Anonymous
Post 01/15/2015 14:02     Subject: Re:What's so bad about living in sin?
Anonymous wrote:

It's not nonsense. It gives you the strength not to give up when things get hard, and gives you public support right from the get go. Marriage is about much more than romantic love, it's the joining of two families.


"Marriage" gives you strength?

Is there something magical I'm missing out on? Or is 'Marriage' the same thing as when an honest person commits to another? Because when I commit to someone, have children with them, own a home with them, etc. that is my strength to not give up.

If you need a ring, certificate, and a ceremony to provide strength in your commitment, you aren't doing it right.

As you can see from everyday life, "Marriage" isn't valued much anymore. People lie, cheat, and leave their marriage partners everyday.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2015 14:01     Subject: Re:What's so bad about living in sin?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

So, you don't marry, because you assume the relationship will end, and it's easier to end a cohabiting situation?


Personally I don't marry because I don't see the benefits of it. I am with a person because I want to be with them. I commit to them because I love them, not because I'm legally tied to them. The easy split is just a possible benefit if it comes to that.

Others want to marry and gain the benefits from that. That is their choice.

My opinion comes from they way I look at things. And in this situation I step back and say WHY do I need to get married? And there really aren't any reasons that make sense to me because marriage doesn't strengthen a commitment IMO.


Marriage absolutely strengthens a commitment if done right. Premarital counseling. Standing up before God, family and friends and promising to love, honor and cherish the other person. That's why marriages are done formally - to strengthen and acknowledge an increased commitment level.


For me that is a horse/pony show. Do you really need all that to love someone? At that moment does something change after having a wedding? No.

It is nothing more than tradition and religious based. That is what we have been taught from early on. Good thing I can look beyond the nonsense and realize what is truly important in a relationship.


It's not nonsense. It gives you the strength not to give up when things get hard, and gives you public support right from the get go. Marriage is about much more than romantic love, it's the joining of two families.


I get that from not being married. All of our friends and family give us support and acknowledge our relationship.
Why do you need approval?
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2015 13:58     Subject: Re:What's so bad about living in sin?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

So, you don't marry, because you assume the relationship will end, and it's easier to end a cohabiting situation?


Personally I don't marry because I don't see the benefits of it. I am with a person because I want to be with them. I commit to them because I love them, not because I'm legally tied to them. The easy split is just a possible benefit if it comes to that.

Others want to marry and gain the benefits from that. That is their choice.

My opinion comes from they way I look at things. And in this situation I step back and say WHY do I need to get married? And there really aren't any reasons that make sense to me because marriage doesn't strengthen a commitment IMO.


Marriage absolutely strengthens a commitment if done right. Premarital counseling. Standing up before God, family and friends and promising to love, honor and cherish the other person. That's why marriages are done formally - to strengthen and acknowledge an increased commitment level.


For you marriage does that. My relationship is as strong, as official and as important as your marriage.
We don't need marriage to attain an increased commitment level.


But I don't recognize your non marriage as official, or as important as mine. Sorry. That's reserved for married people.


I really don't care if you do! I view your marriage as sad and unnecessary.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2015 13:56     Subject: Re:What's so bad about living in sin?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

So, you don't marry, because you assume the relationship will end, and it's easier to end a cohabiting situation?


Personally I don't marry because I don't see the benefits of it. I am with a person because I want to be with them. I commit to them because I love them, not because I'm legally tied to them. The easy split is just a possible benefit if it comes to that.

Others want to marry and gain the benefits from that. That is their choice.

My opinion comes from they way I look at things. And in this situation I step back and say WHY do I need to get married? And there really aren't any reasons that make sense to me because marriage doesn't strengthen a commitment IMO.


Marriage absolutely strengthens a commitment if done right. Premarital counseling. Standing up before God, family and friends and promising to love, honor and cherish the other person. That's why marriages are done formally - to strengthen and acknowledge an increased commitment level.


For you marriage does that. My relationship is as strong, as official and as important as your marriage.
We don't need marriage to attain an increased commitment level.


But I don't recognize your non marriage as official, or as important as mine. Sorry. That's reserved for married people.


Good think your opinion doesn't matter. And visa versa.

Live how you want. I will do that same.


I misunderstood your post. I thought you were asserting that others had to go along with you and acknowledge that your non marriage is "as strong, as official and as important" as a marriage.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2015 13:55     Subject: Re:What's so bad about living in sin?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

So, you don't marry, because you assume the relationship will end, and it's easier to end a cohabiting situation?


Personally I don't marry because I don't see the benefits of it. I am with a person because I want to be with them. I commit to them because I love them, not because I'm legally tied to them. The easy split is just a possible benefit if it comes to that.

Others want to marry and gain the benefits from that. That is their choice.

My opinion comes from they way I look at things. And in this situation I step back and say WHY do I need to get married? And there really aren't any reasons that make sense to me because marriage doesn't strengthen a commitment IMO.


Marriage absolutely strengthens a commitment if done right. Premarital counseling. Standing up before God, family and friends and promising to love, honor and cherish the other person. That's why marriages are done formally - to strengthen and acknowledge an increased commitment level.


For me that is a horse/pony show. Do you really need all that to love someone? At that moment does something change after having a wedding? No.

It is nothing more than tradition and religious based. That is what we have been taught from early on. Good thing I can look beyond the nonsense and realize what is truly important in a relationship.


It's not nonsense. It gives you the strength not to give up when things get hard, and gives you public support right from the get go. Marriage is about much more than romantic love, it's the joining of two families.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2015 13:52     Subject: Re:What's so bad about living in sin?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

So, you don't marry, because you assume the relationship will end, and it's easier to end a cohabiting situation?


Personally I don't marry because I don't see the benefits of it. I am with a person because I want to be with them. I commit to them because I love them, not because I'm legally tied to them. The easy split is just a possible benefit if it comes to that.

Others want to marry and gain the benefits from that. That is their choice.

My opinion comes from they way I look at things. And in this situation I step back and say WHY do I need to get married? And there really aren't any reasons that make sense to me because marriage doesn't strengthen a commitment IMO.


Marriage absolutely strengthens a commitment if done right. Premarital counseling. Standing up before God, family and friends and promising to love, honor and cherish the other person. That's why marriages are done formally - to strengthen and acknowledge an increased commitment level.


For you marriage does that. My relationship is as strong, as official and as important as your marriage.
We don't need marriage to attain an increased commitment level.


But I don't recognize your non marriage as official, or as important as mine. Sorry. That's reserved for married people.


Good think your opinion doesn't matter. And visa versa.

Live how you want. I will do that same.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2015 13:52     Subject: Re:What's so bad about living in sin?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

So, you don't marry, because you assume the relationship will end, and it's easier to end a cohabiting situation?


Personally I don't marry because I don't see the benefits of it. I am with a person because I want to be with them. I commit to them because I love them, not because I'm legally tied to them. The easy split is just a possible benefit if it comes to that.

Others want to marry and gain the benefits from that. That is their choice.

My opinion comes from they way I look at things. And in this situation I step back and say WHY do I need to get married? And there really aren't any reasons that make sense to me because marriage doesn't strengthen a commitment IMO.


Marriage absolutely strengthens a commitment if done right. Premarital counseling. Standing up before God, family and friends and promising to love, honor and cherish the other person. That's why marriages are done formally - to strengthen and acknowledge an increased commitment level.


For me that is a horse/pony show. Do you really need all that to love someone? At that moment does something change after having a wedding? No.

It is nothing more than tradition and religious based. That is what we have been taught from early on. Good thing I can look beyond the nonsense and realize what is truly important in a relationship.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2015 13:50     Subject: Re:What's so bad about living in sin?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

So, you don't marry, because you assume the relationship will end, and it's easier to end a cohabiting situation?


Personally I don't marry because I don't see the benefits of it. I am with a person because I want to be with them. I commit to them because I love them, not because I'm legally tied to them. The easy split is just a possible benefit if it comes to that.

Others want to marry and gain the benefits from that. That is their choice.

My opinion comes from they way I look at things. And in this situation I step back and say WHY do I need to get married? And there really aren't any reasons that make sense to me because marriage doesn't strengthen a commitment IMO.


Are you saving jointly for retirement? Do you have children together? Are you building something beyond the emotional relationship between the two of you?


I'm the PP and not the OP. So I'll answer the questions since you quoted my post.

Saving jointly? We are no longer together. And we did not save jointly. We had individual savings. And before you go on about "Married couples wouldn't do that bla bla", we did have some combined finances. But liked to keep our savings separated for reasons that mattered to us. Both had 401ks which you can't exactly join.

Children. Yes

Beyond emotional. Obviously. We had kids. We were a family.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2015 13:50     Subject: Re:What's so bad about living in sin?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

So, you don't marry, because you assume the relationship will end, and it's easier to end a cohabiting situation?


Personally I don't marry because I don't see the benefits of it. I am with a person because I want to be with them. I commit to them because I love them, not because I'm legally tied to them. The easy split is just a possible benefit if it comes to that.

Others want to marry and gain the benefits from that. That is their choice.

My opinion comes from they way I look at things. And in this situation I step back and say WHY do I need to get married? And there really aren't any reasons that make sense to me because marriage doesn't strengthen a commitment IMO.


Marriage absolutely strengthens a commitment if done right. Premarital counseling. Standing up before God, family and friends and promising to love, honor and cherish the other person. That's why marriages are done formally - to strengthen and acknowledge an increased commitment level.


For you marriage does that. My relationship is as strong, as official and as important as your marriage.
We don't need marriage to attain an increased commitment level.


But I don't recognize your non marriage as official, or as important as mine. Sorry. That's reserved for married people.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2015 13:44     Subject: Re:What's so bad about living in sin?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

So, you don't marry, because you assume the relationship will end, and it's easier to end a cohabiting situation?


Personally I don't marry because I don't see the benefits of it. I am with a person because I want to be with them. I commit to them because I love them, not because I'm legally tied to them. The easy split is just a possible benefit if it comes to that.

Others want to marry and gain the benefits from that. That is their choice.

My opinion comes from they way I look at things. And in this situation I step back and say WHY do I need to get married? And there really aren't any reasons that make sense to me because marriage doesn't strengthen a commitment IMO.


Marriage absolutely strengthens a commitment if done right. Premarital counseling. Standing up before God, family and friends and promising to love, honor and cherish the other person. That's why marriages are done formally - to strengthen and acknowledge an increased commitment level.


For you marriage does that. My relationship is as strong, as official and as important as your marriage.
We don't need marriage to attain an increased commitment level.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2015 13:43     Subject: What's so bad about living in sin?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
You are very naive or you must not know that most divorces aren't democratic decisions, and that people don't always agree to "cut the shit in half" or agree to kids' schedules.


I completely understand. And it strengthens my point. Divorce is needed for immature adults. The mature ones are the ones who can put feelings aside, split everything, and go their separate ways. It has been done.


This is an honest question, because I have zero friends in LTRs that aren't marriages. Do cohabiting adults feel like they are building an estate together, or are long term investments always separate?


Absolutely! We save money as a couple for our future.
We have longterm goals that we work toward together.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2015 13:19     Subject: Re:What's so bad about living in sin?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

So, you don't marry, because you assume the relationship will end, and it's easier to end a cohabiting situation?


Personally I don't marry because I don't see the benefits of it. I am with a person because I want to be with them. I commit to them because I love them, not because I'm legally tied to them. The easy split is just a possible benefit if it comes to that.

Others want to marry and gain the benefits from that. That is their choice.

My opinion comes from they way I look at things. And in this situation I step back and say WHY do I need to get married? And there really aren't any reasons that make sense to me because marriage doesn't strengthen a commitment IMO.


Marriage absolutely strengthens a commitment if done right. Premarital counseling. Standing up before God, family and friends and promising to love, honor and cherish the other person. That's why marriages are done formally - to strengthen and acknowledge an increased commitment level.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2015 13:17     Subject: Re:What's so bad about living in sin?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

So, you don't marry, because you assume the relationship will end, and it's easier to end a cohabiting situation?


Personally I don't marry because I don't see the benefits of it. I am with a person because I want to be with them. I commit to them because I love them, not because I'm legally tied to them. The easy split is just a possible benefit if it comes to that.

Others want to marry and gain the benefits from that. That is their choice.

My opinion comes from they way I look at things. And in this situation I step back and say WHY do I need to get married? And there really aren't any reasons that make sense to me because marriage doesn't strengthen a commitment IMO.


Are you saving jointly for retirement? Do you have children together? Are you building something beyond the emotional relationship between the two of you?
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2015 13:16     Subject: What's so bad about living in sin?
I believe in marriage, but wish I had just gotten married religiously but not through the state. We pay a ton more in taxes due to being married and don't see any financial or official benefit. Socially we love being married, but eff the feds.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2015 13:16     Subject: Re:What's so bad about living in sin?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
You are really nosy. Yes. I have a will.
The house is in both of our names. That's our biggest asset. It'll go directly to him.
Everything else will go to my nephews.
That's the way we both want it.


You sure shut the naysayers up.

I think it is pretty clear to most that marriage is not required to be committed or raise a family. If you want to get married? Go for it and enjoy. But don't look down upon those that don't choose the same path.

I was with my ex for a long time, had children, and never married. We were as much as a family as anyone that was married.


Did your friends recognize the grieving process you went through when you split up with your ex, similar to the support they give friends who get divorced?


Not that poster,but why wouldn't they?


Because the relationship isn't clearly defined, necessarily. I didn't grieve the loss of long term, multiyear relationships when they ended the way I would imagine I'd grieve if I got divorced.