Anonymous wrote:OP please work 9n your shortcomings so this doesn't happen again. Take a cooking lesson, learn to laugh at yourself, be friendly to others

That you think this is about cooking just shows how little you understand the situation.

OP please work 9n your shortcomings so this doesn't happen again. Take a cooking lesson, learn to laugh at yourself, be friendly to others

Anonymous wrote:I have many 'this relationship is over'/'I cannot stand another day of this relationship'/'we are never going to make it' moments. Same type of thing, psychological/mental/emotional abuse constantly over several years. It has worn me down into a shell of who I once was. However in my case there is a child involved so I cannot just get up and walk out as often and as much as I want to. I'm envious of OP.

I was in your position. For the sake of my child AND myself, I left. I could not let her grow up seeing this. I left with no job, no place to go but my dads. Now I have a wonderful new relationship with a man who is my daughters future step dad. She gets to see me with a man who treats me with love, tenderness and respect, someone who gives as much love to me as I do to him. I found the perfect job for me that I can grow into. I am living a life I could have only dreamed of just a few years ago.

There is no clear path from where you are now to where you need to be. I went through some pretty bad stuff to get here. Things I could not have imagined, and I never really knew how things would work out. But they did. Because I did not let the fear of the unknown shackle me to the dread of the known. People who know my story call me brave, but really, I just jumped off a cliff not knowing if there were rocks or water down below. Then I just kept swimming till I found land.

Please reconsider replacing your envy with a creative imagining of what might be and how you want to model marriage to your child.

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Anonymous wrote:I might be the oddball out of the PPs...

Don't you think your husband deserves the decency to at least know why you filed for divorce? I mean you married the guy, and I am sure you have talked with him about his disrespect in the past. But to just leave him at the dinner table, get in an uber, and file seems a little odd, and I would think he at least deserves an explanation.

+ a million

Unless this was a "sleeping with the enemy" situation, I think the OP has handled this completely wrong. You can't go "ghost" on your husband. It's just not right.

Who the hell are you to decide how someone should go about their divorce ? Self absorbed much ? If you read her post , she made it clear there had been other issues simmering , that STBX of hers ought to have known about it and if he didn't , well too bad for him.Reading comprehension is fundamental

There's a right way and a wrong way to handle every situation. Blindsiding and ghosting is unacceptable unless you are in danger.

Any fear that he might come after you? You said he thinks you're cheating and there's another man...which is a reasonable response given the circumstances (ghosting him/blindsiding him). He just might snap. I'd be worried if I were in your shoes. You might want to let your coworkers know, etc.

Noone should have to stay in a marriage in which they feel constantly demeaned by a spouse and family.

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Anonymous wrote:I might be the oddball out of the PPs...

Don't you think your husband deserves the decency to at least know why you filed for divorce? I mean you married the guy, and I am sure you have talked with him about his disrespect in the past. But to just leave him at the dinner table, get in an uber, and file seems a little odd, and I would think he at least deserves an explanation.

+ a million

Unless this was a "sleeping with the enemy" situation, I think the OP has handled this completely wrong. You can't go "ghost" on your husband. It's just not right.

Who the hell are you to decide how someone should go about their divorce ? Self absorbed much ? If you read her post , she made it clear there had been other issues simmering , that STBX of hers ought to have known about it and if he didn't , well too bad for him.Reading comprehension is fundamental

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me, OP. My ex husband made a racist joke and I was shocked. But I realized that he was going to be the father of my future kids and they might grow up to be racist jerks too. I got out while the getting was good.

If only more women were like this . I always say people don't become whatever they become in a marriage . There always clear signs that some of us choose to ignore . In your case you didn't and that's beyond commendable

Quite frankly I'm very happy for you. I'm even happier that you were smart enough to not have kids with such a pig . It's hot as hell outside , i wish I could send you a nice bottle of champagne lol. You did something that most women are too cowardly to do; see shit for what it is as opposed to what you wish it were.
Bravo!

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Anonymous wrote:I would be willing to bet OP was an only child

Exactly this. One if those people that expect constant praise and clapping for everything they do. Yeah OP! That was so cute!

So you'd stay in an unhappy marriage and let your inlaws laugh at you when you tried to do something nice? I told my inlaws to fuck off and get out of my house. Been much happier ever since.

If I burnt a meal and someone made a joke it wouldn't bother me one bit. I can laugh at myself. I can't imagine having a mindset where I am constantly offended by someone else's actions

Of course you cannot imagine it. You've never grown up in a household where verbal abuse was handed out by your father.

This "joking" about dinner and the food my mom prepared us was his mean way of denigrating her. I don't know how you live your life, but in my home it was awful to witness someone's constant mean spirited jabs against my mother with the end goal of destroying her self esteem. If you think that's funny, there is something seriously wrong with you. And if you still don't get it, why don't you say a prayer tonight and thank God that you are a special snowflake that have lives in a special bubble your whole life, completely unaware that people around you have different experiences.

I'm SURE the dinner "jokes" were just the tip of the iceberg. Nobody leaves their marriage over a simple joke. You must not be that thick, right?

Anonymous wrote:I have many 'this relationship is over'/'I cannot stand another day of this relationship'/'we are never going to make it' moments. Same type of thing, psychological/mental/emotional abuse constantly over several years. It has worn me down into a shell of who I once was. However in my case there is a child involved so I cannot just get up and walk out as often and as much as I want to. I'm envious of OP.

This.

My spouse let his parents bash me all the time. Ugh. I wish I'd 'pulled an OP' years ago!

I have many 'this relationship is over'/'I cannot stand another day of this relationship'/'we are never going to make it' moments. Same type of thing, psychological/mental/emotional abuse constantly over several years. It has worn me down into a shell of who I once was. However in my case there is a child involved so I cannot just get up and walk out as often and as much as I want to. I'm envious of OP.

I'm not filing for divorce unless I'm forced but the day my husband retires I am GONE. I did my duty. I'm getting punitive damages too. HA HA !

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Anonymous wrote:Let the haters hate, no one should have to endure misery indefinitely. Once you decide it's over, why drag it out another second?

I do wish the law reflected people's opinion now. It really should reflect that this is a temporary contract - the disposal of assets and dealing with kids should reflection of that. Get rid of the idea of for richer and poorer sickness and health.

The law does reflect that by allowing divorce. "For richer and poorer, sickness and health" is not in law. It's just a ritual phrase people say. It's not binding.

I'm pretty sure that that the whole saying vows as well as the vows themselves which are from the Book of Common Prayer is a Western Christianity (as opposed to Eastern Christianity) thing. The fact that the justice of the peace or whatever in a civil marriage lets you say vows is reflective of how deeply embedding in American culture Christianity is, its not part of the legal definition of marriage. They allow couples to do the whole traditional marriage at courthouses to be kind but you don't have to- you just have to sign the certificate, kind of like the menorah on the whitehouse lawn- it doesn't mean the President is celebrating hanukkah.

Anonymous wrote:Wow he is really lucky to be rid of you.

Right? is it soooo much better being married to a doormat. Much easier to abuse those types. Those confident bitches and just suck it.