Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with resentment toward your husbands for not staying with you, by the hospital bed, after childbirth -- do you do the same for him when he is hospitalized? Or is he expected to "be a man" and deal with it?

When a wife gives birth, she is taking a major, major hit for the team, and then she is expected to get up and run a marathon whilst injured (i.e., caring for a newborn after delivery, let alone a C). Hell yes, her supportive team member should be there, cheering her on. Maybe he can't score the touchdown himself, but he should be running down the field with her all the way.

Does that make any more sense to you?

Nope, I'm even more confused now... Is she a marathon runner or a football player?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with resentment toward your husbands for not staying with you, by the hospital bed, after childbirth -- do you do the same for him when he is hospitalized? Or is he expected to "be a man" and deal with it?

Jesus people... this is why there are issues with PPD. A woman who gives birth just went through a HUGE hormonal/personal/physical/etc change and ESPECIALLY with the first child--- how is it out of the ordinary to expect that the father would just stay with you for the first night? And yes, if my DH was in the hospital I would absolutely do everything I could to support him.

NP. Don't get it either. It is the father's child. His wife just delivered a baby, and may have even had a routine, but still serious, medical procedure.

And even if YOU didn't need your husband's help, someone else still may want/need their husband around. How hard is it to understand?

I don't think anyone's saying they don't care if their DH is there at ALL - he's there during the birth, during the waking hours, bringing you extra food, getting water, listening to what the doctors/nurses are saying, etc. But what some women are saying is there isn't much of a point for the DH to stay overnight in a crappy chair and probably not get any rest, thus possibly making him tired/cranky the next day, etc. The new mom probably isn't getting much sleep in the hospital either, but it doesn't make a lot of sense for both parents to be exhausted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with resentment toward your husbands for not staying with you, by the hospital bed, after childbirth -- do you do the same for him when he is hospitalized? Or is he expected to "be a man" and deal with it?

Jesus people... this is why there are issues with PPD. A woman who gives birth just went through a HUGE hormonal/personal/physical/etc change and ESPECIALLY with the first child--- how is it out of the ordinary to expect that the father would just stay with you for the first night? And yes, if my DH was in the hospital I would absolutely do everything I could to support him.

NP. Don't get it either. It is the father's child. His wife just delivered a baby, and may have even had a routine, but still serious, medical procedure.

And even if YOU didn't need your husband's help, someone else still may want/need their husband around. How hard is it to understand?

I find the complaints about selfish husbands who didn't stay at the hospital interesting.

The last thing I wanted or that would have been helpful to me is for my cheating husband to spend the night with me at the hospital. He was totally unhelpful during the birth. I asked him to go home, pick up our DC1 from relatives who minded DC during the birth of DC2. I expected him to pickup DC1, go home,make sure any last minute needs at the house were ready (DC2 was 3 weeks early) and come back the next day with DC1 to visit.

Instead, now exH went home surfed porn and escort sites, was too stupid to hide his computer history and never bothered to pick up DC1.

He came back the next day without having done anything. I insisted the hospital release me AMA after only 1 night even though DC2 was jaundiced and the insurance would pay for another night's stay, because it was easier to go home and do everything myself rather than rely on DH.

Anonymous wrote:I've read all responses. I still think my spouse is more selfish than all others...combined. I couldn't even pick "the most" one thing. Not possible.

Why are you sticking around?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a new thing, sleeping over at the hospital after your wife gives birth? When did this start? I had 3 kids and was never asked or expected to stay the night. The last one was in a "birthing room" back when that was a new thing. It had a couch but there was no mention or suggestion of sleeping over. No hard feelings or resentment either and the baby and mother got all the care they needed. Do hospitals suck that bad now that they can't manage without the extra help?

Yes, it's a "thing" now that hospitals have gotten rid of the nurseries and are staffed so sparsely that there is 0 help for women who have just given birth. It's part of the "baby friendly" initiative and it sucks. This isn't 1995 anymore where the mom can send the baby to the nursery to be cared for while she gets a few hours of sleep, you are completely on your own the moment that infant leaves you body.

I'm PP above and wow, I seriously did not know for it has been that long since my children were born. I'm saddened to hear this is the current state maternity care in hospitals. It was improving greatly between my first and my third with the biggest difference I experienced was them wanting to release both mother and baby within a day, or two at most. Even if the baby required UV light for jaundice, they would send you home with a device you can use at home instead of keeping the baby in the hospital, under lights, until the blood tests came out OK. But they did have a nursery (are those really gone??) and they did take care of the babies and mom while they were in. I wasn't expected to help in any way. I guess I can say, sadly, those were the days.

I've read all responses. I still think my spouse is more selfish than all others...combined. I couldn't even pick "the most" one thing. Not possible.

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with resentment toward your husbands for not staying with you, by the hospital bed, after childbirth -- do you do the same for him when he is hospitalized? Or is he expected to "be a man" and deal with it?

Jesus people... this is why there are issues with PPD. A woman who gives birth just went through a HUGE hormonal/personal/physical/etc change and ESPECIALLY with the first child--- how is it out of the ordinary to expect that the father would just stay with you for the first night? And yes, if my DH was in the hospital I would absolutely do everything I could to support him.

My husband went home at 8 or 9pm each night I was in the hospital with our kids. He came back at 9am with food. I am sure he would have loved to stay and gaze lovingly at our babies, but I needed him rested and functional to help me when we got home. He also took a nap at some point in my 30+ hr labor because the doula recommended it. I don’t think these things are selfish at all.

Selfish things are the tiny actions that pile up over time. Like staying up late binge watching TV and then sleeping past his alarm and not helping get the kids ready in the morning. Like not putting his foot down about his parents serving food our kids can’t or won’t eat at inconvenient times when we visit and not being a better advocate for or children’s needs so they aren’t overtired and hungry. Selfish is coming home from work whenever he damn well pleases and never acknowledging that I never have the chance to work late because I pick up the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He got upset when I told him I'd need him to stay with me overnight in the hospital after I gave birth to our daughter. He'd been hoping to sleep at home then come back in the mornings and was very upset he had to sleep on the uncomfortable recliner in my recovery room. It wasn't our finest moment but honestly, we were both so exhausted after a multi-day induction that neither of us were thinking clearly. It was a single moment of dumb@ssness from an otherwise wonderful man.

Is it really so bad? I wouldn't want to sleep on that stupid recliner either and if he's just going home to sleep and coming right back in the morning... why is that a big deal?

Honestly I have a wonderful husband too and I told him to go home and get some sleep. It's not like I was on a mountain top alone. I was in the hospital!

When my first was born via C-section I was in the hospital for about 5 days. My poor DH pulled his back out and could barely move yet he would show up at the hospital at 6am, go to work, come back at 5pm and then go home at 11pm. I felt good and I had all the help I needed and he truly suffered. He needed an epidural! He's done a bunch of dumb things over the years but I still remember him almost crawling into the hospital to be with me and my son.

Don't you mean "our" son?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He got upset when I told him I'd need him to stay with me overnight in the hospital after I gave birth to our daughter. He'd been hoping to sleep at home then come back in the mornings and was very upset he had to sleep on the uncomfortable recliner in my recovery room. It wasn't our finest moment but honestly, we were both so exhausted after a multi-day induction that neither of us were thinking clearly. It was a single moment of dumb@ssness from an otherwise wonderful man.

Is it really so bad? I wouldn't want to sleep on that stupid recliner either and if he's just going home to sleep and coming right back in the morning... why is that a big deal?

Honestly I have a wonderful husband too and I told him to go home and get some sleep. It's not like I was on a mountain top alone. I was in the hospital!

When my first was born via C-section I was in the hospital for about 5 days. My poor DH pulled his back out and could barely move yet he would show up at the hospital at 6am, go to work, come back at 5pm and then go home at 11pm. I felt good and I had all the help I needed and he truly suffered. He needed an epidural! He's done a bunch of dumb things over the years but I still remember him almost crawling into the hospital to be with me and my son.

It is kind of sad that the more miserable he felt the happier you were and the more supported you felt. It is a strange kind of thing - women want their husbands to be in pain and sleep deprived and suffering - that is what makes them feel loved. A bit sadistic.

Anonymous wrote:Would go on a boys golf trip every late winter, leaving me with baby/toddler. Final straw was when I was very pregnant with #2, we had a blizzard, the furnace died, I had to drive my very pregnant self in the blizzard to a relative's where they had heat.

He's not able to ever leave once you have kids?

Anonymous wrote:Is this a new thing, sleeping over at the hospital after your wife gives birth? When did this start? I had 3 kids and was never asked or expected to stay the night. The last one was in a "birthing room" back when that was a new thing. It had a couch but there was no mention or suggestion of sleeping over. No hard feelings or resentment either and the baby and mother got all the care they needed. Do hospitals suck that bad now that they can't manage without the extra help?

"baby friendly" hospitals that are somewhat en vogue decide that the mother should spend all available time after birth with the new baby to try to bond / breastfeed. 8 hours after labor I was admonished by a nurse for "lazing about after my baby soiled her nappy." I still literally couldn't move my legs from an over ambitious epidural and my husband had gone to get a sandwich. If the spouse wasn't there, it would've been a really long stay.

Anonymous wrote:Is this a new thing, sleeping over at the hospital after your wife gives birth? When did this start? I had 3 kids and was never asked or expected to stay the night. The last one was in a "birthing room" back when that was a new thing. It had a couch but there was no mention or suggestion of sleeping over. No hard feelings or resentment either and the baby and mother got all the care they needed. Do hospitals suck that bad now that they can't manage without the extra help?

Yes, it's a "thing" now that hospitals have gotten rid of the nurseries and are staffed so sparsely that there is 0 help for women who have just given birth. It's part of the "baby friendly" initiative and it sucks. This isn't 1995 anymore where the mom can send the baby to the nursery to be cared for while she gets a few hours of sleep, you are completely on your own the moment that infant leaves you body.

Is this a new thing, sleeping over at the hospital after your wife gives birth? When did this start? I had 3 kids and was never asked or expected to stay the night. The last one was in a "birthing room" back when that was a new thing. It had a couch but there was no mention or suggestion of sleeping over. No hard feelings or resentment either and the baby and mother got all the care they needed. Do hospitals suck that bad now that they can't manage without the extra help?