One positive side effect of having overly materialistic ILs, is that my own family has really pared down giving to each other. At first I thought it was a bad thing, but now I kind of like it. Less stress. It's a gift to not have to stress as much over buying stuff. If someone asks you what you want, tell them your gift to them is they don't have to buy anything for you.

Anonymous wrote:I agree that experiences can be very simple. We have gifts from LAST Christmas sitting unopened.

Seriously? Talk about ungrateful!! At least open and donate them...

I agree that experiences can be very simple. We have gifts from LAST Christmas sitting unopened.

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Anonymous wrote:I’m happy to not receive any gifts or for you to give my kids money for their savings account if you simply HAVE to give something. Truly I prefer nothing at all, they don’t need it, but that crappy $5 1000 piece puzzle is going straight in the trash if you buy it.

+1. I won't throw it in the trash, but I'll likely keep it for a little while and then donate it unopened in a couple of months.

It's not about you. It's about your kid, who I'm sure enjoys opening up a gift on Christmas.

My kids are 3 and 5. They cannot keep track of who gave them what or how many things they get. As long as they have 2-3 new things - Santa, parents, grandparents or an aunt, they are fine. There have been years where they get so much their presents from us sit under the tree, unopened for a week or more. It took us 2 weeks to open presents from the 3yr old’s BD because he would open one and play with it a lot for 1-2 days before asking to open another.

File this under things that totally didn’t happen

Ha! This happened to us too!

Our kid did that too around that age. After a few days, we'd bring out another present to open. My nephews used to rip open all gifts in like 30 secs, but we definitely have a slow-paced Christmas morning with our own kid.

+1. December birthday kid and every year we have 1 or 2 presents that were never opened (or that we bought for her but never gave her b/c of the flood of other stuff). We are invited to more no-presents parties now than not...I think there's a clear and growing trend towards less stuff, and I don't see how that's objectionable.

The PPs who insist on watching kids open presents (or who encourage their kids to look for/keep track of gift givers) are coming across only slightly better than those complaining about 'insignificant' experience gifts! I know it's mind-blowing, but you can teach both generosity and graciousness without involving a mountain of cheap(ly made) toys.

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Anonymous wrote:Experience gifts don’t make sense in UMC circles. It’s not like the kids would be paying for their ice cream/museum/movie entry anyway. The parents would. My kids don’t care if you pay or I do - it’s free to them either way.

This, to an extent. One year, my parents told my kids (age 9 and 11 at the time) that they would take them out to lunch as part of their present. My kids don’t love “lunch” food. Eating out for lunch is not a treat. It is a chore for when we are traveling or shopping/running errands all day.

It never even happened. My parents offered once or twice on days we had other commitments. Kids didn’t miss it.

I don't know, my UMC kids love going out to lunch at Panera and consider it a treat (ages 5 and 7). They'd think lunch out with Grandma was an awesome gift.

Agree PP. The above post made me very sad. The money spent on lunch is not necessarily the experience; it's the special time with grandparents.

I’m the poster whose kids weren’t interested in lunch. It made me sad, too. But my parents used to do much more active things with the kids. Now that they are older, my parents aren’t really sure what to do with them. They have an even harder time talking with them. My dad, in particular, tends to launch into dense monologues on topics he thinks will interest the kids. He never asks them about their interests, their activities, their friends... his little talks might be interesting to a 17 year old super intellectual, but for tween girls, it’s deadly (frankly, I struggle with it at times).

So lunch out with the grandparents = food you might not like + a few random lectures. My parents were great with little kids (and PP, at 5 and 7 my kids would have loved it too), but my tweens (now teens) need more structure/stimulation.

Wow, your kids are tweens/teens and "don't like lunch food" so don't want to eat lunch with their grandparents? They need more structure/stimulation than that? WTF? And yes, I get that aging grandparents can be a bit of a drag and not know all the cool teen things, but maybe your kids could just talk to them about their lives and interests? Sorry, but you and your kids sound like a-holes.

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Anonymous wrote:My kids LOVE gift cards. To icecream shops, movies, Panera etc. They love being able to 'pay' for themselves. My son ordered shake at McDonalds with his lunch because he could (we rarelyl eat there and i never allow a shake). He was SOOO Excited.
My DD got extra sprinkles and whip cream on her sundae with her gift card. THe kids love things like that and look forward to using them. Much more than another toy

Agreed! I ask people for gift cards for my kids if they want to know what to get them. They sort of side eye me, lol. I think they believe it’s for me. My kids really go bonkers over them.

Tacky

What part is tacky? If someone asks what to get my child and I give an answer, is that tacky?

Cash or gift card is not a gift. You are greedy.

Not PP but I think you are reaching. If someone asks what they can get, a gift card is a great gift.

Just tell them the gift you will buy with it. Not hard.

Yes exactly. Gift cards are tacky, cash with a different name.

wait, what? My daughter got a $50 Target gift card and it was her FAVORITE thing ever. She could buy what she wanted and it was a great exercise in budgeting and such.

(FWIW it wasn't a gift - she won it at our church's Bingo night, lol - but she would've been THRILLED to get it as a gift!)

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Anonymous wrote:My kids LOVE gift cards. To icecream shops, movies, Panera etc. They love being able to 'pay' for themselves. My son ordered shake at McDonalds with his lunch because he could (we rarelyl eat there and i never allow a shake). He was SOOO Excited.
My DD got extra sprinkles and whip cream on her sundae with her gift card. THe kids love things like that and look forward to using them. Much more than another toy

Agreed! I ask people for gift cards for my kids if they want to know what to get them. They sort of side eye me, lol. I think they believe it’s for me. My kids really go bonkers over them.

Tacky

What part is tacky? If someone asks what to get my child and I give an answer, is that tacky?

Cash or gift card is not a gift. You are greedy.

Not PP but I think you are reaching. If someone asks what they can get, a gift card is a great gift.

Just tell them the gift you will buy with it. Not hard.

Yes exactly. Gift cards are tacky, cash with a different name.

My kids love gift cards. They like that they can shop on their own and buy what they want. Also teaches them the value of money, and what things cost.

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Anonymous wrote:I get experiences for all the kids in my circle. Some of the ones I’ve given are go ape, trip to nyc, shows at the Kennedy center, and car racing. They are all pretty inexpensive. My kids get the same.

trips to NYC for multiple kids = inexpensive. Riiiiight.

+1. Even 1 ticket to your average Kennedy Center show is way more than what most of my family is spending on an individual. Trips to NYC?? We typically spend $10-$15 per niece/nephew (we have a lot of them).

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Anonymous wrote:My kids LOVE gift cards. To icecream shops, movies, Panera etc. They love being able to 'pay' for themselves. My son ordered shake at McDonalds with his lunch because he could (we rarelyl eat there and i never allow a shake). He was SOOO Excited.
My DD got extra sprinkles and whip cream on her sundae with her gift card. THe kids love things like that and look forward to using them. Much more than another toy

Agreed! I ask people for gift cards for my kids if they want to know what to get them. They sort of side eye me, lol. I think they believe it’s for me. My kids really go bonkers over them.

Tacky

What part is tacky? If someone asks what to get my child and I give an answer, is that tacky?

Cash or gift card is not a gift. You are greedy.

Not PP but I think you are reaching. If someone asks what they can get, a gift card is a great gift.

Just tell them the gift you will buy with it. Not hard.

Yes exactly. Gift cards are tacky, cash with a different name.

Am I the only one who can't stand "gift" as a verb? There's a perfectly good verb available already. We GIVE gifts, not gift them. Ugh.

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Anonymous wrote:My kids LOVE gift cards. To icecream shops, movies, Panera etc. They love being able to 'pay' for themselves. My son ordered shake at McDonalds with his lunch because he could (we rarelyl eat there and i never allow a shake). He was SOOO Excited.
My DD got extra sprinkles and whip cream on her sundae with her gift card. THe kids love things like that and look forward to using them. Much more than another toy

Agreed! I ask people for gift cards for my kids if they want to know what to get them. They sort of side eye me, lol. I think they believe it’s for me. My kids really go bonkers over them.

Tacky

What part is tacky? If someone asks what to get my child and I give an answer, is that tacky?

Cash or gift card is not a gift. You are greedy.

Not PP but I think you are reaching. If someone asks what they can get, a gift card is a great gift.

Just tell them the gift you will buy with it. Not hard.

Anonymous wrote:Whatever happened to - Thank you so much. You needn’t have, but very kind of you?

Now people are dictating what they want their kids to have “as gifts” (such bad form to even mention), getting upset that they don’t get what they wanted them to have, belittling gifts someone was kind enough to go out of they way to buy for your child.

This level of entitlement in Parents is astounding. What are you teaching your kids about being grateful, gracious, and polite? Kids learn by what you do, not by what you say to Aunt Susie.
I’m appalled. I’ve never seen a child’s birthday invitation mentioning gifts in any way. Where is this happening?

On the flip side, whatever happened to people doing their own shopping? I don't provide lists. But my relatives and in-laws hound me constantly for gift ideas for the kids (and us). So not only do I need to do my own shopping, I need to pick out presents for these people to buy for us too. And apparently it shouldn't be experiences or 529 contributions or food or clothes. It's gotten too crazy and I'm ready for the holidays to be over already.

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Anonymous wrote:I’m happy to not receive any gifts or for you to give my kids money for their savings account if you simply HAVE to give something. Truly I prefer nothing at all, they don’t need it, but that crappy $5 1000 piece puzzle is going straight in the trash if you buy it.

+1. I won't throw it in the trash, but I'll likely keep it for a little while and then donate it unopened in a couple of months.

It's not about you. It's about your kid, who I'm sure enjoys opening up a gift on Christmas.

My kids are 3 and 5. They cannot keep track of who gave them what or how many things they get. As long as they have 2-3 new things - Santa, parents, grandparents or an aunt, they are fine. There have been years where they get so much their presents from us sit under the tree, unopened for a week or more. It took us 2 weeks to open presents from the 3yr old’s BD because he would open one and play with it a lot for 1-2 days before asking to open another.

File this under things that totally didn’t happen

Ha! This happened to us too!

Our kid did that too around that age. After a few days, we'd bring out another present to open. My nephews used to rip open all gifts in like 30 secs, but we definitely have a slow-paced Christmas morning with our own kid.

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Anonymous wrote:I’m happy to not receive any gifts or for you to give my kids money for their savings account if you simply HAVE to give something. Truly I prefer nothing at all, they don’t need it, but that crappy $5 1000 piece puzzle is going straight in the trash if you buy it.

+1. I won't throw it in the trash, but I'll likely keep it for a little while and then donate it unopened in a couple of months.

It's not about you. It's about your kid, who I'm sure enjoys opening up a gift on Christmas.

My kids are 3 and 5. They cannot keep track of who gave them what or how many things they get. As long as they have 2-3 new things - Santa, parents, grandparents or an aunt, they are fine. There have been years where they get so much their presents from us sit under the tree, unopened for a week or more. It took us 2 weeks to open presents from the 3yr old’s BD because he would open one and play with it a lot for 1-2 days before asking to open another.

File this under things that totally didn’t happen

Ha! This happened to us too!

Anonymous wrote:Whatever happened to - Thank you so much. You needn’t have, but very kind of you?

Now people are dictating what they want their kids to have “as gifts” (such bad form to even mention), getting upset that they don’t get what they wanted them to have, belittling gifts someone was kind enough to go out of they way to buy for your child.

This level of entitlement in Parents is astounding. What are you teaching your kids about being grateful, gracious, and polite? Kids learn by what you do, not by what you say to Aunt Susie.
I’m appalled. I’ve never seen a child’s birthday invitation mentioning gifts in any way. Where is this happening?

Aunts, grandparents, etc. ask for ideas. And when asked we parents give ideas based on what our kids actually like and want. Sometimes they listen and sometimes they don’t. 2 years ago no one asked me what my kids wanted and grandma bought a huge $$$ toy workbench that is bigger than my bedside table. It doesn’t fit in our house. I tolerated it in my living room for 6 months but put it in the basement when no one played with it. This year they asked and you know what my newly potty trained kid was so excited for on his birthday? Paw Patrol underwear and socks. Super excited to have undies. Super excited his new big boy bed has drawers for clothes and he picks out his socks and undies every morning. Guess which ones he always wears as soon as they are clean? Several plastic toys have already been forgotten since his Nov BD, but every morning he proudly tells me “nana got me these”.

You know what else my kids like? Christmas ornaments and art supplies.

When in doubt, I think “consumables” are the happy medium between gifts and experiences.
Kiwi crate type kits
Craft kits
Art supplies - washable please
Play doh - store bought or homemade
One of those paperwhite or bulb plants to grow
Puzzles
Games
Coloring and activity books
Sticker books
Holiday themed window clings
Magazine subscriptions
A calendar for their room
Plates, forks and water bottles or cups with their favorite characters
Ask the parents if they might want character sheets and pillow cases