My ex is with a woman 10 years younger. He's a control freak and a narrassict big time and managed to find a woman with that he can pass off his parenting duties to so he can do whatever he wants to do. Go figure - history to repeat itself.

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it's a combination of sexual attraction, and she doesn't have the skills to call him on the baloney his first wife left wouldn't put up with.

just the opposite -- he is more mature and has better perspective that allows him to just let stuff go. not everything has to be a battle. just let her paint the dining room green and get over it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that when men remarry, it is with much younger women?

The attraction is simple biology, birds and the bees, etc. Women can have babies only when young, while men can have babies at any age.

Women are attracted to money. Men's earnings peak later in life while women's looks peak in late 20s. Men age like wine while women age like milk. What's so hard to understand about this?

Exactly. This isn't difficult. Women have power in their 20s, then it shifts to men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with the difficulty of dealing with a dying boyfriend, but 48 is still pretty young to die.

He died at 52, four years after we started dating. Still pretty young. But I still wouldn't have had to deal with this if he was in my age bracket. You cannot defy physicality. A 52-year old body is what it is. Not from the looks perspective, from the disease perspective. There is simply more likelihood of sickness and death in much older men.

Ummmm... if you marry a guy roughly your own age, you don't think he's going to get sick, get old and die? Or that when he does, you won't have to deal with it? Why not?

Why is it better to deal with a man getting old and dying when YOU are also old, rather than when you are young?

Because no one needs to spend one's youth dealing with sickness and death. That's not what youth is for. We'll all get sick and die and will have to deal with our sick and dying partners. But not just yet at 20, 30 or 40. Just not yet.

Anonymous wrote:I think some men want to get the adoring eyes the had the first time around' and it is harder to get with a more mature experienced woman. They want someone who will be impressed by them, not necessarily to dominate them, just to feel better about themselves" someone who will give them a positive image about themselves as they are getting a tiny bit closer to the grave...

Women their age would tend to look at them with more irony/distance" that s also why men often elope with women who are not socially their "equal" (the personal assistant for ex.), same principle: they get the adoring ego boosting eyes they haven't been getting at home for years anymore...

This. An ex told me that men fall in love with me because of the way I look at them. I think he was mainly talking about himself, as I haven't noticed men falling at my feet lately. But there is something to the way a woman looks at a man that can really sink him. I'm not young, but I encounter these men that I admire for one reason or another, and it has an effect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is 12 years older. I'm the 2nd wife. Met 2 years after his divorce.

I think one (notice I said one, not all) of the reasons was he wanted more children but didn't want them right away. Considering he was 36 when we married and we didn't have a child until he was 41, if he had married a woman his age their fertility may have been limited.

Also, men are visual. I was 24 and hot. That is life.

So, now you're 36 and not a hot 24-year-old anymore. Aren't you afraid he's going to lose interest and go after another 24-year-old?

Maybe not, since now he's an icky 48-year-old, and probably aging out of what even the gold-diggingest 24-year-old would tolerate...

At least you'll only be 48 when he's 60 and you can live that sweet golden girls life more than a decade early!

Take a moment and consider how hideous--both inside and out--someone would have to be to make a comment like this and think it is insulting to the person they're speaking to and not just a massive indictment of everything that they have wrong with their own self.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with the difficulty of dealing with a dying boyfriend, but 48 is still pretty young to die.

He died at 52, four years after we started dating. Still pretty young. But I still wouldn't have had to deal with this if he was in my age bracket. You cannot defy physicality. A 52-year old body is what it is. Not from the looks perspective, from the disease perspective. There is simply more likelihood of sickness and death in much older men.

Ummmm... if you marry a guy roughly your own age, you don't think he's going to get sick, get old and die? Or that when he does, you won't have to deal with it? Why not?

Why is it better to deal with a man getting old and dying when YOU are also old, rather than when you are young?

Anonymous wrote:The second one was 50 and I was closer to 30. ... There were also, ahem, medical issues. And I realized that if I stayed with him, I would be his nurse maid.

So let's say you had married the guy and that you were 50 (not 30) and he was 50. Would you not have to be his nursemaid when you were both 65?

It certainly doesn't sound easier to be a nursemaid when you're 65 than when you're 40.

I should also clarify that when I said "ahem, medical issues," I meant sex-related medical issues. It was sort of an eye-opener because I realized that even though he was insistent that he was in better shape than men 20 years younger, he was still 50, and I was 30. And yes, that age gap would feel bigger in 10 years. I think in the beginning I believed his constant drum beat of "I'm in such great shape!" But then I realized that he was in good shape for a 50-year-old man, but he was still 20 years older than me. I think often both people (the younger one in the couple and the older one) are in a bit of denial about the reality of the physical age gap.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with the difficulty of dealing with a dying boyfriend, but 48 is still pretty young to die.

He died at 52, four years after we started dating. Still pretty young. But I still wouldn't have had to deal with this if he was in my age bracket. You cannot defy physicality. A 52-year old body is what it is. Not from the looks perspective, from the disease perspective. There is simply more likelihood of sickness and death in much older men.

Ummmm... if you marry a guy roughly your own age, you don't think he's going to get sick, get old and die? Or that when he does, you won't have to deal with it? Why not?

Why is it better to deal with a man getting old and dying when YOU are also old, rather than when you are young?

Anonymous wrote:The second one was 50 and I was closer to 30. ... There were also, ahem, medical issues. And I realized that if I stayed with him, I would be his nurse maid.

So let's say you had married the guy and that [b]you were 50 (not 30) and he was 50. Would you not have to be his nursemaid when you were both 65?[/b]

It certainly doesn't sound easier to be a nursemaid when you're 65 than when you're 40.

It's different being a nursemaid when you are 65 than it is when you are 40. It has to do with stage of life. If you and your partner age *together* than you both kind of slow down around the same time, et cetera.

Of course, sometimes people have unexpected illnesses, but the likelihood is far greater with a significantly older spouse.

The other issue is that ideally you'll be retired (or near retirement) when you and your spouse starts to decline. It's much harder to work full time and try to care for a spouse. A relative married much older, and she is considering retiring earlier (even though that is not financially advantageous or even what she wants) because her husband is dealing with stroke-related issues and even with outside help, it is overwhelming for her to coordinate his care and still work her job.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is 12 years older. I'm the 2nd wife. Met 2 years after his divorce.

I think one (notice I said one, not all) of the reasons was he wanted more children but didn't want them right away. Considering he was 36 when we married and we didn't have a child until he was 41, if he had married a woman his age their fertility may have been limited.

Also, men are visual. I was 24 and hot. That is life.

So, now you're 36 and not a hot 24-year-old anymore. Aren't you afraid he's going to lose interest and go after another 24-year-old?

Maybe not, since now he's an icky 48-year-old, and probably aging out of what even the gold-diggingest 24-year-old would tolerate...

At least you'll only be 48 when he's 60 and you can live that sweet golden girls life more than a decade early!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that when men remarry, it is with much younger women?

Read the "Low Sex Drive Partner" thread. This is a telationship killer and it simply does not happen with young women.

Of course it does, it depends entirely how much the young woman in question gets stressed by the marriage. Give her a couple of young kids, a full-time job, a house to maintain, some financial worries, too much housework, and you'll see how your hot sex blows out of the window, along with her complexion and sweet nature.

But the older guy is likely to be financially stable and already have kids squared away, so it's win-win, without those sex-killers. At that point, if she chooses young kids, a full-time job, a house to maintain, and financial worries, that's on her.

You don't know that. That's just your projection. He may, for instance, have health issues, have his income decimated by child support or division of assets or have other burdens. You are painting a picture of a particular older man, and that doesn't apply to all of them. Likewise, you are suggesting that all younger women marrying older men don't have full-time jobs, give up the desire for children and what exactly do you mean by choosing financial worries? They are either there or they aren't. Not all older men are rich.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that when men remarry, it is with much younger women?

Read the "Low Sex Drive Partner" thread. This is a telationship killer and it simply does not happen with young women.

Of course it does, it depends entirely how much the young woman in question gets stressed by the marriage. Give her a couple of young kids, a full-time job, a house to maintain, some financial worries, too much housework, and you'll see how your hot sex blows out of the window, along with her complexion and sweet nature.

But the older guy is likely to be financially stable and already have kids squared away, so it's win-win, without those sex-killers. At that point, if she chooses young kids, a full-time job, a house to maintain, and financial worries, that's on her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that when men remarry, it is with much younger women?

Read the "Low Sex Drive Partner" thread. This is a telationship killer and it simply does not happen with young women.

Of course it does, it depends entirely how much the young woman in question gets stressed by the marriage. Give her a couple of young kids, a full-time job, a house to maintain, some financial worries, too much housework, and you'll see how your hot sex blows out of the window, along with her complexion and sweet nature.

I'm a woman married to a LD man. If we ever divorce, I'm not sure id remarry. But I know that when I started dating again I'd be looking for a younger man who could keep up.

When I was younger, and even now, I'm attracted to older men. Sexually though, younger seems like the way to go.

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that when men remarry, it is with much younger women?

Read the "Low Sex Drive Partner" thread. This is a telationship killer and it simply does not happen with young women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Mom remarried a man who is 15 years older than she is, she was 40, he was 55. He started to go downhill at around 58, and now she is 60, and caring for a very sick, disabled, cranky 75 year old man who resents her, resents her career (she's scared to retire, because her career is the only thing she has left and it keeps her mind fit and social life active), and treats her as a glorified nurse.

Let's say she was 55 when she married the 55 year old man. Now she'd be 75 and dealing with a cranky 75 year old man.

Which is better than being 60 and dealing with a cranky 75 year old man because... why, exactly?

Because she's still working, still healthy and can still lead a relatively young life. Most people in their 70s are retired and winding down. And it's not like he just got sick, he's been on the for 16 years, and most of it is due to age related/lifestyle related illness. I'm sorry, but most forty year olds aren't having to deal with spouses having bypass surgery and being wheelchair bound.

He was totally healthy at 40. And married to a woman his own age.