Quite a few of my heavier friends have found nice husbands, while quite a few of my thinner friends have not. So I'm not sure weight matters as much as some people think it does.

People do have to try not to be shallow themselves, though. A couple of my heavier friends seem to be attracted to very, very fit guys and they tend to not find dating happiness. I think there is some self-sabotaging behavior going on there. Not saying fatter people can only date other fat people, but saying that if a person is very motivated about working out and eating well, that person might look for the same qualities in a mate. I'm thin/fit and very physically active and look for someone who is also very active; too much weight has always been a turnoff for me. But plenty of people don't care as much.

I don't really buy into the narrative of the 'dream girl' who can't find a man (or vice versa). I've had very close friends who are described this way, and there's always more to it. One is beautiful, brilliant, and kind. But she is also flaky, erratic, and sabotages relationships after a couple of years. Another is successful, prettier than many of her friends, and fun. But she is intense in her personal relationships, and has a vastly inflated expectation of the kind of mate she is entitled to.

OP's friend will find someone if she is open-minded and if she is as pleasant to be around as OP describes. I know plenty of couples where one is much more attractive than the other, or one is heavier, or one isn't nearly as successful... you can always balance these issues out.

I am fat and have been all of my life and no amount of dieting and working out is changing that though because I have been fat for so long I know how to dress it appropriately and attractively. And I am not active, I am artsy, so I spend my time in the theater and taking acting classes and singing with a band -- things like that as opposed to climbing every mountain and forging every sea. I know that I am not going to be every man's cup of tea but, I only need one. And, so OP, yes, weight matters. But, developing a personality and being kind matters, too. Good people will find each other.

It matters heavily.

Anonymous wrote:If you look up places that rank cities in terms of health, DC is one of the least overweight cities in the country. That could be some of it?

However, I have plenty of single friends, of all shapes and sizes, who seem to have dating trouble in the DC area. I'm not sure exactly what to attribute it to, but I have a few theories. I think there area also sometimes things about some women that other women cannot pick up on, which totally turns off men. So, you'd probably need to focus group your friend in front of a group of men, not women.

You need to remember that women and men each look at different things when assessing women.

+ 1 She might be a great friend, but a completely different person in relationships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sense from talking to my single male friends is that weight is very important to them. Like, deal-breaker important. These are my male friends who consider themselves super progressive, equal-rights-for-everyone types. Go figure.

How terrible that a progressive man wants to date a woman he's attracted to.

Yes, it is terrible if you don't live what you preach. If you are super progressive, equal rights, etc. type of person but cannot be attracted to the person for one of those reasons, it is hypocrisy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, a lot of these "great catch" people have some personality flaw that makes them hard to date and only comes out in relationships, like they are really clingy in relationships, they're super high-strung about relationships, or they are demanding in relationships, or they can't schedule around another person, or they are full of themselves and expect to be waited on.

These aren't things you necessarily see if someone is your friend, especially if you've never been around her while she's in a serious relationship.

this!!

i have a friend who is very attractive (also thin) and can't keep a guy despite turning heads wherever she goes. i am still not sure what the problem is because her behavior is ok when she is with me but i think it boils down to her being exhausting in her demands.

Agree!

I have a few friends like that. Stunning, thin, smart. I assume it is inability to love. They date a lot, but never stick with someone. There is always something wrong with the men according to them. I think they are wasting their time looking for a perfect lover instead of creating a perfect love. I also think these type of woman are so invested into themselves, they simply cannot put a required efforts into the relations.

She's mixed-race, but you'd never know it. Her non-white half is a culture that prizes female "hotness" to a degree that shocked me when I visited the country and met her extended family on that side. It's a Caribbean/South American country (vagueness for privacy reasons). They are also very racist against their countrymen of African heritage. Anyway, she is open to dating men of all races. Her family's racism is an obstacle but something shes willing to take on.

The more sexually open she is, the less weight matters.

-- A guy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a white-people problem. Tell your friend to broaden her pool to include black and Latino men. They are more accepting (and sometimes even prefer) thick women.

That's racist as hell.

How is that racist? My sister who is about 75 lbs overweight found herself in a dead dating zone for a while and started accepting dates from men regardless of race or religion. She's now very happily married to one of the coolest guys ever, and he's AA, she's white. Her boyfriend before him, also black. wouldnt it be more racist to say I won't date AA or Latinos, only white men?

I'm guessing he/she is saying its racist to stereotype non-whites as chubby chasers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a white-people problem. Tell your friend to broaden her pool to include black and Latino men. They are more accepting (and sometimes even prefer) thick women.

That's racist as hell.

How is that racist? My sister who is about 75 lbs overweight found herself in a dead dating zone for a while and started accepting dates from men regardless of race or religion. She's now very happily married to one of the coolest guys ever, and he's AA, she's white. Her boyfriend before him, also black. wouldnt it be more racist to say I won't date AA or Latinos, only white men?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DC sucks for dating period, it's not about weight. I know plenty of dream women who've been single for 8 years now. It's kinda insane.

Is that still the case? I know it was back when I was single in the 90s. Sometimes I think I settled because of it

Based on my anecdotal evidence watching friends, I think so. One of my friends is GORGEOUS, like stops men in their tracks gorgeous. I've never seen a woman get so many looks from men and women before. She's skinny, too. She's smart, has an MA, has a great job and drives an amazing luxury car. No debt. She's very picky about men so I'm sure that plays a role, but, even she has a hard time with the dating pool in DC and has been single for the majority of the time I've known her, which is about 10 years now. I know at least 4 other women who are similar to her but not as gorgeous yet quite beautiful and they are all single. No lack of meetups, dating apps, etc. The dating pool seems to stink. None of my married friends met their SO in DC, now that I think about it.

How old is your gorgeous friend? Over 30? If so, that's probably why. Tons of cute young women here. Men don't really care about what car a woman drives and her degrees and career.

The beautiful size zero girls drive Hondas.

Guys care.

They will say they don't out loud but the majority will care.

I think it's not always just looks but when someone is overweight it's easy to make the leap in your mind that the person doesn't really enjoy activity.

To me (37m) It's more how you carry and own the weight than the weight itself. I prefer a woman who can dress well and walk confidentially. Weight doesn't dictate sophistication.
And a slob is a slob no matter how much they weigh.

Weight matters a ton.