Anonymous wrote:Pp here. I did not mention the other non fatal complications that I saw. Let me know if you want to know OP

OP here - I would love to know what you've seen most frequently. It is hard to know how "real" the risks are, so I welcome informed anecdotes.

Pp here. I did not mention the other non fatal complications that I saw. Let me know if you want to know OP

OP. I have worked in a hospital OR for 35 years and seen two women die from complications of a tubal. One died on the table from a major vessel laceration and one died years later from complications of a bowel perforation.
I always get suspicious when men don't w ant to get this done. Either they are selfish and don't care about their wives putting chemicals into their bodies to prevent pregnancy or having a surgical complication; or they are secretly planning another family down the road.....

Trying to guilt-trip or force anyone into getting a surgery is just a lose-lose situation.

OP, you don’t want to get a tubal ligation. So don’t. Just don’t.

Tell your DH that you’ll have to have protected sex from now on. If he insists that you need to get an operation, just tell him that you won’t do that. You don’t need to go into a long discussion, or talk about all the strain on your body, or anything, just say matter-of-factly that you won’t be doing that.

I think you were smart to let the subject drop for awhile. Your DH may reconsider. Or, it may be more important to him to not get the vasectomy. He may just not want to be forced into it.

But don’t get a tubal ligation and fume with resentment about it forever. If you don't want the surgery don't do it.

Anonymous wrote:Troll fail. You dont even know what gaslighting is. Nice try tho.

The troll poster is trying to blame OP for her situation no matter what decision she makes. That's pretty textbook.

Troll fail. You dont even know what gaslighting is. Nice try tho.

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Anonymous wrote:Isn't this like deciding on having another child? "The 'no' vote wins"?

Sure. But choices have consequences. Like condoms in conjunction with NFP...no sex during fertile window...which is 7-10 days of the month...

Hmph. Well then I would his "no" vote to monogamy would be perfectly justified.

Avoiding sex for 1/4 of the month is "justification" for cheating? You are a sad, sad person. No wonder no one wants to have a relationship with you.

Are you psychic? You seem to know all about my life! What color dress am I wearing right now?

Who knows about your physical appearance. Your personality channels this though:


Definitely not appealing to others.

If only you knew! I'm definitely more appealing than all the shrews demanding things from their husbands and threatening no sex. It's okay. He's probably rather leave and have sex with someone that's not a total soul-sucker.

So how would you handle OP's situation? Just accept the additional health risks and get your tubes tied? No resentment towards DH at all?

The risks are very low, so yes. I'm also not a tit-for-tat scorekeeper partner, so this is not that big of a deal to me. Let's face it. The ladies here going on about it are not very concerned about heath risks. This is more about scorekeeping for them. I'm not that type of person, and keeping score is not good for a relationship, so I would do it.

JFC how stupid are you? OP has health problems that make surgery dangerous for her! Congrats on your internalized misogyny tho. PS you are a dude

With OP's health problems it's simple. DH either gets a V, or they don't have sex. Condoms aren't that reliable imo. I'm wondering why OP let it go on so long.

Gaslight, on.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't this like deciding on having another child? "The 'no' vote wins"?

Sure. But choices have consequences. Like condoms in conjunction with NFP...no sex during fertile window...which is 7-10 days of the month...

Hmph. Well then I would his "no" vote to monogamy would be perfectly justified.

Avoiding sex for 1/4 of the month is "justification" for cheating? You are a sad, sad person. No wonder no one wants to have a relationship with you.

Are you psychic? You seem to know all about my life! What color dress am I wearing right now?

Who knows about your physical appearance. Your personality channels this though:


Definitely not appealing to others.

If only you knew! I'm definitely more appealing than all the shrews demanding things from their husbands and threatening no sex. It's okay. He's probably rather leave and have sex with someone that's not a total soul-sucker.

So how would you handle OP's situation? Just accept the additional health risks and get your tubes tied? No resentment towards DH at all?

The risks are very low, so yes. I'm also not a tit-for-tat scorekeeper partner, so this is not that big of a deal to me. Let's face it. The ladies here going on about it are not very concerned about heath risks. This is more about scorekeeping for them. I'm not that type of person, and keeping score is not good for a relationship, so I would do it.

JFC how stupid are you? OP has health problems that make surgery dangerous for her! Congrats on your internalized misogyny tho. PS you are a dude

With OP's health problems it's simple. DH either gets a V, or they don't have sex. Condoms aren't that reliable imo. I'm wondering why OP let it go on so long.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't this like deciding on having another child? "The 'no' vote wins"?

Sure. But choices have consequences. Like condoms in conjunction with NFP...no sex during fertile window...which is 7-10 days of the month...

Hmph. Well then I would his "no" vote to monogamy would be perfectly justified.

Avoiding sex for 1/4 of the month is "justification" for cheating? You are a sad, sad person. No wonder no one wants to have a relationship with you.

Are you psychic? You seem to know all about my life! What color dress am I wearing right now?

Who knows about your physical appearance. Your personality channels this though:


Definitely not appealing to others.

If only you knew! I'm definitely more appealing than all the shrews demanding things from their husbands and threatening no sex. It's okay. He's probably rather leave and have sex with someone that's not a total soul-sucker.

So how would you handle OP's situation? Just accept the additional health risks and get your tubes tied? No resentment towards DH at all?

The risks are very low, so yes. I'm also not a tit-for-tat scorekeeper partner, so this is not that big of a deal to me. Let's face it. The ladies here going on about it are not very concerned about heath risks. This is more about scorekeeping for them. I'm not that type of person, and keeping score is not good for a relationship, so I would do it.

JFC how stupid are you? OP has health problems that make surgery dangerous for her! Congrats on your internalized misogyny tho. PS you are a dude

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't this like deciding on having another child? "The 'no' vote wins"?

Sure. But choices have consequences. Like condoms in conjunction with NFP...no sex during fertile window...which is 7-10 days of the month...

Hmph. Well then I would his "no" vote to monogamy would be perfectly justified.

Avoiding sex for 1/4 of the month is "justification" for cheating? You are a sad, sad person. No wonder no one wants to have a relationship with you.

Are you psychic? You seem to know all about my life! What color dress am I wearing right now?

Who knows about your physical appearance. Your personality channels this though:


Definitely not appealing to others.

If only you knew! I'm definitely more appealing than all the shrews demanding things from their husbands and threatening no sex. It's okay. He's probably rather leave and have sex with someone that's not a total soul-sucker.

So how would you handle OP's situation? Just accept the additional health risks and get your tubes tied? No resentment towards DH at all?

The risks are very low, so yes. I'm also not a tit-for-tat scorekeeper partner, so this is not that big of a deal to me. Let's face it. The ladies here going on about it are not very concerned about heath risks. This is more about scorekeeping for them. I'm not that type of person, and keeping score is not good for a relationship, so I would do it.

But the risks for OP are not very low.

Without scorekeeping and just looking at this single decision in a relationship: why shouldn't the partner with the least risks take the responsibility?

Anonymous wrote:
Another woman here whose DH will be getting snipped now that my childbearing is done. Childbearing that, while not potentially life-threatening like OP's, involved significant medications to stay pregnant, some of which could have long-term effects for me. So it was no walk in the park.

I made it clear to DH before we got married that I would never use hormonal birth control due to medical conditions in my family, and I tried the Paragard (non-hormonal IUD) and hated it. We relied on condoms before having kids. Now that we just had our second, it's back to condoms or DH gets the snip. His choice. I am ok either way. He opted for the snip. Should he ultimately choose not to go through with it, we'll be using condoms for a damn long time, but that's his call.

Bingo. Me, too. Condoms until he snipped.