Don’t get engaged. Date At least another year and see how it goes if you want.

Anonymous wrote:Just break up and find some vestal virgin to marry.

or maybe find a woman he can have an honest relationship with who wasn't bangi g some other guy while they were dating?

Like a chimp swinging on vines. She wouldn't let go of that last guy until she was firmly attached to you. He was probably good in bed while you were the whole package. No wonder she had you wait 5 dates. She sure wasn't holding out. This validates everyone who could smell her lies a mile away. Where are the, "oh she did nothing wrong, you are a mysogynist," people on this now?

So sorry my man. Only when you confronted her did she give you the bare minimum of truth about just one time. I knew it sounded like a lie and you will know the next time what a woman's lie sounds like. They tell you anything they think you need to hear. I'm not some angry guy and I love women but I hate how easily some of them lie. I'm glad you found out the truth on your own and avoided this grief after you married her. Good luck to you.

OP here. We are no longer together. More information came out and it wasn’t one time. The guy said they had been hooping up for months until he got back with his ex. His timeline would put them still sleeping together when we were 3-4 months into dating. She admitted it was more hens once but didn’t want to say anything because she realized she really liked me. I broke up with her and I’m moving on.

Just break up and find some vestal virgin to marry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a man with feelings and his feeling are his truth and valid. That is all that matters. Feelings = truth. The bonus is that as a man with feelings he has overcome toxic masculinity. The problem here is that as soon as he expressed his truth many people on this post started to denigrate him for having those feelings. It is wrong to force your values onto him by telling him they were not exclusive etc. If he feels upset about it then #truth.

all of that can be true along with the fact that she did nothing wrong.

Yes, she did something wrong. She was wrong not to be completely straightforward with OP about her sleeping with other men even before she and OP were “exclusive”. He deserved to have that information so that he could express his opinion about it. If he breaks up with her now because she wasn’t totally honest up front, that’s on her.

No, honey. That's on him. She owed him nothing. They went on five dates before she stopped seeing the other guy!!! I can't imagine telling a guy I've been on five dates with everyone I slept with. You sound deranged.

You are a foul human being. You do indeed owe other people basic honesty. You don’t need to tell a guy “everyone you’ve slept with” - but you certainly do need to disclose you are sleeping with other people right now. If you don’t do that, and he later finds out and dumps you, that’s on you.

Nope! If you had any sort of reading comprehension you would have read that she stopped sleeping with the other guy before she ever got intimate with the OP. That was enough.

And if we are into name calling, you're an immature idiot.

Sorry, it is irrelevant that she supposedly stopped sleeping with the other guy before she slept with OP. She owed it to the OP to tell him that she was sleeping with other guys during the period when she and OP were dating but hadn’t had sex yet, so that he could make an informed decision about this. But that’s not something I expect a moral leper like you to understand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This certainly has been a polarizing issue. Maybe, just maybe, the girl didn't technically have to tell the OP anything and the OP equally has a right to how he felt about her sleeping with someone else while she was seeing him. Why is so necessary that one of them be the bad guy/girl?

Exactly. The problem came from OP's phrasing of the question/title "Girlfriend cheated on me."

Agreed, OP should not have phrased it that way.

When I first met my DW, I was already involved in a casual sex relationship with another girl. Because our paths didn't cross often, I ended up deciding to get serious with DW before I got the chance to sleep with the other girl again. I certainly didn't owe my future DW any explanation, but I decided that I wanted to put the info on the table ASAP after we decided to get serious so that the exact situation the OP is facing didn't happen. DW was a little bothered by it, but she soon got passed it because we were still just deciding to get serious as opposed to being at the point of deciding to spend our lives together.

I just did what I would have wanted her to do if the roles were reversed. And for the record she had slept with another guy days before our first real date. She told me about that around the same time for the same reason. So when we actually reached the point of realizing we wanted to get married, all of that was way past us.

None of this has to do with slutshaming or OP being a misogynist.

For all of modern human history, until 20 years ago, people would never have been sleeping with one person while exploring the possibility of dating someone else at 5+ dates. Why? Because it was a polite thing that made people more comfortable. Someone before said that their grandparents generation would have dated lots of people at once - that what OP's GF did isn't new. But taking multiple girls out at once to a movie is very different than having sex with one person while dating someone else. This is a totally new concept since the era of texting and dating apps. Texting and dating apps ushered in an era of instant gratification, where you're entitled to what you want when you want.

All that said, there is nothing "slutty" (worst word ever) about the GF's behavior. But it does speak to a quality of her character. I'm not saying "good" quality or "bad" quality. But maybe speaks to qualities of self-interest, impulsivity, and lower empathy. These sound like "bad" qualities, but these qualities are actually ideal for some people while others wouldn't find them attractive. Like, I don't like people with TOO MUCH empathy - and prefer someone on low emotion/empathy side. Some people love 'fly by the seat of their pants' impulsive people, while others prefer someone very predictable. It's the whole "there's someone for everyone" concept.

OP is uncomfortable with learning this about his GF. Absolutely nothing he said suggests that he thinks she's a "slut" or dislikes her past level of sexual activity. It is wholly reasonable that he feels like this omission on his GF's part suggests character traits about his GF that are contrary to what he believed her to be. They haven't been dating very long, and it's still very much in the time period where you can potentially find out your SO is quite a different person than you thought they were. That's where OP is, and he's wise to not break up with her but to extend his marriage timeline a bit to make sure he continues to get to know her.

Anonymous wrote:This certainly has been a polarizing issue. Maybe, just maybe, the girl didn't technically have to tell the OP anything and the OP equally has a right to how he felt about her sleeping with someone else while she was seeing him. Why is so necessary that one of them be the bad guy/girl?

Exactly. The problem came from OP's phrasing of the question/title "Girlfriend cheated on me."

This certainly has been a polarizing issue. Maybe, just maybe, the girl didn't technically have to tell the OP anything and the OP equally has a right to how he felt about her sleeping with someone else while she was seeing him. Why is so necessary that one of them be the bad guy/girl?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a man with feelings and his feeling are his truth and valid. That is all that matters. Feelings = truth. The bonus is that as a man with feelings he has overcome toxic masculinity. The problem here is that as soon as he expressed his truth many people on this post started to denigrate him for having those feelings. It is wrong to force your values onto him by telling him they were not exclusive etc. If he feels upset about it then #truth.

all of that can be true along with the fact that she did nothing wrong.

Yes, she did something wrong. She was wrong not to be completely straightforward with OP about her sleeping with other men even before she and OP were “exclusive”. He deserved to have that information so that he could express his opinion about it. If he breaks up with her now because she wasn’t totally honest up front, that’s on her.

No, honey. That's on him. She owed him nothing. They went on five dates before she stopped seeing the other guy!!! I can't imagine telling a guy I've been on five dates with everyone I slept with. You sound deranged.

You are a foul human being. You do indeed owe other people basic honesty. You don’t need to tell a guy “everyone you’ve slept with” - but you certainly do need to disclose you are sleeping with other people right now. If you don’t do that, and he later finds out and dumps you, that’s on you.

Nope! If you had any sort of reading comprehension you would have read that she stopped sleeping with the other guy before she ever got intimate with the OP. That was enough.

And if we are into name calling, you're an immature idiot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a man with feelings and his feeling are his truth and valid. That is all that matters. Feelings = truth. The bonus is that as a man with feelings he has overcome toxic masculinity. The problem here is that as soon as he expressed his truth many people on this post started to denigrate him for having those feelings. It is wrong to force your values onto him by telling him they were not exclusive etc. If he feels upset about it then #truth.

all of that can be true along with the fact that she did nothing wrong.

Yes, she did something wrong. She was wrong not to be completely straightforward with OP about her sleeping with other men even before she and OP were “exclusive”. He deserved to have that information so that he could express his opinion about it. If he breaks up with her now because she wasn’t totally honest up front, that’s on her.

No, honey. That's on him. She owed him nothing. They went on five dates before she stopped seeing the other guy!!! I can't imagine telling a guy I've been on five dates with everyone I slept with. You sound deranged.

You are a foul human being. You do indeed owe other people basic honesty. You don’t need to tell a guy “everyone you’ve slept with” - but you certainly do need to disclose you are sleeping with other people right now. If you don’t do that, and he later finds out and dumps you, that’s on you.

Op- I don't like the sound of this. The way it came out--and only then her saying something. She sounds dishonest. If a year in and you don't know prior history--most people when they get serious volunteer everything about past relationship and timelines.

Shady. She sounds shady. Think about if you want to find out about her multiple Ashley Madison affairs in 20 years when you are married and have kids with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a man with feelings and his feeling are his truth and valid. That is all that matters. Feelings = truth. The bonus is that as a man with feelings he has overcome toxic masculinity. The problem here is that as soon as he expressed his truth many people on this post started to denigrate him for having those feelings. It is wrong to force your values onto him by telling him they were not exclusive etc. If he feels upset about it then #truth.

all of that can be true along with the fact that she did nothing wrong.

Yes, she did something wrong. She was wrong not to be completely straightforward with OP about her sleeping with other men even before she and OP were “exclusive”. He deserved to have that information so that he could express his opinion about it. If he breaks up with her now because she wasn’t totally honest up front, that’s on her.

No, honey. That's on him. She owed him nothing. They went on five dates before she stopped seeing the other guy!!! I can't imagine telling a guy I've been on five dates with everyone I slept with. You sound deranged.