Anonymous wrote:The pearl clutching chicken littles in this thread make me sad for our society.

I know. Isn't it sad groups of boys can't get together and decide to gang up on a girl and slap her butt without consequences? Boo hoo. Poor guys.

Op, use this opportunity to teach your daughter how to stand up for herself and be more resilient (crying really?). You are teaching her to play the poor helpless female card. What happens down the road when she has a truly significant issue to contend with. You and she both need a reality check.

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Anonymous wrote:Holy shit. The stuff in middle school and junior high was nothing. Wait until shes a young lady and attracting male attention from all sides. Empower her, don't make her a victim.

I'm not OP- what in the world do you mean by this?

It means my mother told me to stand up for myself. To make clear when an advance was unwanted. She didn't talk to the principal for me and call the police. So when I grew up and faced unwanted male attention in the real world I was able to handle myself.

So if a man slaps your butt today at work, how are you going to stand up for yourself? Are you not going to report him? Is that what OP should teach her daughter, that boys will be boys and it's ridiculous to make a big deal out of unwanted touching?

She wouldn't report it. It's just a harmless, bumbling form of flirting. I mean, really.

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Anonymous wrote:Holy shit. The stuff in middle school and junior high was nothing. Wait until shes a young lady and attracting male attention from all sides. Empower her, don't make her a victim.

I'm not OP- what in the world do you mean by this?

It means my mother told me to stand up for myself. To make clear when an advance was unwanted. She didn't talk to the principal for me and call the police. So when I grew up and faced unwanted male attention in the real world I was able to handle myself.

Ok, that's important, but if nothing happens to the young man, he and his buddies learn that this type of stuff is funny/acceptable. And then women are on the defense everywhere, forever.

Honestly I don't think anything needs to happen. If it were me in this exact situation my older brother would probably have threatened him. Which would go way further than this girls mommy getting his mommy and the principal involved.

And what if this girl doesn't have an older brother? You're just fine with it going unpunished. That's disgusting.

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Anonymous wrote:Holy shit. The stuff in middle school and junior high was nothing. Wait until shes a young lady and attracting male attention from all sides. Empower her, don't make her a victim.

I'm not OP- what in the world do you mean by this?

Not the PP, but OP could teach her daughter to loudly say, I don't appreciate that! I will be letting the principle and your parents know about this. Or fend off and block the guy. Or hit him.

There are some really bad people in the world. I was walking in Spain when a group of migrant workers came up to me and a gang of them accosted me and assaulted me touching me through my clothes. I fended them off by knocking them off. OP's daughter should figure out how to defend herself and stand up for herself, and assess the situation instead of immediately involving the police.

PP you are responding to. Ok, I see what you are saying. I agree. I also OP should contact the school, and let this be a learning experience for the young man as well that slapping people's butts is not funny or acceptable.

Helicopter parenting at its finest.

Nope, that's not helicopter parenting. That's telling your kid that she doesn't have to accept being sexualized and hit if she doesn't want to be. And that if she can't do anything about it herself, you'll help her. It's THAT message that means that if something more serious does happen to her down the road, she won't think she deserved it and will tell someone.
I had some minor sexual assault happen to me at a young age, and I was told to just ignore it. It led to years of shame. IT's not a good way to handle it.

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Anonymous wrote:I asked my 13 year old what she would do if some boy smacked her on the butt. She said I would turn around and tell him to grow up and quit acting like a jerk. I asked if she would feel like crying. She rolled her eyes and said, come on mom, I am not 6 years old. I asked if she would want me to call the principal or the boy's parents. She said you have got to be kidding. I am 13. You don't need to fight my battles for me and besides, this is some immature, jerk that needs to be embarrassed by a girl standing up for herself not having her mommy get envolved in something and make it a bigger deal than it is. Out if the mouth of babes...

+1

I asked my 12 year old son about this. He was embarrassed by the boys behavior, said he would have "knocked him out" (then he looked at me like he knew he said the wrong thing). I asked him if he thought the police should be called and said "no way, what does that solve? it would just snowball" He seems to think peer pressure would win out in this situation and parents and police would blow this out of proportion.

Again, I don't want the cops to prosecute him. I want to contact the parents. Shaming him was unsuccessful.

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Anonymous wrote:Holy shit. The stuff in middle school and junior high was nothing. Wait until shes a young lady and attracting male attention from all sides. Empower her, don't make her a victim.

I'm not OP- what in the world do you mean by this?

It means my mother told me to stand up for myself. To make clear when an advance was unwanted. She didn't talk to the principal for me and call the police. So when I grew up and faced unwanted male attention in the real world I was able to handle myself.

So you think there should be no consequences for this behavior, other than what a girl by herself can manage to do physically and yelling at a group of boys? Great!

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Anonymous wrote:Holy shit. The stuff in middle school and junior high was nothing. Wait until shes a young lady and attracting male attention from all sides. Empower her, don't make her a victim.

I'm not OP- what in the world do you mean by this?

Girls do this stuff too. My brother was getting harassed by a bunch of girls because he was attractive. They would take his stuff and hide them to get his attention. I basically went to the head girl and told her to knock it off. The genders are noticing each other and trying to get each other's attention. Let's criminalize the girls too..stealing.

Good story, which has nothing to do with OP's situation.

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Anonymous wrote:Op, don't be so sure that your daughter and her friends haven't been up to their own inappropriate behavior with this boy and his friends.

I found it very suspect that she had no idea who any of the boys were, yet they go to her school.

Your daughter might not be telling the entire truth here.

Her middle school has almost 1,000 students in two grades. You may find it suspect, but that's your problem.

She was crying when she called to tell me. She is very upset, even though she reacted immediately and appropriately. I discussed it with her, how she felt about it, etc. I didn't ask for advice on how to deal with her. I'm confident in the discussions we've had today and prior.

I'd like to find a way to let his parents know. Will the principal contact them if it was off of school property?

I don't understand why everyone needs to rewrite the story to suit their own needs. The assumptions and accusations about my child and I are nuts. It says a lot more about you than it does about us.

No one is rewriting history. You never gave that information. Trust me, what you have given says a hell of a lot about you.

Please see the thread title and prior posts.

Where did you say the middle school was horribly overcrowded with 1000 students in two grades before this post?

The part that is bolded is the question about school property.

Anonymous wrote:If the girl had hit the boy or yelled at him and shamed him infront of his friends in retaliation for smacking her on the butt, that would have been enough punishment for him as his friends would have made fun of him to no end.

Minus the hitting, that's the advice I gave her when we talked about it a year ago. That's how she responded today and the other boys were telling him to hit her again. She didn't cry in front of him, but she did when she was already home and explaining it to me. I'm not going to tell her that her feelings are inappropriate. If she's upset, she's allowed to express it.

Her school system has a odd and severe policy regarding fights. She wasn't on school property, so I don't know of those rules apply, but that's why I didn't previously advise her to hit any boys who got handsy with her.

Again, I didn't want to call the police to have him arrested. I want to not get stonewalled by the school. They have strict privacy rules. If anyone has a better suggestion for reaching them, I'd love to hear it. It was simply a question. I don't understand why everyone is jumping to conclusions. That isn't really my problem, but I feel like it's sidetracking this discussion.

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Anonymous wrote:This is the equivalent of a little boy pulling a girl's pigtails because he likes her. It is a crude form of flirting...should we condone it? No. But that warrants talking to the parents about changing the boys behavior and explaining why it is wrong, not locking up a kid and throwing the key away. Talk about overreaction.

Where did anyone mention locking up a kid and throwing away the key? Involving the police is extreme, and I wouldn't, but it's not the same as jailing the kid.
I do think it's pathetic that this is seen as "crude flirting". If the kid ran up and hit another boy, that would be viewed as assault. But because it's a girl and her butt, it's just harmless. BULLSHIT.

No one would think it was assult. No one would give it a second thought.

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Anonymous wrote:This is the equivalent of a little boy pulling a girl's pigtails because he likes her. It is a crude form of flirting...should we condone it? No. But that warrants talking to the parents about changing the boys behavior and explaining why it is wrong, not locking up a kid and throwing the key away. Talk about overreaction.

Where did anyone mention locking up a kid and throwing away the key? Involving the police is extreme, and I wouldn't, but it's not the same as jailing the kid.
I do think it's pathetic that this is seen as "crude flirting". If the kid ran up and hit another boy, that would be viewed as assault. But because it's a girl and her butt, it's just harmless. BULLSHIT.

If the kid had run up and hit another boy, we would have told the boy to hit back, or also tell the teacher/principles. Though as discussed, probably giving the bully a taste of his medicine would win out over tattling to the adults.

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Anonymous wrote:The police??

Hitting people is assault.

I do not think this behavior is appropriate, but boys are dumb and were more than likely flirting with her. You should help your daughter with language to empower her and if it continues to involve the parents/ school cause it is harassment- not assault

No, technically it's assault. It's just a kind of assault that our culture tells girls they have to tolerate.

These are 2 and 13 year olds. Please get a grip and look at the responses from the kids. You could learn a lot from them.

Anonymous wrote:This is the equivalent of a little boy pulling a girl's pigtails because he likes her. It is a crude form of flirting...should we condone it? No. But that warrants talking to the parents about changing the boys behavior and explaining why it is wrong, not locking up a kid and throwing the key away. Talk about overreaction.

Where did anyone mention locking up a kid and throwing away the key? Involving the police is extreme, and I wouldn't, but it's not the same as jailing the kid.
I do think it's pathetic that this is seen as "crude flirting". If the kid ran up and hit another boy, that would be viewed as assault. But because it's a girl and her butt, it's just harmless. BULLSHIT.

Something like this happened to my DD. I had taught her to kick the boy in the nuts if that happened. We a boy grabber her breast she did just that and hard.