There is no responsibility to pay for a dang thing past 18. Sorry. Not sorry.
I'm not saying we wont' help our kids but this idea that they are entitled to free college and grad school and more just because their dad and I worked hard to be where we are? Nope.
I will strongly support higher education and likely help pay off loans after the fact but in no way will I just pay for college.
I want my kids to think about the cost, the pay off, what they want to actually do and if they want to spend money to do it. If they need help I will help but not offer a blank check to do what they want where they want. That is on them.

I didn't receive a dime of help from my parents as far as education goes and went to a state school and grad school. Before I entered grad school I did research on if my degree was even needed and what it would do for me financially on the job market since it was my money I was spending. I have no intention of handing over 4 years worth of tuition to my children. I will however help them pay back student loans or other expenses while they are in college if they are studying and working hard. I'm not paying for 4 years for them to party and then more for grad school if it's just going to be so they don't have to actually get a job yet.

I think them believing that they will need to pay these loans back makes more sense for our family and we will help them pay them back after they graduate but for them to think they just get free money for 4 to 8 years to do what they want with no.

I want to push back on the ideas that someone with a HHI of $450K is unreasonable to take cost into account.

We have a HHI of about 400K. We have been saving for our children's college since they were quite young. Our income has gone up gradually over time, we are double feds.

We should be able to pay for private (and will at a minimum pay for OOS because we live in DC). But it is by no means no big deal to prepare to spend roughly 600K over 7-8 years (there may be a gap year in there) and we have had a good income for a long time.

We have prioritized living close to where we work in a good school district so our kids can go to public school and we can spend more time with them. Yes, our house was expensive but it is not a crazy mansion. We renovated it when we got through the daycare years, that turned into a higher mortgage, but the renovation was a huge improvement to our day to day living. We are feds but we both have fairly senior level, high stress jobs and we prioritize things that make our lives easier for our sanity and a calm home for our kids.

We prioritize experiences that we think are important for our family including our children. Things such as sleep away camp, travel sports, subscription ticket, etc. can add up very quickly. We think travel is an important life experience. We are saving for retirement.

That is to say we do not spend money on designer bags and a beach house. We make choices and we feel lucky to be in a position to do so. We will likely have about 200K saved for each child by the time they reach college and will be in a position to cashflow the rest if the college choice is worth it given a variety of factors (e.g., we would have paid for University of Chicago in the example given above if that were our child). We would not, however, been a position to pay for private college in full out of pocket if we were not in a position to be saving substantially for many years leading up to college.

Personally anything after high school is up to you. Doesn’t matter if you make 0 or millions. No obligation

Most people want to be good parents and most agree that giving the gift of education without debt allows their child to launch successfully. Even animals will teach their kids what is necessary to be successful adults. In our human society we should look at college as a means to become successful adults.

Some parents do not think that they should give this leg up to their children. I guess the rest of us should be grateful to these parents for reducing the competition for our college educated children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with OP. We chose to live in VA largely for the many options for good in-state schools, and are saving to cover in-state college for our kids. Most of the time, I don't think privates are worth the money. Both DH and I both went to in-state undergrads. HHI $180k. Several of our friends went to lower ranked schools and are making substantially more money than us too, so I don't think there is a strong school prestige-earnings link. Those friends were more ambitious and went for different careers than we did. If you're a go-getter, you'll get ahead even if you "only" have a degree from GMU or whatnot.

PPs have compared paying for college to eating healthy food. I would say private schools are like eating microgreens and endive, and in-state publics are like eating plain old spinach. It's not like you're just "feeding" your kids candy for dinner.

I love the bolded—thanks, PP!

I mean, the point of college isn’t solely about debt-free education to a fancy name. It’s about getting a good education, broadly. Part of what I want my kids to learn is that there are different ways to do that and they need to take into account what’s a good fit for them, what they’ll get out of the education, etc.
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Neither DH nor I want our kids saddled with crippling debt. Part of that is raising them to have the good judgment not to prioritize an obscenely expensive private university over everything else. My parents paid for my undergraduate tuition, and for that I’m deeply grateful. As an adult, I learned that my father made terrible financial decisions in order to do so, and I really wish he hadn’t done that. We’re not bankrupting ourselves to pay for fancy private schools.

DP. Interestingly, you refer first to how students "need to take into account what's a good fit for them, what they'll get out of the education, etc."

Then you refer to "obscenely expensive private university over everything else" and "fancy private schools."

So no private college could ever also be a "good fit for them" where they'll get what is right for them as individuals?

And every single private college is "obscenely expensive" and "fancy"?

OK! Got it. You wouldn't ever know (or care) if a school were a good fit for your kid if also were private. Too fancy. Guess you'd never find out about the scholarships or financial aid that might make that good fit affordable for your kid. This forum and this thread are so black-and-white and so anti-privates it's remarkable.

You're reading a whole lot into my comments that isn't there. Nowhere did I make the blanket statements you claim; that's your interpretation.

Of course private colleges might be the best fit for someone, and of course there many that offer generous merit aid/aren't obscenely expensive. Show me where I said otherwise. I'll wait.

Anonymous wrote:College is not the answer for everyone. It's over priced and often not worth it.

While it is certainly not for everyone, I do think that if you are comfortably middle class and choose to have children, you should be saving money to help "launch" your kid. While for many, that would be college, I would have been happy to direct the funds I saved for my kid to go to a vocational training program. The goal is to not have them starting off their adult life with loans.

Anonymous wrote:

At least they will be able to pay their nursing home fees unlike you who will have to use a Medicaid nursing home because you spent all your ‘money on private school.

Only stupid people think it's an either - or

Must have struck a nerve.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to admit I am kind of appalled by this - really you wouldn’t feel obligated to fund a top private? I am Asian and it is basically written into my dna that if I can afford it (and even if I can’t I would try) that I will pay for my kids’ college tuition.I kid, but It was never a question for me growing up that as long as it was a “good” school my parents would pay. That comes with all the stereotypical strings you can imagine.

My parents paid for grad school as well. I had the option of a top 30 program full ride scholarship vs a top 15 program with no scholarship. I didn’t want to take out debt but was perfectly willing to go to the lower ranked school - my parents paid for the higher ranked school. I didn’t realize how much of a leg up that gave me back then but I surely appreciate that now. Having school fully paid for did not make me a bum, as I hear people cite as a reason they think having debt is good.

Our HHI is well over 550k and we’ll absolutely pay for undergrad and grad school, within reason. Why wouldn’t I? My kids are very little now but I can’t imagine telling them to go to their second choice school or take out a crap ton of crippling debt when I can perfectly well afford it. If I couldn’t afford, it would be a different story - no one should bankrupt their retirement to pay for college - but you clearly can. Maybe this is a theoretical thought exercise for you and you’ll change your mind when / if it is a reality

I am very curious what you are doing now that you wouldn't have done if you went to a top 30 school vs. top 15. I am actually quite appalled that you would have asked your parents to pay for grad school when you had a perfectly find option for free. Assuming your parents aren't multi-millionaires, forcing them to work harder and longer to go to a school that most likely will not make any significant difference in your future is incredibly selfish.

If PP is referring to T14 law schools it’s definitely true that the upgrade was worth the price. Attending a T14 law school changed my life.

HHI about $400K/year. We will fund college but not grad school. We have two children currently in middle school.

Our income is about $450k. One thing we have to take into account is a child with special needs. He may not thrive at a state school. We have two kids and are saving to pay for private for each. We aren’t explicitly saving for grad school but I would certainly consider paying for it if it comes up.

Expat here. Scholarships got me through undergrad at Howard and grad school at AU. Stateside I would feel obligated to cover state school for undergrad. I feel no obligation to fund grad school.

Anonymous wrote:I have to admit I am kind of appalled by this - really you wouldn’t feel obligated to fund a top private? I am Asian and it is basically written into my dna that if I can afford it (and even if I can’t I would try) that I will pay for my kids’ college tuition.I kid, but It was never a question for me growing up that as long as it was a “good” school my parents would pay. That comes with all the stereotypical strings you can imagine.

My parents paid for grad school as well. I had the option of a top 30 program full ride scholarship vs a top 15 program with no scholarship. I didn’t want to take out debt but was perfectly willing to go to the lower ranked school - my parents paid for the higher ranked school. I didn’t realize how much of a leg up that gave me back then but I surely appreciate that now. Having school fully paid for did not make me a bum, as I hear people cite as a reason they think having debt is good.

Our HHI is well over 550k and we’ll absolutely pay for undergrad and grad school, within reason. Why wouldn’t I? My kids are very little now but I can’t imagine telling them to go to their second choice school or take out a crap ton of crippling debt when I can perfectly well afford it. If I couldn’t afford, it would be a different story - no one should bankrupt their retirement to pay for college - but you clearly can. Maybe this is a theoretical thought exercise for you and you’ll change your mind when / if it is a reality

I am very curious what you are doing now that you wouldn't have done if you went to a top 30 school vs. top 15. I am actually quite appalled that you would have asked your parents to pay for grad school when you had a perfectly find option for free. Assuming your parents aren't multi-millionaires, forcing them to work harder and longer to go to a school that most likely will not make any significant difference in your future is incredibly selfish.

Anonymous wrote:I have to admit I am kind of appalled by this - really you wouldn’t feel obligated to fund a top private? I am Asian and it is basically written into my dna that if I can afford it (and even if I can’t I would try) that I will pay for my kids’ college tuition.I kid, but It was never a question for me growing up that as long as it was a “good” school my parents would pay. That comes with all the stereotypical strings you can imagine.

My parents paid for grad school as well. I had the option of a top 30 program full ride scholarship vs a top 15 program with no scholarship. I didn’t want to take out debt but was perfectly willing to go to the lower ranked school - my parents paid for the higher ranked school. I didn’t realize how much of a leg up that gave me back then but I surely appreciate that now. Having school fully paid for did not make me a bum, as I hear people cite as a reason they think having debt is good.

Our HHI is well over 550k and we’ll absolutely pay for undergrad and grad school, within reason. Why wouldn’t I? My kids are very little now but I can’t imagine telling them to go to their second choice school or take out a crap ton of crippling debt when I can perfectly well afford it. If I couldn’t afford, it would be a different story - no one should bankrupt their retirement to pay for college - but you clearly can. Maybe this is a theoretical thought exercise for you and you’ll change your mind when / if it is a reality

We are in a similar HHI as the OP. While I would consider funding an ivy, not because I believe the education is better but because of the connections, I would not fund a small private that has pretty buildings and good food over a state school. In most cases, unless your child is exceptional and narrowed in on a specific field of study that only a private can offer, there is a detriment to going to a small private school. I would encourage my child to explore many majors and options, even allowing them to take a 5th year if needed, at a state school. If there is a reason that is justified outside of just want or "it is pretty" or a random perceived notion the school is better, than nope, not shelling out 4x as much. We didn't get to where we are by wasting money.

College is not the answer for everyone. It's over priced and often not worth it.