Anonymous wrote:We don't have to co-parent with the ex, never did because of so many problems. We would never wish anything bad to happen to our exes, BUT if it did no one in our household would be broken up over it.

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I would love to know how many of the folks posting here are in your shoes. So easy to say go. As for graduations, etc., they're down the road

OP, could you do it and not look upset? That is my concern. Have you done anything with them before?

Going is best for your daughter if you can look like you are having fun. Honestly, I think it's nuts that shared custody puts us in these situations. People who have not lived it do not get it.

We lived through this, at the graduation we sat by ourselves same with the ex. That also went for sports events etc. We followed the court ordered schedule, worked out just fine.

Holidays, birthdays weren't celebrated with the ex....none of us would have entertained that notion, lol.

What works for some may not work for others, each to their own.

To the other pp, shared custody didn't put you in this situation. Having a child did. No matter what else happens down the line, choosing to have a child with someone is accepting you will have a lifelong connection to that person no matter what. Adults have to do lots of things that suck when they bring kids into the world.

(This isn't a carp on OP btw who I think is handling this pretty well but some comments on this thread are beyond.)

It worked for us, no life long connection either! Sorry many don't share your view.

Just because your husband and you sit far from his ex at graduations doesn't mean there is not a lifelong connection. That's the parent of his child. Whether you like it or not, something that happens to the parent of a child affects the child which in turn affects the other child. Nobody is saying exes have to be BFFs but for you to deny that having a child with someone means you're somehow connected thereafter is nuts.

We would be reeeeally ok if something happened to the ex. You should speak for yourself, everyone's situation is different. If it works for you great!

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Anonymous wrote:OP here, my anger is directed towards both of them.

Are you in therapy for that? If he's married and has kids with her presumably some amount of time has passed. I don't blame you for not wanting to go to her house but holding onto anger isn't healthy. There has to be a way to let go of it for your own sake.

No I'm not in therapy. I've moved on with my life. But there is some pain that still remains.

It will get better with time, if you end up finding a great partner you may just thank his new wife. She's stuck with a cheater, chances are it won't last the long term. Either way she knows she can't trust him. *Wanting and having are two different things. OP set the boundaries with your daughter now that she's 10. She'll understand it's not going to be a "together" thing anymore. The teens are around the corner, she will be busy and friends will be her priority. Focus on yourself and your new life. Soon you'll wonder why you ever wasted any oxygen on this guy.

Yeah you're right! I never imagined it would be this hard getting over someone.

Anonymous wrote:OP did you ask ex if his wife was ok with that? I only say that because guys do dumb things, then they tell the wife afterwards. It's not a big deal since it's a public place, but I would have made sure the invite came from both.

Anonymous wrote:Are you "invited" or did DD just say she wanted you to come. If "invited", you should go and if not don't go.

Anonymous wrote:Are you "invited" or did DD just say she wanted you to come. If "invited", you should go and if not don't go.

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Anonymous wrote:OP here, my anger is directed towards both of them.

Are you in therapy for that? If he's married and has kids with her presumably some amount of time has passed. I don't blame you for not wanting to go to her house but holding onto anger isn't healthy. There has to be a way to let go of it for your own sake.

No I'm not in therapy. I've moved on with my life. But there is some pain that still remains.

It will get better with time, if you end up finding a great partner you may just thank his new wife. She's stuck with a cheater, chances are it won't last the long term. Either way she knows she can't trust him. *Wanting and having are two different things. OP set the boundaries with your daughter now that she's 10. She'll understand it's not going to be a "together" thing anymore. The teens are around the corner, she will be busy and friends will be her priority. Focus on yourself and your new life. Soon you'll wonder why you ever wasted any oxygen on this guy.