Anonymous wrote:I have a SAH DH who does contribute significant bucks. (Yes, it happens.) I do expect him to take care of DC. I do expect (most) shopping and laundry done. I've done it for years, so no, the back-breaking SAH labor argument doesn't do it for me.

If I came from work and found no food in the house, I'd wonder. I do household stuff when I feel I need to pitch in, but the majority of duties are on DH. This is what we agreed on, and I would not have it any other way.

In all fairness, the bolded is OP's problem, but I can definitely understand why DH assumed he was getting a better bargain than OP is delivering on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

1. Not all SAHPs bring in zero income. Or haven't contributed significantly financially in recent past.
2. Parents are way more involved and engaged with their children now than they were 50 years ago. Classes, playgrounds, etc. Not just throwing baby in a playpen to tend to the house and make DH's martini.
3. People outsource more these days - landscapers, cleaning crews, etc.

Families should decide how to divide up parenting and household responsibilities so it seems fair to everyone but it just doesn't automatically all fall onto the SAHP.

1. In all her defensiveness, if she were currently contributing, she would have mentioned it.
2. Well those parents are mostly pointlessly over-parenting, so I don't really see that as a defense, but even adding a class a day, the day is very long, and when I stayed home I was desperate to find more things to do to fill our time.
3. What's your point

But I agree that OP and her husband need to have a come to Jesus, at which OP needs to recognize her husband is being infinitely reasonable in wanting her to do more than baby ballet all day.

She is doing way more than baby ballet and childcare. Most of the household work in fact - cleaning, tidying, laundry, bills, etc.

I can't even deal with the SAHM justifications. Cleaning and tidying are now separate things? I have two kids and work from home one day a week. In that time I do my laundry and the kids' and pay all the bills (takes less than an hour once a week). With one infant who doesn't even leave the house much (ie no daycare stains), it isn't like laundry needs to be done daily. Manage your time, people!

Cleaning = scrubbing toilets
Tidying = picking up toys

I leave the house every day with my kids and they seem to generate plenty of laundry. One small load a day (if trying to prevent stains) or a regular load every other day. Plus adult laundry & linens, etc.

I have a SAH DH who does contribute significant bucks. (Yes, it happens.) I do expect him to take care of DC. I do expect (most) shopping and laundry done. I've done it for years, so no, the back-breaking SAH labor argument doesn't do it for me.

If I came from work and found no food in the house, I'd wonder. I do household stuff when I feel I need to pitch in, but the majority of duties are on DH. This is what we agreed on, and I would not have it any other way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH FT. I pick my kid up at daycare, go home, bathe him, then make dinner. My husband shows up about the time dinner is getting on the table.

On the weekends, I cook dinner while my toddler is napping. What do you do while your baby naps, OP?

When does your DH cook?

He doesn't.

Wow - at all? Does he handle all of the cleaning or laundry then?

NP - my DH doesn't cook at all either but he does the dinner clean-up.

Sharing the running of a household doesn't mean that both partners do some of everything. And, yes, IMO, a SAHM should be doing most of the home management. If you think of the DH/DW as partners who handle all the things needed for their life together, you have things like earning the money you all need, childcare, cleaning, cooking, financial management, errands, etc. If the "earning the money" bucket of stuff falls on one person and keeps them out of the house for most of the time then it is only reasonable that much of the other buckets of stuff should be handled by the person who is home during the day. Childcare does not take 100% of your time. If it does, you are doing it wrong.

Anonymous wrote:I WOH FT. I pick my kid up at daycare, go home, bathe him, then make dinner. My husband shows up about the time dinner is getting on the table.

On the weekends, I cook dinner while my toddler is napping. What do you do while your baby naps, OP?

For AM nap, I shower, get dressed, make bed, wipe down high chair, vacuum DS breakfast mess, empty the dishwasher, load any bottles/dirty dishes, gather up dirty diapers and take out trash, put away laundry from night before and get a new load started, wipe down master bath (just a quick swish and swipe of toilet and sink) and powder room, reset the diaper bag for an outing (replenish snacks,clothes,diapers-throw out any trash/dirty clothes etc), put away DS's toys. For PM nap, I check email, mail, deal with any bills or paperwork, maybe call my mom, then I have about 30 mins to myself, where I could ostensibly prepare a meal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH FT. I pick my kid up at daycare, go home, bathe him, then make dinner. My husband shows up about the time dinner is getting on the table.

On the weekends, I cook dinner while my toddler is napping. What do you do while your baby naps, OP?

When does your DH cook?

He doesn't.

Wow - at all? Does he handle all of the cleaning or laundry then?

Nope.

Sounds like you should start your own thread. Yikes!

Why?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

1. Not all SAHPs bring in zero income. Or haven't contributed significantly financially in recent past.
2. Parents are way more involved and engaged with their children now than they were 50 years ago. Classes, playgrounds, etc. Not just throwing baby in a playpen to tend to the house and make DH's martini.
3. People outsource more these days - landscapers, cleaning crews, etc.

Families should decide how to divide up parenting and household responsibilities so it seems fair to everyone but it just doesn't automatically all fall onto the SAHP.

1. In all her defensiveness, if she were currently contributing, she would have mentioned it.
2. Well those parents are mostly pointlessly over-parenting, so I don't really see that as a defense, but even adding a class a day, the day is very long, and when I stayed home I was desperate to find more things to do to fill our time.
3. What's your point

But I agree that OP and her husband need to have a come to Jesus, at which OP needs to recognize her husband is being infinitely reasonable in wanting her to do more than baby ballet all day.

She is doing way more than baby ballet and childcare. Most of the household work in fact - cleaning, tidying, laundry, bills, etc.

I can't even deal with the SAHM justifications. Cleaning and tidying are now separate things? I have two kids and work from home one day a week. In that time I do my laundry and the kids' and pay all the bills (takes less than an hour once a week). With one infant who doesn't even leave the house much (ie no daycare stains), it isn't like laundry needs to be done daily. Manage your time, people!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH FT. I pick my kid up at daycare, go home, bathe him, then make dinner. My husband shows up about the time dinner is getting on the table.

On the weekends, I cook dinner while my toddler is napping. What do you do while your baby naps, OP?

When does your DH cook?

He doesn't.

Wow - at all? Does he handle all of the cleaning or laundry then?

Nope.

Sounds like you should start your own thread. Yikes!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

1. Not all SAHPs bring in zero income. Or haven't contributed significantly financially in recent past.
2. Parents are way more involved and engaged with their children now than they were 50 years ago. Classes, playgrounds, etc. Not just throwing baby in a playpen to tend to the house and make DH's martini.
3. People outsource more these days - landscapers, cleaning crews, etc.

Families should decide how to divide up parenting and household responsibilities so it seems fair to everyone but it just doesn't automatically all fall onto the SAHP.

1. In all her defensiveness, if she were currently contributing, she would have mentioned it.
2. Well those parents are mostly pointlessly over-parenting, so I don't really see that as a defense, but even adding a class a day, the day is very long, and when I stayed home I was desperate to find more things to do to fill our time.
3. What's your point

But I agree that OP and her husband need to have a come to Jesus, at which OP needs to recognize her husband is being infinitely reasonable in wanting her to do more than baby ballet all day.

She is doing way more than baby ballet and childcare. Most of the household work in fact - cleaning, tidying, laundry, bills, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH FT. I pick my kid up at daycare, go home, bathe him, then make dinner. My husband shows up about the time dinner is getting on the table.

On the weekends, I cook dinner while my toddler is napping. What do you do while your baby naps, OP?

When does your DH cook?

He doesn't.

Wow - at all? Does he handle all of the cleaning or laundry then?

Nope.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I predict a really unhappy relationship with your DH based on what you've posted here and I wouldn't be surprised to see y'all divorcing in a couple of years. You just don't seem to have any desire to nurture your relationship with him, from your posts you see him as nothing more than a means for you to have a baby and quit your job. How will you feel if in a couple of years he's moved on to greener pastures and you have to (gasp) work and get dinner for yourself and take care of DC?

I agree. He's supporting you. Make some freaking food. If you want an equal division of household work, get a job and then you have an argument.

LOL. So you only have a voice if you have a job?

Who are you backwards people?!

The house stuff including dinner IS her job. Her husband is bringing home the money to support her. That's his job. Not the way I would run my family, but if they're running theirs that way then she needs to do her part.

Newsflash - it's not 1950.

Obviously the house stuff is not her JOB. Sounds like she's already pitching in plenty with the baby, cleaning, laundry, etc. They just need to work out how to better handle food, but it's not her JOB.

It's not 1950? So both parents work and both parents parent? Oh, wait.

I don't see why you can't go grocery shopping with your toddler during the day. Otherwise, one of you should plan to do it on the weekend. That way there is ample food in the house. I'm a WOHM and the main income-provider for our family, but I still make dinner most of the time because I am home first most days. But it helps if we actually have food in the house. On the weekends, DH usually cooks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH FT. I pick my kid up at daycare, go home, bathe him, then make dinner. My husband shows up about the time dinner is getting on the table.

On the weekends, I cook dinner while my toddler is napping. What do you do while your baby naps, OP?

When does your DH cook?

He doesn't.

Wow - at all? Does he handle all of the cleaning or laundry then?

Anonymous wrote:

1. Not all SAHPs bring in zero income. Or haven't contributed significantly financially in recent past.
2. Parents are way more involved and engaged with their children now than they were 50 years ago. Classes, playgrounds, etc. Not just throwing baby in a playpen to tend to the house and make DH's martini.
3. People outsource more these days - landscapers, cleaning crews, etc.

Families should decide how to divide up parenting and household responsibilities so it seems fair to everyone but it just doesn't automatically all fall onto the SAHP.

1. In all her defensiveness, if she were currently contributing, she would have mentioned it.
2. Well those parents are mostly pointlessly over-parenting, so I don't really see that as a defense, but even adding a class a day, the day is very long, and when I stayed home I was desperate to find more things to do to fill our time.
3. What's your point

But I agree that OP and her husband need to have a come to Jesus, at which OP needs to recognize her husband is being infinitely reasonable in wanting her to do more than baby ballet all day.

OP, it's not y JOB, but surely you can have a grown up discussion with yr husband about the division of labour and what you each see as important. You like a clean house and like cleaning, and would forgo dinner to achieve that, but he may feel that having a less tidy house and dinner ready so everyone can have dinner together is more important.

There's a lot of room between your baked potato and a Diet Coke and the gourmet meals you seem to think are necessary.

I WAH, longer hours than DH does, and while it's not my job, it's easy to whip together meals on a quick break. Yesterday I made goulash in about 6 minutes on my lunch break (then it needed 4 hours to bubble while I did other stuff). Month ends, we chop stuff together on a Sunday that can be used in various meals through the weeks - baked potatoes, tacos, noodle bowls, omelettes.

I think you're overthinking and over fighting this. No, it's not 1950, but the reality is, you're home and meal making is not really a huge and terrible task. The time you've spent fighting this on DCUM, you could probably have made several meals.

A valuable model for your son is working together - and another one is that life is not always equal, but equitable.