Anonymous wrote:OP, one thing I've learned from reading DCUM threads is that everyone loves to disagree with the OP and pile on. If you want people to take your side, you should tell the story as if you were the dad. E.g.: "I brought a frisbee to the toddler playground and was playing with it with my 3 year old. An 18 month old kept trying to play with us every time the frisbee landed near him, but my son didn't want to share (yelled "no baby!" when he moved toward the frisbee) so we just ignored him. Was that a bad thing to do?"

Pretty sure you would then get a ton of posts supporting the idea that playing with a frisbee in a toddler playground is a breach of etiquette.

+1. This is genius.

I'm still with OP that if a three year old is going to "make it" the 18 months old's problem by yelling at the 18 month old for looking at his toy, then the three year old has to leave the toy at home. The three year old isn't obligated to share. But they are obligated to treat others with kindness and not be rude. If the Frisbee causes the three year old to be rude, then the Frisbee stays home. OP wasn't looking for them to all play Frisbee together. She was looking to not have her kid yelled at for doing normal 18 month old behavior. The park is a public place that everyone should be able to use equally. it sucks when your ability to enjoy the park is impeded by a three year old whose yelling forces mom to have to be hyper vigilent lest her 18 month old even look in the wrong direction.

There would have been no problem if, when the Frisbee landed in the 18 month old's zone of play, the 3-year old (like many 3 year olds) simply let the toddler hand the Frisbee back to the 3 year old instead of yelling about it.

OP, one thing I've learned from reading DCUM threads is that everyone loves to disagree with the OP and pile on. If you want people to take your side, you should tell the story as if you were the dad. E.g.: "I brought a frisbee to the toddler playground and was playing with it with my 3 year old. An 18 month old kept trying to play with us every time the frisbee landed near him, but my son didn't want to share (yelled "no baby!" when he moved toward the frisbee) so we just ignored him. Was that a bad thing to do?"

Pretty sure you would then get a ton of posts supporting the idea that playing with a frisbee in a toddler playground is a breach of etiquette.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A toy that is being actively played with (like the frisbee here) does not need to be shared. A toy whose owner is not actively playing with it does need to be shared. So if you bring a ride-on toy and your son gets tired of playing with it, he needs to be okay if someone else touches it.

This. No one has to stop using their toy, but the expectation at our local playground is that other kids can use the toy when your kid isn't.

Does that apply to adult bikes, too? How about Waverunners at the beach?

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Bottom line (for me) is that I slug it out with my 18 month old all day, every day. Tbere is a lot of boundary setting and testing of said boundaries. Our playground is a safe and fun place where he can run and I can relax a little bit as well. It's not like I can sit around and text, and I'm still on him a little (use the stairs, don't walk up the slide!), but overall we mutually love playground time. I was annoyed because the pair brought an off-limits object to a place that is normally a place where I don't have to say "no" as frequently, and all of a sudden I have to go back into high toddler vigilance mode.

OP, that's the thing though - it's not your playground, it's the neighborhood playground. So while I totally get how nice it is to have a place where you don't have to chase a busy toddler quite so much, it's also other families' place to play and have fun. For some that means bringing a toy, and just because it was off limits to your child doesn't mean it's not allowed. I personally do not ever bring toys to the playground, because I don't need one more thing to remember to bring home and because I feel like we go to the playground to play with and on things we don't have at home, but plenty of other people do - and they're allowed to do that. You can always pick up and go home or go to a different park if someone bring a toy you don't want your child around, or if kids start playing rougher than you like, or a million other potential playground irritants.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Bottom line (for me) is that I slug it out with my 18 month old all day, every day. Tbere is a lot of boundary setting and testing of said boundaries. Our playground is a safe and fun place where he can run and I can relax a little bit as well. It's not like I can sit around and text, and I'm still on him a little (use the stairs, don't walk up the slide!), but overall we mutually love playground time. I was annoyed because the pair brought an off-limits object to a place that is normally a place where I don't have to say "no" as frequently, and all of a sudden I have to go back into high toddler vigilance mode.

Who said it was off-limits?
The city?
The state?
The US Park and Planning Commission?
Who the hell said a friggin frisbee is an off-limits object to a playground?
I've scoured the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s Public Playground Safety Handbook http://www.cpsc.gov//PageFiles/122149/325.pdf which they update every single year and I swear I don't see anything about outside toys being off-limits.

The three year old said it was off limits.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Bottom line (for me) is that I slug it out with my 18 month old all day, every day. Tbere is a lot of boundary setting and testing of said boundaries. Our playground is a safe and fun place where he can run and I can relax a little bit as well. It's not like I can sit around and text, and I'm still on him a little (use the stairs, don't walk up the slide!), but overall we mutually love playground time. I was annoyed because the pair brought an off-limits object to a place that is normally a place where I don't have to say "no" as frequently, and all of a sudden I have to go back into high toddler vigilance mode.

Who said it was off-limits?
The city?
The state?
The US Park and Planning Commission?
Who the hell said a friggin frisbee is an off-limits object to a playground?
I've scoured the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s Public Playground Safety Handbook http://www.cpsc.gov//PageFiles/122149/325.pdf which they update every single year and I swear I don't see anything about outside toys being off-limits.

I thought she meant the owner of the frisbee being possessive, thereby making the frisbee off-limits to the child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Bottom line (for me) is that I slug it out with my 18 month old all day, every day. Tbere is a lot of boundary setting and testing of said boundaries. Our playground is a safe and fun place where he can run and I can relax a little bit as well. It's not like I can sit around and text, and I'm still on him a little (use the stairs, don't walk up the slide!), but overall we mutually love playground time. I was annoyed because the pair brought an off-limits object to a place that is normally a place where I don't have to say "no" as frequently, and all of a sudden I have to go back into high toddler vigilance mode.

OP, a Frisbee is not an "off-limits object" at a public playground, it may be off-limits to your child but lots of things are & you have to deal with it.

Yes, that is what I meant. They show up with an off limits object, so I have to go back into toddler vigilance mode to ensure he doesn't interrupt them.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Bottom line (for me) is that I slug it out with my 18 month old all day, every day. Tbere is a lot of boundary setting and testing of said boundaries. Our playground is a safe and fun place where he can run and I can relax a little bit as well. It's not like I can sit around and text, and I'm still on him a little (use the stairs, don't walk up the slide!), but overall we mutually love playground time. I was annoyed because the pair brought an off-limits object to a place that is normally a place where I don't have to say "no" as frequently, and all of a sudden I have to go back into high toddler vigilance mode.

Who said it was off-limits?
The city?
The state?
The US Park and Planning Commission?
Who the hell said a friggin frisbee is an off-limits object to a playground?
I've scoured the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s Public Playground Safety Handbook http://www.cpsc.gov//PageFiles/122149/325.pdf which they update every single year and I swear I don't see anything about outside toys being off-limits.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Bottom line (for me) is that I slug it out with my 18 month old all day, every day. Tbere is a lot of boundary setting and testing of said boundaries. Our playground is a safe and fun place where he can run and I can relax a little bit as well. It's not like I can sit around and text, and I'm still on him a little (use the stairs, don't walk up the slide!), but overall we mutually love playground time. I was annoyed because the pair brought an off-limits object to a place that is normally a place where I don't have to say "no" as frequently, and all of a sudden I have to go back into high toddler vigilance mode.

OP, a Frisbee is not an "off-limits object" at a public playground, it may be off-limits to your child but lots of things are & you have to deal with it.

Op here. Bottom line (for me) is that I slug it out with my 18 month old all day, every day. Tbere is a lot of boundary setting and testing of said boundaries. Our playground is a safe and fun place where he can run and I can relax a little bit as well. It's not like I can sit around and text, and I'm still on him a little (use the stairs, don't walk up the slide!), but overall we mutually love playground time. I was annoyed because the pair brought an off-limits object to a place that is normally a place where I don't have to say "no" as frequently, and all of a sudden I have to go back into high toddler vigilance mode.

I Also don't quite understand the pressure to mandate that kids must share with strangers all the time.

Just like in adulthood, sharing is situational. And it's weird that parents force kids to share their things in a setting that no adult would ever share in.

In a public venue and using community property (eg. Playground equipment, library books, craft supplies in a class/ group setting) - sharing and taking turns is mandatory

Taking a toy to a playgroup or someone else's house - sharing is mandatory

Someone coming to he house to play - with the exception of "special" toys like lovies or a few favorite items, that get put away for the duration of the date - sharing is mandatory

Going to the park with a known group of othe children, and taking a toy - sharing is mandatory within the group and extra effort and emphasis should be placed on including and sharing with other children who may be at park alone

Going by self with parent (and maybe sibling) to park or similar venue - sharing with sibling mandatory, sharing with strangers nice but not required.

Just like an adult. If I go to Starbucks alone, I shouldn't be required to share my laptop with a stranger. I agree that I should share the table next to the wall plug if needed rather than hoggin the outlet all to myself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously I know there's no obligation to play with my kid. My question is more about whether it is annoying when people bring their own toys to a toddler playground with the expectation that it is not going to be a distraction/object of interest for other kids. For example, there are plenty of times that I have thought about bringing a toy to story time for my child, but I've always refrained because I don't want the toy to be an object of contention.

Okay...so when you're at Starbucks, and another person is using their laptop, does this mean you get to use it too? Or do you get so distracted by said laptop that you can't order your coffee or hold a conversation with someone? Of course not, because you have learned that other people have their things and you have yours. That a life lesson.

Stupid post.

It's actually not, it's valid. Adult's don't share. Why to we expect children to do something that we don't. If I wore a new pair of sunglasses to the pool I would be under no obligation to let someone "have a turn" and no one would ask. It is ridiculous to think that a child is under an obligation to share something that belongs to them, with some random kid in a public park, simply because they other kid wants a turn.

If they want to, fine, but if they don't well, that's fine too.

Once when my DC was about 5 we were at a park and another kid wanted to ride her scooter. She said no and I backed her up. (I didn't know this kid and if she got hurt I didn't want to be held responsible.) The other mother said, "oh well, that little girl isn't very nice. She hasn't learned to share." What an entitled little snit that woman is raising.

If you brought a ball to a basketball court someone might ask if you'd like a pickup game. If you were sitting at a big table alone in a big cafeteria and there were no more seats, someone might ask if they could share the table. Adults share all the time. We are not talking about clothes, we are talking about objects that are often shared. I still think OP is off the mark, but this is a silly argument.

You are just being obtuse. Neither of those are good examples of adult sharing.

If you brought a basketball to a court where people play pickup it is a reasonable expectation is that you were looking to play a pickup game. If you don't want to share your ball or play a pickup game that isn't the court to go to. Most grownups learn those nuances.

In a cafeteria, you don't own the table and as such, you can't share or not share it. You literally can't say, no you can't sit here, regardless of how many seats are available. And if you did you'd be claiming ownership of something you didn't own.

But, if you were sitting in that cafeteria, playing a game on your iPhone and someone sat down and asked you for a turn, you would be totally justified in saying no. That is the accurate comparison.

Some of you, including OP, are so entitled. If someone brings something to a public space, you don't get to automatically share it. Parent your children to understand boundaries, including other people's things are off limits unless they offer them.

I teach my children the rule that everybody's family rules are different. For example, when we bring toys to the playground we share as long as we are not actively playing with a toy. If you put it down, someone else is allowed to play with it. But I also teach my children that they are not allowed to use someone else's toys unless they ask and the person says they are allowed to use it. Yes, we taught this when they were 18 months. They didn't always understand, so we would state the rule and then divert them to something else. Yes, when they are young, they will regularly gravitate to the flashy, bright toy. But you tell them consistently, "No, not yours." and redirect them. At that age, I usually brought a bag with a couple of toys they liked like balls that could be used to help distract them.

Anonymous wrote:A toy that is being actively played with (like the frisbee here) does not need to be shared. A toy whose owner is not actively playing with it does need to be shared. So if you bring a ride-on toy and your son gets tired of playing with it, he needs to be okay if someone else touches it.

This. No one has to stop using their toy, but the expectation at our local playground is that other kids can use the toy when your kid isn't.