Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow...what the heck people. My husband and I are not well off at all due to a lot of medical issues we are having. The bills are killing us. I wouldn't wish for anything else but money for our wedding. We could really use the help. And true friends of ours would understand that - it's our special day. Gifts should be something we really actually need. If money is what's most needed at that point, then money it is. Even though I think one could let guests know something like this in a different manner than putting "No boxed gifts" on the invite...asking for money isn't a bad thing. To some people financial gifts could be life savers. Unbelievable how judgmental some people are here. Guess I'm just glad none of you folks are anywhere near us. Yuck!

If you are so hard up for money, forego the wedding and go to the courthouse. That is the responsible thing to do, not spend money on some wedding.

Excuse me...? I can not have a wedding because I'm not a millionaire? I don't have to spend thousands on a wedding. You have NO IDEA what you are even talking about but boy are you judgmental! I can not have a beautiful day with my friends and family because I can't afford a 50k wedding? That's just messed up. How about a small wedding, at a private location, with only people we know personally and where everything is homemade by the people who attend? Never heard of that I guess. I guess people in your world aren't allowed to live through hardship and still try to have a good time from time to time...especially on their wedding day. If I knew money is what a couple needs most then money is what they get.

You know why? Because giving a gift is about the recipient. Not about myself. You give whatever the recipient most needs or want. Not what YOU enjoy giving. That's called being selfless and caring more about the person you are giving something to than about your own wants and needs.

A Church wedding with a cake reception in the basement is affordable and includes friends and family. No one has a right to a $50k wedding.

+1. Cake and punch can't cost more than a couple hundred dollars. Less if you make the cake yourself.

People forget that it's about the marriage, not the wedding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So it has only been tacky in the past 10 years? The internet changed wedding protocols?

No. They used to ask people, the mothers or a bridesmaid. I cannot believe this is so hard for so many people. How lazy have we gotten?

I'm a guy and genuinely interested in this debate over what's tacky and what isn't. Seems like a huge pain in the ass to have a basic question about a wedding repeatedly asked and answered. Its pretty customary to bring a gift if you're invited to a wedding so to me it would be a convenience to let people know where you're registered.

Some PPs just appear to be easily insulted or like finding ways of looking down on others they deem less classy.

It's also convenient for me to walk around town in pajamas and fuzzy slippers, but that's not acceptable either. For those who don't search for registries online (like my parents), they go to Macy's and ask a clerk or they call the bride or groom's parents. Once again, it's not tacky to give money, it's tacky to tell people what to give you by specifying gift giving information on an invitation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow...what the heck people. My husband and I are not well off at all due to a lot of medical issues we are having. The bills are killing us. I wouldn't wish for anything else but money for our wedding. We could really use the help. And true friends of ours would understand that - it's our special day. Gifts should be something we really actually need. If money is what's most needed at that point, then money it is. Even though I think one could let guests know something like this in a different manner than putting "No boxed gifts" on the invite...asking for money isn't a bad thing. To some people financial gifts could be life savers. Unbelievable how judgmental some people are here. Guess I'm just glad none of you folks are anywhere near us. Yuck!

If you are so hard up for money, forego the wedding and go to the courthouse. That is the responsible thing to do, not spend money on some wedding.

Excuse me...? I can not have a wedding because I'm not a millionaire? I don't have to spend thousands on a wedding. You have NO IDEA what you are even talking about but boy are you judgmental! I can not have a beautiful day with my friends and family because I can't afford a 50k wedding? That's just messed up. How about a small wedding, at a private location, with only people we know personally and where everything is homemade by the people who attend? Never heard of that I guess. I guess people in your world aren't allowed to live through hardship and still try to have a good time from time to time...especially on their wedding day. If I knew money is what a couple needs most then money is what they get.

You know why? Because giving a gift is about the recipient. Not about myself. You give whatever the recipient most needs or want. Not what YOU enjoy giving. That's called being selfless and caring more about the person you are giving something to than about your own wants and needs.

A Church wedding with a cake reception in the basement is affordable and includes friends and family. No one has a right to a $50k wedding.

What the hell would you people do with yourselves if no one gave you anything to stand in judgement over them for? Miserable witches. If you feel the need to turn your precious nose up at the wording in the invitation, and make it about you and your sensibilities, just don't fuckibg attend. Some of us care more about people than etiquette, and are happy to give the couple whatever they need or want, within reason. You want money for your honeymoon? Sure. For a house down payment? Sure. You don't want boxed gifts? Great. No skin off my back. Let's not sit here and pretend that I wasn't going to get you a gift, and since I'm getting one, I'm happy it will be something you can use. Find some real problems!!!

I can't help but laugh right now. Out of disbelief. We had a no-cost wedding. All our friends and family were more than happy to help us with everything and all it was about was celebrating our marriage. Everybody knew we are going through a tough time and happily gave whatever they felt they could or wanted to to help us a little bit. Everybody did something and everything turned out great because of exactly that. Everybody was a part of it and everybody had a blast. We discussed for a long time if we even should have a wedding given the circumstances but everybody told us what I said before: why should you not be allowed to have a wedding? We are all here to help because we love you and want to celebrate your marriage with you guys.

I am SO glad I know THAT KIND of people and not the kind so common on DCUM...so unbelievably judgmental. Even insulting. Wow. And I do not generally give gifts out of sheer "Hm, let's see what could I give this person." Unless I know exactly what they need/want or it's a personal gift (aka something I make myself) I will always find out what the person actually wants or needs. That's how I was raised. That's how everyone around me was raised. That's how I feel it's right. It doesn't matter what's needed...I'll do what I can to give just that.

If there's a gift registry and you buy off that it's the same. You are giving something the couple wished for. It doesn't matter if the couple just has one wish (honey moon maybe, maybe they are saving to buy something really special, whatever cash could be needed for) or many small wishes (household stuff maybe, general items to start a married life together) in the end you give something they wish for. On many occasions money can do so much more than any material gift ever could and there is NOTHING wrong with that.

Anonymous wrote:It appears based on what the PP who paid off her college loan with cash gifts from her wedding, the occasion is used to essentially generate cash? A totally mercenary goal.

You call it "generating cash". Somebody else might call it "getting the couple off on a solid financial footing". Both viewpoints are equally valid, in my opinion.

Mercenary is not valid, though. I doubt that they got married for pay.

It appears based on what the PP who paid off her college loan with cash gifts from her wedding, the occasion is used to essentially generate cash? A totally mercenary goal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow...what the heck people. My husband and I are not well off at all due to a lot of medical issues we are having. The bills are killing us. I wouldn't wish for anything else but money for our wedding. We could really use the help. And true friends of ours would understand that - it's our special day. Gifts should be something we really actually need. If money is what's most needed at that point, then money it is. Even though I think one could let guests know something like this in a different manner than putting "No boxed gifts" on the invite...asking for money isn't a bad thing. To some people financial gifts could be life savers. Unbelievable how judgmental some people are here. Guess I'm just glad none of you folks are anywhere near us. Yuck!

If you are so hard up for money, forego the wedding and go to the courthouse. That is the responsible thing to do, not spend money on some wedding.

DUH +1

I was thinking just that. You don't get to have a fancy wedding an expect your guests to pay for the pleasure.
I am happy to attend weddings and happy to send gifts but the money grab is a bit much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow...what the heck people. My husband and I are not well off at all due to a lot of medical issues we are having. The bills are killing us. I wouldn't wish for anything else but money for our wedding. We could really use the help. And true friends of ours would understand that - it's our special day. Gifts should be something we really actually need. If money is what's most needed at that point, then money it is. Even though I think one could let guests know something like this in a different manner than putting "No boxed gifts" on the invite...asking for money isn't a bad thing. To some people financial gifts could be life savers. Unbelievable how judgmental some people are here. Guess I'm just glad none of you folks are anywhere near us. Yuck!

If you are so hard up for money, forego the wedding and go to the courthouse. That is the responsible thing to do, not spend money on some wedding.

Excuse me...? I can not have a wedding because I'm not a millionaire? I don't have to spend thousands on a wedding. You have NO IDEA what you are even talking about but boy are you judgmental! I can not have a beautiful day with my friends and family because I can't afford a 50k wedding? That's just messed up. How about a small wedding, at a private location, with only people we know personally and where everything is homemade by the people who attend? Never heard of that I guess. I guess people in your world aren't allowed to live through hardship and still try to have a good time from time to time...especially on their wedding day. If I knew money is what a couple needs most then money is what they get.

You know why? Because giving a gift is about the recipient. Not about myself. You give whatever the recipient most needs or want. Not what YOU enjoy giving. That's called being selfless and caring more about the person you are giving something to than about your own wants and needs.

you are asking for money left and right, and it's really off-putting. you want the guests to make things, you want them to give you money b/c you need it, etc. i would give someone a side eye for having ANY WEDDING THAT COST MORE THAN THE MARRIAGE LICENSE FEE if bills are truly killing you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow...what the heck people. My husband and I are not well off at all due to a lot of medical issues we are having. The bills are killing us. I wouldn't wish for anything else but money for our wedding. We could really use the help. And true friends of ours would understand that - it's our special day. Gifts should be something we really actually need. If money is what's most needed at that point, then money it is. Even though I think one could let guests know something like this in a different manner than putting "No boxed gifts" on the invite...asking for money isn't a bad thing. To some people financial gifts could be life savers. Unbelievable how judgmental some people are here. Guess I'm just glad none of you folks are anywhere near us. Yuck!

yuck right back at ya! you don't get to dictate how everything works just b/c it is your "special day." and if you are so hard up, you shouldn't be spending money on your "special day."

How do you know that the PP is spending money on their wedding? It's possible to have a wedding with no costs other than the marriage license.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow...what the heck people. My husband and I are not well off at all due to a lot of medical issues we are having. The bills are killing us. I wouldn't wish for anything else but money for our wedding. We could really use the help. And true friends of ours would understand that - it's our special day. Gifts should be something we really actually need. If money is what's most needed at that point, then money it is. Even though I think one could let guests know something like this in a different manner than putting "No boxed gifts" on the invite...asking for money isn't a bad thing. To some people financial gifts could be life savers. Unbelievable how judgmental some people are here. Guess I'm just glad none of you folks are anywhere near us. Yuck!

If you are so hard up for money, forego the wedding and go to the courthouse. That is the responsible thing to do, not spend money on some wedding.

DUH +1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow...what the heck people. My husband and I are not well off at all due to a lot of medical issues we are having. The bills are killing us. I wouldn't wish for anything else but money for our wedding. We could really use the help. And true friends of ours would understand that - it's our special day. Gifts should be something we really actually need. If money is what's most needed at that point, then money it is. Even though I think one could let guests know something like this in a different manner than putting "No boxed gifts" on the invite...asking for money isn't a bad thing. To some people financial gifts could be life savers. Unbelievable how judgmental some people are here. Guess I'm just glad none of you folks are anywhere near us. Yuck!

If you are so hard up for money, forego the wedding and go to the courthouse. That is the responsible thing to do, not spend money on some wedding.

Excuse me...? I can not have a wedding because I'm not a millionaire? I don't have to spend thousands on a wedding. You have NO IDEA what you are even talking about but boy are you judgmental! I can not have a beautiful day with my friends and family because I can't afford a 50k wedding? That's just messed up. How about a small wedding, at a private location, with only people we know personally and where everything is homemade by the people who attend? Never heard of that I guess. I guess people in your world aren't allowed to live through hardship and still try to have a good time from time to time...especially on their wedding day. If I knew money is what a couple needs most then money is what they get.

You know why? Because giving a gift is about the recipient. Not about myself. You give whatever the recipient most needs or want. Not what YOU enjoy giving. That's called being selfless and caring more about the person you are giving something to than about your own wants and needs.

No! The person giving decides what is to be given and the recipient if he/she has any class accepts it graciously. Unless I am dealing with a child and then I ask what he/she wants Santa to bring for Christmas.

Anonymous wrote:Wow...what the heck people. My husband and I are not well off at all due to a lot of medical issues we are having. The bills are killing us. I wouldn't wish for anything else but money for our wedding. We could really use the help. And true friends of ours would understand that - it's our special day. Gifts should be something we really actually need. If money is what's most needed at that point, then money it is. Even though I think one could let guests know something like this in a different manner than putting "No boxed gifts" on the invite...asking for money isn't a bad thing. To some people financial gifts could be life savers. Unbelievable how judgmental some people are here. Guess I'm just glad none of you folks are anywhere near us. Yuck!

yuck right back at ya! you don't get to dictate how everything works just b/c it is your "special day." and if you are so hard up, you shouldn't be spending money on your "special day."

Anonymous wrote:
If most South Asians know that money is most appreciated, then why is "no boxed gifts" on the invitation in the first place? For the (typically much smaller number of) non-South Asians who are invited?

Bingo!

It is because South Asians - at least in the US - don't typically give cash as a wedding gift. The "no boxed gifts" is telling them to give cash because it is unlikely that they will want to attend the wedding and not give any gift.

The PP who said she paid off her college loans pretty much admitted that the motivation was to get money through the wedding invite.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow...what the heck people. My husband and I are not well off at all due to a lot of medical issues we are having. The bills are killing us. I wouldn't wish for anything else but money for our wedding. We could really use the help. And true friends of ours would understand that - it's our special day. Gifts should be something we really actually need. If money is what's most needed at that point, then money it is. Even though I think one could let guests know something like this in a different manner than putting "No boxed gifts" on the invite...asking for money isn't a bad thing. To some people financial gifts could be life savers. Unbelievable how judgmental some people are here. Guess I'm just glad none of you folks are anywhere near us. Yuck!

If you are so hard up for money, forego the wedding and go to the courthouse. That is the responsible thing to do, not spend money on some wedding.

Excuse me...? I can not have a wedding because I'm not a millionaire? I don't have to spend thousands on a wedding. You have NO IDEA what you are even talking about but boy are you judgmental! I can not have a beautiful day with my friends and family because I can't afford a 50k wedding? That's just messed up. How about a small wedding, at a private location, with only people we know personally and where everything is homemade by the people who attend? Never heard of that I guess. I guess people in your world aren't allowed to live through hardship and still try to have a good time from time to time...especially on their wedding day. If I knew money is what a couple needs most then money is what they get.

You know why? Because giving a gift is about the recipient. Not about myself. You give whatever the recipient most needs or want. Not what YOU enjoy giving. That's called being selfless and caring more about the person you are giving something to than about your own wants and needs.