Ops daughter is in for the rudest shock of her life if she continues on with this pregnancy. Even mothers with a supportive partner with the best financial circumstances feel overwhelmed. This girl is in lalaland and needs to wake up. Her life will never be like her friends again, and if she thinks her parents are just going to do the heavy lifting of child care for her she is selfish and immmature.

I am 57 now. I am the only one in my circle of friends who did not have an abortion either in college or right after. Every one of us was lower middle class and knew that having a child too young was an economic death sentence.

OP you should sit down now with your daughter and lay out the long hard cold truth of your daughter's future. Do a budget including the sky high costs of child care. Ask her how she will pay for a baby on her own. Don't sugarckat anything.

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read this whole thread and I'm not going to but a girl in our town in this situation was murdered by the baby's father weeks before she was due to deliver. (He was actually charged with two murders). He didn't want to pay child support. He had two jury trials and was acquitted twice, despite pretty very strong circumstantial evidence (cell phone records showing him at her place, no burglary but his girlfriend lied to give him an alibi). If she doesn't have a long-term supportive relationship with the father she needs to keep it to herself.

I totally disagree, she needs to be up front and tell the father of this child, the sooner the better. He needs to have a little time to absorb that he's going to be a dad. Expect him to be shocked, angry, in denial at first. This was obviously not a planned pregnancy, he doesn't know Op's daughter well enough to know if he is definitely the father. He is likely going to want a paternity test to prove that he is, in fact, the father. He may suggest that she get an abortion but he will have to deal with the fact that she is having this baby. They can discuss options like adoption. His POV matters, too. It is his child, too.

Just because they don't know each other well, doesn't mean that he doesn't have the right to know his own child. And the child deserves to know their dad. Tell him.

I went to an ivy and at least two of my girlfriends had abortions. I’m sure others did. Lord knows we were all having sex.

This happened to one of my friends from HS. We attended different universities and she got pregnant during her freshman year of college by a guy that she had been dating for a few months. They wound up getting married and got their own place.

Honestly, I think it was a tough road for her. I was off at college having the time of my life while she was at home becoming a mother. I never really talked to her about the childcare logistics but I think that her parents and siblings helped to watch her baby while she attended local college classes and her new husband worked to support them. She went on to have a second child after that. Considering her circumstances, I think she did the best she could with a less than ideal situation. She and her husband split up when the kids were young but she did manage to get her college degree. She had always been an academically smart person.

We drifted apart as friends (I didn't have children until I was in my mid 30's, her kids would have been teens by then) and I was busy dating, going to frat parties, getting my first group rental, going tubing and hiking, etc. She had sort of zoomed right through that part of life and became an instant wife/mother with big adult responsibilities.

I don't know if she regrets the way she did things or not. She did step up and took care of her kids as best as she could even though I don't think it was easy for her.

I haven't read this whole thread and I'm not going to but a girl in our town in this situation was murdered by the baby's father weeks before she was due to deliver. (He was actually charged with two murders). He didn't want to pay child support. He had two jury trials and was acquitted twice, despite pretty very strong circumstantial evidence (cell phone records showing him at her place, no burglary but his girlfriend lied to give him an alibi). If she doesn't have a long-term supportive relationship with the father she needs to keep it to herself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these trashy people getting pregnant in college? That’s insane. I’ve never even heard of this happening to anybody I know but then again I and my children and spouse all went to ivies or equivalents. Maybe there is a negative correlation with intellect.

I never knew anyone until it happened to me. Then I told one friend. She said I should talk to Larla and said nothing else. Larla connected me to others who shared that experience and were supportive. Judging by their resumes I would have never have guessed.

These things happen to all sorts of people, even very intelligent people in Ivies. Larla went on to graduate school at Stanford.

Most people don’t talk about it. Nowadays, I don’t even tell my OB that this happened to me. There’s no point to sharing this information - and especially not with judgemental people like yourself.

+1 Ivy league college, failed contraception during 3rd year with long term bf, abortion and no, I don't put it down every time I list my surgeries. Of course not. Because the world is full of people like the PP who would treat me as "trash".

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these trashy people getting pregnant in college? That’s insane. I’ve never even heard of this happening to anybody I know but then again I and my children and spouse all went to ivies or equivalents. Maybe there is a negative correlation with intellect.

I never knew anyone until it happened to me. Then I told one friend. She said I should talk to Larla and said nothing else. Larla connected me to others who shared that experience and were supportive. Judging by their resumes I would have never have guessed.

These things happen to all sorts of people, even very intelligent people in Ivies. Larla went on to graduate school at Stanford.

Most people don’t talk about it. Nowadays, I don’t even tell my OB that this happened to me. There’s no point to sharing this information - and especially not with judgemental people like yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God no!

We talked about safe sex starting at age 10. Bought them condoms at 13 for experimenting (learning how to use, get familiar with). Birth control at 14. Bought the boys porn to prevent looking up questionable porn online. Bought DD a vibrator for experimentation. Didn’t stress that their self worth was tied to virginity.

The statistics always happen to the parents who were so uptight about sex.

Before anyone asks, my children are 23 and 25 (twin boys)

So you broke federal laws.

Dr. Nira Cain, is that you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these trashy people getting pregnant in college? That’s insane. I’ve never even heard of this happening to anybody I know but then again I and my children and spouse all went to ivies or equivalents. Maybe there is a negative correlation with intellect.

This! My Ivy League set hasn’t seen this yet. I think it’s the state school kids. They are knocking boots like rabbits. Especially in states without a strong flag ship.

You sound super judgemental, so I doubt anyone would confide in you. I went to an Ivy and there were plenty of pregnancies but many abortions so few babies. We also had some porn, prostitution, and many many rape scandals.

Anonymous wrote:God no!

We talked about safe sex starting at age 10. Bought them condoms at 13 for experimenting (learning how to use, get familiar with). Birth control at 14. Bought the boys porn to prevent looking up questionable porn online. Bought DD a vibrator for experimentation. Didn’t stress that their self worth was tied to virginity.

The statistics always happen to the parents who were so uptight about sex.

Before anyone asks, my children are 23 and 25 (twin boys)

So you broke federal laws.

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these trashy people getting pregnant in college? That’s insane. I’ve never even heard of this happening to anybody I know but then again I and my children and spouse all went to ivies or equivalents. Maybe there is a negative correlation with intellect.

This! My Ivy League set hasn’t seen this yet. I think it’s the state school kids. They are knocking boots like rabbits. Especially in states without a strong flag ship.

Anonymous wrote:God no!

We talked about safe sex starting at age 10. Bought them condoms at 13 for experimenting (learning how to use, get familiar with). Birth control at 14. Bought the boys porn to prevent looking up questionable porn online. Bought DD a vibrator for experimentation. Didn’t stress that their self worth was tied to virginity.

The statistics always happen to the parents who were so uptight about sex.

Before anyone asks, my children are 23 and 25 (twin boys)

op here. Please just stop. She was on birth control and we are an open family.

Anonymous wrote:God no!

We talked about safe sex starting at age 10. Bought them condoms at 13 for experimenting (learning how to use, get familiar with). Birth control at 14. Bought the boys porn to prevent looking up questionable porn online. Bought DD a vibrator for experimentation. Didn’t stress that their self worth was tied to virginity.

The statistics always happen to the parents who were so uptight about sex.

Before anyone asks, my children are 23 and 25 (twin boys)

Freakish.

Who are all these trashy people getting pregnant in college? That’s insane. I’ve never even heard of this happening to anybody I know but then again I and my children and spouse all went to ivies or equivalents. Maybe there is a negative correlation with intellect.