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Anonymous wrote:
As women who want to bear children we have a lot of responsibilities and are under a lot of physical, emotional and intellectual stress during these years. The least we can do to try to help our situation some, is by ending up with a spouse that can provide a solid financial foundation to soften the blows of the child rearing years. It is VERY HARD to be a mother AND be a breadwinner. Now, if a woman ONLY wants to devote her time to climbing the career ladder, then this argument is irrelevant.

It is equally hard to be a father and the breadwinner. Yet that is pretty much expected, especially on DCUM.
Exactly why is it so much harder as a mother than a father?

Um, because you probably aren't the default parent, nothing hatched out of your vagina, you didn't lactate, you're allowed to go gray, and you aren't expected to wax your hooha before beach vacations . . . Just for starters

Ok...but have you ever had the financial weight of the family on your back? Have you ever had the family's lifestyle and your family's ability to be financially stable on your back? Being a mother is a tough job, but do not diminish the role of the primary breadwinner.

Have you ever had your vagina rip during childbirth?

I am the PP you are responding and I am a woman. Yes I have. I also had to stay home for the first year because my DS was born with medical issues that required constant care. Like I said, being a mother is a tough job. I knw because I do it. But also like I said, having the financial weight of the family on your shoulders is no picnic either. Especially since women on here will blame the DH if does not make enough to support the lifestyle they "envisioned." Besides that, I do not play the "who has it harder?" game. It is a worthless exercise. And I am sorry, but the OP is ridiculous. She does not even have kids yet and she is perfectly capable making some changes herself that could facilitate waht she wants. Yet, it is all her DH's fault.

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Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the comments, but to answer OP's question, yes, I absolutely wish my spouse (who teaches high school) made more money. I am gradually coming to the realization that I will never have the life I envisioned as we are constantly stressing out about money. Obviously I wouldn't change who I'm married to, but I wish I had the foresight when I was younger to take future earning potential into consideration -- we met in college, so this was not on my radar whatsoever.

It's really sad you think this way. Maybe he enjoys influencing the future of young people and making a difference instead of doing legal work for soulless corporations. But isn't it even sadder that a man like this is considered at a disadvantage compared to someone who has a top law or MBA degree and plays douchebag corporate games all day?

+1

My DH is a teacher. I make 2x what he does, so we don't scrape by at all - we live very comfortably. We also have the many benefits of his schedule, including dinner ready by 6; afternoon transportation by him to kids' stuff; summers off (we don't need camps all summer). The list goes on.

I can make money - I don't need a man to do that. I do, however, need a partner in marriage and family life.

That's great, and I'm happy for you, but this isn't our reality. I WISH I made twice as much, but we make about the same amount. In fact, I'm slightly less. There are no summers off, because she (my spouse is a wife, not husband) has to work all summer to supplement her income. While it's nice that she gets home a bit early (when she isn't tutoring, again, to supplement her income), she teaches a subject that requires her to spend hours grading papers. Again, I said earlier that I wish I had gone into a more lucrative field myself, because as it is, we aren't really making ends meet. The difference is that there is at least the possibility for me to earn more -- not so for teachers, whose salary caps out after a certain point.

This supports what many on this thread are saying: Plan to work in a field that will yield the income you require for the life you want. Don't count on your fiance/ee or spouse to be your provider.

It is kind of surprising to me that grown adults think in those terms.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the comments, but to answer OP's question, yes, I absolutely wish my spouse (who teaches high school) made more money. I am gradually coming to the realization that I will never have the life I envisioned as we are constantly stressing out about money. Obviously I wouldn't change who I'm married to, but I wish I had the foresight when I was younger to take future earning potential into consideration -- we met in college, so this was not on my radar whatsoever.

It's really sad you think this way. Maybe he enjoys influencing the future of young people and making a difference instead of doing legal work for soulless corporations. But isn't it even sadder that a man like this is considered at a disadvantage compared to someone who has a top law or MBA degree and plays douchebag corporate games all day?

I play douchebag corporate games all day long and don't have an MBA or law degree. I kill my sales quota and go home and bang my smoking hot wife. You don't need to be a top MBA or have a law degree to succeed in the corporate world or in life for that matter.

I wish we made more money, but since we have totally joint finances I don't care who would bring it in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the comments, but to answer OP's question, yes, I absolutely wish my spouse (who teaches high school) made more money. I am gradually coming to the realization that I will never have the life I envisioned as we are constantly stressing out about money. Obviously I wouldn't change who I'm married to, but I wish I had the foresight when I was younger to take future earning potential into consideration -- we met in college, so this was not on my radar whatsoever.

It's really sad you think this way. Maybe he enjoys influencing the future of young people and making a difference instead of doing legal work for soulless corporations. But isn't it even sadder that a man like this is considered at a disadvantage compared to someone who has a top law or MBA degree and plays douchebag corporate games all day?

+1

My DH is a teacher. I make 2x what he does, so we don't scrape by at all - we live very comfortably. We also have the many benefits of his schedule, including dinner ready by 6; afternoon transportation by him to kids' stuff; summers off (we don't need camps all summer). The list goes on.

I can make money - I don't need a man to do that. I do, however, need a partner in marriage and family life.

That's great, and I'm happy for you, but this isn't our reality. I WISH I made twice as much, but we make about the same amount. In fact, I'm slightly less. There are no summers off, because she (my spouse is a wife, not husband) has to work all summer to supplement her income. While it's nice that she gets home a bit early (when she isn't tutoring, again, to supplement her income), she teaches a subject that requires her to spend hours grading papers. Again, I said earlier that I wish I had gone into a more lucrative field myself, because as it is, we aren't really making ends meet. The difference is that there is at least the possibility for me to earn more -- not so for teachers, whose salary caps out after a certain point.

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the comments, but to answer OP's question, yes, I absolutely wish my spouse (who teaches high school) made more money. I am gradually coming to the realization that I will never have the life I envisioned as we are constantly stressing out about money. Obviously I wouldn't change who I'm married to, but I wish I had the foresight when I was younger to take future earning potential into consideration -- we met in college, so this was not on my radar whatsoever.

Yes. I wish I had that foresight too. However, when we met, he *sounded* like he was going to go for the big bucks and he had a great personality so I went for it. He was just in grad school and just starting his career...I didn't realize that it was mostly talk.

If I could go back to college, I'd filter the guys I date to see if they had STEM or business or finance majors. Younger girls are so smart these days, I hear them actively filter for these traits.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As women who want to bear children we have a lot of responsibilities and are under a lot of physical, emotional and intellectual stress during these years. The least we can do to try to help our situation some, is by ending up with a spouse that can provide a solid financial foundation to soften the blows of the child rearing years. It is VERY HARD to be a mother AND be a breadwinner. Now, if a woman ONLY wants to devote her time to climbing the career ladder, then this argument is irrelevant.

It is equally hard to be a father and the breadwinner. Yet that is pretty much expected, especially on DCUM.
Exactly why is it so much harder as a mother than a father?

Um, because you probably aren't the default parent, nothing hatched out of your vagina, you didn't lactate, you're allowed to go gray, and you aren't expected to wax your hooha before beach vacations . . . Just for starters

Ok...but have you ever had the financial weight of the family on your back? Have you ever had the family's lifestyle and your family's ability to be financially stable on your back? Being a mother is a tough job, but do not diminish the role of the primary breadwinner.

Have you ever had your vagina rip during childbirth?

Yes. It didn't prevent me from bringing in 50% of the HHI after maternity leave (?)

Anonymous wrote:In 2014 I made 212k. My DH made 185k. He was upset I was out earning him And in November started a job search. He had a new one Jan 1st with a 225k salary. I lover the fact that he competes with me. This is an insecurity that is great for the bottom line.

Does he work more hours or have more stress for that extra 40K? I love the fact that my DH left private practice to spend more time with the family. Of course, I make what you do, so it's not like we need the money.

Answering original question - yes, if my husband made some more it would be great. I make almost twice what he earns it and it bugs him. So it would be great if we were more even.

Other than that it doesn't matter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here, my DW and I both make great money but I make more. Wouldn't have it any other way and she feels the same. It's not like I'm going to get kicked out if I have a bad year (I'm a sales manager) but I think it's a turn on for most women to know their DH is a hunter and goes out into the world each day with the goal of bringing home big bags of cash.

Heck yeah. I married my husband for his cock and his paycheck.

How weird. I married my husband because he loved me. He could do better in both those departments

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the comments, but to answer OP's question, yes, I absolutely wish my spouse (who teaches high school) made more money. I am gradually coming to the realization that I will never have the life I envisioned as we are constantly stressing out about money. Obviously I wouldn't change who I'm married to, but I wish I had the foresight when I was younger to take future earning potential into consideration -- we met in college, so this was not on my radar whatsoever.

It's really sad you think this way. Maybe he enjoys influencing the future of young people and making a difference instead of doing legal work for soulless corporations. But isn't it even sadder that a man like this is considered at a disadvantage compared to someone who has a top law or MBA degree and plays douchebag corporate games all day?

+1

My DH is a teacher. I make 2x what he does, so we don't scrape by at all - we live very comfortably. We also have the many benefits of his schedule, including dinner ready by 6; afternoon transportation by him to kids' stuff; summers off (we don't need camps all summer). The list goes on.

I can make money - I don't need a man to do that. I do, however, need a partner in marriage and family life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the comments, but to answer OP's question, yes, I absolutely wish my spouse (who teaches high school) made more money. I am gradually coming to the realization that I will never have the life I envisioned as we are constantly stressing out about money. Obviously I wouldn't change who I'm married to, but I wish I had the foresight when I was younger to take future earning potential into consideration -- we met in college, so this was not on my radar whatsoever.

It's really sad you think this way. Maybe he enjoys influencing the future of young people and making a difference instead of doing legal work for soulless corporations. But isn't it even sadder that a man like this is considered at a disadvantage compared to someone who has a top law or MBA degree and plays douchebag corporate games all day?

It's just a reality. We are struggling. As I said, I don't wish I was married to someone else. If nothing else, I wish *I* had gone into a more lucrative field or majored in something else in college. I agree with your second point though -- it's very sad that teachers are so undervalued in society.

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the comments, but to answer OP's question, yes, I absolutely wish my spouse (who teaches high school) made more money. I am gradually coming to the realization that I will never have the life I envisioned as we are constantly stressing out about money. Obviously I wouldn't change who I'm married to, but I wish I had the foresight when I was younger to take future earning potential into consideration -- we met in college, so this was not on my radar whatsoever.

It's really sad you think this way. Maybe he enjoys influencing the future of young people and making a difference instead of doing legal work for soulless corporations. But isn't it even sadder that a man like this is considered at a disadvantage compared to someone who has a top law or MBA degree and plays douchebag corporate games all day?

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Anonymous wrote:No. I make my own money. Do you have a high paying career yourself?

No. But by the looks of it, I probably will have to if I want to give my children the life I envision.

Why did you assume you wouldn't have to do so? I'm guessing you were born in the 1970s. I was born in the 1960s and always assumed I couldn't rely on a man for money. DH and I make about the same amount.

16:35 here. Also born in the 60s. Maybe it really is a generation thing.

NP, born in 1966. Never thought for a minute that it was anyone else's job to support me.

Same here. 1967.

Same here. 1961.

On the contrary, I always understood that I needed to be able to support myself and any children I might have.

What does that have to do with anything other than you all making idiotic statements about the 60s and 70s?

1960-35% of married women in the workforce
1970 42%
1980 59%

A drastic increase of married women entering into the work force happened in the 1970s. Babies of the 1970s had working mothers.

I haven't read all the comments, but to answer OP's question, yes, I absolutely wish my spouse (who teaches high school) made more money. I am gradually coming to the realization that I will never have the life I envisioned as we are constantly stressing out about money. Obviously I wouldn't change who I'm married to, but I wish I had the foresight when I was younger to take future earning potential into consideration -- we met in college, so this was not on my radar whatsoever.