Anonymous
Post 03/01/2019 12:50     Subject: Wives, how often is perfect for you in terms of sex frequency?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lots of low/high incompatibility in this thread; seems a shame.


I have a hypothesis that marriage causes small imbalances to be large ones. Being the lower libido one means that you'll be the recipient of at least occasional unwanted advances. At first, it's no big deal -- the imbalance isn't that big, so the unwanted advance isn't that frequent. But, it makes you just a little less likely to want sex -- that leads to a greater frequency of times when the advance is unwanted. And it snowballs. You don't initiate because eventually there is no time to recharge your battery. The resentments grow.

On the high libido side, at first the rejections are no big deal. There's always tomorrow night. But then the rejections accumulate -- you start being unsure about when you'll be able to have sex again. That makes you want it more. Acceptance of your sexual advances become intertwined with your feelings about whether your spouse loves you, finds you attractive, etc. Then you notice she never initiates -- that's proof that she doesn't find you attractive. Your sexual initiations become more tentative -- nonsexual interactions become less loving. That leads to less and less sex. And on and on.

So, what started as mildly mismatched libidos become wildly mismatched libidos.


Wow, you have perfectly described what happened in our marriage. It's spiraling down, not sure my wife realizes how bad but I don't know if we have a future together.


I totally agree. I think sexual compatibility may be the most important aspect to consider when deciding on marriage. My first husband and I were not and marriage failed quickly. Second time around I made sure we were on the same page. It's sad but I don't think many people realize this when marrying.



How clueless are you. It's not that women aren't horny when we get married, it's that we lose the desire after years of marriage. You can't predict this going in.

Whether intentional or not, does not matter. It still is a bait and switch. If you lost your desire, you must either divorce, or look the other way. Because the men remain horny and we will ALWAYS find somebody else. You can most definitely predict THAT going in.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2019 10:46     Subject: Wives, how often is perfect for you in terms of sex frequency?
Sexless marriage, maybe once a year, due to my husbands impotence. Sad reading about all the sex I could be having.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2019 09:11     Subject: Re:Wives, how often is perfect for you in terms of sex frequency?
to the man who is constantly posting about the open marriage, while I get your frustration and it comes through loud and clear, it's not productive. In the real world, couples that love each other find a compromise and the ones that are unable to compromise generally have a understanding that they don't pry into what the other spouse is doing to keep married insane. In other words, no one is going to their spouse and giving them a hall pass, and if you are keeping up your end of the bargain being an attractive high-value man, you shouldn't have any trouble finding other options. look in the mirror, are other women coming up to you and offering to be with you? If not, you are the problem. If they are, stop posting on here and do what you need to do to stay married and sane like every other man on the planet
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2019 08:25     Subject: Wives, how often is perfect for you in terms of sex frequency?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lots of low/high incompatibility in this thread; seems a shame.


I have a hypothesis that marriage causes small imbalances to be large ones. Being the lower libido one means that you'll be the recipient of at least occasional unwanted advances. At first, it's no big deal -- the imbalance isn't that big, so the unwanted advance isn't that frequent. But, it makes you just a little less likely to want sex -- that leads to a greater frequency of times when the advance is unwanted. And it snowballs. You don't initiate because eventually there is no time to recharge your battery. The resentments grow.

On the high libido side, at first the rejections are no big deal. There's always tomorrow night. But then the rejections accumulate -- you start being unsure about when you'll be able to have sex again. That makes you want it more. Acceptance of your sexual advances become intertwined with your feelings about whether your spouse loves you, finds you attractive, etc. Then you notice she never initiates -- that's proof that she doesn't find you attractive. Your sexual initiations become more tentative -- nonsexual interactions become less loving. That leads to less and less sex. And on and on.

So, what started as mildly mismatched libidos become wildly mismatched libidos.


Wow, you have perfectly described what happened in our marriage. It's spiraling down, not sure my wife realizes how bad but I don't know if we have a future together.


I totally agree. I think sexual compatibility may be the most important aspect to consider when deciding on marriage. My first husband and I were not and marriage failed quickly. Second time around I made sure we were on the same page. It's sad but I don't think many people realize this when marrying. [/quote]



How clueless are you. It's not that women aren't horny when we get married, it's that we lose the desire after years of marriage. You can't predict this going in.


Then either you need to figure out how to get the desire back, move on to someone else, or agree on having an open marriage (b/c your spouse might be bored too). Or I guess you can just live with having a sexless marriage, but that seems pretty boring.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2019 08:17     Subject: Wives, how often is perfect for you in terms of sex frequency?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lots of low/high incompatibility in this thread; seems a shame.


I have a hypothesis that marriage causes small imbalances to be large ones. Being the lower libido one means that you'll be the recipient of at least occasional unwanted advances. At first, it's no big deal -- the imbalance isn't that big, so the unwanted advance isn't that frequent. But, it makes you just a little less likely to want sex -- that leads to a greater frequency of times when the advance is unwanted. And it snowballs. You don't initiate because eventually there is no time to recharge your battery. The resentments grow.

On the high libido side, at first the rejections are no big deal. There's always tomorrow night. But then the rejections accumulate -- you start being unsure about when you'll be able to have sex again. That makes you want it more. Acceptance of your sexual advances become intertwined with your feelings about whether your spouse loves you, finds you attractive, etc. Then you notice she never initiates -- that's proof that she doesn't find you attractive. Your sexual initiations become more tentative -- nonsexual interactions become less loving. That leads to less and less sex. And on and on.

So, what started as mildly mismatched libidos become wildly mismatched libidos.


Wow, you have perfectly described what happened in our marriage. It's spiraling down, not sure my wife realizes how bad but I don't know if we have a future together.


I totally agree. I think sexual compatibility may be the most important aspect to consider when deciding on marriage. My first husband and I were not and marriage failed quickly. Second time around I made sure we were on the same page. It's sad but I don't think many people realize this when marrying. [/quote]



How clueless are you. It's not that women aren't horny when we get married, it's that we lose the desire after years of marriage. You can't predict this going in.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2019 08:16     Subject: Re:Wives, how often is perfect for you in terms of sex frequency?
Anonymous wrote:Lesbians in ling term relationships have far, far less sex than hetero women married to men. For example, only 1% lesbian couples have sex 3x a week or more in a long term relationship.

Women wanting less sex than men is biological, and as seen her much of the sex in hetero relationships is a function of love and compromise rather than desire. If men can get this through their heads, they can stop taking rejection so personal


Women take sexual rejection much much harder vs man. So you need to back off on that one. Your other point about women wanting less sex is right on the money. There was a study that showed women over reported the number of times they have sex. So a lot of the posters here are exaggerating.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2019 08:13     Subject: Wives, how often is perfect for you in terms of sex frequency?
I love my husband, but I just can't get horny for a man that I've been with for over 20 years. I'm just too familiar with him and it's boring.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2019 08:07     Subject: Wives, how often is perfect for you in terms of sex frequency?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For me, pretty close to never would be fine. But he needs it every day so we average 1-2 times a week most weeks.


Why never? And why stay?


I have no drive, once we get started its between fine and good but I don't need it.

I stay because I love him and we have kids.

Reading these responses, my situation seems common, women want far less sex than we end up having. This is called common knowledge, men have higher sex drives.




I think this is true also, although I think a lot of women don't like admitting that they practically never want to have sex with their husbands. Society has made us feel like this is abnormal, although it's actually probably pretty much the norm, at least at some point.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2019 07:52     Subject: Re:Wives, how often is perfect for you in terms of sex frequency?
Anonymous wrote:Lesbians in ling term relationships have far, far less sex than hetero women married to men. For example, only 1% lesbian couples have sex 3x a week or more in a long term relationship.

Women wanting less sex than men is biological, and as seen her much of the sex in hetero relationships is a function of love and compromise rather than desire. If men can get this through their heads, they can stop taking rejection so personal


+1

Guy here - thanks for posting this.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2019 07:43     Subject: Re:Wives, how often is perfect for you in terms of sex frequency?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lesbians in ling term relationships have far, far less sex than hetero women married to men. For example, only 1% lesbian couples have sex 3x a week or more in a long term relationship.

Women wanting less sex than men is biological, and as seen her much of the sex in hetero relationships is a function of love and compromise rather than desire. If men can get this through their heads, they can stop taking rejection so personal


Such low drive women should marry other women. If you marry a man and expect his fidelity, this comes with a responsibility to meet his sexual needs. If that’s a problem, don’t marry a man.


Your logic goes both ways. High drive men should marry other men (especially if all the women are marrying each other). If a man marries a woman and expects sex, it comes with the responsibility to meet her emotional needs. If that’s a problem, don’t marry a woman.

Marriage is a two way street. If you go into it expecting *only* your needs to be met with no real effort on your part, your partner is going to lose interest.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2019 07:07     Subject: Re:Wives, how often is perfect for you in terms of sex frequency?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lesbians in ling term relationships have far, far less sex than hetero women married to men. For example, only 1% lesbian couples have sex 3x a week or more in a long term relationship.

Women wanting less sex than men is biological, and as seen her much of the sex in hetero relationships is a function of love and compromise rather than desire. If men can get this through their heads, they can stop taking rejection so personal


Such low drive women should marry other women. If you marry a man and expect his fidelity, this comes with a responsibility to meet his sexual needs. If that’s a problem, don’t marry a man.


well, you should clearly marry a sex doll
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2019 06:59     Subject: Re:Wives, how often is perfect for you in terms of sex frequency?
Anonymous wrote:Lesbians in ling term relationships have far, far less sex than hetero women married to men. For example, only 1% lesbian couples have sex 3x a week or more in a long term relationship.

Women wanting less sex than men is biological, and as seen her much of the sex in hetero relationships is a function of love and compromise rather than desire. If men can get this through their heads, they can stop taking rejection so personal


Such low drive women should marry other women. If you marry a man and expect his fidelity, this comes with a responsibility to meet his sexual needs. If that’s a problem, don’t marry a man.
Anonymous
Post 03/01/2019 06:09     Subject: Re:Wives, how often is perfect for you in terms of sex frequency?
Lesbians in ling term relationships have far, far less sex than hetero women married to men. For example, only 1% lesbian couples have sex 3x a week or more in a long term relationship.

Women wanting less sex than men is biological, and as seen her much of the sex in hetero relationships is a function of love and compromise rather than desire. If men can get this through their heads, they can stop taking rejection so personal
Anonymous
Post 02/28/2019 23:33     Subject: Wives, how often is perfect for you in terms of sex frequency?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Once a week is what we do, too. If we can fit another time in, great, but often it doesn’t work out. We’re both happy with it, though.


Same.


+1. Much longer and I feel myself drifting emotionally even if I'm not physically motivated to do it. When were at once a week neither of us spends time wondering why were not having sex, neither of us feels disconnected and both of us are satisfied.
Anonymous
Post 02/28/2019 21:53     Subject: Re:Wives, how often is perfect for you in terms of sex frequency?
Anonymous wrote:Is never an inappropriate answer? I think my husband would agree which is a pretty good clue that we will soon be moving on.


What is the issue? Never is not appropriate minus illness for DWs or DHs