Therapist who has dealt with a lot of infidelity in my day.

Short answer: most affairs are about escaping and not someone looking to do the work of a long term relationship.

Of course there are exceptions. But that's the case for many affairs.

I used to come on this forum a lot - took a break in the last few years - but it's funny, in every affair thread people would reference Angelina and Brad as proof that affairs work out. I remember when I got wind of their UGLY divorce, the fact that the older kids don't talk to him anymore, and that he had long-standing addiction issues, and I thought, huh.

Whoa, why so much modding?

Anonymous wrote:Mine stayed with the AP after I kicked him out, but didn't "leave for" the AP. She was just there when he lost the house, the respect of our teenagers, and his job (she was a subordinate) due to the affair. After you give up all of that, I guess you probably feel some loyalty to the person.

WOW, I could have written this post. My ex was happy to continue his affair with his subordinate and stay married to me. However, once I found out he was kicked out of the house and I suspect his employer also found out because he was fired shortly afterwards. He even told me that he wound up at her apartment because he had nowhere to go. They deserve each other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is why not just hire a prostitute. Why develop a whole relationship

Hmm makes you think that maybe, just maybe some of these affairs are more than sex.

Yep, they are. Married folks will never admit this.

You have to PAY for a prostitute. A willing mistress can literally cost nothing but the gas to her house. Also, prostitutes have many sex partners a day. They are exposed to even more STDs. Married cheaters erroneously think another married person is std-free. They have no idea who they’re AP’s spouse is screwing though...or how many other men they screw. For a cheap guy, a married AP is free sex.

Bingo! Married APs are free. Who passes up free sex?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is why not just hire a prostitute. Why develop a whole relationship

Hmm makes you think that maybe, just maybe some of these affairs are more than sex.

Well, yeah. Narcissists crave validation. Paying someone to sleep with you doesn’t provide that. Cheating narcissists will love-bomb their AP target until that person mirrors the same feelings back.

100%. It’s about the excess validation they need. They need some wrap won to tell them they are so big manly and special.

They don’t live her, they love the BD she feeds them...and then they dump her. No plan ever for a real relationship.

PP you’re replying to. That isn’t a universal truth by any means, but betrayed spouses love to repeat it.

-betrayed spouse

I have low self esteem and feel neglected by my husband. I love that my AP tells me I’m hot because my husband never does.

-cheater

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Most men have affairs in order to STAY in their sexless marriage (because.... kids, house, finances, whatever).


Women, too. I'm one of them.



+1

The rationalization is amazing. If you aren't getting the sex you need in your marriage, be an adult and have a conversation about it, or divorce. "I do it to stay in my marriage" - like you are doing your betrayed spouse a favor? It's such bs.

NP. Of course they're doing betrayed spouse a favor if they actually do stay in the marriage and practice safe sex with AP. If spouse wanted a divorce, he/she would ask for one. They haven't, so they don't. Everyone is best off when the higher drive spouse is safely getting extra on the side AS LONG AS betrayed spouse remains in the dark. When that happens, it truly is in everyone's best intetest.

None of them consistently use condoms with their APs so you can forget about safe sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is why not just hire a prostitute. Why develop a whole relationship

Hmm makes you think that maybe, just maybe some of these affairs are more than sex.

Well, yeah. Narcissists crave validation. Paying someone to sleep with you doesn’t provide that. Cheating narcissists will love-bomb their AP target until that person mirrors the same feelings back.

100%. It’s about the excess validation they need. They need some wrap won to tell them they are so big manly and special.

They don’t live her, they love the BD she feeds them...and then they dump her. No plan ever for a real relationship.

PP you’re replying to. That isn’t a universal truth by any means, but betrayed spouses love to repeat it.

-betrayed spouse

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is why not just hire a prostitute. Why develop a whole relationship

Hmm makes you think that maybe, just maybe some of these affairs are more than sex.

Yep, they are. Married folks will never admit this.

You have to PAY for a prostitute. A willing mistress can literally cost nothing but the gas to her house. Also, prostitutes have many sex partners a day. They are exposed to even more STDs. Married cheaters erroneously think another married person is std-free. They have no idea who they’re AP’s spouse is screwing though...or how many other men they screw. For a cheap guy, a married AP is free sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is why not just hire a prostitute. Why develop a whole relationship

Hmm makes you think that maybe, just maybe some of these affairs are more than sex.

Yep, they are. Married folks will never admit this.

One-sided. For the females, it’s more than sex. The males: not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is why not just hire a prostitute. Why develop a whole relationship

Hmm makes you think that maybe, just maybe some of these affairs are more than sex.

Well, yeah. Narcissists crave validation. Paying someone to sleep with you doesn’t provide that. Cheating narcissists will love-bomb their AP target until that person mirrors the same feelings back.

100%. It’s about the excess validation they need. They need some wrap won to tell them they are so big manly and special.

They don’t live her, they love the BD she feeds them...and then they dump her. No plan ever for a real relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is why not just hire a prostitute. Why develop a whole relationship

Hmm makes you think that maybe, just maybe some of these affairs are more than sex.

Yep, they are. Married folks will never admit this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is why not just hire a prostitute. Why develop a whole relationship

Hmm makes you think that maybe, just maybe some of these affairs are more than sex.

Well, yeah. Narcissists crave validation. Paying someone to sleep with you doesn’t provide that. Cheating narcissists will love-bomb their AP target until that person mirrors the same feelings back.

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is why not just hire a prostitute. Why develop a whole relationship

Hmm makes you think that maybe, just maybe some of these affairs are more than sex.

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is why not just hire a prostitute. Why develop a whole relationship

My ex did that and had a (non-retail) AP.

What I don't get is why not just hire a prostitute. Why develop a whole relationship