Mind your our business. You'll be happier.

I caught a lot of grief in another thread for saying that I bought a house in a highly desirable inner suburb for all cash and with no contingencies so my kid and spouse could rent from me. I did it because they were having trouble finding the perfect rental house (harder to find than apartments/condo rentals) but aren't looking to buy yet for a variety of reasons. I view it as a win/win situation -- a good investment for me, and a nice place with a good landlord for them. I'm not sure why people think people that others with a little bit of money are not supposed to help their kids out when they can. There's this assumption that if you do that you're spoiling the kids and that they don't appreciate it or understand "real life." That's a generalization that certainly doesn't apply to my family.

Simply put, why would parents with plenty of money sitting in the bank and with good relationships with hardworking and responsible adult children want/need to sit back and watch those children struggle to get into good housing when they can easily help without even feeling it? To build "character?" That assumes that the kids don't already have character, which is a very big assumption.

I think you’re seeing it more for two reasons:

First, there’s a huge inter generational transfer of wealth occurring in society (bigger than ever before).

Second, parents are seeing what their kids are able to afford even with good, white collar salaries, and feel bad for us. This was us. When we first moved to DC we were making $220k. Took my parents to look at houses one weekend and my mother basically said, “oh dear I feel sorry for you.” They ended up giving us a bit extra for a down payment that enabled us to live a similar lifestyle (modest my parents lived (modest house, close in) when they first moved here.

Look at it this way should parents buy it when they are alive and healthy or should they let their children inherit the money when they die either way the children will have the means to purchase property at that price. I am a teacher and the only reason I could buy property is from money passed down from the sale of a house from my grandparents and father who died. If I did not get the money I would be living in a apartment for much longer and now I can make sure my children are home owners also. I am a POC so not much generational
wealth in my family but it’s a start!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would 100 percent buy my child a nice home if I could. Who wouldn't want to create intergenerational wealth for their child or grandchild.

What I find bizzare, however, are people who lead others to believe they are Neiman Marcus achievers when really they earn a Macy's living and got an inheritance or financial help from parents or whatever. Or they behave same but instead of money from parents, they consume as much free stuff as possible and sell lots of used items for under $10 for cash on FB.

Yeah I have known lots of people like this. They don’t really let anyone know about the hundreds of thousands of dollars they get from their family. Instead they represent themselves as great financial successes.

When you guys say these people represent themselves in a certain way, what do you mean? Like how does it even come up?

Neighbors chat - McMansion Jane Doe is such a successful ___. Or people themselves brag about wherever hubby works, the trips and speeches yada yada

News flash: life is easier when you have wealthy family.

More power to them, but if I hear one of these types going on and on about “bootstraps” I’ll punch them in the throat.

Anonymous wrote:I know it's not new for parents to help their adult kids out with their first home financially but the number of parents I know buying their adult kids luxury homes is astounding. Has this become a new trend? I recently reunited with a few old friends from high school (we are now all in our early 30s and yes we grew up in expensive homes in a HCOL area) and a number of them have managed to buy 800K plus homes with their parents co-signing the mortgage because they would never be approved for it on their own. These people include a lawyer who put out a shingle and ekes out 65k a year, a friend who went to dental school and has the loans to prove it but upon graduation got married and pregnant and never practiced while her husband is a middle school teacher and an HR assistant at a fortune 500 company making 55k a year. I get helping your kids but why buy them such expensive houses when there salary would never justify it?

*their*

Sorry. I just had to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would 100 percent buy my child a nice home if I could. Who wouldn't want to create intergenerational wealth for their child or grandchild.

What I find bizzare, however, are people who lead others to believe they are Neiman Marcus achievers when really they earn a Macy's living and got an inheritance or financial help from parents or whatever. Or they behave same but instead of money from parents, they consume as much free stuff as possible and sell lots of used items for under $10 for cash on FB.

Yeah I have known lots of people like this. They don’t really let anyone know about the hundreds of thousands of dollars they get from their family. Instead they represent themselves as great financial successes.

When you guys say these people represent themselves in a certain way, what do you mean? Like how does it even come up?

In my opinion, if you celebrate your expensive homes and vacations irl and online, but you don’t acknowledge that you really didn’t pay for those things, then you’re misrepresenting your circumstances in a self-serving way that’s harmful to others. It’s kinda similar to women online who post beauty pics of themselves but pretend they never had plastic surgery.

Fair. Though, I do think that anyone who celebrates expensive homes or vacations regardless of whether they paid for it or whether they are privileged is someone I want to avoid. It’s fine to have nice things, but boasting and bragging and look-at-me’ing is classless. To put it another way, in the situations where it’s due to privilege, if they were to say essentially “disclaimer, I had help in attaining these things” I don’t think it makes it any less cringe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would 100 percent buy my child a nice home if I could. Who wouldn't want to create intergenerational wealth for their child or grandchild.

What I find bizzare, however, are people who lead others to believe they are Neiman Marcus achievers when really they earn a Macy's living and got an inheritance or financial help from parents or whatever. Or they behave same but instead of money from parents, they consume as much free stuff as possible and sell lots of used items for under $10 for cash on FB.

Yeah I have known lots of people like this. They don’t really let anyone know about the hundreds of thousands of dollars they get from their family. Instead they represent themselves as great financial successes.

When you guys say these people represent themselves in a certain way, what do you mean? Like how does it even come up?

In my opinion, if you celebrate your expensive homes and vacations irl and online, but you don’t acknowledge that you really didn’t pay for those things, then you’re misrepresenting your circumstances in a self-serving way that’s harmful to others. It’s kinda similar to women online who post beauty pics of themselves but pretend they never had plastic surgery.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would 100 percent buy my child a nice home if I could. Who wouldn't want to create intergenerational wealth for their child or grandchild.

What I find bizzare, however, are people who lead others to believe they are Neiman Marcus achievers when really they earn a Macy's living and got an inheritance or financial help from parents or whatever. Or they behave same but instead of money from parents, they consume as much free stuff as possible and sell lots of used items for under $10 for cash on FB.

Yeah I have known lots of people like this. They don’t really let anyone know about the hundreds of thousands of dollars they get from their family. Instead they represent themselves as great financial successes.

When you guys say these people represent themselves in a certain way, what do you mean? Like how does it even come up?

Anonymous wrote:I would 100 percent buy my child a nice home if I could. Who wouldn't want to create intergenerational wealth for their child or grandchild.

What I find bizzare, however, are people who lead others to believe they are Neiman Marcus achievers when really they earn a Macy's living and got an inheritance or financial help from parents or whatever. Or they behave same but instead of money from parents, they consume as much free stuff as possible and sell lots of used items for under $10 for cash on FB.

Yeah I have known lots of people like this. They don’t really let anyone know about the hundreds of thousands of dollars they get from their family. Instead they represent themselves as great financial successes.

I would 100 percent buy my child a nice home if I could. Who wouldn't want to create intergenerational wealth for their child or grandchild.

What I find bizzare, however, are people who lead others to believe they are Neiman Marcus achievers when really they earn a Macy's living and got an inheritance or financial help from parents or whatever. Or they behave same but instead of money from parents, they consume as much free stuff as possible and sell lots of used items for under $10 for cash on FB.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please.

My parents did this, and it helped us build equity in a good investment. After a while we sold our first home and bought our second without any additional help.

It’s not different than any other advantages the well off have.

God, I'm so tired of these worthless adult children who cannot manage to eke out a living for themselves. It's so infuriating. My younger brother is the same way and it's definitely a generational crutch. I don't know how the boomers allowed their kids to make it into 30s and 40s while still supporting them. These "kids" are such a drain on the workforce because they cannot actually do things for themselves. They have no residency, no ingenuity, no resolve. They simple just ask mom and dad to open up their wallets and all their issues solved.

This is precisely why in hiring I look at where these kids went to HS. I want to know if they're part of the man-child class of kids who grew up with substantial wealth and privilege and are unable to leave the nest and make a living on their own. I don't want that class working for me.
Parents, we must do better by our kids. I know it's hard, but teach them how to make it themselves. Your kids will learn a lot through hardship. Even if you can afford more, make them work for it themselves. They will thank you for it in the end - and so will society.

What are you even talking about? Nobody puts their high school on their resume..especially in their 30s and 40s...

Also- many of my peers have had parental help w down payments because they went to grad school and have high paying jobs but didn’t start in them until late 20s / early 30s. Could they have waited and saved up? Sure. But parents chose to help out so their kids would be comfortable. So what? Also, it’s in part cultural. For many Asians, it’s a thing to buy your kids a house.

You clearly don’t know the elite private school crowd. Their HS is always on the resume/LinkedIn . It’s a sign of social class

At my workplace for hiring, we are also selecting for public universities + merit scholarships rather than the ivy league. Interesting!

Parents are also paying all cash for 400-500k homes in Hyattsville. It's not just "luxury" homes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please.

My parents did this, and it helped us build equity in a good investment. After a while we sold our first home and bought our second without any additional help.

It’s not different than any other advantages the well off have.

God, I'm so tired of these worthless adult children who cannot manage to eke out a living for themselves. It's so infuriating. My younger brother is the same way and it's definitely a generational crutch. I don't know how the boomers allowed their kids to make it into 30s and 40s while still supporting them. These "kids" are such a drain on the workforce because they cannot actually do things for themselves. They have no residency, no ingenuity, no resolve. They simple just ask mom and dad to open up their wallets and all their issues solved.

This is precisely why in hiring I look at where these kids went to HS. I want to know if they're part of the man-child class of kids who grew up with substantial wealth and privilege and are unable to leave the nest and make a living on their own. I don't want that class working for me.
Parents, we must do better by our kids. I know it's hard, but teach them how to make it themselves. Your kids will learn a lot through hardship. Even if you can afford more, make them work for it themselves. They will thank you for it in the end - and so will society.

What are you even talking about? Nobody puts their high school on their resume..especially in their 30s and 40s...

Also- many of my peers have had parental help w down payments because they went to grad school and have high paying jobs but didn’t start in them until late 20s / early 30s. Could they have waited and saved up? Sure. But parents chose to help out so their kids would be comfortable. So what? Also, it’s in part cultural. For many Asians, it’s a thing to buy your kids a house.

You clearly don’t know the elite private school crowd. Their HS is always on the resume/LinkedIn . It’s a sign of social class

really? this is a thing?

Yes. But it’s for networking.

Exactly. So rich private school kids will know to hire other similarly situated rich private school kids. Normal people don’t do this.

I don’t think so. I do interviewing at a law firm and we have a lot of Ivy grade—I’ve never seen a HS on a resume but sometimes if we hire them it comes out later that they went to fancy private school. Maybe they only put it on if they know the resume is going to an alum? It’s not usual and I would think it’s weird.

I assume the HS thing mostly pertains to job applicants who are either in college or have recently graduated from college.