Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I still think he's having an affair.

How would one pull off having an affair these days? At least in my house, we're all stuck at home and together 24/7. Unless one of us gets busy with a dashing paramour in the produce aisle during a run to Whole Foods, it's just not an option logistically.

No, I don't think he's having an affair. If he were affairing he'd be cranky, defensive, verbally combative. Secretive of his phone, dismissive of OP, not upset that she couldn't get her act together and say happy anniversary. He'd be lashing out verbally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these people with the crazy advice? The husband put forth a reasonable plan. Move on with it.

Divorce sucks OP. And sucks even more with lawyers involved sending you big bills every month to eventually get to an agreement you could have had for free.

It is reasonable but I'd have him move out now if he's that unhappy. No need to drag things out.

Exactly. Having been divorced with kids and having lots of divorced friends I would say to literally just move on as quickly as possible. Do what it takes. Take some weekends to do whatever you need to clear your head, binge drink and smoke, cry, stay with your parents and cry, whatever it may be, but you need to embrace that this change is gonna happen and move on. Be thankful he’s not being a dick up front on these issues.

Binge drink and smoke. Great advice for the adult child of an alcoholic who is responsible for a child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$500 month? Wtf?

That’s nothing.

My kids are 12 and 14. Travel sport alone is $3200k each. We haven’t even gotten to school costs, food, clothing.

How much do you make?

3200/month for what travel sport??

Maybe Polo? Dressage?

lol

Most of my circles are making 200 -300K HHI — so, not poor by any means. Nobody could afford to pay 38,400/year just for one kid to play one sport. That’s 76,800/year for 2 kids! Just for sports? No way!

Come on, this is idiocy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$500 month? Wtf?

That’s nothing.

My kids are 12 and 14. Travel sport alone is $3200k each. We haven’t even gotten to school costs, food, clothing.

How much do you make?

3200/month for what travel sport??

Maybe Polo? Dressage?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$500 month? Wtf?

That’s nothing.

My kids are 12 and 14. Travel sport alone is $3200k each. We haven’t even gotten to school costs, food, clothing.

How much do you make?

3200/month for what travel sport??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I still think he's having an affair.

How would one pull off having an affair these days? At least in my house, we're all stuck at home and together 24/7. Unless one of us gets busy with a dashing paramour in the produce aisle during a run to Whole Foods, it's just not an option logistically.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asking someone to see your family once a week is quite a lot.

Agree. I love my husband so much and we are happy (most of the time), but there is absolutely NO WAY o could see his family weekly. NO WAY.

Anonymous wrote:Asking someone to see your family once a week is quite a lot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$500 month? Wtf?

That’s nothing.

My kids are 12 and 14. Travel sport alone is $3200k each. We haven’t even gotten to school costs, food, clothing.

How much do you make?

3200/month for what travel sport??

Most kids aren't in travel sports and that is a luxury. $500 with 50/50 is far more than enough as each parent provides for the needs in their home.

My daughter does travel volleyball. That figure is about right and doesn’t include travel cost for us, only tournament fees. And, a lot of kids, especially during teenage years, do travel sports. If OP is in an affluent household then private school costs would be a factor.

I don’t know any kids that don’t do travel sports. We are in a wealthy neighborhood, but my siblings and cousins who are not all ha e kids in travel sports. It’s very common.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these people with the crazy advice? The husband put forth a reasonable plan. Move on with it.

Divorce sucks OP. And sucks even more with lawyers involved sending you big bills every month to eventually get to an agreement you could have had for free.

It is reasonable but I'd have him move out now if he's that unhappy. No need to drag things out.

Exactly. Having been divorced with kids and having lots of divorced friends I would say to literally just move on as quickly as possible. Do what it takes. Take some weekends to do whatever you need to clear your head, binge drink and smoke, cry, stay with your parents and cry, whatever it may be, but you need to embrace that this change is gonna happen and move on. Be thankful he’s not being a dick up front on these issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normally when people post about their spouses, they manage to make themselves look great and the spouse look terrible.

Congrats OP, this is a first. Even your version of your DH sounds like a man who has patiently tried to make you happy by putting up with your obnoxious alcoholic enmeshed family, and finally reached his breaking point and wants an amicable divorce. Your twisting of the lovely breakfast that he made for you complete with flowers and card, was truly epic. He "set you up". Wow.

You had it, you didn't take his feelings into account, and now you've lost it. Next time try listening.

This is what I picked up as well. The more OP keeps volunteering, the more she reveals that she is the issue. Barely acknowledge her anniversary, prioritizing her niece and nephew's birthday (WTF?), etc - all too much for her DH to handle. Her DH has been probably signaling to her for years but she is clueless.

Anonymous wrote:Team husband. You say it’s a blindside, I disagree. It sounds like he’s been telling you, you just didn’t care enough to listen.