Anonymous
11/05/2019 09:23
Subject: Re:I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here
Anonymous wrote:To summarize all the posts:
parents of kids who are left out feel:
-kids who don’t always include all other friends are mean and their parents are also mean;
- it is okay for a left out kid to ask to join an already planned get together
u]parents of kids who are not left out feel: [/u]
- kids can elect who to invite somewhere when their family or kid is planning the event and this isn’t mean or exclusionary but more a preference who to hang out with
- by the 6th grade + timeframe, kids largely plan their social activities and parents don’t need to micromanage.
That’s it in a nutshell.
Thank you for saving me 9 pages of reading. Got lucky when I jumped to9 and saw this summary.
Carry on.
Anonymous
11/05/2019 09:15
Subject: I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I just hopped on here to thank you and your kids for being kind to my kid. That is all.
The thing is that many of us don’t consider hanging out with this or that group to be mean if your kid isn’t always included. That is all.
It doesn't, correct. But, as the other Halloween thread shows, it is "mean" to judge another kid/parent who tries to be included sometimes. YOUR kid will survive one evening on a non-formal event like Halloween if they include someone on their "in" list for the night. There seems to be an awful lot of bending backwards on here to justify shitty behavior. It's pretty despicable, actually.
That’s interesting. I see the opposite. There seems to be a lot of name calling if everyone doesn’t include everyone. No one should have to justify hanging out with whoever they want. No one in any of these stories is excluding just one person purposely. If they were, that would be despicable.
Well good for you. I'm raising a nice kid. But you do you.
Since you clearly need to feel that your parenting is superior to everyone else’s, then go ahead. But you’re just fooling yourself.
DP. Everyone feels that their own parenting is superior to other options they see, that is why they do it that way. Your comment is meaningless and a silly attempt at one-upmanship.
Not really. She didn’t need to infer that I’m not raising a nice kid. That’s just being an a$$hole.
Anonymous
11/05/2019 09:11
Subject: I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I just hopped on here to thank you and your kids for being kind to my kid. That is all.
The thing is that many of us don’t consider hanging out with this or that group to be mean if your kid isn’t always included. That is all.
It doesn't, correct. But, as the other Halloween thread shows, it is "mean" to judge another kid/parent who tries to be included sometimes. YOUR kid will survive one evening on a non-formal event like Halloween if they include someone on their "in" list for the night. There seems to be an awful lot of bending backwards on here to justify shitty behavior. It's pretty despicable, actually.
That’s interesting. I see the opposite. There seems to be a lot of name calling if everyone doesn’t include everyone. No one should have to justify hanging out with whoever they want. No one in any of these stories is excluding just one person purposely. If they were, that would be despicable.
Well good for you. I'm raising a nice kid. But you do you.
Since you clearly need to feel that your parenting is superior to everyone else’s, then go ahead. But you’re just fooling yourself.
DP. Everyone feels that their own parenting is superior to other options they see, that is why they do it that way. Your comment is meaningless and a silly attempt at one-upmanship.
Anonymous
11/05/2019 09:09
Subject: Re:I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here
Anonymous wrote:Have you stopped to think that what you consider “social engineering” is me working on my child’s behavior? My DD is well liked and has many friend groups. But she can be thoughtless. I want her to think about some of her friends that are mildly excluded and involve them when she can. And here is why: I want her to be aware of her actions on others and grow up to be empathetic and kind. It’s important to me and I am working on it. It’s not like she can’t chose her friends or have the ultimate decision on who she spends time with (excluding family). But i do question her choices sometimes just as I do when she blowing off studying for a test. Hands off parenting is not for me.
Hello Voice of Reason.
I like you. You are thoughtful and kind. You are teaching your daughter to be thoughtful and kind. You realize the path to that outcome is bumpy and imperfect and that your control of these things is limited. But what you can do, you do, and I'm with you on this one.
Anonymous
11/05/2019 09:05
Subject: I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I just hopped on here to thank you and your kids for being kind to my kid. That is all.
The thing is that many of us don’t consider hanging out with this or that group to be mean if your kid isn’t always included. That is all.
It doesn't, correct. But, as the other Halloween thread shows, it is "mean" to judge another kid/parent who tries to be included sometimes. YOUR kid will survive one evening on a non-formal event like Halloween if they include someone on their "in" list for the night. There seems to be an awful lot of bending backwards on here to justify shitty behavior. It's pretty despicable, actually.
That’s interesting. I see the opposite. There seems to be a lot of name calling if everyone doesn’t include everyone. No one should have to justify hanging out with whoever they want. No one in any of these stories is excluding just one person purposely. If they were, that would be despicable.
Well good for you. I'm raising a nice kid. But you do you.
Since you clearly need to feel that your parenting is superior to everyone else’s, then go ahead. But you’re just fooling yourself.
Anonymous
11/05/2019 09:00
Subject: I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I just hopped on here to thank you and your kids for being kind to my kid. That is all.
The thing is that many of us don’t consider hanging out with this or that group to be mean if your kid isn’t always included. That is all.
If his/her kid is part of a package deal, IT IS mean! This is usually the case.
No, by the tween/teen age, it is not usually the case that kids come in a "package deal." This is the age when kids start to form closer friendship groups as their interests and personalities develop. Friends grow apart, new friendships bloom.
Anonymous
11/05/2019 08:47
Subject: I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I just hopped on here to thank you and your kids for being kind to my kid. That is all.
The thing is that many of us don’t consider hanging out with this or that group to be mean if your kid isn’t always included. That is all.
If his/her kid is part of a package deal, IT IS mean! This is usually the case.
Anonymous
11/05/2019 00:43
Subject: Re:I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here
Have you stopped to think that what you consider “social engineering” is me working on my child’s behavior? My DD is well liked and has many friend groups. But she can be thoughtless. I want her to think about some of her friends that are mildly excluded and involve them when she can. And here is why: I want her to be aware of her actions on others and grow up to be empathetic and kind. It’s important to me and I am working on it. It’s not like she can’t chose her friends or have the ultimate decision on who she spends time with (excluding family). But i do question her choices sometimes just as I do when she blowing off studying for a test. Hands off parenting is not for me.
Anonymous
11/04/2019 17:07
Subject: I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I just hopped on here to thank you and your kids for being kind to my kid. That is all.
The thing is that many of us don’t consider hanging out with this or that group to be mean if your kid isn’t always included. That is all.
It doesn't, correct. But, as the other Halloween thread shows, it is "mean" to judge another kid/parent who tries to be included sometimes. YOUR kid will survive one evening on a non-formal event like Halloween if they include someone on their "in" list for the night. There seems to be an awful lot of bending backwards on here to justify shitty behavior. It's pretty despicable, actually.
That’s interesting. I see the opposite. There seems to be a lot of name calling if everyone doesn’t include everyone. No one should have to justify hanging out with whoever they want. No one in any of these stories is excluding just one person purposely. If they were, that would be despicable.
Well good for you. I'm raising a nice kid. But you do you.
So rude. Glad your kid will be nice in spite of,not bc of, her mother, who is passive aggressively not nice
Anonymous
11/04/2019 14:51
Subject: I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I just hopped on here to thank you and your kids for being kind to my kid. That is all.
The thing is that many of us don’t consider hanging out with this or that group to be mean if your kid isn’t always included. That is all.
It doesn't, correct. But, as the other Halloween thread shows, it is "mean" to judge another kid/parent who tries to be included sometimes. YOUR kid will survive one evening on a non-formal event like Halloween if they include someone on their "in" list for the night. There seems to be an awful lot of bending backwards on here to justify shitty behavior. It's pretty despicable, actually.
That’s interesting. I see the opposite. There seems to be a lot of name calling if everyone doesn’t include everyone. No one should have to justify hanging out with whoever they want. No one in any of these stories is excluding just one person purposely. If they were, that would be despicable.
Well good for you. I'm raising a nice kid. But you do you.
Anonymous
11/04/2019 14:08
Subject: I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The invite everyone poster is off her rocker.
We’re not “open to growth”? Lady, you must have a rough time in life.
There is no invite everyone poster .
There are people saying leaving 1 person from s group out on purpose is rude.
There are people saying purposeful social isolation is wrong.
Just because they don't include someone doesn't make it purpose social isolation. If they proactively try to get someone excluded when someone else wants to include them, then that's purposeful social isolation. I have a teen who isn't always included. One of my best friend's DD is in the same grade as my DD and they are in classes together. Her DD is socially "popular" but doesn't include my DD despite knowing her for years. That doesn't upset me. They've had plenty of opportunities to be around each other and they don't really bond. I know if I ask my friend to include my DD she would, but as we can't force her DD to actually click with my DD, it would just be awkward for all invoked. I didnt get invited to things in high school and managed to turn out just fine. I wasn't like the other kids. I didn't know how to make small talk and just wasn't good at interacting in social settings. Why is that someone else's responsibility? We all want to protect our kids and give them the best life, but we shouldn't expect others to include someone they don't really get along with. If your child feels loved within your family, you've given them a great foundation to deal with not being included.
I agree with the bolded. There's often one 'engineer' within a friend group who tries to manipulate the group to do her bidding as far as inclusion etc. Then she will turn around and say "what? We all have to do EVERYTHING together all the time?" It's either being deliberately obtuse or flat-out cruel.
Anonymous
11/04/2019 14:05
Subject: I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I just hopped on here to thank you and your kids for being kind to my kid. That is all.
The thing is that many of us don’t consider hanging out with this or that group to be mean if your kid isn’t always included. That is all.
It doesn't, correct. But, as the other Halloween thread shows, it is "mean" to judge another kid/parent who tries to be included sometimes. YOUR kid will survive one evening on a non-formal event like Halloween if they include someone on their "in" list for the night. There seems to be an awful lot of bending backwards on here to justify shitty behavior. It's pretty despicable, actually.
That’s interesting. I see the opposite. There seems to be a lot of name calling if everyone doesn’t include everyone. No one should have to justify hanging out with whoever they want. No one in any of these stories is excluding just one person purposely. If they were, that would be despicable.
This.
Anonymous
11/04/2019 13:07
Subject: I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I just hopped on here to thank you and your kids for being kind to my kid. That is all.
The thing is that many of us don’t consider hanging out with this or that group to be mean if your kid isn’t always included. That is all.
It doesn't, correct. But, as the other Halloween thread shows, it is "mean" to judge another kid/parent who tries to be included sometimes. YOUR kid will survive one evening on a non-formal event like Halloween if they include someone on their "in" list for the night. There seems to be an awful lot of bending backwards on here to justify shitty behavior. It's pretty despicable, actually.
That’s interesting. I see the opposite. There seems to be a lot of name calling if everyone doesn’t include everyone. No one should have to justify hanging out with whoever they want. No one in any of these stories is excluding just one person purposely. If they were, that would be despicable.
Anonymous
11/04/2019 12:43
Subject: I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I just hopped on here to thank you and your kids for being kind to my kid. That is all.
The thing is that many of us don’t consider hanging out with this or that group to be mean if your kid isn’t always included. That is all.
It doesn't, correct. But, as the other Halloween thread shows, it is "mean" to judge another kid/parent who tries to be included sometimes. YOUR kid will survive one evening on a non-formal event like Halloween if they include someone on their "in" list for the night. There seems to be an awful lot of bending backwards on here to justify shitty behavior. It's pretty despicable, actually.
Anonymous
11/04/2019 09:49
Subject: I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here
Anonymous wrote:I just hopped on here to thank you and your kids for being kind to my kid. That is all.
The thing is that many of us don’t consider hanging out with this or that group to be mean if your kid isn’t always included. That is all.