Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 years old and want to get a breast lift. I'm very unhappy with my appearance and feel unattractive, and am having trouble enjoying being intimate with DH because of it. DH is very opposed to the idea of my getting this surgery done. He agrees that there's an issue with sagging, but doesn't think its a big deal. He is also very concerned about something going wrong during the surgery - we have two kids and his view is that it would be selfish to undergo elective surgery for cosmetic reasons when there is a chance (albeit small) of something going wrong. He also thinks it would make more sense to use the money for something the family could all enjoy together, like an international vacation.

Am I being really selfish by wanting to do this? I can't imagine living the next 20 plus years feeling this unattractive, and I don't think I am going to be able to just move past this feeling on my own without having this done.

And that is a breast lift for two of you to enjoy.
Do it )))

But not the whole family as OP stated her DH said. And perhaps he enjoys them the way they are and that's why he said he wants to spend the money on something the "whole" family would enjoy.

OP here. I showed DH this thread and he got a kick out of it. For what it is worth, I earn slightly (but not much) more than half of our HHI. I am also worried about how exactly I would explain the situation to our kids, who are both boys. I'm not sure what decision I will make in the end.

OP, don’t let these posters scare you. You deserve to do something for you and to feel attractive. If the small risks are worth the end results for you, then do it! I would!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the camp of: If you feel crappy about some part of yourself, then get it fixed. It's not some risky slippery slope to a codeine addiction, and it doesn't mean you need therapy.

All that said, I'm surprised no one has asked OP yet if she works, or if that $275k hhi is all or primarily her DH's income. In the DC area, a breast lift will definitely cost more than $5000 from a good doctor. So let's say it ends up being $8000. It fits within the household budget, probably, but it's not chump change either. I'm not of the mindset that non-working spouses don't get to participate in household financial decisions. But this is a lot of money that her DH has to work hard for, and clearly not where he anticipated his money going. I think the working spouse should be able to veto such a large financial decision that they don't think is at all important. I think the answer changes if they are both making $150k and there's room in the budget. Or if her DH makes all $275k and wants to spend $8000 on hair implants.

What's the cost 10 and 20 years down the road when things leak or whatever?

She's getting a lift, not implants. The bigger question is whether she'll be happy with this single procedure, or if once she dips her toe in, if she'll be looking to do more, and then maintenance as she ages further.

I don't think $8000 is that much money on a $275K income, if it comes out of however much she generally spends on herself.

If this is a couple where it's fine to buy expensive phones or home decor, or clothes or shoes, or if they don't have to consult each other before dropping $1000 on some other non-necessity, then the financial question to me should be moot unless she's just terrible with money in general.

The question of the danger of the surgery is a real one, though complications are unlikely. I do think she needs to arrange for whatever her domestic duties are to be covered. This is much more akin to one partner going on safari for two weeks than having a knee replacement or something, and I would expect that if my DH did this, it would impact my day-to-day as little as possible.

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the camp of: If you feel crappy about some part of yourself, then get it fixed. It's not some risky slippery slope to a codeine addiction, and it doesn't mean you need therapy.

All that said, I'm surprised no one has asked OP yet if she works, or if that $275k hhi is all or primarily her DH's income. In the DC area, a breast lift will definitely cost more than $5000 from a good doctor. So let's say it ends up being $8000. It fits within the household budget, probably, but it's not chump change either. I'm not of the mindset that non-working spouses don't get to participate in household financial decisions. But this is a lot of money that her DH has to work hard for, and clearly not where he anticipated his money going. I think the working spouse should be able to veto such a large financial decision that they don't think is at all important. I think the answer changes if they are both making $150k and there's room in the budget. Or if her DH makes all $275k and wants to spend $8000 on hair implants.

What's the cost 10 and 20 years down the road when things leak or whatever?

Sorry, OP, but I wonder what is going on with you that this is affecting your intimacy with your husband. I think you're pretty lucky to have a husband who wants you for who you are and not for your boob perkiness.

I mean, on one hand, if it really means a lot to you, then you should go for it. But, on the other hand, it meaning a lot to you - at the level where it's affecting your sex life - suggests to me that you have some deep insecurities that you should address directly rather than getting your boobs done. Have you done therapy at all?

Sorry to say this but it just gets worse as you get older - all kinds of things break down and they can't all be fixed. I'd focus on learning to accept yourself as a growing, changing human being. But if this is really important to you, maybe you should go ahead and do it. I would just encourage you to wonder why it is so important. Good luck on your decision!

I'm in the camp of: If you feel crappy about some part of yourself, then get it fixed. It's not some risky slippery slope to a codeine addiction, and it doesn't mean you need therapy.

All that said, I'm surprised no one has asked OP yet if she works, or if that $275k hhi is all or primarily her DH's income. In the DC area, a breast lift will definitely cost more than $5000 from a good doctor. So let's say it ends up being $8000. It fits within the household budget, probably, but it's not chump change either. I'm not of the mindset that non-working spouses don't get to participate in household financial decisions. But this is a lot of money that her DH has to work hard for, and clearly not where he anticipated his money going. I think the working spouse should be able to veto such a large financial decision that they don't think is at all important. I think the answer changes if they are both making $150k and there's room in the budget. Or if her DH makes all $275k and wants to spend $8000 on hair implants.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Th k you! We are all doctors, lawyers and PhDs so we clearly we value other things I think it’s great to feel good about the way you look and very important

It's great to feel positively about the way you look. But you actually said small boobs were bad and you felt lucky not to have needed plastic surgery to fix that. You actually said big/different/unconventional noses were ugly and felt lucky not to have needed the plastic surgery to fix them.

You disgust me because your standards of what is required to feel good about yourself are superficial and you feel the need to fix things not because you want to feel better, but because you feel badly because those traits automatically mean something is wrong to you. You're not saying, I disliked the shape of my boobs and wanted to improve them to feel better about myself. You're saying, small boobs are bad and I couldn't feel good about myself until I got rid of that problem.

Please tell me where she said that

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Th k you! We are all doctors, lawyers and PhDs so we clearly we value other things I think it’s great to feel good about the way you look and very important

It's great to feel positively about the way you look. But you actually said small boobs were bad and you felt lucky not to have needed plastic surgery to fix that. You actually said big/different/unconventional noses were ugly and felt lucky not to have needed the plastic surgery to fix them.

You disgust me because your standards of what is required to feel good about yourself are superficial and you feel the need to fix things not because you want to feel better, but because you feel badly because those traits automatically mean something is wrong to you. You're not saying, I disliked the shape of my boobs and wanted to improve them to feel better about myself. You're saying, small boobs are bad and I couldn't feel good about myself until I got rid of that problem.

You must be so jealous. What is your problem with me? I NEVER said small, big boobs are bad or ugly noses are bad. I said my SILs changed that because THEY were not happy with how they looked. Logic is clearly not your thing. I met my SILs after the plastic surgery so, other than a few pictures, I don’t know how they looked. I think small boobs on a small frame are actually quite nice, but this is MY personal opinion. OP complained about her saggy boobs and she was not happy with them. If mine were saggy (or whenever they will become that way) I will likely result to plastic surgery because I don’t like them that way. I am lucky that I have always liked the way I look (I wish I was taller, but nothing can be done about that). I never said I have beautiful big boobs and perfect nose. Does it make you feel better about your life to attack someone on an anonymous board? I never attacked anyone because I am happy and satisfied with my life. When I look at myself in the mirror naked I like what I see. I guess you and your husband can’t say the same... Does that make you so angry? Why?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Th k you! We are all doctors, lawyers and PhDs so we clearly we value other things I think it’s great to feel good about the way you look and very important

It's great to feel positively about the way you look. But you actually said small boobs were bad and you felt lucky not to have needed plastic surgery to fix that. You actually said big/different/unconventional noses were ugly and felt lucky not to have needed the plastic surgery to fix them.

You disgust me because your standards of what is required to feel good about yourself are superficial and you feel the need to fix things not because you want to feel better, but because you feel badly because those traits automatically mean something is wrong to you. You're not saying, I disliked the shape of my boobs and wanted to improve them to feel better about myself. You're saying, small boobs are bad and I couldn't feel good about myself until I got rid of that problem.

You win the Hairsplitting/Projection Award of the day and it's barely 9 am.

Anonymous wrote:
Th k you! We are all doctors, lawyers and PhDs so we clearly we value other things I think it’s great to feel good about the way you look and very important

It's great to feel positively about the way you look. But you actually said small boobs were bad and you felt lucky not to have needed plastic surgery to fix that. You actually said big/different/unconventional noses were ugly and felt lucky not to have needed the plastic surgery to fix them.

You disgust me because your standards of what is required to feel good about yourself are superficial and you feel the need to fix things not because you want to feel better, but because you feel badly because those traits automatically mean something is wrong to you. You're not saying, I disliked the shape of my boobs and wanted to improve them to feel better about myself. You're saying, small boobs are bad and I couldn't feel good about myself until I got rid of that problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 33 and getting Botox and fillers somewhat regularly. When time comes I will be happy to intervene with more invasive procedures. I am lucky to not need boob job, nose job or tummy tuck (maybe after baby number 3???) I feel better (I look really good from what friends and family say), my husband is really happy and proud and my kids are proud to have such a pretty mom. Win-win for everyone!

Also, I come from a family where looking good is important (men and women) so I value it a lot.

What would happen if someone had an accident and was horribly scared for life even with surgery? I think we all want to look good, but a family valuing looking good seems superficial, and a therapy waiting to happen.

I am the PO you are responding to. I don’t think we are superficial, but we definitely donMt need therapy. None in my family ever did (compared to DCUM where every bad day people WASTE money on therapy). Everyone in my family is happy, successful, with great marriages and happy kids. I think a bit self indulgence helps a lot in life. People should try it before resurrecting to therapy. I am lucky, i know, but I would not hesitate improving myself (inside and out)

Looks like some of that self-indulgence money would have been better spent on a decent education.

Ahahah I have a PhD. Envious much?

Nope. No PhD writes like you do. Junior college degree, maybe.

English is not my first (or second) language. You are so bitter and angry. I have a masters and a PhD. U are one horrible woman

OP, you don’t need any plastic surgery. Just go have a couple of affairs and then divorce DH.

#DCUMlogic

I find it interesting that you don't feel attractive to your DH who is saying you are still attractive to him. That does not compute to me.