Everyone keeps saying it’s about power. Hogwash. I’m a man. I can tell you it’s about appearance. Some men are simply absorbed with physical beauty and they think of that only as a tight body, no stretch marks or imperfections, etc. Some things really are occams razor simple folks.

It’s funny how these threads are so predictable. People who find it creepy explain all the reasons it is, in fact, creepy, including that the young women who enter into these relationships are often especially vulnerable. Then, the men who are in these relationships or wish they were just talk about how they can find 20-somethings willing to date them. Which is a complete non sequitur but, in their minds passes for a brag.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a woman. When I was 19-24 I dated significantly (10+ years) older. I had serious unaddressed and untreated trauma and was living hand to mouth.

In hindsight I recognize the profound power imbalance - I hardly knew anything about adult life and lacked savvy and sophistication in so many ways. There’s an “ick” factor when I consider what these men were attracted to in me. Why was a 36-year-old lawyer more interested in a 20-year-old cocktail waitress (me) than a professional woman closer to his age?

It’s exploitative and weird - I don’t care what any man says to justify it.

Similar experience, I agree completely.

My father, grandfathers, and uncles would have run off (or worse) any man in his 30s or 40’s who tried to date me in my teens or early twenties. I wasn’t interested in dating men near their age in any case.

Think of it this way Elvis Presley was 24 years old and was dating 13-14 year old girls. Priscella was 14 years old when they dated.

He was actually a paedophile.

I think 10-12 years is fine, both parents and inlaws have this age gap. Keep in mind both my mother and MIL are doing care taking for father and FIL due to age related issues. This is the down side of marrying with a huge age gap.

Anything more than that and I think there is some sort of issue with the male. Every relationship I have seen with large age gaps generally have some sort of power imbalance going on. A lot of the time they are men who are serial cheaters who kept on wanting youth and looks over everything else and they seem to go from partner to partner. One I know married 4 times and is simply unstable. One I know tells his girlfriend how to dress even though she is in her 20's. To me it's creepy.

It's the same as a manager who only hires young workers, they are more pliable and easy to manipulate, don't have the self esteem to speak up clearly regarding their rights. Cheap, you don't have to pay as much and they are happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just turned 62, widowed past 15 years. and still dating women in their 40s to early 50s. I get the cringe factor of guys still dating women in their 20s but, at my age, a decade younger with children who have left home just seems perfect. The women my age or even within 5 years of my age that I see on dating sites, or who pursue me just haven't held up very well at all, with some rare exceptions.

Guess what, you aren’t holding up well either.

Men take note: on this forum, the go-to line of argument for women is the ad hominem attack.

DP. The comment regarding you aren't holding up either was after a man mentioned older women not holding up well in age. I guess it is the same both ways huh. I mean lets be honest once both sexes hit 60+ they certainly look their age, they look old, no matter how deluded they are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just turned 62, widowed past 15 years. and still dating women in their 40s to early 50s. I get the cringe factor of guys still dating women in their 20s but, at my age, a decade younger with children who have left home just seems perfect. The women my age or even within 5 years of my age that I see on dating sites, or who pursue me just haven't held up very well at all, with some rare exceptions.

Guess what, you aren’t holding up well either.

Men take note: on this forum, the go-to line of argument for women is the ad hominem attack.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the ick factor is in proportion to age difference. My Bil increasingly has dated younger and younger women. His current gf is 20ish and he is nearing 40. I remember what being 20 was like and there is such an extreme power imbalance here. I feel the ick factor on her part too but I feel it much more strongly on him because he is so much older and should know better. It grosses me out and I avoid him as far as I can without making things awkward. I think he is emotionally messed up and is attracted to these young women for their youth and beauty. The women are naive and he historically always finds something wrong with their character without seeming to have much desire to look at himself.

Yeah, it's terrible to want those things in a woman.

DP. There is a huge ick factor in men of any age using women as sex toys.

How terrible to lust after your significant other!

There is typically a huge mental/emotional gap between being in your 20s and being in your 40s (or really any 20-year age gap). If you are with someone you don’t have any real mental/emotional connection with just for sex without any regard for their emotional well-being, then yes, it’s gross.

And most women will admit sex in their early 2Os was not super orgasmic- young women are still faking it and more concerned about their partner’s pleasure and what they look like naked. I don’t care how slutty they appear or much fellatio they perform, they are not typically uninhibited at this age. These guys think they look hot pulling in a younger chick, but I just think he looks foolish and is bad at sex and doesn’t know it. Ask a woman.

Every relationship I’ve seen where the man is much older than the woman, the man is definitely getting off on the power imbalance being in his favor. And the women are usually naive and perhaps emotionally stunted a bit and don’t yet recognize what they want in a relationship or in life in general. I’m essence, it feels like the women are being tricked and once they mature a bit they’ll look back and regret the relationship. Not always but typically the woman is much more physically attractive than the man. Like it’s not even close. And the guy probably was never very physically attractive which may be part of the reason why he’s still single when he’s old.

-a woman who has dated older guys and regretted it and could see looking back that they were lecherous creeps

Anonymous wrote:Just turned 62, widowed past 15 years. and still dating women in their 40s to early 50s. I get the cringe factor of guys still dating women in their 20s but, at my age, a decade younger with children who have left home just seems perfect. The women my age or even within 5 years of my age that I see on dating sites, or who pursue me just haven't held up very well at all, with some rare exceptions.

Guess what, you aren’t holding up well either.

My dad was 10 years older than my mom, not a good marriage but not because of his age, and I am very thankful it happened anyway, for obvious reasons.

My son married a woman 10 years older than him, that didn't go that well either after the first five years but also not because of her age, other factors.

My H was 6 years older than me, that went just fine for 25 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father was 69 when he married a 48 year old woman. I was 43 at the time. He is definitely a predator and I find it sad that his wife missed the red flags. I mean, he rents out rooms in his house to college females. Fired from jobs for sexual harrassment, etc. I've washed my hands of him but feel bad for the unsuspecting females he encounters.

How much coddling does a 48-year-old woman need? Surely she can make big girl choices.

No, no, they have no agency whatsoever. We must infantilize woman at every opportunity. The fair sex must be protected at all costs!

DP. It’s not so much infantilizing as recognizing that a guy drawn to younger women with issues usually have issues themselves. Just like pp’s father.

Power imbalance. No need to explain it further. Society socialized everyone to accept this mate pairing as ideal for men with money and women with no career ambition using their bodies to gain money. Their body is their power but it fades over time whereas men with money still have money and power even when their balls hit their ankles.

Why do women hate this? Obvious town. We women don’t have the same power longevity men yield.

I think it’s disgusting, but to each their own. I could never/have never dated anyone a decade older than me. I’m just not attacked to them.

I’m also not friends with anyone who dates these older men. I presume these women exist. I just don’t know any of them personally.

When I see couples like this - a man in his 60a and a woman in her 40s I just presume she doesn’t have her own means to support herself. And I’m glad that I can. I feel disgusts towards the man and pitty for the woman.