Anonymous
08/23/2021 15:18
Subject: Disaster coming with brother and fiancé
The summary is completely wrong and makes a lot go assumptions, but that’s unsurprising. I’ve lived in NYC for a long time, and stated zero inaccuracies about the housing complexities my brother is facing.
You think you’re smart. Well, no. It’s not ok for SIL - a 45 year old woman, not naive - to lead her MIL to believe she had been married, that she’s eager to get pregnant despite knowing she can’t leave her 1 bedroom nor legally have another adult and a potential newborn there, and to tell her fiancé they’d marry this past spring, and then blow past that date because she can’t marry and live as an actual family. You may like people who lie to your mothers and spin shit to your brother. I don’t.
Its not going to work out, and that’s just fine.
You think you’re smart. Well, no. It’s not ok for SIL - a 45 year old woman, not naive - to lead her MIL to believe she had been married, that she’s eager to get pregnant despite knowing she can’t leave her 1 bedroom nor legally have another adult and a potential newborn there, and to tell her fiancé they’d marry this past spring, and then blow past that date because she can’t marry and live as an actual family. You may like people who lie to your mothers and spin shit to your brother. I don’t.
Its not going to work out, and that’s just fine.
Anonymous
08/23/2021 13:17
Subject: Disaster coming with brother and fiancé
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:i believe it was deleted after she called a pp a posAnonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You PPs are totally and completely insane. The circumstances are as I put them. She’s a user and a liar; I know the rule is to pile on OP, but that changes nothing.
I think what you’re not getting is that NONE of the circumstances that are apparently so triggering to you amount to anything. That is why people think you sound insane. So far we have:
- goes grocery shopping a lot and wants certain brands
- lets 11 year old child stay up late
- never married child’s father; complains about father
- takes ubers
- lets daughter have bedroom in rent controlled apartment
- gets daughter financial aid for private school
- does not want to lose rent controlled apartment
Can someone quote where OP explains the bold? I can’t find it anywhere and I swear I’ve tried!
I’ve looked too and can’t find it. Very confusing.
She called several posters POSs, basically everyone who didn't agree with her, which was about 50% of posters after her first post and all of them after her second post. Possibly she asked to have the second post deleted because it's the one that moved the needle from "questionable" to "oh yeah she's the terrible one." 😂
To sum up the deleted post, she's salty because:
1) GF accepted a ring (OP is very concerned about the ring) without a fixed wedding date;
2) GF's daughter gets financial aid to attend a private school across town, and spends money on ubers to get there;
3) GF was not willing to give up her one-bedroom rent-controlled apartment in order to move into a bigger place with brother. Brother got a market-rate apartment in the same building instead;
4) GF gave her daughter the one bedroom in their apartment and slept on the sofa. OP seems to think this is a sign of how spoiled the child is, instead of a completely normal arrangement that most good parents in that situation emulate.
5) Oh, and she feels that GF was deceitful for not clearly and loudly stating that she was never married to the child's father. Of course, she never said she was -- but somehow she's a liar because OP had assumed that they'd been married.
6) Also, brother has had a series of past girlfriends who were "better" than this one in terms of jobs etc. Somehow this is relevant.
I don't think OP is actually Gilmore Girls-style Old Money, but her lack of understanding regarding how rent-controlled apartments work in NYC, and what is typical for a single parent in a 1-bedroom, makes me think she's at least UMC and appalled by the GF who is from a lower SES. There's been zero evidence that that this woman is a liar and ample evidence that OP has some serious class-related enmity against GF, who she perceives as trashy. The good news is that brother doesn't seem to particularly care what his judgey family thinks.
Regardless, it's been an entertaining thread. I wish the brother and his new family the best!
I love your summary! Thank you!
I would love it if there was a summary tab in the forum where subject matter experts like you could write up the most interesting ones!
Anonymous
08/23/2021 13:16
Subject: Disaster coming with brother and fiancé
Is OP also the OP of the adopted child inheritance thread (now deleted)?
Anonymous
08/23/2021 13:10
Subject: Disaster coming with brother and fiancé
Anonymous wrote:i believe it was deleted after she called a pp a posAnonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You PPs are totally and completely insane. The circumstances are as I put them. She’s a user and a liar; I know the rule is to pile on OP, but that changes nothing.
I think what you’re not getting is that NONE of the circumstances that are apparently so triggering to you amount to anything. That is why people think you sound insane. So far we have:
- goes grocery shopping a lot and wants certain brands
- lets 11 year old child stay up late
- never married child’s father; complains about father
- takes ubers
- lets daughter have bedroom in rent controlled apartment
- gets daughter financial aid for private school
- does not want to lose rent controlled apartment
Can someone quote where OP explains the bold? I can’t find it anywhere and I swear I’ve tried!
I’ve looked too and can’t find it. Very confusing.
She called several posters POSs, basically everyone who didn't agree with her, which was about 50% of posters after her first post and all of them after her second post. Possibly she asked to have the second post deleted because it's the one that moved the needle from "questionable" to "oh yeah she's the terrible one." 😂
To sum up the deleted post, she's salty because:
1) GF accepted a ring (OP is very concerned about the ring) without a fixed wedding date;
2) GF's daughter gets financial aid to attend a private school across town, and spends money on ubers to get there;
3) GF was not willing to give up her one-bedroom rent-controlled apartment in order to move into a bigger place with brother. Brother got a market-rate apartment in the same building instead;
4) GF gave her daughter the one bedroom in their apartment and slept on the sofa. OP seems to think this is a sign of how spoiled the child is, instead of a completely normal arrangement that most good parents in that situation emulate.
5) Oh, and she feels that GF was deceitful for not clearly and loudly stating that she was never married to the child's father. Of course, she never said she was -- but somehow she's a liar because OP had assumed that they'd been married.
6) Also, brother has had a series of past girlfriends who were "better" than this one in terms of jobs etc. Somehow this is relevant.
I don't think OP is actually Gilmore Girls-style Old Money, but her lack of understanding regarding how rent-controlled apartments work in NYC, and what is typical for a single parent in a 1-bedroom, makes me think she's at least UMC and appalled by the GF who is from a lower SES. There's been zero evidence that that this woman is a liar and ample evidence that OP has some serious class-related enmity against GF, who she perceives as trashy. The good news is that brother doesn't seem to particularly care what his judgey family thinks.
Regardless, it's been an entertaining thread. I wish the brother and his new family the best!
Anonymous
08/23/2021 10:48
Subject: Disaster coming with brother and fiancé
i believe it was deleted after she called a pp a posAnonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You PPs are totally and completely insane. The circumstances are as I put them. She’s a user and a liar; I know the rule is to pile on OP, but that changes nothing.
I think what you’re not getting is that NONE of the circumstances that are apparently so triggering to you amount to anything. That is why people think you sound insane. So far we have:
- goes grocery shopping a lot and wants certain brands
- lets 11 year old child stay up late
- never married child’s father; complains about father
- takes ubers
- lets daughter have bedroom in rent controlled apartment
- gets daughter financial aid for private school
- does not want to lose rent controlled apartment
Can someone quote where OP explains the bold? I can’t find it anywhere and I swear I’ve tried!
I’ve looked too and can’t find it. Very confusing.
Anonymous
08/23/2021 10:29
Subject: Disaster coming with brother and fiancé
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, your brothers mistake is dating a woman with a kids. If they get married then divorced a year or two later your brother will be paying child support for that teen until she’s 18.
Not unless he adopts the kid.
Even not adopting the child OPs brother may still be liable for child support in case of divorce. If the child lives with OPs brother, he has de facto supported the child and in the event of divorce that can be used to hold him liable for future support.
Highly unlikely with an 11 year old and 1-2 years of marriage. Maybe if he had raised the girl since she was a toddler and then they had been married for a number of years where he was supplying steady financial support.
Anonymous
08/23/2021 10:27
Subject: Disaster coming with brother and fiancé
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, your brothers mistake is dating a woman with a kids. If they get married then divorced a year or two later your brother will be paying child support for that teen until she’s 18.
Not unless he adopts the kid.
Even not adopting the child OPs brother may still be liable for child support in case of divorce. If the child lives with OPs brother, he has de facto supported the child and in the event of divorce that can be used to hold him liable for future support.
Anonymous
08/23/2021 08:42
Subject: Disaster coming with brother and fiancé
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You PPs are totally and completely insane. The circumstances are as I put them. She’s a user and a liar; I know the rule is to pile on OP, but that changes nothing.
I think what you’re not getting is that NONE of the circumstances that are apparently so triggering to you amount to anything. That is why people think you sound insane. So far we have:
- goes grocery shopping a lot and wants certain brands
- lets 11 year old child stay up late
- never married child’s father; complains about father
- takes ubers
- lets daughter have bedroom in rent controlled apartment
- gets daughter financial aid for private school
- does not want to lose rent controlled apartment
Can someone quote where OP explains the bold? I can’t find it anywhere and I swear I’ve tried!
I’ve looked too and can’t find it. Very confusing.
Anonymous
08/23/2021 06:06
Subject: Disaster coming with brother and fiancé
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You PPs are totally and completely insane. The circumstances are as I put them. She’s a user and a liar; I know the rule is to pile on OP, but that changes nothing.
I think what you’re not getting is that NONE of the circumstances that are apparently so triggering to you amount to anything. That is why people think you sound insane. So far we have:
- goes grocery shopping a lot and wants certain brands
- lets 11 year old child stay up late
- never married child’s father; complains about father
- takes ubers
- lets daughter have bedroom in rent controlled apartment
- gets daughter financial aid for private school
- does not want to lose rent controlled apartment
Her original post on that may have been deleted due to language
Can someone quote where OP explains the bold? I can’t find it anywhere and I swear I’ve tried!
Anonymous
08/23/2021 03:59
Subject: Re:Disaster coming with brother and fiancé
Anonymous wrote:Team OP.
Sounds like a lot of divorced or otherwise single never married parents on this thread--many of whom often have looser parenting styles. So carry on with your piling on.
Ha! I’m happily married and think OP is just awful.
Anonymous
08/22/2021 23:44
Subject: Re:Disaster coming with brother and fiancé
Team OP.
Sounds like a lot of divorced or otherwise single never married parents on this thread--many of whom often have looser parenting styles. So carry on with your piling on.
Sounds like a lot of divorced or otherwise single never married parents on this thread--many of whom often have looser parenting styles. So carry on with your piling on.
Anonymous
08/22/2021 23:35
Subject: Disaster coming with brother and fiancé
This thread has been so heavily edited. Comments were deleted that make no sense to remove.
Anonymous
08/22/2021 23:33
Subject: Disaster coming with brother and fiancé
Anonymous wrote:OP, your brothers mistake is dating a woman with a kids. If they get married then divorced a year or two later your brother will be paying child support for that teen until she’s 18.
Not unless he adopts the kid.
Anonymous
08/22/2021 23:27
Subject: Disaster coming with brother and fiancé
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You PPs are totally and completely insane. The circumstances are as I put them. She’s a user and a liar; I know the rule is to pile on OP, but that changes nothing.
I think what you’re not getting is that NONE of the circumstances that are apparently so triggering to you amount to anything. That is why people think you sound insane. So far we have:
- goes grocery shopping a lot and wants certain brands
- lets 11 year old child stay up late
- never married child’s father; complains about father
- takes ubers
- lets daughter have bedroom in rent controlled apartment
- gets daughter financial aid for private school
- does not want to lose rent controlled apartment
Can someone quote where OP explains the bold? I can’t find it anywhere and I swear I’ve tried!
Anonymous
08/22/2021 21:54
Subject: Disaster coming with brother and fiancé
P.S. she would have to be insane to give up a Mitchell-Lama apartment for some guy she’s dating, even if they’re engaged. Engagements end all the time and she would never get that apartment back. She and her child would be screwed and dependent upon him for housing. She sounds like a smart cookie, and like she’s making sure her child has a place to live. Now that you explain it it also makes perfect sense why she would live across town from her child’s school. It’s not like she could just up and rent another apartment like that!
I feel like you don’t understand a lot of the real estate realities here, because if you did, it would all make a lot more sense to you.
I feel like you don’t understand a lot of the real estate realities here, because if you did, it would all make a lot more sense to you.