Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Late 30s, 1 child, amicably divorced and open to more kids down the road if I met the right woman. Financially independent from the sale of a business. Curious if/how this would change any of the advice given.

If you are open (and can afford a good life to) more children, that certainly increases your options. However, the smartest and prettiest women in their 20s and early 30s without children aren't going to settle for being your #2 family--unless you are making a ton of money. That could sway them.

Just curious, what would you consider a ton of money?

Enough to pay child support and private college for the kids you have, and to raise two or more additional kids at an equal standard of living and same college fund, without needing your wife to work full-time. Part-time is okay.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid-40s divorced dad, and here's what I'd like: A woman who looks sexy AF in a tennis outfit. Twice a week, we'd play some competitive tennis, screw, and share a meal (or tennis, meal,screw, who cares ... or tennis, screw, meal, screw). That would be perfect. Haven't found it yet, though.

Where are you men in real life??

On DCuM or playing tennis with me! Heheheheh

Just kidding. I don’t even play tennis.

Most of the fugly married moms on here will have sex with you. Their husbands are homely, they are bored af, and they hate their lives. They are looking for something to entertain them and they think they deserve to be serviced.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Late 30s, 1 child, amicably divorced and open to more kids down the road if I met the right woman. Financially independent from the sale of a business. Curious if/how this would change any of the advice given.

If you are open (and can afford a good life to) more children, that certainly increases your options. However, the smartest and prettiest women in their 20s and early 30s without children aren't going to settle for being your #2 family--unless you are making a ton of money. That could sway them.

Just curious, what would you consider a ton of money?

Anonymous wrote:Late 30s, 1 child, amicably divorced and open to more kids down the road if I met the right woman. Financially independent from the sale of a business. Curious if/how this would change any of the advice given.

If you are open (and can afford a good life to) more children, that certainly increases your options. However, the smartest and prettiest women in their 20s and early 30s without children aren't going to settle for being your #2 family--unless you are making a ton of money. That could sway them.

Late 30s, 1 child, amicably divorced and open to more kids down the road if I met the right woman. Financially independent from the sale of a business. Curious if/how this would change any of the advice given.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I am a 45 year old big law partner, also divorced supporting a SAHM with 2 middle school age kids. Exact same situation, make very good money, obviously not as much to go around as before but dropping a few thousand on a fancy weekend away for a woman I am interest in is meaningless money.

These responses are complete nonsense and likely written by bitter first wives who want to see you lonely and punished. Ignore them.

You will have absolutely zero problems finding dates. Actually, it will be exhausting doing on line dating because you will have so many women match with you. Many of them will be much younger. I agree with one PP, you need to be fair to them that you are not looking for a second wife and kids because many women in their 30s are. Even if they tell you they aren't sure.

Yes, wear a condom. Of course.

Tinder is fine for hookups. Bumble is good too. Again, you will be surprised at how many younger, attractive women you will match with. If you are like some of my divorced friends, you may go through a promiscuous phase because it's so abundant, like far easier than when you were younger. But you will ultimately see that easy sex with random women creates more headache than it's worth. I can give you some funny and not so funny stories.

Single mom's are my preferred partners. They understand that when I have the kids, I am not available and I respect that they have the same situation.

Good luck, it's a crazy world out there but lots of great women looking for real connections.

Woman here. The huge factor here is that PP makes very good money. Divorced men making up to 150k or so reading this will not have the same experience. It is pretty rare to encounter a big law firm partner in his forties on dating apps.

Nope. I am the PP who said he does not make as much as the BigLaw partner. In fact I make about $160k. And what the BigLaw partner said is exactly my experience: zero problem finding dates, lots of women matching with me, including much younger ones. It's a lot of work managing all the conversations. I could easily have a date every night if I wanted to. Like him I prefer the single moms because they understand I'm not available when I have the kids.

Well I am a woman and I can tell you I could also easily find a date for every night if I was still online. (I’m dating someone now but have done a lot of online dating). It’s not all one sided.

Yes. Another woman here. Guys don’t realize we are swimming in options at pretty much any age.

Yeah. I’m 45 and can fall on a dick any day I want to. Great profile and in 24 hours of reactivating it I have 1200 likes- that’s actually the problem- it’s be easier to have my assistant sort the wheat from the chaff than to spend the time doing it myself. I’d rather have 5 legit likes from men with jobs, few felonies, and who earn similar to me (mid 6 ). . I could fill every meal with some D if I wanted, but I don’t.

I’ve been OLD for a while now but I am not looking for long term- just a seasonal or spending on sport (ski, or golf). I’m a high earner and love being a single woman. I’d date cha.

Yes we know: any non-fat woman has a lifetime of options.
The point is that as men get older our options go UP while yours go DOWN.
These curves (in most cases) eventually cross to where our options exceed yours (all depends on how hot/rich/fit you are).

The point -- of what? How to win at some game?

Anybody who is invested in making someone else unhappier than they are, for no good demonstrable reason, isn't "winning." That's a way of making very clear to yourself and those around you that you are not happy with your own lot, and you need to bring others down.

OP,

I was like you and here are the major points I learned about dating as a divorced dad:

1) Try dating outside your go-to "type" when possible. All of my long term relationships (including my the one with the XDW) were with outgoing blondes or redheads. About six months after my divorce, I dated a shy woman who had emigrated from sub-Saharan Africa. She showed me so much about art, culture, food, and the world that I would have never known without meeting her.

2) Most divorced moms are not looking for a man to spend huge amounts of money on them. They are looking for a man they can spend time with who is not someone else they have to take care of and manage. What do I mean? Understand that normally they only get one weekend out of every two away from being a full-time mom – so plan time together where she does not have to cook (e.g., send out for pizza, cook for her, or find take-out food you like together) and can get other things done while spending time with you (e.g., she can have a load of wash running while you two watch Netflix and have sex.) For example, if the two of you were going to a party in her neighborhood, stop by Total Wine and be the guy who brings wine for the party gift and for you two later.

3) She wants to have fun within the bounds of knowing that the kids are returning at 5:00 pm on Sunday. There are a million fun things you can do from 5:00 pm on Friday to 5:00 pm on Sunday and she will likely be up for most of them.

As far as your kids, here are some points that will make life better

1) Right now, block out your time with them on your work calendar. If you have them on Wednesdays and every other weekend, then block this time out and push to make sure you do not schedule meetings, etc. during these windows. Work harder on Monday and Tuesday to make sure you have Wednesday beginning at 5:00 pm completely free.

2) Make your own connections to your kids’ teachers and the parents of their friends. Do not rely on your EXDW to keep you in the loop as to who they are friends with and how school is going for them.

3) Make sure they bring schoolwork when they come to your place for your weekend. It will help you stay involved in how they are doing and make sure that you have more to do with them then just trips to the mall and movies.

4) If you are not being taken advantage of, help your EXDW by taking the kids on nights or weekends when she need help. First, and most important, it shows your kids that you consider spending with them a pleasure, and not a burden. Second, you will not worry if you ever need her to return the favor.

Good luck. You will be happier, and they will be happier once you get into you new routine and you find someone who can enjoy on your solo weekends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid-40s divorced dad, and here's what I'd like: A woman who looks sexy AF in a tennis outfit. Twice a week, we'd play some competitive tennis, screw, and share a meal (or tennis, meal,screw, who cares ... or tennis, screw, meal, screw). That would be perfect. Haven't found it yet, though.

Where are you men in real life??

Where? All around you! Ask any divorced dad if he wants this and he’d say HECK YEAH!

I don’t even play tennis, but I’d learn really damn fast if she put this deal on the table.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid-40s divorced dad, and here's what I'd like: A woman who looks sexy AF in a tennis outfit. Twice a week, we'd play some competitive tennis, screw, and share a meal (or tennis, meal,screw, who cares ... or tennis, screw, meal, screw). That would be perfect. Haven't found it yet, though.

Where are you men in real life??

On DCuM or playing tennis with me! Heheheheh

Just kidding. I don’t even play tennis.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am a recently divorced 37 year old with 70% custody of my elementary aged kids. ExDH has a demanding, high-paying job and like you, defaulted to giving me more money and custody to keep the kids’ lives as close to what they are accustomed to as possible. At least for now. And what they are accustomed to is me working part-time from home and Dad working long hours and weekends. None of that has changed. If I had more time to myself, I would totally date you. Unfortunately that is where I have been screwed over. I love my kids to death but I barely have time for me, let alone someone else... and before anyone jumps down my throat, my exDH doesn’t want our kids anymore than every other weekend and one overnight a week.

It looks like you don't want them that much either (I mean hours, not that you don't love them and want them). Why did you agree to this deal?

Don’t be daft. Of course I want the hours with them. Hence why I didn’t push for 50/50. I just also wish I had more time to myself. And if you are correctly, I am not sacrificing time with my kids to date.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You make a crap load of money and have very little time off. Focus on your kids instead of your sex life. I wouldn't want a man like you who does have much interest in their kids.

This. Learn why you are divorced. If you have extra time, get some individual therapy.

Here are your priorities

Kids
Kids
Yourself
Job
somebody else

Get the 1st 4 under control before you add "somebody else".

Op, thease people are nuts.

Look, you are human. You want comfort, you want comapany.

Your children can be your priority. But you can still find time to date. Just be honest with your intentions (no more kids if that is what you want). You can find a career minded woman who is looking for same.

I wouldn't date anyone in their 30s who does not already have children either (unless it was someone I knew definitely did not want kids); "mistake" pregnancies do happen, especially when you have the means.

Somebody else is on the list.

But tons of parents put their kids below their sexual needs, it’s not right and your insane if you think it is. Sorry I can’t see you 50/50 I need to date. wTF!

Sorry. I imissed the "somebody else" I saw kid, kids, and I made assumptions. Sure kids are first, and then OP comes second. But part of OP taking care of himself probably includes finding someone to do fun things together and to lie besides every now and then.

Dating is not only about sex. Humans need companionship. Someone they can talk to, someone they can hold. It's hard to find tht kind of companionshipi at work where you have to be fake anc content most of the time.l

Very hard to find if you don't have your sh*t together 1st. If you are a mess you will attract a mess, one that cuddles but a mess none the less.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid-40s divorced dad, and here's what I'd like: A woman who looks sexy AF in a tennis outfit. Twice a week, we'd play some competitive tennis, screw, and share a meal (or tennis, meal,screw, who cares ... or tennis, screw, meal, screw). That would be perfect. Haven't found it yet, though.

Great, so basically you want a woman to have sex with and play sports with but not have a relationship with. 99 percent of woman do not want that.

Exactly.

I'd rather be home with my family (kids) then waste time with that nonsense. He lost me with the sex outfit part, and the "screw"! Can you say regressed....!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You make a crap load of money and have very little time off. Focus on your kids instead of your sex life. I wouldn't want a man like you who does have much interest in their kids.

This. Learn why you are divorced. If you have extra time, get some individual therapy.

Here are your priorities

Kids
Kids
Yourself
Job
somebody else

Get the 1st 4 under control before you add "somebody else".

Op, thease people are nuts.

Look, you are human. You want comfort, you want comapany.

Your children can be your priority. But you can still find time to date. Just be honest with your intentions (no more kids if that is what you want). You can find a career minded woman who is looking for same.

I wouldn't date anyone in their 30s who does not already have children either (unless it was someone I knew definitely did not want kids); "mistake" pregnancies do happen, especially when you have the means.

Somebody else is on the list.

But tons of parents put their kids below their sexual needs, it’s not right and your insane if you think it is. Sorry I can’t see you 50/50 I need to date. wTF!

Sorry. I imissed the "somebody else" I saw kid, kids, and I made assumptions. Sure kids are first, and then OP comes second. But part of OP taking care of himself probably includes finding someone to do fun things together and to lie besides every now and then.

Dating is not only about sex. Humans need companionship. Someone they can talk to, someone they can hold. It's hard to find tht kind of companionshipi at work where you have to be fake anc content most of the time.l

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am a recently divorced 37 year old with 70% custody of my elementary aged kids. ExDH has a demanding, high-paying job and like you, defaulted to giving me more money and custody to keep the kids’ lives as close to what they are accustomed to as possible. At least for now. And what they are accustomed to is me working part-time from home and Dad working long hours and weekends. None of that has changed. If I had more time to myself, I would totally date you. Unfortunately that is where I have been screwed over. I love my kids to death but I barely have time for me, let alone someone else... and before anyone jumps down my throat, my exDH doesn’t want our kids anymore than every other weekend and one overnight a week.

It looks like you don't want them that much either (I mean hours, not that you don't love them and want them). Why did you agree to this deal?

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid-40s divorced dad, and here's what I'd like: A woman who looks sexy AF in a tennis outfit. Twice a week, we'd play some competitive tennis, screw, and share a meal (or tennis, meal,screw, who cares ... or tennis, screw, meal, screw). That would be perfect. Haven't found it yet, though.

Where are you men in real life??