Anonymous
Post 09/04/2016 19:26     Subject: Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews - tells me to "back off"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Several of my uncles did not go to college. One of them (who is actually just a few years older than me) married a woman who did not graduate from college. They are lovely people but they've really struggled financially. They've never had any real intellectual interests or pursuits and did not provide a rich learning environment for their kids. But they did the best they could by their kids and tried to support their interests. Their older son struggled in high school, started community college but dropped out, and now, in his late 20s, appears to support himself as a small-time drug dealer. Not a success story.

But their younger son was good in math. Really good. My uncle and aunt had no way to help him. Once he got to algebra, they couldn't help with homework. He went to a pretty crappy high school with not many opportunities to pursue advanced math. They could not afford tutors and knew nothing of SAT prep. But he had decent grades and solid SAT scores. He went to community college for 2 years and then was accepted to a decent college (ranked in the 50s on the USNWR university list) and got some financial aid. He lived at home all through college, and he and his parents worked their butts off to pay for it.

Last spring he was accepted to a fully funded Ph.D. program. At MIT.

I'm guessing he's pretty happy no one decided he was washed up at 18.


Great story, but literally 1 in a million - an outlier. 9 out of 10 from this background end up more like the oldest.


Do you really believe that most people who don't have college degrees are drug dealers?
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2016 18:35     Subject: Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews - tells me to "back off"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You all act as if OPs nephews live in the projects. As if they are kids from The Wire or some such other show. They are average working class kids. They may grow up to be average working class adults. Nothing wrong with that.


Clap. Clap.

You are too sensible and smart for dcum.


It's 2016, not 1956. Good working class jobs are few and far. Even factory workers need real skills and credentials these days. No skills you're looking at $12 an hour until the factory ships everything to Mexico or China. Good luck raising a family and having a happy life in that ethos. The undercurrent in this thread of users glorifying working class life is misguided. There's nothing redeeming about being a dumb rube who drinks Bud heavy and watches TV for 5 hours after work — assuming they can find work.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2016 18:31     Subject: Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews - tells me to "back off"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So...what exactly does OP think is wrong with her BIL's lifestyle anyway? That they don't read the right books?


They don't read books, period. I received an email from him once - written at a 5th or 6th grade level.


Many people would rather raise a kind and decent kid with a trade or community college education than an elitist snob with no real value system to speak of.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2016 18:21     Subject: Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews - tells me to "back off"
Anonymous wrote:You all act as if OPs nephews live in the projects. As if they are kids from The Wire or some such other show. They are average working class kids. They may grow up to be average working class adults. Nothing wrong with that.


Clap. Clap.

You are too sensible and smart for dcum.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2016 18:13     Subject: Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews - tells me to "back off"
Like the OP, I'm confused by some middle class parents indifference to or ignorance of college costs.

I have a pricey hobby that I indulge in minor ways. I recently took a trip with a fellow hobbiest who discussed how deeply in debt her children were and how they struggled to make their degrees employable with MAs or MSs. She had contributed nothing to either's education, but was spending thousands and thousands on the hobby. I found it all very strange, though I said nothing.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2016 17:14     Subject: Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews - tells me to "back off"
Op, I think that parents teach their kids what they know about and value. You clearly place a high value on getting a college degree. Maybe these folks value other things and have other ways of achieving their goals. Maybe they think that, if their kids want to go to college, they will be able to pay for it themselves.

What these folks want out of life may not be what you would ever want out of life. But ultimately it is their life and those are their kids.


Anonymous
Post 09/04/2016 16:55     Subject: Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews - tells me to "back off"
Anonymous wrote:So...what exactly does OP think is wrong with her BIL's lifestyle anyway? That they don't read the right books?


They don't read books, period. I received an email from him once - written at a 5th or 6th grade level.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2016 16:53     Subject: Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews - tells me to "back off"
Anonymous wrote:Why do you think stepfather is responsible for stepkids college or anything else? Unless he adopted them he is not even responsible for providing food, clothing, or shelter.


If they're on his tax returns he is responsible to help with college! That's how FAFSA works. He'd also get the tax credits.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2016 15:42     Subject: Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews - tells me to "back off"
Why do you think stepfather is responsible for stepkids college or anything else? Unless he adopted them he is not even responsible for providing food, clothing, or shelter.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2016 15:25     Subject: Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews - tells me to "back off"
Anonymous wrote:I have a graduate degree and make less than $130k/year. Guess I wasted 6 years of my life and a ton of money. Could have just gotten a job with UPS or some other blue collar job like OPs bil.

Granted, people like OP would then look down on me...


+1 I have an MA and will be lucky to see $130/year ever, plus I have student debt. So...what exactly does OP think is wrong with her BIL's lifestyle anyway? That they don't read the right books? Don't watch the right theatre?

I'll tell you this, I'm pretty confident BIL is way happier than OP, who seems like a miserable person desperately trying to prove that her "values" are superior to those of her sister.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2016 13:55     Subject: Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews - tells me to "back off"
I have a graduate degree and make less than $130k/year. Guess I wasted 6 years of my life and a ton of money. Could have just gotten a job with UPS or some other blue collar job like OPs bil.

Granted, people like OP would then look down on me...
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2016 13:26     Subject: Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews - tells me to "back off"
Anonymous wrote:Lots of functionally illiterate UPS drivers make $90K-130K. Parents' education level and household values mean more than household income.

Blue collar rooted families - even those hitting six figures - typically care more about daughter's softball or son's football "careers" than academics and intellectual extracurriculars. No books in the house; everyone just watches TV all night. Getting B's and C's is fine because "Your mom and dad were never good at school, either."


And as long as these people are happy and able to support themselves and their families, what is wrong with this scenario?

OP (I'm assuming this is you), do tell: what do you and DH do for a living?
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2016 13:24     Subject: Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews - tells me to "back off"
Wtf do you want here, OP? Is it validation you are looking for?

I think you don't really want to spend your money on these kids, so you are looking for someone to wring their hands with you over their fate but then agree that you are right not to do it. If that's not it, please do tell us what you are looking for.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2016 13:03     Subject: Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews - tells me to "back off"
Anonymous wrote:Lots of functionally illiterate UPS drivers make $90K-130K. Parents' education level and household values mean more than household income.

Blue collar rooted families - even those hitting six figures - typically care more about daughter's softball or son's football "careers" than academics and intellectual extracurriculars. No books in the house; everyone just watches TV all night. Getting B's and C's is fine because "Your mom and dad were never good at school, either."


Is this the OP?
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2016 11:16     Subject: Sister's husband has $0 in college fund for my nephews - tells me to "back off"
Lots of functionally illiterate UPS drivers make $90K-130K. Parents' education level and household values mean more than household income.

Blue collar rooted families - even those hitting six figures - typically care more about daughter's softball or son's football "careers" than academics and intellectual extracurriculars. No books in the house; everyone just watches TV all night. Getting B's and C's is fine because "Your mom and dad were never good at school, either."