Anonymous
10/22/2024 16:05
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Whole lotta busy, secure, successful working moms posting on a glorified gossip board in the middle of the work day.
-gainfully employed, but not deluded, mom
-gainfully employed, but not deluded, mom
Anonymous
10/22/2024 15:58
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?
Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.
That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.
Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.
DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.
DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.
it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.
Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.
There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)
+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃
Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.
Speak for yourself only. Plenty of dual-income families do NOT have involved husbands. There are lots of working moms whose husbands don't do much parenting/with the kids.
+1 I'm a working mom and luckily my H is not one of them, but yes this is of course sadly true. And plenty of H's of SAHMs are great. But you see, the other PP (and a few others like her) have made up a whole convenient narrative as to what SAHM households look like. The H in these households is forced to work a biiiiig fancy job that keeps him away from his kids all but a fraction of the time, yet despite that, apparently they can't afford domestic help so the SAHM wastes all her kids' waking hours on domestic chores.
This is the reality for a lot of single income families though, except the H's job isn't fancy and he's working overtime to make ends meet. DCUM is pretty out of touch about how anyone but the UMC/UC lives.
How do you know that? I'm a SAHM and my husband's job isn't fancy and he doesn't work overtime. We are very middle class, not UMC or UC at all.
Families like yours do not exist in the other PP's mind because they don't help her feel better about her set-up.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 15:44
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?
Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.
That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.
Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.
DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.
DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.
it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.
Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.
There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)
+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃
Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.
Speak for yourself only. Plenty of dual-income families do NOT have involved husbands. There are lots of working moms whose husbands don't do much parenting/with the kids.
+1 I'm a working mom and luckily my H is not one of them, but yes this is of course sadly true. And plenty of H's of SAHMs are great. But you see, the other PP (and a few others like her) have made up a whole convenient narrative as to what SAHM households look like. The H in these households is forced to work a biiiiig fancy job that keeps him away from his kids all but a fraction of the time, yet despite that, apparently they can't afford domestic help so the SAHM wastes all her kids' waking hours on domestic chores.
This is the reality for a lot of single income families though, except the H's job isn't fancy and he's working overtime to make ends meet. DCUM is pretty out of touch about how anyone but the UMC/UC lives.
How do you know that? I'm a SAHM and my husband's job isn't fancy and he doesn't work overtime. We are very middle class, not UMC or UC at all.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 15:43
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?
Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.
That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.
Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.
DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.
DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.
it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.
Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.
There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)
+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃
Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.
You have no clue what it's like in others' households. I'm a SAHM with a very involved DH. I have a good friend who is works full time in a very demanding career as does her husband and even though they both work more than 40 hours a week (and both earn about the same amount of $, which I only mention bc I'm sure someone will bring it up), she does majority of the household and childcare related tasks while her DH does very little. Being a family w/ 2 working parents or 1 working parent and 1 SAHP, the amount of involvement each parent has w/ their kids is different in each family. It's incredibly naive and stupid of you to assume that SAHMs all have uninvolved DHs and working moms all have involved DHs.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 15:43
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?
Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.
That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.
Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.
DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.
DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.
it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.
Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.
There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)
+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃
Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.
Speak for yourself only. Plenty of dual-income families do NOT have involved husbands. There are lots of working moms whose husbands don't do much parenting/with the kids.
+1 I'm a working mom and luckily my H is not one of them, but yes this is of course sadly true. And plenty of H's of SAHMs are great. But you see, the other PP (and a few others like her) have made up a whole convenient narrative as to what SAHM households look like. The H in these households is forced to work a biiiiig fancy job that keeps him away from his kids all but a fraction of the time, yet despite that, apparently they can't afford domestic help so the SAHM wastes all her kids' waking hours on domestic chores.
This is the reality for a lot of single income families though, except the H's job isn't fancy and he's working overtime to make ends meet. DCUM is pretty out of touch about how anyone but the UMC/UC lives.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 15:37
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?
Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.
That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.
Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.
DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.
DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.
it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.
Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.
There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)
+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃
Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.
Speak for yourself only. Plenty of dual-income families do NOT have involved husbands. There are lots of working moms whose husbands don't do much parenting/with the kids.
+1 I'm a working mom and luckily my H is not one of them, but yes this is of course sadly true. And plenty of H's of SAHMs are great. But you see, the other PP (and a few others like her) have made up a whole convenient narrative as to what SAHM households look like. The H in these households is forced to work a biiiiig fancy job that keeps him away from his kids all but a fraction of the time, yet despite that, apparently they can't afford domestic help so the SAHM wastes all her kids' waking hours on domestic chores.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 15:28
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?
Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.
That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.
Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.
DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.
DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.
it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.
Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.
There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)
+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃
Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.
Speak for yourself only. Plenty of dual-income families do NOT have involved husbands. There are lots of working moms whose husbands don't do much parenting/with the kids.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 15:24
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?
Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.
That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.
Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.
DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.
DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.
it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.
Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.
There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)
Yes it’s true I’ve followed the absurdity of the 24x7 parenting including co-sleeping to prove they spend more time with their child and now a psychologist’s sister who changed her whole schedule to be in the room next to her sleeping child because her sister said so.
lol.
Seriously lady nobody cares about your opinion.
I just keep this thread going for the sheer entertainment.
Thanks for playing along.
What do you do for work, exactly? I hope nothing too consequential. Your reasoning and writing ability does not inspire confidence.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 15:23
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?
Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.
That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.
Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.
DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.
DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.
it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.
Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.
There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)
+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃
Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.
Exactly! Nobody here ever complains about their husband not helping out. Everyone has it 50/50 or better!
Anonymous
10/22/2024 15:23
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
I'm really grateful my wife if a SAHM.
No offense to hard working people in the child care industry...they are to be commended. However, nobody can educate and love kids as much as their parents. Especially not entry-level workers.
Everyone works for someone...it can be Bill Lumbergh or your family!
No offense to hard working people in the child care industry...they are to be commended. However, nobody can educate and love kids as much as their parents. Especially not entry-level workers.
Everyone works for someone...it can be Bill Lumbergh or your family!
Anonymous
10/22/2024 15:21
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?
Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.
That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.
Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.
DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.
DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.
it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.
Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.
There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)
+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃
Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 15:21
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?
Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.
That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.
Working mom here and I actually do think there is value when kids are very young (babies) to being near or with parents when they are napping. My sister is a developmental psychologist and turned me onto both attachment theory and the idea of "co-regulation" as a way to teach kids how to regulate emotions. The safety and security of sleeping in the vicinity of a parent as a baby may have real value to the parent-child relationship, and babies who learn to calm by co-regulating their bodies (breathing, heart rate) with a calm adult may do a better job calming themselves as they grow older due to modeling.
I was able to cobble together a European-style maternity leave (4 mo paid leave from generous employer, 1 week stored vacation and sick leave, 4 mo unpaid leave, and a 3 month "on ramp" where I started with just two mornings a week and then built back up to 32 hours adding both in-office and WFH hours) and I'm a real believer in the value of being physically present for very young children. And I stayed at 32 hours so even now I have a ton of flexibility-- if I didn't I'd probably seriously consider being a SAHM at least until my kid was older. But I recognize this is not a realistic option for most parents, including my DH who wanted to take a longer leave (and we could have afforded it even if unpaid) but his employer gave it a hard no. I was extremely fortunate to do what I did.
I wouldn't blink or be offended if a SAHM told me she wanted to stay home because she "didn't want someone else raising" her kids. I get it. I think in an ideal world you wouldn't have to choose but in the US you often do. I view it as a criticism of US's lack of supports for the parents of young kids and poor options for childcare. Work culture in the US is generally very anti-family and anti-child specifically. We have done very little as a family to enable families to engage in "best practices" in terms of early childhood development.
How many kids do you have and what is the spacing? Did you, or do you plan to, do something like this for each one?
PP here and I wound up only having one kid because I had secondary infertility and now I am too old for another kid. But yes the plan was to do this exact schedule with the second. This is of course only made possible because I work for an organization that permits it -- we offer 4 months of paid leave to all parents (men and women and includes adoptive parents as well as people who are the primary caregivers to adults who need full time care) and the leave policy explicitly allows for people to take up to a year total of leave (inclusive of the paid leave though the rest would be unpaid) and keep their jobs and we have procedures in place to re-integrated folks who have taken extended leaves. I've had two people on my team take similar leaves in the last 6 years including one who is a dad but is the primary parent and we've worked it out.
It's the only way something like this is possible. Though I did make some friends during my leave who essentially did the same thing by quitting their prior jobs and then taking a year off and then going back to work in new jobs. That's much more stressful but it at least allows for the time off. Someone upthread mentioned knowing a lot of women who did something similar taking off 1-3 years and then returning to work -- I don't think this is what anyone is thinking of when they think "SAHP" but I actually think it's the most common iteration of it because financially giving up a second income is so hard for a family and also personally I don't know a lot of people who want to be at home once kids are school age.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 15:20
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?
Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.
That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.
Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.
DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.
DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.
it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.
You take yourself way too seriously.
Another DP. I'm one of those moms with a flexible and largely WFH job. Why have my fellow moms in this category been so particularly insufferable on this thread?!?!
I think it's because we know that in a way we have given up the most...on the career side we took less money, prestige, advancement, best projects, etc. to get our flexible job. And on the parenting side, we still don't have the kind of autonomy over our schedule and household that SAHMs do and we still need to use appreciable chunks of paid childcare. I guess that explains the defensiveness.
I like the balance I've personally achieved and I'm content with the amount of time I spend with my kids and on career, etc. But I'm not obnoxiously in denial about the trade offs and sacrifices. And I'm not out here counting napping minutes and household chore minutes or whatever else trying to convince myself I spend as much so-called "quality" time with my kids as a SAHM who doesn't have 30 hours of paid work to do in a week a like I do. Those folks need to stop.
I actually see it 100% differently than you.
I did not give up a more prestigious job. I did not give up autonomy over schedule. I did not give up money.
I actually did all of that because it was exactly what I wanted. I wanted a fun flexible job and a H who was 100% involved in every facet of the child rearing.
It wasn't a sacrifice it was a plan. We both wanted to be fully engaged with the child, both together and alone, we felt it was in the best interest of the child and so they were fully bonded with both of us.
There was never a plan or a need or a want to be there 24x7 with a dad who is rarely home some "presetigous" job and more money than we needed. Nothing was given up or sacrificed, it was all part of the plan.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 15:15
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?
Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.
That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.
Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.
DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.
DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.
it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.
Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.
There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)
+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃
Anonymous
10/22/2024 15:13
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?
Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.
That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.
Working mom here and I actually do think there is value when kids are very young (babies) to being near or with parents when they are napping. My sister is a developmental psychologist and turned me onto both attachment theory and the idea of "co-regulation" as a way to teach kids how to regulate emotions. The safety and security of sleeping in the vicinity of a parent as a baby may have real value to the parent-child relationship, and babies who learn to calm by co-regulating their bodies (breathing, heart rate) with a calm adult may do a better job calming themselves as they grow older due to modeling.
I was able to cobble together a European-style maternity leave (4 mo paid leave from generous employer, 1 week stored vacation and sick leave, 4 mo unpaid leave, and a 3 month "on ramp" where I started with just two mornings a week and then built back up to 32 hours adding both in-office and WFH hours) and I'm a real believer in the value of being physically present for very young children. And I stayed at 32 hours so even now I have a ton of flexibility-- if I didn't I'd probably seriously consider being a SAHM at least until my kid was older. But I recognize this is not a realistic option for most parents, including my DH who wanted to take a longer leave (and we could have afforded it even if unpaid) but his employer gave it a hard no. I was extremely fortunate to do what I did.
I wouldn't blink or be offended if a SAHM told me she wanted to stay home because she "didn't want someone else raising" her kids. I get it. I think in an ideal world you wouldn't have to choose but in the US you often do. I view it as a criticism of US's lack of supports for the parents of young kids and poor options for childcare. Work culture in the US is generally very anti-family and anti-child specifically. We have done very little as a family to enable families to engage in "best practices" in terms of early childhood development.
Dang! I had an even better schedule than you did but I took walks during naps and now I know that my children are screwed. All that for nothing.
Of course not (PP here). And again I'm only talking about for babies here -- the idea with attachment theory is to form the strong parent-child bond early in order to provide the child with a secure attachment and then you can build more independence into the child's life because they have developed a firm belief that you will always come back.
And I didn't spend every single nap with my baby! I was just noting that I can see what the benefit to napping with a very young child would be because the PP was mocking it like it was stupid to say that a parent napping with their child is providing value. I think the experience of many parents who nap with their babies during parental leaves or who use infant carriers to keep babies close to them (even if they are working) undermines this point. Young children benefit from the physical closeness of their primary caregivers.
Even at my very medicalized birth in a hospital (high risk pregnancy) both DH and I were encouraged to do skin to skin contact after birth and told to continue this after we went home to promote bonding and because it is show to help regulate the infant's breathing and heart rate. It makes a lot of sense when you think about how human children are born fairly helpless compared to other mammals -- from an evolutionary standpoint there is plenty of evidence that human infants are supposed to spend most of the first year of life physically close to their caregivers. These are pretty widely accepted ideas about infant development.