously consider divorce but I wouldn't want my kids with him half the time. There's something wrong with this man.

Tell me you don't understand ADD without telling me you don't understand ADD. I love my kids and am a very present parent and can see myself doing both of these things if I didn't have a bunch of systems in place to stop my mind from wandering away.

DP. Then maybe you shouldn't be a parent? Having ADD and blaming that on almost drowning a baby is insane. I know many parents with ADD/ADHD and none have endangered their children like this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No it’s not divorce worthy, yes you are overreacting. And do something about your rage. Normal to be upset but everyone makes mistakes, no harm came to them and your reaction is serious red flags. Seek help.

I am being very serious.

This. You are overreacting and your rage/ anxiety is not appropriate. Assuming this has never happened before, it was a mistake and he has learned. You need to get some therapy, OP.

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. I left the house this morning to take preschooler to school. Typically, I am home during the day but today I was out all day and he knew this. He said he was tired from working from home and taking care of the twins all day and he assumed I was back. Even if I had not been out all day, I am never home at that time because I am always at school at that time doing pick up. I am still probably too emotional to talk to him rationally at this point so I proposed discussing it tomorrow.

Sadly, I do not have a time machine to go back and divorce him after the bathtub incident. At the time, everyone said I was overreacting, everyone makes mistakes.

In your gut, what do you think is really going on? Is he a flake? Is he self-absorbed and struggles to think of others? Does he have ADHD?
What’s his response—remorse? defensive? Share how he reacted.

He has ADHD and anger issues. Response defensive but he eventually did apologize. And yes, very self-absorbed. I feel like I can't trust him alone with the kids. I very rarely leave him with them but sometimes I have no choice.

It’s time for a come to Jesus sit down. He has a month to get an appointment scheduled with a therapist to deal with the ADHD and anger. He needs to be on meds by the end of July. If he chooses to ignore this, then you’ll be taking steps to end this marriage. The safety of your children must come first. Say it calmly and rationally. There’s no need to get emotional or beg or cry. Just state the terms and leave it in his court.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I left the house this morning to take preschooler to school. Typically, I am home during the day but today I was out all day and he knew this. He said he was tired from working from home and taking care of the twins all day and he assumed I was back. Even if I had not been out all day, I am never home at that time because I am always at school at that time doing pick up. I am still probably too emotional to talk to him rationally at this point so I proposed discussing it tomorrow.

Sadly, I do not have a time machine to go back and divorce him after the bathtub incident. At the time, everyone said I was overreacting, everyone makes mistakes.

In your gut, what do you think is really going on? Is he a flake? Is he self-absorbed and struggles to think of others? Does he have ADHD?
What’s his response—remorse? defensive? Share how he reacted.

He has ADHD and anger issues. Response defensive but he eventually did apologize. And yes, very self-absorbed. I feel like I can't trust him alone with the kids. I very rarely leave him with them but sometimes I have no choice.

Anonymous wrote:I swear most of you people should've never gotten married in the first place. Nobody is allowed to screw up anymore. Yeah, I'd be pissed. Yeah, he was wrong. Yeah, I'd be fuming, but geesh, divorce?? Smh.

Anonymous wrote:I swear most of you people should've never gotten married in the first place. Nobody is allowed to screw up anymore. Yeah, I'd be pissed. Yeah, he was wrong. Yeah, I'd be fuming, but geesh, divorce?? Smh.

Anonymous wrote:Holy crap, baby submerged alone in tub is real real bad. He must have bad ADD. I don't think it's safe for him to be alone with real little kids. I'm sorry OP.

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Anonymous wrote:Ok just so I'm clear about how things went- times are approximate:
9AM- you leave with the preschooler for the day. He knows you will he gone all day.
He's at home alone with the twins while he works.
2:30PM- he sends you a text saying he's leaving
3:00PM - you arrive home with the preschooler to find no adult

Is that correct?
If so- those of you blaming OP are way way way off base. He left children in the house without double checking if she had gotten home. He's the one who didn't make the handoff.

He drove down the driveway presumably without noticing that her car wasn't there. Makes me really wonder if he's paying attention to these twins at all while he's working.

I wouldn't ever trust him with the kids alone again esp after the infant near drowning incident

Yes, this is exactly what happened.

Did you ask him what he was DOING WITH THE TWINS when he decided to leave the house with them roaming around? I mean he's an idiot.

He said he put them down for a nap. They were roaming around the house by the time I arrived.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok just so I'm clear about how things went- times are approximate:
9AM- you leave with the preschooler for the day. He knows you will he gone all day.
He's at home alone with the twins while he works.
2:30PM- he sends you a text saying he's leaving
3:00PM - you arrive home with the preschooler to find no adult

Is that correct?
If so- those of you blaming OP are way way way off base. He left children in the house without double checking if she had gotten home. He's the one who didn't make the handoff.

He drove down the driveway presumably without noticing that her car wasn't there. Makes me really wonder if he's paying attention to these twins at all while he's working.

I wouldn't ever trust him with the kids alone again esp after the infant near drowning incident

Yes, this is exactly what happened.

Yes this is really messed up. He's absolutely at fault and this is egregious.

But on a much more mundane note, you might also need childcare help during during workday. If you know he is inattentive then having him watch them while working seems like a recipe for trouble even WHEN he is home, his attention will be divided.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok just so I'm clear about how things went- times are approximate:
9AM- you leave with the preschooler for the day. He knows you will he gone all day.
He's at home alone with the twins while he works.
2:30PM- he sends you a text saying he's leaving
3:00PM - you arrive home with the preschooler to find no adult

Is that correct?
If so- those of you blaming OP are way way way off base. He left children in the house without double checking if she had gotten home. He's the one who didn't make the handoff.

He drove down the driveway presumably without noticing that her car wasn't there. Makes me really wonder if he's paying attention to these twins at all while he's working.

I wouldn't ever trust him with the kids alone again esp after the infant near drowning incident

Yes, this is exactly what happened.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok just so I'm clear about how things went- times are approximate:
9AM- you leave with the preschooler for the day. He knows you will he gone all day.
He's at home alone with the twins while he works.
2:30PM- he sends you a text saying he's leaving
3:00PM - you arrive home with the preschooler to find no adult

Is that correct?
If so- those of you blaming OP are way way way off base. He left children in the house without double checking if she had gotten home. He's the one who didn't make the handoff.

He drove down the driveway presumably without noticing that her car wasn't there. Makes me really wonder if he's paying attention to these twins at all while he's working.

I wouldn't ever trust him with the kids alone again esp after the infant near drowning incident

Yes, this is exactly what happened.

Did you ask him what he was DOING WITH THE TWINS when he decided to leave the house with them roaming around? I mean he's an idiot.